Week 8 Mag: The Salt & Shake Edition

[Flow]

The Salt and Shake Edition

With a bitter Flow, salty Inno and Sharp


Welcome folks, Flow here to guest host a mag to help INF out with all the good work he's doing here, editing people's bars and what not. But no on the reals I'm livid. I wrote out such a decent mag and then lost it all and now have as much inspiration to write another.. as I do writing bars for the same people week in week out... Oh wait.

Anyway, where I did due diligence last time and generally broke people's shit down, I'm just doing this one off the dome, w/ some inno (also salty) and sharp input.

So this week we had dramas, infgate which was basically INF taking the editing of his own bars to whole new levels; editing sinnercogs before sharp stepped into rectify. That's all I know about that tbh. Something happened with Ouch where a bar was posted in his name.. but it couldn't be him because he was making good life choices being in prison, don't worry folks I doubt he was ragged around like a dog's chew toy ... Probably told his cell mates how he knows diode or something as he can't go a minute without a name drop. Something else happened but to be honest I don't pay attention about what goes on, mostly because I couldn't give a fuck unless it can flipped into a bar. Oh and sticks at the ready, click clack Jabari Blacks back.

Anyway, I know you all have needy egos and need to see your name and a write up by some random stranger on the internet, whilst you sit holding your dick and a Kleenex ... so wait no longer... its on with the show...


Lightning Round Mini Tournament



So on the back of me basically giving this away FGR and Habitat were fortunate enough to have the chance to win something. Neither were very memorable given I wrote a glowing report about this yesterday an now have no memory, I do know Habitat won and I believe it came down to FGR using some beatify wordplay which is just disgusting to its core.

Congrats to Hab on the reals though for champing.

Week 6 Reviews by Flow

Heads up I already did this and I'm disgusted I have to do it again.

Champ: Blue Bayou Vs Inno
Inno the face of topicals who has took to the 1-2 like a duck to water using ancient concepts with fire wording against Blue Bayou the veteran bar machine who has been show casing his rustiness recently. Nah I'm kidding it's all love you two. Anyway Inno came with a blue nameflip, which is dumb as fuck. It's like using a Brit flip on me or a nameflip on cash, risky as fuck. But he actually ironically pulled it off with a fresh nameflip I've not seen, it's ironic because his usual fire wording wasn't here despite having the fresh concept. Blue imo personally went with a weak angle but his wordplay was on point and basically ended up doing a double entendre where he both fucked innos Mrs and played it into coal mining theme. Anyway voters flocked to Blue and he took this comfortably
Blue Wins

Contenders: Plot Vs Schletq
Slectq who has the shittest name in history Vs a guy who was always going to have a million nameflips used against him. Anyway - I have no idea how either got a contenders given their records but that's not my issue. From memory this was a lacklustre showing from both, plot had better wording but basically said his opponents style smelt, which is playground banter level shit, Slectq didn't come much better but he did have an angle (shock it was a nameflip essentially) an took it on that. Both can do better
Stupid name wins

Ryno Vs INF
Infgate himself aka Mr Editor Vs a guy who consistently goes under radar. I'll be honest I like ryno and think he comes with low key fire often, he has a tendancy to go for a personal and I appreciate that he does his due diligence. INF been doing this for time and when he isn't editing bars he's usually bringing barc level wordplay (when barcs being good) and dropping it with fire wording. This was actually a too close to call battle and I am not sure why it ended where it did as there was only 1 vote in it tbh. Maybe INF just closed early for the culture cus you faggots didn't vote enough. Apparantly we are just expected to give up our time writing magazines (twice!) So you can not vote. Anyway... Tbh this really came down to Infs wording, people couldn't get behind his wording feeling it unnatural which took away from the wordplay. To top that off some felt it was very left field wordplay and had to research it which took away from it, a good example of why wordplay is so effective tbh as rynos wording allowed it to be understood every read. Take note folks.
Ryno wins

