10-19-2015, 01:44 AM | #1 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604317 |
Week 17: Frank vs. Ullr - (Ullr)
LGPA Season 1: Week 17
Check ins: Thursday (Midnight Eastern time) Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time) Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time) Topic: GHAZAL Best of luck to both competitors. Bring your best poetry forth unto us, the readers. |
10-19-2015, 01:59 AM | #2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228
Champed - NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10
Rep Power: 3853343 |
dope
__________________
VETWORK
|
10-24-2015, 08:46 PM | #3 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228
Champed - NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10
Rep Power: 3853343 |
This stretch of the Savannah belongs to a cunning Gazelle
Deep pink, slopping wet, curling up, grabbing grass Who here - has never been tongued by The Gazelle? Cheetah sprinting, morning jog, break a sweat, Break a leg: good luck to you trying to outrun The Gazelle Flies flurry, watch your step, massive pile Footprint fresh, steamy hot dung, that's from The Gazelle The Wild Goat and The Antelope, and The Fallow deer all shun The Gazelle Newborn, barely stands, topples over Mother standing over me, I, am the Son of a Gazelle Burst of speed, grace, alert, I stot Swiftly fleeing from The Cheetah, I sprung A Gazelle Never follow herds, stand out amongst, Amongst the Gazelle And when that sun come up, start running from me Become The Ghazal
__________________
VETWORK
Last edited by Frank; 10-24-2015 at 08:57 PM. |
10-24-2015, 09:49 PM | #4 | |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604317 |
Ullr's Ghazal:
Quote:
|
|
10-25-2015, 09:21 PM | #5 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604317 |
Frank - Lol that was clever to metamorph gazelle into ghazal. Nice touch. Your wording can get a little sloppy at times. When there's less lines, take more time with it. Smoothen. It'll benefit everything if you do so. A humorous piece.
Ullr - I thought this was an orderly and neatly written take on a romantic work. The narrator's affection for the ideal woman of grace was convincing. I drew parallels to my own life and the way I've felt towards beautiful women - enraptured, a good word, and hard to suppress as a man. I thought this played it safe a bit...although well written. My vote goes to Ullr. He took a more safe route, but it was more thorough. It had less bags around the eyes. |
10-26-2015, 06:58 PM | #6 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 85899400 |
Frank enjoyed the tone of your piece i thought it went
Well with your owrding and images. Def like you better when You write those epics. Feel like this incomplete? Or maybe rushed And said fuck it post it lol i dunno but this was ok. Ullr I believe the flow and the progression of your lpoem really Lent them selves to thiscweeks topic very nicely. Crisp imagery And wording along with a strong storyline that didnt flatline or Go south. You kept it very neat. You have a knack for that. Vote ullr Better ghazal in my eyes. |
|
|