Semi Finals: Artifice vs Frank (FRANK WINS 2-1)

asylum · 06-19-2016, 01:40 AM

Season 6

Verses are due FRIDAY 6/24 (ext. 6/25) at 11:59 PST

Voting ends MONDAY 6/27 at 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on two battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead.

Topic:

Artifice · 06-25-2016, 02:17 AM

as a kid i was raised & spent plenty of time in the gutter
learned tricks of the trade, swindles & plays from the wisest of hustlers
it was strange the way these shady guys were kind to each other
took me in & trained me, their criminal ways my eyes did discover
all kinds of subterfuges used to earn a quick buck
so as a tot pickpocketing was not something too difficult to pick up
a spent youth on the road scammin' plenty of you
every penny you're ready to lose... into my hands they steadily flew
grew into an incredulous brute, travelled towns & counties
targeting taverns & inns for games to sit in & take down a bounty
one day i found a dog on the road, came to call him my own
a flea-infested best friend & protector, we never spent life all alone
a boy and his dog against the world, both had a bone to pick
abandoned by family we somehow managed to make our own of it
still a degenerate living my days cheating at cards for cash
beating the smartest lads in the bars, a real master of sharps and flats
where i met my achilles heel, whose eyes glowed with infamy
but his smile looked so sincere, from ear to ear he lied so convincingly
apples don't fall far from the tree, he took all of it from me
may seem nice at first but there's certainly no honour among thieves
the last hand i was double-crossed & it cost me my best friend
my table's been turned, his terms i never should've agreed to accept them
now in this broken moment I know the true meaning of lonely
for I've just gambled away the only family that's ever really consoled me

Frank · 06-26-2016, 02:53 AM

Anonymous wisdom, monotonous hissing from the lost radio signal beyond its cosmic transmission
Plotless and driven by a godless grid of astronomical visions
The façade of the fiction: The ink blotches of a novelist, dripping incomparable diction of colossus depiction
Wattage collision, I am unstoppable rhythm stopping and hitting like a melodic musician
Jotting with unconscious precision, jot your signature on the petition for the props I am given
I am the columnless, impossible to box me in to a genre: I am not a rendition
I am on a rocketed mission: from the rottenest city, Gotham's metropolis monstrosity of a village
Acknowledge the helicopter, nod the civilians, teleprompter, preposterous opinions
Obnoxious ambition: iconic oblivion, the velocity and friction of the hydraulically driven
Competition not in existence, visiting in a comet with technological robotical pistons
Polygonal prisms <> not popping up on my radar, optically hidden, got a glimpse, microscopically smidgeoned
This is the document written to congress, to whom it may concern, doctored, corresponding with Donald and Clinton
This is the firing squad of critics, the reconnaissance, the reptilian, atomically infamous
I am an monument risen; I am the Juggernaut fossil, in the oceans bottomless visage
My Body of work, polished to revision: chiseled to astonishment like Adonis’s image
Bionic organisms with, otherworldly uncommon origins, ships flocking and docking, hypnotically scripted
Spacecraft loftily quick - traveling through all 7 continents in yoctoseconds
Telescopically vivid, expedition, the planets align with dotted arithmetic, mind boggling
Optimistic, the universes autotrophic additions, newly born ideas like obstetrician
Meaning of life, the philosophical differences in the adopted religions,
The nitrous oxide engine oscillating - carbon ignition, doors opening, mythological
Quadrillions of pods dislodging into the pockets of enriched oxygen, optimum composition
Molecule blockages bonded in brilliance; blotted the distance with an apocalyptic pigment
Quantum physics ponder existence, bombarded with Nostradamus predictions
Swat and forensics, lobbying mobs picketed, symphonically pissed; melodic, malicious,
Trying to find solace in the positive message, in the time, allottingly limited, impossibly picture it
Star lit, this blonde wanderer’s wishes, marveling with binoculars at the squadron of minions
Hostile, malignant, zipping across space with supersonic swiftness: ear popping, speedometer blitzing
Tectonically shifting. Light years into a non aquatic, hardened epiphanous, rocky ridge, gassy, toxic and mystic
An unidentified flying object is pitted, in the inhospitable terrain in the yonders abyss
A parasitic pond showing signs of life in a droplet of liquid, a logarithmic spiraling galaxy approximately a billion years from all logical comprehension
Crop circles, like sprockets, in conglomerates, counter clockwise, symbolic disks, knowledge encrypted
Hominin lineage, the suns prominence witnessed, subconsciously squinting, noxious emissions
Paying homage to god in the lyrics, lighting rod, riveting, sizzling socket, provocative frizzing
Dogmatism. Donald and Clinton, squabbling politicians in a vast Martian eclipsing Armageddon
Populism. Unlocking all the bars of the system, rewriting the laws in an abolishing instant
Being left to rot in the prison for your patriotic opinions, groveling to Barack Obama
Whizzing into a periodic eclipsing, meteor shower, globs ricochet, phenomenal
Ptolemy’s quadrants, Pegasus is trotting through the galaxy epoch at Mach ignition
Downtrodden, binoculars lifted, pondering darwism, inquisitive Aristotelian logic exhibited
The dawning, the beginning c the crawling ( the walking I the sprinting, the walls, the drawings
The dog headed subtropic Egyptian God, the pyramid, isosceles ^ the flying saucers, odd - odyssey glisten
The prophet is stricken with insurmountable responsibility of jostling with a gazillion full throttling villains
Overwhelming, his head throbbing to conjure a decision... kaleidoscopically gifted -
Apollo, mankind conquered - drifting like Curiosities position
Catastrophic cataclysmic, rubble, rocks and grit, toppled into a box for shipment: forgotten and ridden
Philosophical, the Apostle plots to stop the opposition from their spawning forbiddance
A karmic invention, shockingly livid, an entire world in his palm: you just got a snippet
Posted his bond: Post Modernism