Adverse Vs Flow
The GOAT Vs the no name he brushed a side all ready this season. Nah I'm kidding, this was a close battle an really went to the wire, I enjoyed adverses bar but in the end his tendancy to stretch a line and sadly using a Brit angle on me hurt him. Heads up new comers. Brit shit is overplayed on me. Cash and blue nameflips are also overplayed. Don't use a barc bark angle on barcotic. That is all. Anyway I see adverse going on to do quite well if he researches his opponent a bit and is a bit more industrial with wording.
Flow Wins

Machete Jo (Alias) vs Killing Spree
I won't say who machete Jo is but I will say I like his out the box style. Is it likely to win over voters? No time soon I doubt, if he could maybe give in a little and try and blend his own refreshing style with something slightly more palletable to the formula the voters like he could storm it, albeit his wording really needs to be on point to help guide his readers the right way. Check blue out I'd say he's probably one of the best for that which is why even his most obscure wordplays get wins. Anyway spree came with a very nice Joe Boston flip and took this easily
kill Spree

Habitat Vs Obey
Habitat won this quitr comfortable. Not alot to say his bar wasn't amazing but it did what it needed to do, some felt it was creative and some felt it was old. It mattered not as no one was feeling obeys and alot were pretty pissed off he dropped a spoiler without any warning (which I thought was funny tbh an if he could of flipped that into his angle that would of been cool)
Habitat

Ouch Vs Barcotic
Don't know why people knock barcotic, he does his own thing an refuses to change and that should be applauded. Sometimes it's fire an he's untouchable and sometimes it just doesn't work, he takes risks but he gets the higher pay load. It mattered not in the end because his opponent was a decade old overplayed Akon song. Cmon you know the one. Anyway he no showed and then made up a lie to cover his tracks but it's ok... He knows diode an shit. Diode will vouch for him. They go way back. Hadn't you heard?
Barcotic by NS

FGR Vs the racist aka Cash Money
STOP USING CASH NAMEPLAYS. For reals can't get this message across more to you guys..I'm trying to help, we been reading bars against these folks too long we need something new and fresh. Anyway, cash is a boss and so once FGR went the nameflip route he was on an uphill battle. He usually has nice wording but it was slightly off which allowed cash to come pretty simple albeit fresh direct and I thought quite creative. Anyway cash took this pretty easy
Cash wins

SINacog Vs Pen Prick
well this is the upset battle of the season, I mean no one saw this coming. Sin is the resident goat but somehow David took down Goliath with a "I fucked your Mrs mouth" bar. I expect SINacog won't be worried by this set back. We are just mortals to him, he is past present and future.
shockingly... pen prick

The other battle was a no show and chemist won. Shock that vapeo fucker didn't turn up. Don't know why we let these people even enter.

Week 7 Reviews by Sharp

Plot vs Adverse
This one was a confusing read. Voters were split on a reach of a wordplay and a flip that referenced Indonesian beer. Truly, I still don’t get Plot’s bar. Voters literally just voted against ‘Plot a puss’. Tough read. Props to both for trying something different though.

Plot

Kill Spree vs FGR
This battle was amazing. Raiden is old, but most of the audience these days weren’t around for early text, so it’s making a comeback the same way clothes do. Even so, Spree accidentally made up a word, flipped it, and was tied until someone googled it… four votes in. This battle is the 2020 text zeitgeist right now. I'm hoping that changes.
FGR


Machete Jo vs Pen Prick
Remember how I said the last battle was amazing? This one was beyond that. Pen Prick (honestly, I’d guess Lars) used a concept of MJ’s against him - knowing he’d know - and won. I personally really fuck with Machete Jo’s style. It’s technical, but not cumbersome to read. My only complaint is that his punchlines lack sting. Even at their worst, the top tier of battling have wording that just reads mean. Someone like Blue Bayou has that level of control of tone and word choice that can make his bars sound mean to someone who doesn’t speak English. Since Pen didn’t write a bar, I can only speak of Jo, who has all of the writing skill to be dominant, but just lacks the visceral sting in his wording. The issue with his queef bar had to be that queef jokes are just tired in general and so much of battle rap is corny humor. If you can see a punchline like that coming, it loses that impact, and for enough voters, it lost it for him here.
Pen Prick


