05-19-2020, 09:16 PM | #1 |
DMS—Diddled My Stick
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,104
Rep Power: 0 |
Make ‘Im Pale
Make ‘Im Pale
Sunny day in June with a hot enough degree. See a youth and pup outside tossing the frisbee. Just a boy with a disc and a man’s best friend. Playing catch near the fence where the grass patch ends. Jaws wrap ‘round the circle, then he runs it back And then gets hit in stride, maybe jumps to snatch. 4’8” Chain link made, teeth for top. Throw’s high, Oh my! Leaped the dog. What a wonderful jump. (It’s his last.) Not canine nor boy realized he hovered above The puncturing hunk of metal, child yells as rover rides the links. At least it managed to catch the throw inside its teeth. |
05-19-2020, 10:35 PM | #2 |
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Dope...short as all shit but chea, great imagery... maybe the dog caught my attention lol Idk...liked it though.
Stay up man... |
05-21-2020, 06:25 PM | #3 |
Storyteller
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 446
Battle Record: 8-4
Champed - Guerrilla Writing League
Rep Power: 5558444 |
A snapshot topical. You painted the scene clearly and brought it to a conclusion a punchy manner. Vocab was straightforward but it did the job. Imagery was clear. Rhyme scheme was simple but functional. Pretty good man. GWL could use more people with a topical sense btw.
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