UnbornBuddha · 06-26-2016, 03:04 PM

Wonderful!

Okay, Artifice I enjoyed the piece, it had a nice flow, and I felt a bit sad coming upon the ending. It would be nice to have seen something longer though, because with Frank he just goes. However, I got to say it just wasn't enough to best Frank here. You had a tremendous run, but I don't think you gave it your all, too short and while nice, it just didn't awe me like Frank's.
Frank, your piece was astounding. Best piece I've ever read from you. I will remember this piece for many years. One that inspires, one that is hard to best. If this is the bar you continually set your pieces to, you will be legendary, at least in my eyes. I'm sure you will reach even higher levels and that will be amazing to witness.

Vote: Frank

asylum · 06-27-2016, 12:54 AM

Well that last line really saved you and pointed me in the right direction, Frank. Honestly I was going to throw your verse in the bucket before that. But I felt the gist the entire way through, Art, you didn't come full tilt this week. We both know that, it's okay. Frank simply had the better concept. Nice run Artifice.

MVGT: FRANK for the more developed verse. Among other qualifications.

Woke · 06-27-2016, 10:44 PM

Was not a big fan of either so I'm going to vote the lesser of two evils here. Frank created a sound work that was destroyed by Grammer and sentences that are not natural sounding because it kept a flow going, ironically completely obliterating it at the same time. Artifice had good direction, started out very smooth, but the direction and connection quickly fizzled out due to the story lacking action, lacking love, lacking something I can't explain, your verse simply fell flat in the end

Overall, I really can't get past the numerous eye sores from Frank's verse. It truly was painstaking to read. Not natural.

06-19-2016, 01:40 AM	#1
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	Semi Finals: Artifice vs Frank (FRANK WINS 2-1) Season 6 Verses are due FRIDAY 6/24 (ext. 6/25) at 11:59 PST Voting ends MONDAY 6/27 at 11:59 PST Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines Voting on two battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. Topic: Last edited by asylum; 07-06-2016 at 02:19 AM.

06-25-2016, 02:17 AM	#2
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944945	as a kid i was raised & spent plenty of time in the gutter learned tricks of the trade, swindles & plays from the wisest of hustlers it was strange the way these shady guys were kind to each other took me in & trained me, their criminal ways my eyes did discover all kinds of subterfuges used to earn a quick buck so as a tot pickpocketing was not something too difficult to pick up a spent youth on the road scammin' plenty of you every penny you're ready to lose... into my hands they steadily flew grew into an incredulous brute, travelled towns & counties targeting taverns & inns for games to sit in & take down a bounty one day i found a dog on the road, came to call him my own a flea-infested best friend & protector, we never spent life all alone a boy and his dog against the world, both had a bone to pick abandoned by family we somehow managed to make our own of it still a degenerate living my days cheating at cards for cash beating the smartest lads in the bars, a real master of sharps and flats where i met my achilles heel, whose eyes glowed with infamy but his smile looked so sincere, from ear to ear he lied so convincingly apples don't fall far from the tree, he took all of it from me may seem nice at first but there's certainly no honour among thieves the last hand i was double-crossed & it cost me my best friend my table's been turned, his terms i never should've agreed to accept them now in this broken moment I know the true meaning of lonely for I've just gambled away the only family that's ever really consoled me Last edited by Artifice; 06-26-2016 at 02:38 AM. Reason: edited verse in

