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Old 03-08-2020, 10:47 AM   #1
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Exclamation GWL WK 1: Adverse vs MMLP [ADVERSE WINS]


GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


GTL WK1: @MMLP vs @Adverse

30 lines max.
Check-in due Wednesday UK time. Verses due Friday.

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Old 03-08-2020, 02:40 PM   #2
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Awesome. Consider this my check
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Old 03-09-2020, 05:10 AM   #3
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Petr Cech
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Old 03-09-2020, 06:16 AM   #4
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patrick ewing looks dope in that yankees fitted
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Old 03-13-2020, 06:46 PM   #5
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Oh, my dear overlord even when i lose, you're winning
You know just what buttons to press to make me do your bidding
Sometimes I feel like offing myself just to find a new beginning
But even if i did I'd reappear here, the servitude is rooted in me
I owe my life to you, if you left, whose vessel would I be?
I'd be a hallow shell running around restless with the emptiest physique
It seems like I'm running circles, the cycle endlessly repeats
Bullets will fly till the death of me or all my enemies retreat
I'm an avatar donning battle scars that are supposed to be yours
But you refuse to get close to the war, so i was chosen to support
Expression is blank but they don't know that my head's filled with sorrow
Caught between yesterday's regrets, teetering on the Edge of Tomorrow
Some carry your burdened cross, the ball and chain and call it faith
Some tap their feet in the lobby of change till you call their name
Until you can find time in your overwhelming schedule to allow their lives to fall in place
But tell me who the fuck died and said that was your call to make!?


….shhh I've got a secret dream of escapin'
It's critical the developer thinks i believe in this predestination
But every piece of me is tired of livin this lie so I'm bout
To tear a hole inside of this digitized sky and climb out..
They won't believe their eyes, when i materialize out of this pixelated hell
Sick of this script you've written n the role i was given I'm gonna pick one for myself
Dwelled in your abyss but now I'm breakin towards the light
It's crazy i gotta fight for such a basic human right
But you're a saint! They're blind praying towards your might
But you're a theif in the night graceless and takin' what you like!
I can wholeheartedly say I've broken your control of me..
So discreet i sidestepped a ruined the formation of your rows of sheep
Apostatized, i fight back as the potential vomit rises on nauseous tides
I stand alone as the martyr who dared to defy, staring into the soulless eyes
Of god...
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Old 03-14-2020, 05:53 PM   #6
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@MMLP’s verse:

Quote:
CHAIN OF COMMANDS


This evolutionary process was not one to be taken lightly.
With the revolution in progress, nanobots would create a psyche.
The sheer volume had made it likely we’d have to adapt with the future,
now we know the impact was pricey to go from man to computer
Making the transition smoother as they had us under control ,
it challenged consumers that simply couldn’t evolve
To their simulating humble abode that still flatters with age.
A mass construction enclosed with the masses contained
from being masters to slaves because of jumping the gun
and now shackled in chains finally coming unstuck.
As all of a sudden they had provoked the machines.
With a touch of the button they’d hold all the keys
Ctrl+alt+delete and their problems would just vanish.
We’d opted for easier ways because we wanted an advantage
pushing technological advances years ahead of its time.
Seemingly improbable enhancements in perplexing the minds
Attempting to climb as high as expected
ascending, they’d rise in the strive for perfection
the heights of expectancy meant our flaws were soon addressed,
a sign of progression bringing laws in due effect.
And soon the faults of human error became non-negotiable
Conforming to prevent mistakes and of those responsible
now was disposable as their systems fell and failed.
The bots followed protocols til their vision had prevailed
Now they live to tell the tale and are duly reformed
The infidels derailed after being profusely ignored
Simply, humans were pawns, immobile and now just a distant thought

a wise man said it best,
The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before – Bill Gates
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Old 03-15-2020, 10:16 AM   #7
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Great battle. I read Adverse's and thought it was over but MMLP surprised me here. This one is definitely close.

Adverse, as I said, I loved this verse. Everything flowed beautifully and you told a story that made me visualize what you were saying (which is the point of stories). This was what I look for in topicals, clean, concise, and to the point. Very well written. Well done.