Champ Match: Blue Bayou vs Slecht
The nitpicking here is a testament to how close this one was. I personally fucked with Slecht’s blue checks/verified concept a lot, and I’ve seen a hell of a lot of color connections in bars against Blue (I know you’ve seen more Blue, I’m just saying). Blue’s choice to not go for a wordplay that works both ways is news to me. I dug that associative wordplay decision (and I’m guessing it’s the latest trend or about to be). This one really came down to voter preference and I could see why. If you read them both out loud, I think Slecht’s bar closes a mean scheme in a live battle, but Blue’s is a piece of a slow-it-down concept. This is text, though, and Blue’s bar definitely used the medium to it’s advantage better.
Blue Bayou

Ryno vs Inno
RYNOSAWUS

Okay, Ryno had a cool bar that is exactly what you’d hope to see from a battle with someone like Inno. He’s still relatively new to text and has a bunch of angles that no one’s tried yet. Ry combined the name with a personal and had a quality bar.
But
RYNOSAWUS
Ryno

Contenders: Cashius vs Flow
One of those classic upsets that this 1 punch format allows for and Flow did it in a way that was really true to his style… Don’t let it go to your head, champ, Blue’s no slouch either. Cash had a new take on a pretty dated generic angle that didn’t quite get the love it deserved. Flow had a new take on a personal angle and did everything right with it aside from technical writing (imo) and in my book, a good personal is hard to beat, even when Cash’s technical writing really shined next to Flow’s setup and monosyllabic rhyme. That said, his punch was funny enough to take the spotlight and did it’s job as well as you could ask for. At the end of the day, Flow got a deserved win by being true to himself, overcoming a racist, and having some laughs along the way. That’s a feel-good movie if I’ve ever heard one.
Flow

Sinnercog vs INF

I don’t understand how the fuck this battle went down, let alone ended in INF winning. Sinnercog, who is likely Lars (between digging up such an old post, being personal, style of punch, and alias), dug up an old post that came from INF’s account, used it as an expo, and flipped it. INF promptly deleted the quote and link to it… for some reason. When confronted about it, he deleted the fucking thread. I had to un-delete it and undo the edit. When asked about it, his response was ‘okay he can have the win idc’ which completely misses the point… this is an equally confusing and shady situation and I can’t say I blame Sinnercog for not wanting to deal with this league after it. I personally wouldn’t.
Just my two cents.
INF

Allen Knight vs Destroyer
Having watched these two call each other faggot for years, I think Des dropping a Knight/night bar is entirely spiteful and I fucking respect it. Even though I didn’t mind the flip, it kind of lacked something, though. AK’s bar was good to see. He hasn’t lost a step despite being a massive bitch and as usual gave me nostalgic kung-fu vibes. Underrated one, but I’m glad it happened.
Allen Knight

Sinacog vs Sid
We did it boys. The meme, the myth, the man(?), the Cog-Gawd got another decision. He stayed on task enough to justify a vote, and Sid kind of blew it with wording. I actually thought Sid had a decent concept, assuming he hasn’t been around long enough to really know his competition and develop a writer’s voice, but his wording was overdoing it so hard that it felt like he was explaining his bar in the middle of his bar. Sinacog, no matter what anyone may say about him, has his own style for sure and he did his thing here. I never would have thought of a Darth Sidious bar (for plenty of reasons) but it certainly had… something.
Cog the Gawd

Barcotic vs Habitat
Enough has been said about ‘a lottery, hab/a lot of rehab’. You either fuck with it or you don’t. Barc won
Barcotic

Flows UK Segment

Here are some standard things we do which you don't.