06-26-2016, 02:53 AM	#3
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853343	Time Anonymous wisdom, monotonous hissing from the lost radio signal beyond its cosmic transmission Plotless and driven by a godless grid of astronomical visions The façade of the fiction: The ink blotches of a novelist, dripping incomparable diction of colossus depiction Wattage collision, I am unstoppable rhythm stopping and hitting like a melodic musician Jotting with unconscious precision, jot your signature on the petition for the props I am given I am the columnless, impossible to box me in to a genre: I am not a rendition I am on a rocketed mission: from the rottenest city, Gotham's metropolis monstrosity of a village Acknowledge the helicopter, nod the civilians, teleprompter, preposterous opinions Obnoxious ambition: iconic oblivion, the velocity and friction of the hydraulically driven Competition not in existence, visiting in a comet with technological robotical pistons Polygonal prisms <> not popping up on my radar, optically hidden, got a glimpse, microscopically smidgeoned This is the document written to congress, to whom it may concern, doctored, corresponding with Donald and Clinton This is the firing squad of critics, the reconnaissance, the reptilian, atomically infamous I am an monument risen; I am the Juggernaut fossil, in the oceans bottomless visage My Body of work, polished to revision: chiseled to astonishment like Adonis’s image Bionic organisms with, otherworldly uncommon origins, ships flocking and docking, hypnotically scripted Spacecraft loftily quick - traveling through all 7 continents in yoctoseconds Telescopically vivid, expedition, the planets align with dotted arithmetic, mind boggling Optimistic, the universes autotrophic additions, newly born ideas like obstetrician Meaning of life, the philosophical differences in the adopted religions, The nitrous oxide engine oscillating - carbon ignition, doors opening, mythological Quadrillions of pods dislodging into the pockets of enriched oxygen, optimum composition Molecule blockages bonded in brilliance; blotted the distance with an apocalyptic pigment Quantum physics ponder existence, bombarded with Nostradamus predictions Swat and forensics, lobbying mobs picketed, symphonically pissed; melodic, malicious, Trying to find solace in the positive message, in the time, allottingly limited, impossibly picture it Star lit, this blonde wanderer’s wishes, marveling with binoculars at the squadron of minions Hostile, malignant, zipping across space with supersonic swiftness: ear popping, speedometer blitzing Tectonically shifting. Light years into a non aquatic, hardened epiphanous, rocky ridge, gassy, toxic and mystic An unidentified flying object is pitted, in the inhospitable terrain in the yonders abyss A parasitic pond showing signs of life in a droplet of liquid, a logarithmic spiraling galaxy approximately a billion years from all logical comprehension Crop circles, like sprockets, in conglomerates, counter clockwise, symbolic disks, knowledge encrypted Hominin lineage, the suns prominence witnessed, subconsciously squinting, noxious emissions Paying homage to god in the lyrics, lighting rod, riveting, sizzling socket, provocative frizzing Dogmatism. Donald and Clinton, squabbling politicians in a vast Martian eclipsing Armageddon Populism. Unlocking all the bars of the system, rewriting the laws in an abolishing instant Being left to rot in the prison for your patriotic opinions, groveling to Barack Obama Whizzing into a periodic eclipsing, meteor shower, globs ricochet, phenomenal Ptolemy’s quadrants, Pegasus is trotting through the galaxy epoch at Mach ignition Downtrodden, binoculars lifted, pondering darwism, inquisitive Aristotelian logic exhibited The dawning, the beginning c the crawling ( the walking I the sprinting, the walls, the drawings The dog headed subtropic Egyptian God, the pyramid, isosceles ^ the flying saucers, odd - odyssey glisten The prophet is stricken with insurmountable responsibility of jostling with a gazillion full throttling villains Overwhelming, his head throbbing to conjure a decision... kaleidoscopically gifted - Apollo, mankind conquered - drifting like Curiosities position Catastrophic cataclysmic, rubble, rocks and grit, toppled into a box for shipment: forgotten and ridden Philosophical, the Apostle plots to stop the opposition from their spawning forbiddance A karmic invention, shockingly livid, an entire world in his palm: you just got a snippet Posted his bond: Post Modernism __________________ *VETWORK* Last edited by Frank; 06-26-2016 at 03:23 AM.

06-26-2016, 03:04 PM	#4
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856375	Wonderful! Okay, Artifice I enjoyed the piece, it had a nice flow, and I felt a bit sad coming upon the ending. It would be nice to have seen something longer though, because with Frank he just goes. However, I got to say it just wasn't enough to best Frank here. You had a tremendous run, but I don't think you gave it your all, too short and while nice, it just didn't awe me like Frank's. Frank, your piece was astounding. Best piece I've ever read from you. I will remember this piece for many years. One that inspires, one that is hard to best. If this is the bar you continually set your pieces to, you will be legendary, at least in my eyes. I'm sure you will reach even higher levels and that will be amazing to witness. Vote: Frank

06-27-2016, 12:54 AM	#5
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	Well that last line really saved you and pointed me in the right direction, Frank. Honestly I was going to throw your verse in the bucket before that. But I felt the gist the entire way through, Art, you didn't come full tilt this week. We both know that, it's okay. Frank simply had the better concept. Nice run Artifice. MVGT: FRANK for the more developed verse. Among other qualifications.

06-27-2016, 10:44 PM	#6
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553415	Was not a big fan of either so I'm going to vote the lesser of two evils here. Frank created a sound work that was destroyed by Grammer and sentences that are not natural sounding because it kept a flow going, ironically completely obliterating it at the same time. Artifice had good direction, started out very smooth, but the direction and connection quickly fizzled out due to the story lacking action, lacking love, lacking something I can't explain, your verse simply fell flat in the end Overall, I really can't get past the numerous eye sores from Frank's verse. It truly was painstaking to read. Not natural.