09-25-2017, 02:13 AM | #1 |
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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If Only She Knew
"I’m a broken man behind this mask I maintain with, I don’t understand this feeling, or how to contain it. This is all so new to me, this dame is leaving me brainless, replacing the space with this mental anguish because she’s not mine. Well, she’s mine… But she’s not mine in the sense of the slang-age. She’s mine as in my best friend I used to spend every day with. Nothing matters with her, my days become painless in a way that words just can’t explain it And when she smiles, a warmth takes over. It's like I’ve been sipping on the serpent's breath. But does she feel the same way? That question alone keeps me stricken with uncertainness; speechless, just sitting here for her to guess. I’ve tried to proclaim how I feel, but when I go to speak it’s like my mouth is switching up the words thats next. Instead of ‘I love you’ it’s ‘I missed you’. But not in the endearing way, thats the real issue. Cause I swear I could treat her better. With men she’s been misused, degraded, abused, can't stand to see this continue when I’ve been there the whole time just helping her get through. But I never get my chance, she always gives her heart so someone who hurts it. I’m not saying these guys are worthless but I'm saying compared to me they're worth less. So I find myself asking, ‘I she really worth it? Rode the ups and the downs, how did he earn it? Won’t happen now, should I desert it?’ But I can’t. She’s the goddess of whom I belong to the church, I’m always at her service. Without her my days would be riddled with loneliness Depressed thoughts clouding my mind only missed, by the rare thought of her in the arms of a disrespectful chauvinist. “Thats it, I’ve lost her… The end” But I don’t want to lose her! So must pretend I’m okay with meaning nothing to her, just a friend Well, I’m NOT okay with that! And why should I be? I was here first, why should I leave! I put her on a pedestal so high she could crumble my world if she were to deny me. It’s fear that guides me. So until I’m certain, I’ll have to mask these emotions inside me and just wish 'If only she knew…'” |
09-28-2017, 12:51 PM | #2 |
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Hey man -- I liked this much better than the other piece I just read from you. More technical display. More unpredictable rhyming, which keeps things fresh.
"I’m not saying these guys are worthless but I'm saying compared to me they're worth less." I thought this line was really cool. I thought the whole piece would work a little better if you added more of a sarcastic feel to it and made it more comedic about a loser that's obsessed with a woman that doesn't want him.. but that's just my personal preference.
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