WEEK 7 MAG: GREETINGS FROM THE BEDROOM

[UPN Zuch]

WEEK 7 MAG: GREETINGS FROM THE BEDROOM

I do not have the time this week. After dropping 60 last week among real life shit I just can’t. Thank you to Dave and User for your help. Dave did both Top 10’s and Tony did the previews. Jamie did reviews again but we just don’t have time so they are short. We did our best this week with the time we had. Hope you enjoy it.





This week we have:

Reviews
Previews
Zuch V Blue Top 10 punches
League Top 10 punches
UPN/NC Throwback
Verse of the Week
No Show Heat
Power Rankings

Thank you for your patience this week.


Let’s go...


Reviews by Jamie and Rudge2





Week 6 Reviews

*by my beautiful and incredible hard working wife, Mrs. Jamie Zasucha. I’m so proud of you honey.* *I also would like to note that I, Jamie Zasucha, was the creator of all of the memes used in this weeks Mag.*










*I am sorry for the lack of humor and the rushed, late Mag. If anything feels rushed or not as funny as usual, I had an extremely busy week and I didn’t have a lot of time. Everything will be back to normal next week. Thanks for your patience! Now, since I’ve had about four hours of sleep and no food within two weeks I’m going to go snuggle and sex with my man. Jamie and Zuch out for the night.*






featuring Rudge 2. Happy Battle Week Boys!







WEEK 6 REVIEWS

Rating Chart: (out of 5) <3 = 1 pt / $ = 0.5 pt
BLOW ME OUT OF THE PARK BOYS!!!



Blue vs Zuch: <3<3<3<3<3
This was the hottest battle of the league. I don’t even know what to say, I’m so fucking proud of you boys. Matty worked so hard on this, I’m so proud of you honey. You get mega bomb ass sex for this verse. And Blue, I know you only got the time to work on this verse because your wife went away with Aero, but it worked out for you all in all. This was a holy moly guacamole of a battle. I was wet, Niagara Falls wet, and I just had to ride Matty after he let me read the verses.
Zuchie baby: Hi honey, I know we’re laying right next to each other but I love you oh so much. You’re my magical sex god and you’re my daddy. I love you soo much and I can’t wait to suck that dick and ride you all the way into area 69. I also can’t believe I’m spending the rest of my life with you, I’m the luckiest girl in the world. Okay, so on to battles. (You look super hot in your mugshot by the way and I masturbated to it in the shower earlier.) Your Rudge 1 quote was absolutely adorable because I know how you look up to him and based your whole style off of him. This verse was fire as hell. You already know how talented of a writer you are, it’s unbelievable. It comes to you so quickly. Smooth flow, beautiful delivery, wordplay and rhyme always fire and on point, and concepts always blowing me out of the park babyyyy. Hot hot hot. It makes me ohhh soo hornyyyy. Opener and closer were hot. Father of my child was one of my favorite lines, as well as, fuck my girl line, career a life of sin, tombstone, legacy, sex with women, oh shit, the whole fucking verse had me stoppin, droppin, and rollin away. Honestly, I felt like you blew the socks off of Blue. You hit him from every angle. You got him on his wife, personal life shit, being past his prime, his pics he uses, him trying to fuck me lol, his looks, his writing, his hobbies, you found a way to roast him about everything AND still was able to call him out on shit he was about to roast you on. Great job baby, you did incredible. Especially the way you showed up with 60 FUCKING LINES. Whether you win or lose sweetheart, you always win in my heart. Love you baby.
Blue: Way to go dude, you did amazing. By the way, you owe child support lol. Just kidding Matty!!! Anyways, nice prelim, harsh and trying to hit him in the gut right away with his personals, I like it. Freaky Friday was probably the ultimate bar of the verse. OUCH THOUGH. You really got him on some shit. I loved how you hit multiple different personals as well, job, jail, me, thomas, algorithm, etc. This was just as incredible, I can tell you worked hard and had a lot of time on your hands with your wife being at Aeros. Extremely creative verse, beautiful flow, and out of this world wordplay. You and Zuch are masters. It’s refreshing seeing two incredibly talented men go up against each other, and finally Zuch isn’t putting himself up against someone like Sinacog.
Overall: Too close to call. You both impressed the shit out of me and worked really hard. You both are talented and creative writers. I think Zuch has a cleaner verse with a simpler and smoother flow, and Blue you had more complex wording. You both tied though to me, good job boys. We’ll see who champs the league.




