WEEK FIVE CONTENDERS: MASTER ROCK 2-2 VS EVICTION 2-2 ROCK WINS

[Adverse]

AOWL Season IX


Verse Due: SUNDAY DECEMBER 27TH, 11:59PM EST TIME


Line min: 10

Max: 50


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:

[Eviction]

check

[Master Rock]

Yo

[Eviction]

happy new year and shit

I learned the steps, the burns are permanent.
But some of these vices give me nourishment.
That’s needed to flourish in this burning pit.
If I stop cold turkey that’s when my life turns to shit,
And I feel like I crawled out of a hole where serpent’s live,
But the flames from the blunt keep the furnace lit.
Ashes act as charcoal, the fire follows the smoke.
I can put it out, all I have to do is swallow and choke.
Forget the mind, body & soul that’s beyond our control.
I’m going to stop the show like I was knocked out cold?
We all have vices, none of us have a common goal,
Of quitting when problems toll, we all fall like dominoes.
That’s why my motto is simple, like a knock-knock joke.
I want the smoke and never worry about some moral code.
Dressed in a suit and tie with nowhere to go, is that allowed?
Light my fat cigar and watch them all burn to the ground.
I know that works, that’s why I never get nervous in crowds.
That disturbing smile only works for a while.
If I give up now, I’ll feel like a nerd or a clown,
People will look at me like there’s a circus in town.
You stopped because someone thought you should do it.
Unless it was your idea it wasn’t even worth pursuing.
You’re a pussy and that proves it, and why you’re losing,
Your focus on reality, what poison are you choosing.
And you better be careful when you pick it,
It’s your own damn fault because you didn’t listen.
You got it twisted and became oblivious, that’s malicious.
You sound like a narcissus doing shit that kills us.
Don’t know what I could do to you that would be more viscous.
Then what you do to your body, you’re your own villain.
The next time I light up, I promise it’s going to be the last
I’m going to toast to the new year, and have a glass,
Let the bad times pass, then go out with a fucking blast.
Invite some buddies over so we can puff & pass,
The clock strikes midnight and we tell the haters to kiss our ass.
Then show up at my enemy's house uninvited with a pint of gas.
Use the fire from my last cigar to light the match.

[Master Rock]

The reprehensible modern-day intolerable acts
ravaging our peace of mind transmitting propaganda media regurgitating agendalistical facts
we the people are under the grid trapped by terrorizing attacks
splitting through the fabric of unitedness of mankind as they continue to divide
I had enough, so...I draw the line
They're a deluded kind, fraternized with the conception of invincibility's bind
Is this real to me?... The world's frequency transmits a war of instability which, divides the security amongst our civility
It's are you with us or our enemy? I speak my truth which they deem detestably
I just want to be the reason we conversate respectfully
now for the preamble, clean out the barrel before they pack the ammo
our lives the casino placing bets to gamble
tossing seeds to feed us like birds
they bring the in bulls to trample upon our herd
power to the people we speak.. while we starving to just to get a morsel to eat
They strive to purge everysingle bit of our piece
we destroy ourselves in the process of pursuing relief
deep down in our psyche we tossing and turning so much that it's disturbing our sleep and such
wake up!!! So many out there with their eyes wide shut
but who's woke?
if you rely on chitter-chatter of quotes, these words without action
will equal no hope
let's unite,now put that in your scope against the big wigs
What ARE WE GOING TO DO? FIGHT, FIGHT,
FIGHT to see what gives
You can't believe the trap of they plight
they grasp to pull us down every time we attempt to reach a new height
propaganda's contribution is to disrupt the revolution
offering their hidden agenda as a resolution
dictating our nation is the corporation
Their decisions affect what we exactly facing
ashes to our foundational vision
inconsistencies on what they speak selling dreams to the weak
poor and starved, oppressed the institution is pimping the value of the currency they skimping the rest
of the people, by the people, and for the people, they make it legal for rapacity's evil
barricades on the road drawing bridges to the fold
parks it place to walk the board being sold
into slavery, monopoly's the master
they strutting in exclusive luxury attire blazing a stoge
while we sporting discarded rags from their robes
misleading our souls through their lies
corruption glares within their eyes
our cries land on deaf ears
we hold hands are they burn our peers
use us for fuel as we
Shout and scream fantasize upon a dream
the petition extreme signature what they find
for a difference, they hope
the truth is within a question soaked
the inaccurately of it all, united we stand till we fall
beside their ill-advised plans, bureaucrats take over this land
we the people get stuck in corruption's quicksand
we left holding hands while the fire charring every bit of our plan

[Universe]

Eviction:

This was cool. Like last weeks verse you had great multi's and flow... really enjoyed the technical aspects here. Story was kind of... lacking. No real characters or plot but more of an overview about... events leading to a New Years party? I guess. Kind of confused about the point of it, but you had an effortless precision here that was fairly hypnotic. Some lines really surprised me...

"We all have vices, none of us have a common goal,
Of quitting when problems toll, we all fall like dominoes.
That’s why my motto is simple, like a knock-knock joke.
I want the smoke and never worry about some moral code"

- Really liked this part.

