AOWL Magazine - 11th Edition

[Certain]

Season 2, Edition 11, Playoff Round 2

INTRODUCTION





I've been thinking about 2013 lately, about the year as a whole. It wasn't all that distinct, kind of a blur for me. For the first time since 2009 (when I graduated college), I didn't change jobs or job titles. I worked a lot. I refound writing text rap about midway through the year, which has been nice, I guess, though I don't know how long I am for this world. I thought this year was excellent for music, but a bit of a down year for TV. I saw maybe three movies, so I can't comment on that. The sports world featured two of my teams' rivals winning championships, in the Ravens and Red Sox. Anyway, we're here for a magazine of this league that I've helped run. So let's get on with that.



ROUND 1 REVIEW




Well, that wasn't very fun. Round 1 of the Art of Writing League's Season 2 playoffs featured four lopsided battles even as the top four seeds sat out with byes. The only thing even resembling an upside was No. 9 Diode's blowout of No. 8 Mike Wrecka, but we all knew that was a possibility and even was predicted by yours truly in the magazine. Let's discuss these matchups in a little more detail, though.

No. 5 PancakeBrah beats No. 12 YDK 6-(-5).
These two obviously took my playoff preview magazine seriously, but they went with opposing approaches. YDK left the sweetness of his past stories behind. He instead wrote a rather standard depression-themed verse in which he was talking to a therapist the entire time. The concept and execution of it were stale, but the writing had some very nice moments, including a few quotable lines. PancakeBrah basically took the entire section on him with a "The Way I Am" approach. He wrote what was almost like a PancakeBrah parody verse. The topic was "You Must Love Me," and he incorporated it fully by writing a verse only someone who loves PancakeBrah could love. I'm not sure how many voters particularly cared for (or even recognized) his concept, but he won running away because he simply outwrote YDK. YDK then didn't vote, as he has been wont to do lately. Frank gave him a vote to spare him the total shutout.

No. 6 Frank beats No. 11 patrown 6-1.
Well, Frank put himself in position to be disqualified again, this time for a 70-line verse. But patrown was determined to let it be decided by votes, and so it was. Frank took the topic "Never Change" as an opportunity to write about Nelson Mandela, though I'm not sure he really used the topic very much in what ultimately was a snippet biography. He didn't bring his A-game but wrote a good enough verse to knock off a tremendously confusing one from patrown, who wrote about a photographer who tortures and kills couples after taking their photos. I'm not sure anyone fully picked up on the entire plot. Had patrown written this story in a more lucid way, I think he would have won. But he didn't, and only breathless voted for him.

No. 7 NYCSPITZ vs. No. 10 breathless 6-1.
NYCSPITZ had the verse of the week. That's pretty much in the bag, as he was the only person this week who really, really impressed me (and most others). He flipped the topic of "Coming of Age" on its head with a verse about a middle-aged man who still felt unfulfilled because he had matured the way the white man would have wanted him to but not true to his native (Canadian, as it were) roots. Everything was on point, and NYCSPITZ clearly emerged as a top-flight contender for the title because he seems very focused. breathless clearly put a lot into this verse, and I think he overwrote a bit with the playoffs in mind. He attempted a very difficult rhyme scheme that clunked up a somewhat simple story. His one vote came from Aesthetic, and I'm not really sure what inspired Aesthetic to vote on this one battle.

No. 9 Diode beats No. 8 Mike Wrecka 8-(-2).
The battle everyone thought would be close was the battle that turned out close, except in the voting. Diode told the story of one of the 9/11 plane hijackers in a very detail-oriented verse. It was pretty standard fare for a topical league, but it worked because it featured some good details. Mike Wrecka reworked an episode of The Twilight Zone, and that probably played against him a little in the originality department, but I don't think it ultimately was the reason he lost. Though using the story as a take on "Moment of Clarity" was pretty clever, Mike Wrecka failed to engage the reader by making us like the character, which The Twilight Zone was painstaking in doing. Diode didn't make us like his Jihadist too much, either, but should we? Ultimately, Mike Wrecka was shut out (and forgot to vote on the PancakeBrah-YDK battle), but this battle was much closer than the votes showed.



ROUND 2 PREDICTIONS





The fat's been trimmed, and I think we came away with the eight most relevant competitors of this season here for the second round. Four will emerge, and the battles appear closer than last round's. Topics were facial expressions, which is weird. The pictures are of very white people. Let's examine them one at a time.

No. 1 Vulgar vs. No. 9 Diode
The topic here is some dude looking creepily at a happy couple at a wine bar or something like that. Vulgar has shown some versatility in this league, but on the surface, the topic might benefit Diode. Vulgar knows what he's doing, though. He's the better writer here, the better writer in any matchup possible at this point. How he approaches this topic will be interesting because he has shown so little interest in portraying human emotions, which is all this photo is about. But I think he chose it, so either the other topic was terrible or he has an idea. Diode can't match Vulgar's mechanical prowess, but he showed in Week 10 that he can write with emotion. His writing is more grounded, which may be an asset this week. Still, I like Vulgar to come out on top here because his technical superiority will shine. Prediction: Vulgar 65-35.

No. 2 Vividlyvague vs. No. 7 NYCSPITZ
This draw is tough for Vividlyvague because NYCSPITZ has shown he's stepping his game up right now. He's not fucking around. He also apparently hasn't written a word or thought much about his topic, but I'm not sure how much that matters. The topic is fright, some very, very white woman looking like someone just got a chocolate milk stain on her imported rug. Fuck that bitch. Vividlyvague chose the topic, which makes sense because he likes some weird topics. He's always on his weird shit, probably the most unique writer in this league. He claims he has never posted on these boards before, but no one believes him. NYCSPITZ writes cleaner and better, but I don't know that he can match Vividlyvague's conceptual creativity, particularly on such a peculiar topic. This is closer than it might seem on paper. But I'm tend to favor the better, more polished writer in predictions. Prediction: NYCSPITZ 52-48.