Fraze vs Fracture: <3<3<3$ 3.5/5
Hey Fracture, it’s nice to see you actually use your talent for something and write for once, and actually show up. This was a pretty decent fire of a battle, but at the end of the day I felt frac finally showed up and showed everyone what the fuck is up and that he does not mess around. Nice to see. Also, fraze has some refreshing style. I love seeing new writers join.
Fraze: I loved your style and wording. It was definitely different and refreshing. You didn’t focus extremely on personals which I normally love personals, but the way you did shoot your shots flowed beautifully and somehow still felt harsh. I felt the opening and beginning of the verse was slow but everything from Your crew ain’t about math like minus and down was hot shit. Your closer was my absolute favorite and definitely could be in line for winning line of the week. Nice job.
Frac: Nice to see you back. Alex Trebek was my favorite bar of the verse. I don’t normally love gun bars and threat shit, but this verse was the only exception. I felt every shot, fire as hell. Super consistent and smooth verse. That 70s show bar was dope as hell as well. Wording on point.
Overall: Fraze was refreshing and I liked his concepts better than Fracs. Fracs wording was wayyyy better and definitely more consistent of a verse. Close call but I’ll hand this to Frac. Great job boys, I hope to see you both back in week 7.





Resin vs Mod of War: <3<3<3$
Always a fan of a good old resin verse, nice to see you show up. Mod of War always seems to get better each week.
Mod of War: Verse felt super forced and wording seemed off to me. Concepts/Personals were SMOKE DETECTION JUMP OUTCHO WINDOW FIRE though. Opener was bomb and destroyers wife had me rolling. Funniest shit I’ve read so far this week. Alex Trebek .... was that the same bar Frac had??? Am I the only one seeing this? Closer was wack, and did not tie the verse together. Although everything else was funny as hell, which I love to see.
Resin: Always always always a fan of your verses. Opener was tight, Netflix line was clever and creative as hell. Closer was brilliant and tied everything together smoothly. The wording is perfect and your concepts and wordplay is so clever, you’re definitely a master at this.
Overall: Resin takes the cake. Mod of War, improvement every week which is great. You’re both extremely talented, but Resin definitely tore your shit up and definitely is more of an experienced writer.



Wanderer vs INF: <3<3<3<3
Really close battle in my opinion. Wanderer and INF both came with it this week. Both fresh battles, with smooth flow and delivery, tight wording, and strong ass punches. Cootos to both of you gentlemen.
INF: Super consistent verse with incredible flow, really enjoyed reading yours this week. Fetus line was out of this world incredible. Opener was hot. AC/DC was tight. Covid bar was dope and I never thought I’d ever like a Covid bar. Closer brought everything together. Great job INF.
Wanderer: You brought hell this week too. Opener tight, closer was not my favorite. But, everything in between was on point. Refreshing style. A couple of misses on wordplay but overall creative.
Overall: I’d hand this one to INF. Close close very close. I felt wanderer had less consistency and more misses on wording, where as INF was a solid smooth ass verse. As smooth as me and my babies booty.




Scout vs Mac: <3<3<3$ 3.5/5
Not too bad of a battle. Mac always comes with hot shit and scout is new, but has great flow and style. Two talented writers.
Scout: Strong opener, forest gump was hilarious. Rest of the beginning was very forced. Wording was off and I just felt it was awkward. Creative and clever punches though.
Mac: Twitter bar had me rolling. Clever and creative. Wordplay was strong in this verse and didn’t feel forced. I loved everything you brought this week, Mac, per usual.
Overall: I felt Macs verse was better all in all. Consistent throughout with no misses on the wording, and clever strong punches/personals. Stay signed in and swinging fellas.







Orc vs Destroyer: <3<3<3<3$ 4.5/5
I am so sorry about your reviews not showing up last week Destroyer!!! You know I always love your verses and live for doing your reviews. Past two weeks have been crazy busy and I’ve barely had time for myself, Matty and the baby. Two great writers that I always love seeing what you both bring to the table. Amazing battle.
Orc: I love how you always do a pic. Whole verse was on point per usual. As you’re one of the strongest writers on the site. Opener and closer solid. Whole verse had me rolling. Zero Coverage and Late Mag were probably the best bars of the verse. Not one miss of course. Extremely consistent, smooth, and witty. Perfect 100 verse.
Des: Hilarious verse. Super clean and consistent. Solid opener and closer. Hot punches. Zuch bar got a lot of giggles out of me. Smooth and funny and creative, always love your writing.
Overall: Tie. Too close to call. I love both of your writing. Hope you both show next week for better reviews when I have more time.




