Unnecessary Genes

Mr. J · 06-13-2016, 01:33 AM

Guillotine sitting in the backseat of the limousine
Importing a sick cuisine sent from the Philippines
I dream liquid dreams pouring down this vivid stream
the biggest trees that look down on me & spit at me
my Ciroc's a peach that glides high giving high fives.
drunken minds eye with a body that it abides by...
crooked cat with 9 lives, praised by Egyptian wise guys
crazy women with Mai Thais, a backpack thats wide-eyed
top of the tower in Dubai...Hi...your on my time...
imported through the intergalactical transmission sent by...
the Dutch who danced their way into brotherhood
not to be under-looked they served more than your mother would
old miss Underwood with tits that hung like a udder would
I spread like butter could & shock when I jump the hood
I bang like thunder should & just might catch you with a under hook
dodge, duck, jab, & uppercut, roasting these peanuts buttercup..
each pair of socks is a hundred bucks paid by the nutter shucks
they laugh like cuhcuhcuhdahaaa, the cucumber in a jar
writing with blood on the wall, floor padded for a sudden fall
bullets will rain man, watch when I start dustin off...man
was that weird or how did that feel coming off...damn...
theres a poet in my nightmares & a beat box in the closet
theres a monster under my bed in some reeboks from Target
I think that my new pair of jeans are haunted...I done lost it...

PancakeBrah · 06-18-2016, 10:52 PM

Under-looked was nice. As was

theres a poet in my nightmares & a beat box in the closet
theres a monster under my bed in some reeboks from Target

OVERALL THIS WAS A JAUNTY LITTLE DITTY. Airy, obsessed with form but not saying too much. BUT NOT ALL SAYINGS HAVE TO BE SAYING SO MUCH. I mean, fuck, not every little open mic has to be the human condition in multi-laden faux nostalgia aimed at some lost love with references to alcohol. I've read some number of your open mics without giving feed. I think I've said this before, but they get a tad samey. I think you have the same rhyme style and schemes in most. I appreciate the call back to those halcyon days when people just wrote some schemes and posted it. All you entries have a lack of pretentiousness that works well against the more 'serious' works that populate the forum. I just wish there was more that separated each individual verse from the next, ya dig? Thanks for the read.

06-13-2016, 01:33 AM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	Unnecessary Genes Guillotine sitting in the backseat of the limousine Importing a sick cuisine sent from the Philippines I dream liquid dreams pouring down this vivid stream the biggest trees that look down on me & spit at me my Ciroc's a peach that glides high giving high fives. drunken minds eye with a body that it abides by... crooked cat with 9 lives, praised by Egyptian wise guys crazy women with Mai Thais, a backpack thats wide-eyed top of the tower in Dubai...Hi...your on my time... imported through the intergalactical transmission sent by... the Dutch who danced their way into brotherhood not to be under-looked they served more than your mother would old miss Underwood with tits that hung like a udder would I spread like butter could & shock when I jump the hood I bang like thunder should & just might catch you with a under hook dodge, duck, jab, & uppercut, roasting these peanuts buttercup.. each pair of socks is a hundred bucks paid by the nutter shucks they laugh like cuhcuhcuhdahaaa, the cucumber in a jar writing with blood on the wall, floor padded for a sudden fall bullets will rain man, watch when I start dustin off...man was that weird or how did that feel coming off...damn... theres a poet in my nightmares & a beat box in the closet theres a monster under my bed in some reeboks from Target I think that my new pair of jeans are haunted...I done lost it... __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

06-18-2016, 10:52 PM	#2
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	Under-looked was nice. As was theres a poet in my nightmares & a beat box in the closet theres a monster under my bed in some reeboks from Target OVERALL THIS WAS A JAUNTY LITTLE DITTY. Airy, obsessed with form but not saying too much. BUT NOT ALL SAYINGS HAVE TO BE SAYING SO MUCH. I mean, fuck, not every little open mic has to be the human condition in multi-laden faux nostalgia aimed at some lost love with references to alcohol. I've read some number of your open mics without giving feed. I think I've said this before, but they get a tad samey. I think you have the same rhyme style and schemes in most. I appreciate the call back to those halcyon days when people just wrote some schemes and posted it. All you entries have a lack of pretentiousness that works well against the more 'serious' works that populate the forum. I just wish there was more that separated each individual verse from the next, ya dig? Thanks for the read. __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?