No. 3 Certain vs. No. 6 Frank
Blech. Our topic is a white lady crying. She's very sad. Frank challenged me to a 10-line battle, then backed out. I would have won that because Frank needs space to roam. He's very talented, but one of those skills is not tight writing. I'll spare the prediction here. I did make Frank the favorite to win this whole thing, though.

No. 4 Mr. J vs. No. 5 PancakeBrah
The topic here is a white man who has just masturbated at his desk. He's very happy and/or ready for a nap. That probably favors PancakeBrah, really because all of these types of topics favor him. Mr. J is stronger when he's able to create something off an abstract theme. PancakeBrah isn't so much a storyteller as a character artist. Here, he'll have the opportunity to hit that out of the park, but I hope he doesn't take too conservative a route, as he did last week. Mr. J can surprise and was a champion of this league. You know he's going to show, and you know it's going to be passable at worst. He has the extra gear, even if he's rarely shown it. Prediction: PancakeBrah 58-42.



INTERVIEW with Vividlyvague





Guys, we're doing an interview! The AOWL magazine staff generally has eschewed interviews in favor of analysis, but as the playoffs head into Round 2, we're bringing in a very excited guest, Vividlyvague. First question: Who the fuck are you?

A figure of mystery. An anomaly. A fucking ambiguous knight bent on nights of liquor binging and fap fits and... writing. I'm me. Who the fuck are you?

Well, that's a fair retort. I'm me, like Lil Wayne. But I am not Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne might be me. Anyway, now that we've got that out of the way, how the fuck are you this evening?

Very fucking awake. Tis been a great friday so far... writing the fuck out of this evernote though. Mr. Hyde is in slumber so I'm able to piece together a coherent thought.

Who the hell am I kidding. I want to hump something tonight. How are you?
-no homosapien-

I'm fine. I'm driving beer and eating pretzels and listening to The Velvet Underground and writing a topical league magazine on a Friday night. What could be better? Anyway, let's move on to more serious matters. Who's the best writer in the league, yourself excluded?

That is a serious question. For me, so many guys have different aspects of what makes them dope ass writers, but based on this season of the league alone I would say... maybe NYC or Frank just by my preference of reading.

And besides, Vag would never mention himself because that would be egotistical self-strokage, and according to law Viv-345 that can only be done in the privacy of one's own home.

Yet you love to write so long, which is it's own form of self-stroke. How did you form your heavily unusual style? What sites did you write at before this one?

I'd be thoroughly embarrassed to say, but this site is the first I've ever written on this level. Every week is me trying to best the person you have already come to know. There is no other me anywhere else.

That being said, I don't consciously form flows. It's how I think. Everything a metaphor, a cliffhanging couplet, an abstact idea. I think in spoken word, all thanks to you guys inspiring me to write smarter. But I wll say that lately my focus has been cleaner writing. The Certain's Corners and weekly critiques give me great inspiration. And I'm gonna beat that ass someday... respectfully of course.

You only lost by votes twice in the regular season. Did you feel both losses, to myself and Vulgar, were deserved? Did you think you lost any of your wins?

Both those losses were crazy. I read your verse and wrote it off because I failed to read into the verse. Then the first vote came. That's when I knew I lost. I read your verse again and realized what I missed on first read. I was way more technically sound, deliberate, and gracefully flowing compared to mine. I saw my flaws and accepted the loss.

I actually thought I had a chance against Vulgar with this monster of a concept I had. There were so many ideas and I didn't structure them properly enough to form a great verse around them, given my RL obligations at the time. I dealt with my predicament and hoped his verse was just silly enough for people to ignore it. But this is Vulgar we're talking about. He did what Vulgar does.

I think a lot of my battles were closer than they appeared by scorecard. For me, every vote is a nail-biter, especially when skimmers vote. But I take all losses and wins in stride, because it is as fate would allow. lol. As they say, "It is what it is."

Finally, I know you said NYCSPITZ and Frank are your favorites, but I need a full prediction for the rest of this tournament, from Round 2 through the finals.

Vulgar (beats diode by a comfy margin) VS Pancake (beats J by blowout)

Vague (slim victory over NYC) VS Certain (neck and neck win over Frank)

After this point I wouldn't even attempt to guess, but it would do me a great honor to be able to face you a second time.

Well, I appreciate the optimism and the time. Any parting words?

You stay classy, AOWL. And a classy, "Fuck you, die bitch! YAHK YAHK YAHK YAHK!!" to my next opponent :)



CONCLUSION





The next magazine will be better and more punctual. I promise that, whether I advance or not. Peace, y'all.

[Certain]

What should I write about?

[PancakeBrah]

Well done.

Don't feed NYC's ego any more.

[NYCSPITZ]

that push song beat is bananas...push delivery is dope and he seems like a crazed individual

ty 4 mag bro

[e11even]

I liked the mag. Just realized I don't like reading myself tho. I will never volunteer to write for a mag lol. Great job guys.

[Certain]

Always quote a Frank post when responding to it. I know better than that.

Originally Posted by NYCSPITZ

that push song beat is bananas...push delivery is dope and he seems like a crazed individual

ty 4 mag bro

I like "Numbers on the Board" more than "Nosetalgia."

[Zen]

I read this and I'm not even in this. Wtf is wrong with me? Good job Certain.

[Vulgar]

Thanks for tha work

[Frank]

Now that the mags out of the way

Prepare for onslaught

[e11even]

shut up, Frank.


You amazing creature you...