Eviction vs Ajax: <3<3<3
Great battle but at the end of the day it was clear who stole the show here. Both talented writers though.
Eviction: Strong punches and concepts/personals were on point. Wording felt awkward/forced and delivery was inconsistent. Funny verse overall though.
Ajax: STRAIGHT HEAT. Wording was hot and solid, delivery consistent, hilarious and strong punches/personals.
Overall: Ajax has the trophy. Nice job boyS. As Ajax would say, cheers!




Dave vs Adverse: <3<3<3<3
Always a fan of both of your guys writing and work. You always both bring heat and come with the strong fist.
Dave: Hilarious and solid verse. Wording on point. Delivery smooth. Benny Hill and Wheelhouse bars were the best of the verse. Always incredible writing from you and nothing less, ya Brit. You’ve been getting better and better and I know how proud Zuch is of you.
Adverse: World of Warcraft bar was definitely your best and for a giggle out of me. Clever and creative verse with some wit. Although I did feel the verse was a tad bit rushed and wording a little off. Talented writer though, and I live to read what you bring each week.
Overall: Super close battle as I enjoy both of your writing. I’m handing this to Dave just for wording reasons and having no misses in his verse.



iSpaz vs Sinacog: no rating due to this is a fucking joke. I’m done reviewing Sin, waste of my time.
iSpaz: Great verse but you didn’t have to try at all to beat Sin. You could’ve dropped an Aero scene and won. Solid opener and I love how you brought up drinking Semon because I still need some explanation on that. Personal heaven and sign out were your best. Good for you for trying when you didn’t have to.
Sin: Your writing isn’t for netcees.
Overall: No explanation for obvious reasons, iSpaz.







Kuality vs Ahriman: <3<3 2/5
Not the best battle. Ahriman took the win undoubtedly.
Kuality: Rhyme way off. Wording and wordplay needs serious work. Concepts not my favorite, and punches didn’t hit. Keep up the good work though, bring heat next week.
Ahriman: Style and wording trumped the most. Concepts were solid and everything else fire and on point.
Overall: Ahriman. He just had heat that kuality needs work on.




Username vs Culture: <3<3<3<3 4/5
Hot battle. You’re both strong writers and this was definitely a close call.
Username: Hot and hilarious verse per usual. Witty, clever, and creative. Strong punches and smooth delivery. Great concepts. Opener and closer solid, survey dinner was dope and my favorite.
Culture: Too many threat bars in my opinion, not as funny. Clever but no wit or hilarious parts. Too serious. Opener was solid and harsh, and Rushmore was the best part of the verse. Fire.
Overall: User takes the W. His has more funny personals, consistency, no misses. Culture too serious and too many threats.

Verse of the week

Resin VS Mod of War


Aiyyo
I’m killin everyone u kno. Disposing the bodies without a hair on the scene..
after the slaughter, toss em in the water.. it’s Netflix.. everyone’ll be fuckin sharin a stream.
I don’t fight fair- now I’m pointing at ur cleft, yeah it’s right there.
To us your lip is a light scare. To a Harmonica it’s the WORST nightmare.
This is a gimme for me- I can see that yo flustered dude..
Cuz ‘winning is out of the picture’ for you more than Vigo in Ghostbusters 2.
Voted for urself & lost.. now u wanna up this beef?
i’d make this War cry but i already kno this twat got the octave level of a fuckin queef.
It’s fisticuffs. In no time this dummy’s owned.
cuz one hook will have you ‘sleepin in a second flat’ like a summer home.
Mahfucka.
.



No Show Heat

Hotdogvendorman





NBL just hype shit from Blue, Orc and Zuch.. Fuck all the praise for these nerds..
Shit while I'm stirring the pot.. all this salty bitch Def can do is wait to be served..
I'm cooking up heat when I compete w a rhyme..
Ur abt to see Hotdog on a different kinda roll like that poppyseed shit they eat in the Chi..
Ur terrible Def plus whatever synonymous words you've discovered..
But it's no point splitting hairs when the ones in my bed are ur girls & ur mothers..
& I've never let a night w them waste..
Left their faces Flushed Nd sprayed on they asses too just like a bidet..
A beast w this.. Devoured plenty in cannibal mode..
Fuck I'm a whole different animal.. U just fuck a different animals hole..