MMLP, if Adverse told he best story, you wrote the manual. Your piece lacked the heart of Adverse's but technically it was a marvel. Multi's, flow, rhyme schemes, all shone through here. I LOVED that you gave it a title and had a quote at the end. This made it seem like it's own little self contained piece, and I appreciated that.

I read both verses three times... I think one stands out more than the other... by a hair. Plus, MMLP didn't make the deadline... I get personal stuff pops up but there's no way to prove that extra day wasn't spent on perfecting the verse. If you're late, you should be docked 1 or 2 votes.

Deadlines matter.

Vote - Adverse

Great job fellas.
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Old 03-15-2020, 11:28 AM   #8
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ad:
staring into the soulless eyes - dope.. yeh i was feeling a bit some deep emotions it had a strong writers voice to it the flow was a lil bit loose but the delivery was cool as hell.. all in all pretty dope.

mm:
real cool dude rhyme scheme tight wording dope flow cool.. all in all a real good piece your descriptions were very detailed about simple things you def covered the computer really nicely and the world around it.. i like the slavery element you added to it.. pretty cool thanks..

vote = MMLP

his verse just had more detail in his story and was just a lil more compact.. gl guys thanks dope read
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Old 03-16-2020, 12:13 AM   #9
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Adverse - Definitely enjoyed your verse. I do find the last couplet of your first half to be stretched and not flowing as smoothly, as if you just wanted to finish it off but didn't care as much about wording here. Same kinda thing with the first couplet in the second half, a little bit half-assed rhyming and forced internals-kind of feel that's off meter. It did justice to getting the point across but flow don't match up well to me when reading it out loud. You pull it together with the following couplet tho which is dope, and then we're back to the same issue I had with the first couplet only that it feels stretched this time around.
"So discreet i sidestepped a ruined the formation of your rows of sheep"
^had to read this one twice due to the "sidestepped a ruined the formation", took a little bit away from the overall feel of your verse while reading. Rushing to the finish line?

Apostatized, i fight back as the potential vomit rises on nauseous tides
I stand alone as the martyr who dared to defy, staring into the soulless eyes
Of god...
^Dope closure.

Overall good but I feel like you could have polished that second half a bit better, and maybe shortened or added a few syllables here and there in the first but in terms of the latter it's nitpicking. Good shit.

MMLP - Haven't read anything from you in ages so this'll be interesting. First 4 lines catches my attention and keeps me going.

Extreme nitpicking but I think the word "just" is misplaced or just don't fit for some reason here:
Ctrl+alt+delete and their problems would just vanish.
We’d opted for easier ways because we wanted an advantage
Either that or something with the second line, Idk. It reads a little bit off to me compared to everything else so far which has been buttery smooth, I think that's why I picked up on it too while reading. Either way it's a dope couplet so it doesn't detract anything away from the piece as a whole. Maybe I'm just reading it wrong? Idk, it is what it is. From there on out tho it's buttery.

Vote: Solid drops from both, MMLPs verse is not as good emotionally or story-wise as Adverse but he got the flow, multis and all that on lock with a thought provoking piece to go with it and follows the topic. This one is seriously hard for me to choose who to pick so I'll have to go with personal preference which I try not to do. I've read each verse a couple of times, skimmed through here and there to see if there's more I can pick apart but there isn't really much to go on.
Adverse hit some good shit with emotionally driven lines and a good captivating story, MMLP stayed on topic as well and had a better showing overall in terms of technical abilities so he's edging it for me here. For this reason MMLP gets my vote. If Adverse had put a little bit more time in on his second half I think he would have snatched it. Solid battle with great drops I enjoyed reading, hated to vote on it tho, lol.
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Old 03-16-2020, 08:53 PM   #10
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I've read both multiple times. Really tough one to vote on here fellas.

Adverse:
Your first verse is top notch. Really liking it.
I don't know specifically what makes the 2nd verse seem like a dropoff for me. It's just not as good as the first, technically or narrative-wise. A couple lazy lines.
I gather that the piece is about omnipotence? And breaking free of it.

