#Revived

iLL ScriptureZ · 01-29-2019, 02:19 PM

See I’ve been…

Absent-minded & brain dead
Not for a lack of trying to say fed
I’m an, absinthe hybrid an addict blinded
By an active virus to spray lead
It’s the, passage lighting I pass through writing
The page red to shake hands with the devil
Like an act of kindness, the stage set
Everything black, the mic is a sack of diamonds
Pay rent & rap defiance with this, mask I’m hiding
From my past reliance, it’s an ageless weapon
Like a staff or trident or crack provided
To the mass as guidance, as a crutch
To step in the grave with, got my heart jumping
Like the wax has sirens, checking the mirror
For lights passing by us, this a craft for tyrants
That’ll snatch your highness, cats & lions
Caged in, my patience weighs thin
For men who have vaginas, gotta knack to find’em
This that grey death, laced meth, packed united
Quiet but sound, you are trapped, misguided
Still loud with the action like a mac that’s silenced
Banish the lavish liars who brandish whack subscribers
I'm alone on my own captured inside this island
Where mining for rap words with tactics so defying
Hazmats when I'm rhyming, backlash undivided
Scatter passerbyers with rough drafts & no survivors
Ignite the gas burners, feds tappin' the wires
Refresh these passionate writers
They can't clear where the ***he is just hiding
Here are the facts of the cypher
Cut your Adam's apple for cider, burn a passage, a Bible
Leave the latter enlighted with the eye of the tiger
This isn't amateur hour, inhaling lavender sour
Uneven balance of power got calibers mounted
Smashing glass of a riot, the cabinet advisors
Wreak havoc & fires as the national climate
Reaches temperatures meant for war battlefront snipers
Find the signs through analog devices
Their squeezing, holding, to carry all in vice grips
See it's the voltage to cattle prod a bison
Fuck what you heard, pick up the shattered rock to fight with
#Revived

Sinacog · 01-30-2019, 03:20 PM

Hello, ILL Scripturez..I thought this was a decently dope read..nice work..

Overall - Good work..I enjoyed the nice use of imagery and rhyme scheme you held here. The rhyme scheme had each imageric scene bouncing to the next scene. Was quite good. I enjoyed this piece quite a bit. Was nice with it in ways. I enjoyed a lot of the lines here..held good imagery and good base. The Adam's apple and bible passage line was dope...nice one. Good writing here. Keep writing!

Pharaohs Army · 02-04-2019, 12:45 AM

To me it seems like you sacrificed rhymes for meaning. A shit-ton of rhymes, but not saying much.

You obviously have some talent so I'd rather see you write something more meaningful and impactful even if there weren't quite as many rhymes in it.

Others might find it dope; I don't know. Just my opinion.

01-29-2019, 02:19 PM	#1
iLL ScriptureZ Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2018 Posts: 18 Rep Power: 0	#Revived See I’ve been… Absent-minded & brain dead Not for a lack of trying to say fed I’m an, absinthe hybrid an addict blinded By an active virus to spray lead It’s the, passage lighting I pass through writing The page red to shake hands with the devil Like an act of kindness, the stage set Everything black, the mic is a sack of diamonds Pay rent & rap defiance with this, mask I’m hiding From my past reliance, it’s an ageless weapon Like a staff or trident or crack provided To the mass as guidance, as a crutch To step in the grave with, got my heart jumping Like the wax has sirens, checking the mirror For lights passing by us, this a craft for tyrants That’ll snatch your highness, cats & lions Caged in, my patience weighs thin For men who have vaginas, gotta knack to find’em This that grey death, laced meth, packed united Quiet but sound, you are trapped, misguided Still loud with the action like a mac that’s silenced Banish the lavish liars who brandish whack subscribers I'm alone on my own captured inside this island Where mining for rap words with tactics so defying Hazmats when I'm rhyming, backlash undivided Scatter passerbyers with rough drafts & no survivors Ignite the gas burners, feds tappin' the wires Refresh these passionate writers They can't clear where the ***he is just hiding Here are the facts of the cypher Cut your Adam's apple for cider, burn a passage, a Bible Leave the latter enlighted with the eye of the tiger This isn't amateur hour, inhaling lavender sour Uneven balance of power got calibers mounted Smashing glass of a riot, the cabinet advisors Wreak havoc & fires as the national climate Reaches temperatures meant for war battlefront snipers Find the signs through analog devices Their squeezing, holding, to carry all in vice grips See it's the voltage to cattle prod a bison Fuck what you heard, pick up the shattered rock to fight with #Revived __________________

01-30-2019, 03:20 PM	#2
Sinacog Satan Join Date: Dec 2018 Posts: 2,156 Battle Record: 4-25 Rep Power: 8129212	Hello, ILL Scripturez..I thought this was a decently dope read..nice work.. Overall - Good work..I enjoyed the nice use of imagery and rhyme scheme you held here. The rhyme scheme had each imageric scene bouncing to the next scene. Was quite good. I enjoyed this piece quite a bit. Was nice with it in ways. I enjoyed a lot of the lines here..held good imagery and good base. The Adam's apple and bible passage line was dope...nice one. Good writing here. Keep writing!

02-04-2019, 12:45 AM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	To me it seems like you sacrificed rhymes for meaning. A shit-ton of rhymes, but not saying much. You obviously have some talent so I'd rather see you write something more meaningful and impactful even if there weren't quite as many rhymes in it. Others might find it dope; I don't know. Just my opinion.