Aero


*Aero is at Inno's house barbecuing in the backyard. Inno is belligerently drunk at this point*

Inno: "Aero you're a little guy I could take you"

Aero: "Bro I'll give you a free punch go ahead"

*Inno cocks back full force and punches Aero in the stomach. Aero curls over on the grass*


.
.
.


"Arrghh, bro you got me me good" I kneeled & cried
"I mean you reeeeally got me good, LOL now try for real this time"
One orgasm & your wife hooked me, I learned as much Spanish as possible
I even developed a spanish accent over the O which for Inno meant Adiós
You a rat, I'll put the AK, mac or the biscuit on ya
You hear that phhhhhhhhttt pewwwwwwww just know I too am a whistle blower
You ain't a battler, no need to talk on yo ass
There's not a lot of ground to cover until they're chalking yo ass
You do construction w ya son like "get me the Phillip's screw driver
I made ya mom pump my gas then told her after you fill up screw driver (me, I'm the driver)


UPN vs NC Throwbacks


Metasin VS Orc 2002 Summer Classic II

In bouts with elite, only the gullible doubt you get beat.
I’d knock you out in my sleep, but to win you’re the one countin on sheep.
Lack of prowess is key, and no-showin round 3 got some booze
til he slipped in a mick-key n stole the win, when cats were drowsy n confused.
I doubt he got the juice to stop me in time, while copyin lines
He’ll meddle in this semi- and become a flipping machine… Optimus Prime.
The broad I got is a dime, n the way I’m in her just makes her quiver
While bitches ask what his dicks short for, n he wishes his name was Richard
then goes WWE, n rumbles wit freaks he’s likely to rape
til a heel flies to the face. No turnbuckle, they’re just trynna escape
He strives to get change, but can’t- he would struggle to make a grand
Won’t see the Paddy- cake in hand, til he’s rushing the bakers man
This faggot is harmless; I voted: Neighbor and he acted retarded
Which made him hate votes… and do the same in my battle with Karpis
No way this faggots the hardest, due to the fact, he does dudes in the back
And Gaelic ain’t just his heritage, it’s his main move in the sack
Plus dude is so wack, I don’t know how he got In the crew
Which begs the question…
Who did ^that to get into dope? Hint: Nobody but you
So act like they got your back and I’ll start laughin for real…
since Irish History proves you suffer anytime there’s famine the field.
He’ll bring some forced shit and get joked til he thinks to forfeit
Cuz his best lines are like the moon, and the earth- they’re things that Or-bit
So if this loser gets smug, I’d advise him to stop usin those drugs
Coulda let the votes go til infinity and Beyond… woulda still ruined his Buzz…
If he tries to accuse me of being played, I might be amused
Since only one of us has a whole thread dedicated to old lines that we used.
Cement blocks’ll get tied to this dude if ever I get jacked
Treat u like a plate of ribs: those sticky fingers’ll get u a wet nap.
This is your death sentence and that’s real; no stealth when I clap steel
so the potato ain’t a silencer, it’s the Irish faggot’s request for a last meal
for real.