You kind of faded to some rant-type Open Mic shit in the middle there that seemed out of place, but was still well done. Ended with the New Years angle which is relevant and works well enough. I think if you focused on more of an actual story and maintain your technical abilities that you've shown as of late, you would have a good mixture for success. You've got to have all the elements of a topical nailed down to consistently win... I think you're getting there. Keep it up. I'm enjoying these latest pieces from you.


Master Rock:

You are so hit and miss man lol, it's crazy. Sometimes your bars are spot on and impressive, other times they are a rambling mess, either technically or visually, or both. You bounce back and forth between these two with unfortunate ease, and it's a little chaotic at times, but that's your vibe. You are organized chaos and there's a beauty there that I can't quite put my finger on... And in the end, the good outweighs the bad for me.

That said, as I'm reading I'm noticing that even the good bars have grammatical mistakes in them - I'm always spotting wording issues and sometimes, there are words that are just not there at all, or preceeded by a word that makes no sense. For eg:

"they bring the in bulls to trample our herd
power to the people we speak.. while we starving to just to get a morsel eat"

- The wording mistakes in both lines break up the flow and make it tough to read. As a reader we shouldn't have to assume anything or fill in the blanks; We should just be digesting what you are trying to say, and nothing else.

I liked the middle section though. You sort of had a "call to arms" angle and "rallied the troops", preaching to us. I really liked the feel of it...

"deep down in our psyche we tossing and turning so much that it's disturbing our sleep and such
wake up!!! So many out there with their eyes wide shut
but who's woke?
if you rely on chitter-chatter quotes these words without action
will equal no hope"

- This was just a crazy good section that I wished continued on for way longer.

Ending bit was well done as well - You have something important to say in this piece and when you say it coherently, it's a thing to behold. Unfortunately, so many good lines are ruined by poor grammar and missing words, or extra words, as mentioned before. I think if you edit more and clean this all up you will be a force in this league for sure. You kind of already are though, since you're in contenders lol. But you have tons of room to grow and get better... which is scary cuz you're already quite good when you want to be.

This was a tough battle to choose a winner. Eviction wins technically and with flow, but Master Rock had a better story and had an actual message behind his words. I also think he got better as he went on, while Eviction started strong but ended sort of iffy.

I went back and forth on this one but, considering Eviction SIGNED OUT of a contenders match, I'm siding with Master Rock here for overall tone and substance... and because he clearly wants it more. That means something.

Sooo close though.

Vote - Master Rock

[Adverse]

I’ll save my bigger breakdowns for the reviews section of the mag (gotta have something to write in there as well lol) but I will try to make this vote as bulky as it needs to be for you guys to understand my position.

Eviction:
I echo a lot of things from Universe’s vote. This started out great, all the visuals of flames and all the different verbiage you had concerning things attributed to fire (smoke, ashes etc.) it just felt like a graceful waltz around your topic picture and it was a good kind of autobiographical piece about throwing things from your own experiences in there. But I too feel like you lost sight of the story you were trying to tell here, everything started blending together towards the middle of your piece. I still picked out some decent points (picking your own poison etc.) honestly I’m a fan of the way you write because you’re not really hiding behind huge metaphorical walls your words are carrying their weight at face value. I liked the ending because you kind of found your topic again, liked how you tied it back to the impending New Year and had a twist on your resolution. Using your last cigar to burn your enemies is kind of poetic justice. Definitely a lot of good to take away here.

Master Rock:
I’m happy with the direction you took here. Attributing the man in the suit to big corporations and politicians is such a simple approach but a lot of people would never think to tread those waters. It was an effective message. Especially given the way the government has handled this whole pandemic and has pretty much left its people out to dry. I liked this section at the very end of your piece.

“the inaccurately of it all, united we stand till we fall
beside their ill-advised plans, bureaucrats take over this land
we the people get stuck in corruption's quicksand
we left holding hands while the fire charring every bit of our plan“

Loved how you tied it all back to the picture topic at hand and had some nice metaphoric things to say. I again agree with Uni that your message seemed to be lost at times. But overall when you conveyed it clearly it really resonated with me, this was a dope piece that still has room to grow on.

Honestly both had their blurry parts of the pieces but I think this battle was pretty evenly matched. I think I’d also lean towards Rock this week because I just resonated more with his topic for the week. Think you both are fantastic writers and both are still growing. Keep up the good work. @Eviction hate to see you sign out when you were just hitting your stride.

V/Master Rock

[Pharaohs Army]

Eviction
As a fellow smoker I can relate to the verse
Your rhyming and content were really good at the beginning, I thought it tapered off towards the end and you were just finding rhymes and trying to decide how to end it.
That being said the piece as a whole is pretty good. I just wish you had a stronger middle and ending.

Master Rock
A diatribe against the elites, I take it? Some good rhyming in here. Scattered with a few grammatical or typo errors. I thought your theme and subject held through the entire verse, but it did get a little weaker at the end. It seemed like you were keystyling the ending.

Both good, both had some flaws and got a little weaker at the end.

I've got Rock for tackling a broader subject but this could go either way. Thanks.

[Adverse]

ROCK WINS 3-0