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Old 10-06-2014, 06:34 AM   #1
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Default WK2 : Certain(1-0) vs. Deadman(1-0) -- Certain wins flawless 5-0

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

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Goodluck @Certain @dead man

Topic - "With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever."

Last edited by Adonis; 10-12-2014 at 01:00 PM.
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Old 10-10-2014, 10:35 PM   #2
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Yo fuck the economy
Dog I won the lottery
But all these people lied to me
Id rather live in poverty
Everybody's hand out, asking for a dollar
Asking for a lambo or a Porsche or an impala
Bro, I don't have it so no you can't get it
Look at what I've lost. Nah, look what I've invested
All my friends are mooches that take me for a joke
That luck has sucked my happiness. Id rather just be broke
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Last edited by dead man; 10-10-2014 at 10:37 PM.
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Old 10-11-2014, 01:52 AM   #3
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Sunday, 1:21 a.m.

Chips scattered when Frankie flipped the fucking table,
"River-rat, cheating, pencil-dick motherfucker, I'll take you!"
He drunkenly ambled over to the bar, lunging for handles,
knocked a salt-shaker over, then shattered the bottle while cutting his hand, too.
Josh grabbed the cash and took off. In over his head, sober and yet
ready to take shots as he essentially stole what was his.
Climbed the basement steps, through the Italian restaurant, copius sweat
pouring as he tripped over the black cat patrolling for pests.
Stepped through the door a second before Frankie came puffing out orders,
so the bouncer went chasing down Broad with Josh cutting the corner.
That put him on 13th Street, and he dashed down to the bend,
doing the math out in his head: seven men, with a mass bounty for death.
Frankie's pride was too great to let this kid cash out with his bread,
so as he hit an alley, Josh knew he'd best fast bounce like a check.

Tuesday, 9:54 p.m.

The Glock echoed with treble as Josh took the steps up a level.
Escalating — Mo and Kris in hot pursuit with a debt still unsettled.
He ducked under the ladder on the fire escape, into an open apartment.
Old lady shrieked, but he punched her unconscious
with a right hook he learned from his uncle who boxes.
Josh is gasping for breath, but Mo and Kris are the savagest yet.
He'd already aced four thugs. That left three more hell-bent on having his head.
But our hero's out of bullets and now he's bursting through another door,
cursing as he hits the floor, crawling down into the corridor.
Ducking under the sink. Their shots shatter the mirror but they haven't seen him.
He grabs a shard, hides behind the shower curtain, listens and leans in.
So when Mo checks the bathroom, Josh grabs and drops him down with a slit.
Mo's body filled with shells while he fires a round into Kris.
Josh heaves the fat carcass off him and walks right out the front door,
drops a wad of 20s for the Arab tenant who just got back from the store.

Friday, 11:11 a.m.

Frankie's been stalking. His men downed, he's masked and he's armed and
he's ready to take this work into his own hands. Grabbing a cartridge,
he cocks. Tracking where Josh is for three days, out in the countryside.
Homie thought he'd be safe but, displaced, there's nowhere else to hide.
Frankie's calling his name. "Jah-osh." Two syllables. Grizzled like Tom Waits.
Slinks through the kitchen at slob pace, nothing but a few dishes, a hot plate.
He's listening for breathing. Knows Josh is inside. Must've hid in a enclave,
so he's checking the closets and wrecking the cottage but can't find this bitch or his locked safe.
Then out in the window, sees Josh running out to his Cadillac.
Fires a shot but misses. "You stole enough, motherfucker! GET BACK WITH THAT!"
Frankie's running and shooting. Doesn't see as he jumps the hedge, focused,
the rabbit that, in its own habitat, trips up Frankie and leaves his leg broken.
As Josh speeds away in the Caddie, his eye twitches, caught by one of his lashes.
And while clearing his vision, he drives head-on into traffic.
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Old 10-11-2014, 02:10 PM   #4
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Dead man - fun verse for what it was. Would sound pretty slick as an audio, I'd imagine. A shame you weren't able to post a proper verse for whatever reason, this might've been a pretty epic battle. It really speaks to your talent that even when you obviously just throw some last minute shit together it's still kind of dope. Clearly I'm not voting for you against Certain's verse, but I'm impressed nonetheless by the quality of what you can slap together in a pinch. Hope to read a real verse from you next week :)

Certain - dope! Flow/rhythm/cadence/whatever you OM people call it were perfect throughout the entire length of your verse, aided by your regular use of multi syllable rhymes, with some more complex schemes in places, for extra points. Content wise, really enjoyable. The tone was lighthearted, yet you built the tension beautifully. I also really liked the way you sprinkled fun little details into your scenes like the cat patrolling for pests. The twist at the end was unexpected as you'd already addressed the idea of luck ruining your character's life from the get go. Very enjoyable read.


V/ Certain
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Old 10-11-2014, 06:23 PM   #5
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:/

I'm sad about this battle, I know Deadman has some immense writing skills
and Certain...well he's Certain, but I feel this battle would be memorable to say the least
I feel like Deadman can most definitely hold his own in this battle
and for whatever reason he dropped a less than stellar verse, yet quickly drawn up to.

Certain your verse shines brightly and shows the level of writing style you have
the flow of the piece works so well together that it's just...literally amazing
either way you make your presence felt, and brought an amazing verse to the table
keep it up fella

v/Certain....obviously
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Old 10-11-2014, 07:26 PM   #6
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dead man - Not bad for a quick effort and the interpretation was cool. Just not enough here to comment on.

Certain - Inventive rhyming and the narration was on point. More rapid fire than usual which set the piece off. I got lost with the characters in the beginning but that's because it's easy for me to get lost. The different characters could've had differentiating qualities, though keeping it general is probably the go-to choice for a story overview. It'd naturally be more intimate if this were prose and you had 10x the amount of paragraphs to work with. Overall, good work.

Vote - Certain
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Old 10-11-2014, 07:31 PM   #7
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Not much to break down ...dead w a no show and certificado With a Good story. Vote cert
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Old 10-11-2014, 07:40 PM   #8
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wow u guys are fucken haters
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:48 PM   #9
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Certain displayed lyrical prowess, while Deadman exhibited an incomplete work.
If I am to add commentary it will be that while Certain's verse is good, very mobster like scenery, there is a lack of imaginative resourcefulness I find. Reason being, is I have seen this kind of story in some way or another. Anyways, thanks for the read.

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