Defc0n VS Fracture 2001


Remember Hawaii, when you lost internet access?
The excuse to avoid Sam X and not get mercked by black death?
I'll pour peroxide in ya wounds, you still won't be on the bubble
You couldn't get kids to clap if you broke from a huddle
Dude skin so dry he go thru deodorant with one armpit
And made a name for himself by usin' gay ass (_!_) <--- font tricks
All u gonna do is call me terrorist well bitch I'm the Ayatollah
I eat eat eat emcees, only thing in ya fridge is bakin' soda
You armed with hammers i'm armed with nuclear weapons
They gwon call you Niggasaki in a matter of seconds
You lost this battle cause like Parallax "I intelligent..."
I turned you into a bigga bitch than Chris Tucker in Fifth Element
corbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!
I crush diction with Pulp Fiction Travoltaish flow
I'll stab you in the heart like you overdosed on coke
You had a gay marriage, and skills you got nuthin'
I'll rock a wifebeater...when I'm beatin' your husband
Ya arms connect to ya neck, no shoulders, and thats wack
Nigga Frac so skinny he can't even rock a backpack
Kid so anemic, locked in a cell you'd call him sickle
Frac the only black dude who got pudgy white girl nipples
I seen ya pic, posin' like supaman like you got heart when,
Ya wifebeater tight and xtra small and you look like Dark Kent
You got a deadeye, llama lips, and ya nose all prevalent
Why you got those lil tinyass ears like Richard Jefferson?
Dude a woman, look all his chest hair scrambled
His nostril bigger than his eye and he look like Tevin Campbell
You a bigheaded stickfigure, I see your dome bobble son
How the hell ya upper lip gonna be thicker than the bottom one?
I mentioned ya shapeup already but why it so high dude?
Either you goin' bald, or ya barber really don't like you
Cause that's the worst shapeup in the history of mankind
You know theres something wrong when ya forehead got a tanline
You got text tricks and riders, your essence is shallow
Im'a slice ya face faster than eskimo kissin' Aloe
Fracture my bones all you want, you know they'll be mendin'
But how you gonna heal after I tear ya ligaments and tendons?
This is war, u an asshole, mac lethal, pass me the ammo!
You at the end of ya rope like a cowboy hung with his own lasso



Top 10 Punches

10. Username vs culture
We can all come together and laugh at this ugly creature
While I hang bits of Culture from the ceiling like an African Studies teacher

9. Des vs orc
it’s like ur grill and ur text career are both on a downslide
why u rocking a north face when literally all of urs is on the south side?

8. Scout vs Mac
No leg locks or armbars when I attack. It's lunch time
The only dislocating I do would be easier if you had a punchline

7. Culture vs username
My goons move at night, at sundown I’m lettin the clips spark
movie phone etiquette, I slide up & put u to sleep the second it gets dark

6. Orc vs des
D got a balding ass head that’s straight jokes
ain’t seen Zero Coverage like it. NFL coaches should take notes

5. Dave vs adverse
I’m plenty trill; known for stepping out of cars to the tune of £20 mil
If adverse steps out of anything it’s to the tune of Benny Hill

4. Fracture vs fraze
You small time. W/ awkward puss rap
None of your verses shine theyre just hard to look at

3. Wanderer vs inf
still winning in a way despite putting up a harmless fight
Ur shit well & truly beats me... I can’t understand a damn bar u write

2. Resin vs mod
It’s fisticuffs. In no time this dummy’s owned.
cuz one hook will have you ‘sleepin in a second flat’ like a summer home.

1. Ajax vs eviction
Rivals quake when I talk… All time; I’m adjacent to Pac.
I make money ‘hand over fist.’ You throw all your paper on rock.



Top 10 Punches Zuch VS Blue


T10. Zuch
That’s your legacy, every topic you hit is shifted
Top tier for 12 years, the same 12 years we forgot that this shit existed

T10. Blue
i even fucked her out in the open, wasn’t a time i wouldn’t beat it
we were right under your nose this whole time, no wonder you couldn’t see it

9. Zuch
You contribute nothing to this world, don’t mean to mud up ya spot
If Mankind is proud of anything, it’s for the stuff you’ve done with a sock

8. Zuch
You ain’t worth a ransom, but I’m still hittin’ with ALL shots
Marker on your head? That’s just your mom trying to fill in the bald spots

7. Blue
you’re simple as fuck man, i guarantee the hype’ll fade
got a Direct Approach that couldn’t Blow Up w/ the help of Michael Bay

6. Blue
he can’t find the clit so she’ll never be impressed..
keeps askin Jaime where da hood at.. she’s nicknamed him DMX

5. Blue
I demand celebrity treatment! nahh i’m just trolling you punk
you rolled out the red carpet slipping outta my hands as i was loading the trunk

4. Zuch
Your losses need multiple hands, two dozen’s enough
My losses? You can count on these two fingers, like your wife does to get off

3. Blue
Jaime loves my penis & says my cock’s got clout
dates w/ me she’s got a crop top out.. pics w/ him she’s gotta Crop Top Out

2. Zuch
That hairline deserves an ESPY, Stuart Scott has the plaque drawn
Chris Berman once described it as “back, back, back, back... gone”

1. Blue
of course you love the taste of beaver with that facial feature
only guy i know that goes down on his girl & penetrates her deeper


