Just Friends

[EtH]

I was done with this, I’m too busy to write,
No motivation for creation when I think I’m alright,
Topical battles and open mics, they all lay in the past,
I started dropping the pen when I was taking your hand,
It’s embarrassing, my catalogue of each emotional verse,
Yet you gave me the confidence to come and show you my work,
We set off like fireworks, an amazing ascent,
Yet they explode and all the smoke dissipates at the end,
But that’s not the reason I’m once again taking the pen,
It’s my stressing at the question if you’re staying my friend,
Our relationship was aging quick and was dead for years,
Yet on my own, I’m alone and I’m shedding tears,
It’s not the thought of you making plans with some nameless man,
If someone made you happy, I’d want to shake his hand,
It was me who sat us down to start the end of us,
Yet I never understood how important that our friendship was,
We sat in different rooms for years, I don’t even regret it,
Yet all I want in my life now is to send you a message,
You want to progress, you need space and to move on in time,
But I don’t want to imagine a path without you in my life,
Every member of my family is just as self-obsessed,
If I could send a text, you could help the mess,
I suppose if I reflect on myself, I’m just like them too,
Cause what is right for me might not be right for you,
I don’t need a girlfriend and I want nothing romantic,
I want my best friend back, I want someone to hang with,
I don’t want to take your hand or for us to lay in bed,
But I’d give everything I’ve got for you to stay my friend.

[sral]

I fucked with it. Shame to see more people aren’t taking up the reigns and just dropping feedback here for the fun of it, but I read it so let me at least point out a couple things I enjoyed in the hope you choose to stick around and post more or respond to some others here at least.

The subject matter isn’t all that relatable to me personally as I’m a married man a decade plus in, but I do get how you can still sort of want to be friends with someone. I personally think you want more with this chick if that’s your outlook but hey, I’m not judging, just my thoughts.

The shorter lined flow is always welcomed by me. I saw the scheming, the internals and externals, sometimes you stepped it up and others let it ride which can be important actually in knowing when to do that (and when not to). I would aim to do more on the second line of a couplet, or fourth line in a quatrain if you’re using the same over arching rhyme scheme - just for impact. Think of it like a punchline you’re building up to. The final line is the one that lands, that’s when you want to have full momentum going into it, use the rest to build up to it. Having more happen in the setup somewhat takes away some of its sting, you know?

Keep that pen moving!

[Objective]

Love the emotion and honesty put into words here. I'm in a similar situation right now after having taken the "never be friends with an ex" since the dawn of time. Randomly met my ex after being broken up for a little less than year a few days ago.

Only difference from your perspective to mine in your verse is this part:
If I could send a text, you could help the mess,
^This I think is unhealthy and something to be worked on with close friends or a therapist. That's a lot of heavy vibes for people not having those elements in their lives (if they do, it can be another toll) and/or responsibility to put on another human being, especially if they come from a better household themselves and deal with things differently.

I'm babbling on at this point. Besides of what Lars said and the fact I enjoyed your piece, part because it was relatable and contained emotions I've dealt with recently as well, is this:

It was me who sat us down to start the end of us,
Yet I never understood how important that our friendship was,
^I would consider removing syllables that doesn't add anything to help with flow and being more poignant in its message. Words like "yet" and "that" can both easily be removed for quality of life reading and flow.

Overall I enjoyed the read and what you're saying, and feedback given so far in order to improve further is golden.

[Witty]

From a technical standpoint this was just ok. From an emotional standpoint it was very good. Very relatable.

You lied through this entire verse. You probably don't know it but it's incredibly clear. You love this person and you will never be content with just being friends. I'm sure you want nothing but the best for whoever this is about but the friendship you had will never be the same. You're in love with someone who will probably never feel the same. I've been there my friend, it's an awful feeling and I feel your pain, I really do.

This entire verse was a lie. You lied about how you feel to the reader and probably to yourself, and that's what made it so good. That's what makes art so special.

Chin up. Thank you.