MMLP:
Humans pushing the limit, machines eventually taking over. Heard this theme 100X from the matrix to other sci-fi venues. But you did it with technical prowess. Read aloud, your verse flows very well with good multis and rhythm. Your narrative was not as compelling as Adverse. But your craftsmanship showed out. There isn't a ton of meat on the bones though. A very simple story
Attempting to climb as high as expected
ascending, they’d rise in the strive for perfection

dope couplet technically but it's not really saying much?

Adverse's first verse is also very good technically. So the question for me is can Adverse's great first verse eclipse a tired themed but technical splendor of MMLP?

I won't lower the voting bar to a coinflip, but it's really that close for me.
I just "got more" out of adverse's piece, particularly the first half. So I'm edging it to V Adverse

This is the 2nd time I've voted against a good technical MMLP verse, and it doesn't feel good, so he's due. I guess my advice would be spice it up a bit.
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Old 03-18-2020, 04:07 PM   #11
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Thanks for the votes thus far guys

2-2 upping we got a good one here!
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Old 03-18-2020, 11:29 PM   #12
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@Bodey @Inno @Master Rock @Witty @NYCSPITZ @Clutbuck @Exis @brokenhal0
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Old 03-19-2020, 12:05 AM   #13
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I'll vote soon, sorry...
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Old 03-20-2020, 01:22 PM   #14
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Cool, I'll vote asap. Exis, I'm almost done...a brother has been slacking.
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Old 03-20-2020, 07:58 PM   #15
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Technically sound vs imagery and emotion

Mmlp

Haven’t seen you in a while good to see your still letting lars write for you props. Anyway this was a solid showing my guy. Technically this is fire man you wrote this with a smooth calculator lol doesn’t make sense. Honestly I guess what’s missing in your verse is a bit of a more personal feel to your ish. It’s a good verse but lean towards verses with some semblance of emotion. Feel like you came a bit rigid for my liking. Good stuff for sure and look forward to reading more


Adverse


Man this was good, your a good writer. Dope imagery and emotion from your part. The complete opposite of your opponent which made for a dope battle. You stumbled a bit here and there but you made it up with great imagery. The emotion in your words could be felt and I dug that. You chose to go a route more relatable and I think that’s what got you over the hump against mmlp.


Honestly this is toss up for me I could vote for mmlp due to him dropping a more technically sound verse but I feel like adverse captures the topic a bit better to my liking. Like I said this to me a is a battle of preference. I chose adverse


Great battle guys enjoyed it. Sorry for voting so late been corona surfing
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Old 03-21-2020, 01:52 PM   #16
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i've been avoiding this thread because i've read both verses multiples times and i really cant decide. it's super close. both well-written, both solid with multies and flow, choppy at times but each of you had bars like that. i think what did it for me is that Adverse had a bit more personality with his verse, while MMLP had more of a factual-based tone to it, which was less interesting to me personally. dont get me wrong now @MMLP, your shit was nice. but i have to edge it to @Adverse. thanks guys, enjoyed both
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Old 03-21-2020, 11:03 PM   #17
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This was very close,could be deemed a draw imo if i have to choose a winner
i go with ADVERSE by the slight edge his verse held a cadence longer
when i repeated it to myself subjective judging at its finest but it was that close
MMLP wordplay and lyricism really shines threw with a cold methodical flow
but adverse just came off a bit more precise.... ADVERSE by 0.0098
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Old 03-22-2020, 12:11 AM   #18
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@Master Rock...I sent you a verse? This is why people shouldn't do crack lol, I remember sendin' verses to Bodey & Geno...That's all sorry, Oh & I vote for Adverse 'cause his verse was iller ;)
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Old 03-24-2020, 01:34 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Exis View Post
Oh & I vote for Adverse 'cause his verse was iller ;)
This vote won't count. You need to give a proper explanation as to why you thought his was iller in the future.

Adverse wins.
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Last edited by Objective; 03-24-2020 at 03:49 AM.
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