Power Rankings

1. Blue Bayou 6-0

2. Orc 4-0

3. Resin 3-1

4. Zuch 5-1

5. Culture 3-0

6. Dave 4-2

7. Destroyer 4-2

8. Wanderer 4-2

9. Username 3-2

10. Fracture 1-1



Battle Previews


WHATS UP ITS YOUR BOY USER AKA BIG FLAVOR THE MAG SAVER, AKA CHINO 6XL, AKA $5 PHILLIP, AKA FLABBY FOREARMZ, AKA GIRL YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GUYS WITH BIG FEET. COMING AT YOU WITH THE HOT NEW PREVIEWS FOR BATTLES THAT HAVE MOSTLY ALREADY BEEN DECIDED, IF NOT BY THE VERSES, THEN ALREADY IN OUR COLLECTIVE MINDS.


BrokenHal0 1-4 VS Kolasus 0-0
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO KOLASUS IS, BUT I RESPECT THE SPELLING. HE WENT FOR ORIGINALITY, HE WAS LIKE NAH IM NOT COLOSSUS, IM FUCKING KOLASUS. BECAUSE MISSPELLING SHIT IS WHAT’S ALL THE RAGE HERE ON NETCEE’S, BUT HE’S GOT STIFF COMPETITION IF HE’S PLANNING ON COMING FOR OUCH’S BELT. BROKENHALO MEANWHILE BEEN CATCHING L’S SINCE HE SIGNED IN, SO THIS IS A REAL TOSS UP. WILL BROKENHALO GET HIS 2ND WIN AND FINALLY PROVE, NOPE NVM

PREDICTION – KOLASUS

Ajax 2-1 VS Ahriman 1-0
ONLY IN THE NBL CAN WE FIND SUCH HOT YOUNG TALENT LIKE AHRIMAN TO GO UP AGAINST AJAX, AKA EYE AXE AKA OLD BAG OF DUST WITH SUNGLASSES ON. AJAX BEEN ON A TEAR SINCE LIKE Y2K SO AHRIMAN HAS GOT HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM. SOMETIMES HE COMES WITH SOME PLAYED SHIT AND SOMETIMES HES GOT A FRESH IDEA OR TWO. IDK THOUGH BECAUSE IM BASING THIS ENTIRELY OFF OF THE ONE VERSE I HAVE AS PROOF.

PREDICTION – AJAX

Username 3-2 VS Jayfresh 3-2
CAPITALIZE THE N ZUCH YOU FAGGOT

Hotdogvendorman 2-0 VS Scout 2-0
HOT DOGS! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE! DEON BEEN CRUSHING THE NOSHOW COMPETITION THE PAST FEW WEEKS, DROPPING HOT LAVA AT THE DOOR SO THESE LOSERS CANT GET IN THE BATTLE. REALLY GLAD HE’S BACK BECAUSE HE’S CREATIVE AND FUNNY AND DOHPE LA FAMILIA FOREVER AND ALWAYS EVEN THOUGH IM NOT IN DOHPE ANYMORE. SCOUT IM PRETTY SURE IS BARC BUT HES FRIENDLIER AS SCOUT SO I LIKE SCOUT MORE RIGHT NOW. ITS LIKE WHEN A CHILD COMES UP TO YOU WEARING A TOP HAT AND YOURE LIKE HI ZACH AND HE’S LIKE IM NOT ZACH IM ABE LINCOLN AND YOU HAVE TO ROLL YOUR EYES AND GO HAHA OKAY ABE DON’T EAT ANYMORE CRAYONS.
PREDICTION – ABE

Fracture 1-1 VS Aero 2-2
AERO APPARENTLY SIGNED OUT AND MIGHT MAKE A LOT OF EXCUSES FOR THIS LOSS AS OF WRITING THIS PREVIEW. PERHAPS HE WILL BLAME FRAC NOT CHECKING IN, PERHAPS HE WILL SAY HE CAME DOWN WITH CHOLERA. REGARDLESS, EVEN IF HE SHOWED I HAD FRAC WINNING BY A CITY MILE AND I CANT EVEN TELL YOU HOW LONG THAT IS BECAUSE I HAVENT RAN ONE IN A WHILE. WAY TO GO GUYS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ALL AROUND
PREDICTION - FRACTURE

