|
03-24-2020, 04:57 AM
|
#1 |
|
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,783
Battle Record: 17-32
Rep Power: 52474189   |
GWL WK 2: Orrie vs Fraze (ORRIE WINS VIA NS)
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
|
|
03-24-2020, 08:01 PM
|
#2 |
|
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 12
Battle Record: 1-2
Rep Power: 0  |
reporting..
|
|
|
|
03-27-2020, 07:48 PM
|
#3 |
|
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 12
Battle Record: 1-2
Rep Power: 0 |
"Cutflower expedites process.."
The paraphonic growls of timber and chutes shrilling aren’t enough to awaken me amidst heart’s unwinding. The timing is unusual; as are the meetings that gather folk and light thistle and warning acclimation and possession They say a light guides you if it’s beside you, And we carry through villages a surplus of temptation/comfort Fairy spuds move laterally between horse tracks and calves, cracks create three where there was one. one case study: originality has ceded from cedar shores adorned by creature lore. We burn at night so that the morning incense mix the dust of cutflower and history’s gone, I walk like a bear-trap hidden beneath the snow with an innkeeper, who keeps tally of bird feathers and the reflection of light allows me to see the hatchet he holds, assuring me with each strike generations will grow thin and old. Last edited by orrie; 03-27-2020 at 07:52 PM. Reason: Formatting. |
|
|
|
03-27-2020, 07:54 PM
|
#4 |
|
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,249
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
__________________
- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) |
|
|
|
03-30-2020, 03:57 PM
|
#6 |
|
Battle Rap's Married Man
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Crumpetville, England
Posts: 389
Battle Record: 2-0
Champed - Gorilla Writing league
Rep Power: 3513498 |
I think you’re good. This isn’t the “style” I’m used to seeing here, it’s very different than what we’re familiar with, I think in terms of pure writing - your word choice, your descriptive imagery, your writers voice - you’re strong. I’m not so sure how well this more poetic tale would fare against some of our more technically proficient and rhyme scheme heavy writers, that would be a style clash for sure and could be interesting to see unfold, but you definitely have more in the tank than some of the current sign-ins and I’ll enjoy seeing you face them as you progress.
Well done. |
|
|
|
03-31-2020, 09:53 AM
|
#7 |
|
low tide in serotonin bay
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,738
Battle Record: 37-28
Champed - GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II
Rep Power: 15446142 |
I hate to echo what Clut has already said but he has a strong point. Really like your tale stylistically but don't know if it would measure up well in a "battle" scenario against somebody whose story was a little more concrete and with a better bridged storyline. I enjoyed this piece as a standalone nonetheless so good work
|
|
|
|
04-01-2020, 07:25 PM
|
#8 |
|
low tide in serotonin bay
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,738
Battle Record: 37-28
Champed - GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II
Rep Power: 15446142 |
Orrie wins via NS
|
|
|
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