Eviction 1-2 VS Fraze 0-1
YO FRAZE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY IMPRESSIVE AGAINST FRACTURE LAST WEEK, HE JUST NEEDS TO WORK ON FRESHENING UP THE CONCEPTS A BIT. EVICTION IS SOMEONE I HAVE NOT READ A HUGE AMOUNT OF BUT I GOT AN EVICTION LETTER AFTER COLLEGE AND THAT REALLY SENT ME INTO A DOWNWARD SPIRAL SO I BET HES GOT SOME FUCKING HEAT. IM BETTING ON THE GUY WHO ACTUALLY HAS A WIN, JUST BECAUSE IF WE’RE BEING TOTALLY HONEST, I MAY NOT EVEN READ THIS.
PREDICTION – EVICTION LMAO THAT RHYMES, USE THAT IN YOUR VERSE MY GUY

Zuch 5-1 VS Wanderer 4-2 OPEN FOR VOTES
ZUCHIEFIASCO AKA ZOOCH DE LA NOOCH, AKA BABY DADDY. IT HAPPENED PEOPLE. MY GUY LOST. YALL EVER NOTICE THE LETTER Z LOOKS LIKE THE SIDE OUTLINE OF TWO NOSES, ONE RIGHT SIDE UP AND THE OTHER UPSIDE DOWN? I JUST DID. BIG WANDDDDD, AKA BABYHEAD MANBODY, AKA MR. HOT AND COLD. THIS IS A GOOD MATCH UP, ITS EITHER GONNA BE A REBOUND FOR ZUCH SO HE CAN GET HIS CONFIDENCE BACK OR AN UPSET FOR WAND. NO OFFENSE WAND. YOU’RE GOOD. IT’S LIKE KNIVES THOUGH. A BUTTER KNIFE IS GOOD. BUT A STEAK KNIFE IS BETTER. ZUCH’S A STEAK KNIFE.

PREDICTION – STEAK KNIFE

Blue Bayou 6-0 VS Resin 3-1 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
GASTON VS. MULAN – ZELPH IS GONNA PISS HIS DONALD DUCK BED SHEETS WHEN HE READS THIS ONE. RESIN HASN’T REALLY FACED ANY STIFF COMP, BUT THE GUY’S A LEGEND. BLUE IS A LEGEND AS WELL, ALBEIT A SHORTER, BALDER ONE. BUT MAN THIS MATCH IS GONNA BE FLAMES IF THEY BOTH SHOW. HOPEFULLY BLUE ISNT SUFFERING FROM FATIGUE AFTER WRITING 60 LINES AGAINST ZUCH, BUT THAT’S WHAT THE CHAMP MATCH IS FOR BOYS. TO PROVE WHICH ONE OF US CAN TYPE ABOUT THE OTHERS SHITTY LIFE CHOICES THE BEST FOR THE LONGEST PERIOD OF TIME. ITS IRONIC BECAUSE ONE SHITTY LIFE CHOICE WE ALL MADE WAS TO DO TEXT LMAOOO

PREDICTION – GASTON

Adverse 3-3 VS Kuality 1-1
ADVERSE YOU WON! YOU DID IT MY GUY! HAHAHA FUCKING POP THE CHAMPAGNE AND DANCE LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHING BRO, ALSO BUY SOME NEW SHOES.

PREDICTION – ADVERSE IS OVER .500 OMGGGGGGGGG

Bleak 0-1 VS Sinacog 1-4
WE ALL FUCKING LOSE.
PREDICTION – BLEAK. HOPEFULLY SOMEONE PLANTS A BOMB IN THIS THREAD AND WE LOSE SINACOG FOREVER

iSpaz 2-3 VS Mac 2-3
ISPAZ AND MAC ARE TWO RELATIVELY DOPE UP AND COMERS, I READ SOME SHIT FROM ISPAZ AND HES GOT THE TALENT WE’LL SEE IF HE CAN COME WITH IT THOUGH. MAC, YOU VENEZUELAN BEAUTY, I BET YOU TASTE LIKE BODYWASH AND CITRUS. PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER MAC, YOU SHOULDN’T BE 2-3, WHERE IS THE MAC I USED TO KNOW AND LOVE?
PREDICTION – COUNT SPAZCULA

INF 3-3 VS Mod of War 2-2
ZELPH AKA TONY TWO-LIPS, AKA ROTISSERIE RAT, AKA HOW COME NOBODY VOTES FOR ME. MY GUY IS UPSET, HES HAD ENOUGH, HES BEWILDERED BY THE VOTERS. NOBODY CARES THOUGH SO WE’LL STILL PROBABLY ALL VOTE FOR INF REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE WRITES. INF JUST DROP A PICTURE OF TENTACLE PORN AND YOU CAN PROBABLY STILL PULL THIS OFF BRO.

PREDICTION – INFFFFFFF

Dave 4-2 VS Destroyer 4-2 CONTENDER MATCH
HOHOHO, CHRISTMAS HAS COME EARLY AND SANTAS JUST DROPPED TWO TITANS OUT OF HIS SAC IN THIS ONE. DAVE, THE BRITISH BOMBER, FIGHTING VALIANTLY TO GET HIS WAY BACK TO LOSE ANOTHER CHAMP MATCH. MY GUY WILL. NOT. BE. DENIED. SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS BRO, SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE. DES, LETS FACE IT, NO MATTER IF YOU WIN OR LOSE YOU’RE GOING TO THROW A FLOOR MODEL PHONE AT THE FUCKING WALL AT WORK WHILE READING THESE VOTES. YOU KNOW IT, I KNOW IT. IM LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS MATCH THOUGH, HAS POTENTIAL TO BE A SLEEPER BOTW. BUT NOT REALLY.

PREDICTION – DAVE

GOODBYE THIS WAS ALL JOKES AND I LOVE YOU ALL EXCEPT SINACOG YOU CAN GO EAT A DICK

*MIC DROP*


Outro

Thanks for reading guys. Appreciate your patience and keep up the GREAT work. See you next week!

Zuch

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[Fracture]

This mag is consistently fuego


Jamie is a refreshing addition. Shes hilarious and its pretty dope to see how someone green to this views it. Like I think most of you guys are trash... But I forget how good even the small players are compared to most people.

Great reviews... Lots of time and effort, and great energy.


Zuch put a nice mag outline together that is legit entertaining from top to bottom.


Then my man User Aka Flabby Forearmz comes in and closes it out with a homerun derby


A++ mod and mag. Good work lady and gents

[Aero]

Great work on the mag. Appreciate the effort.

Jamie, you are stunning. The dark limbal ring around your iris, your dimples, your long eyelashes, the way your cheeks accentuate your model-like chiseled face. I imagine you smell like Valentine's Day and look like Christmas morning. You're my holiday. Absolutely love your reviews. Love your energy. Thank you hun.

User, that prediction just got your boy Frac killed. I'm not playing any games with him dont ever disrespect me.

[Orc]

Originally Posted by Aero

Great work on the mag. Appreciate the effort.

Jamie, you are stunning. The dark limbal ring around your iris, your dimples, your long eyelashes, the way your cheeks accentuate your model-like chiseled face. I imagine you smell like Valentine's Day and look like Christmas morning. You're my holiday. Absolutely love your reviews. Love your energy. Thank you hun.

User, that prediction just got your boy Frac killed. I'm not playing any games with him dont ever disrespect me.

This is how I know you’re single

[Mac]

props good shit these previews had me rollin

love for jamie

[El Muffin]

Jesus Christ Bryson tiller backup dancer need to chill

[Aero]

Originally Posted by Orc

This is how I know you’re single

Jealousy isn't cute.

[Adverse]

I appreciate the effort you both put into this weekly. You’re both great people. NC’s power couple for sure.

I don’t feel like I’ve been living up to expectations lately but I’m hoping to turn the season around

[Aero]

Originally Posted by Adverse

I appreciate the effort you both put into this weekly. You’re both great people. NC’s power couple for sure.

I don’t feel like I’ve been living up to expectations lately but I’m hoping to turn the season around

What expectations?

[Wanderer]

User you seem so jealous of my BMI
GREAT mag all
Look forward to em every week

[Smod of War]

Really confused rn

[iSpaz]

Fire

[Ajax]

Wife her, man. ASAP.

[Scout]

So
I am Abe though, right? @UserName

[fraze]

Props on the mag to everyone involved.

Also is Jamie battling this week (as JamieBaby i mean)?

[UserName]

Originally Posted by Scout

So
I am Abe though, right? @UserName

Lmao technically yes

[Resin M-I-C]

fiyah