Tipping bar staff and waiters/waitresses
It's easy, you get a wage to do a job. I don't tip the bank manager, I don't tip the shop keeper, I don't tip the bus driver. So why the fuck am I tipping someone who is probably dropping a hair in my food and calling me a cunt behind my back. It's more strange that you do this then that we don't.

Having two taps, one for cold one for hot
Wtf I didn't even know you guys didn't do this and then I thought on it and Marge always only used one tap. Why the fuck wouldn't you have two taps. Your all about having the luxery of everything. Isn't that American dream. More is better. Fucking slacking across the pond on faucets (apparently made up with your text battlers ;) )

Placing our Washing machines in the Kitchen
Well on this one I have to say I'm in two minds. Everyone in the UK keeps there's in the kitchen, it's usually the closest place to the garden where we can hang it to dry. But we live in the UK and so most the time it's too wet to make that worth while. And if you have a washer dryer the bathroom would make sense. That's where you dump dirty clothes before washing and it's close to the bedrooms. Tbh I rule in favour of your logic here. I concede defeat.

Having a U in certain words
There is no argument here, you speak OUR language. There is no such thing as American English. That's just English said incorrectly. Stop doing it before we take back your independence and make you drink Tea. On a side note Londoners never pronounce the U and put an A there instead cus they Facking Cants like that.

TOP 5 (going of current records)

Blue Bayou
Rank: 1
Status: Holding Champ
Wins: 6
Losses: 0
Style: Creative wordplay and crisp wording

Flow
Rank: 2
Status: Champ Challanger
Wins: 6
Losses: 1
Style: Personals and shock value

Inno/Raptor
Rank: 3
Status: Competing (previous champ)
Wins: 5
Losses: 2
Style: Fire wording and Flow

FGR
Rank: 4
Status: Competing
Wins: 5
Losses: 2
Style: Fresh and creative Wordplay

Cashius
Rank 5: Competing
Wins: 4
Losses: 2
Style: Very direct and racist as fuck


Who isn't in the top 5?
Ouch. Ouch is not in the top 5.


Ouch
Rank: Joint 23rd
Status: Signed out/Arrested/
Wins: 1
Losses: 2
Style: Name dropping and dillusional tendancies

Previews by Inno

WEEK 8 PREVIEWS:

Champ: Flow vs Blue Bayou
Aight so this a battle against a guy I beat vs a guy I should of beat but do to the massive dick riding covenant blue holds court to, here we are. Godam it this better be the battle to end all battles you Mother fuckers should come with ALL the heat but I’m predicting blue drops a super Canadian wp that will get Barcs panties all wet. Meanwhile flows gonna come with some obscure British punch I’m gonna have to look up. Fuck both of you!!!
It’s Godam toss up for me
50/50

Contenders: Barcotic Vs Ryno
contenders hahaha.. Another bull shit match, RYNOSAWUS PEOPLE WHO THE FUCK DID I LOSE THAT BATTLE?!?! anal ways I’m assuming barc will come with some weird as wp that we gonna h e to hear about for the next week. Rynos bitch ass should come with some heat but I fucking doubt it, rynosawus Godam it. I think ama take the godam underdog in this one. Tired of Barcs wp.
Ryno 60/40

Allen Knight Vs Pen Prick
Allen the old niggah from their dl days still sticking around dropping gun bars like it’s fucking 2010 GET IT TOGETHER KNIGHT FUUUCK. And who the fuck is pen prick? Really how clever your name is you alias scum. I’m assuming LARS. All alias’s are lars to me. So yeah I don’t know who the fuck gonna win this shit all I know is I’m not voting on this one.
Allen Knight: 70/30

Destroyer Vs Habitat
Good grief, des like 70 writing bars for Moses and shit. This nigga was around when the earth was flat. Surprisingly old as fuck but always comes fresh, go figure. His opponent, some English homo who can’t province words correctly uses a YouTube clip to pronounce his words but uses a clip with an AMERICAN ACCENT WTF HAB?!?!!. If I have to google habs wording one more fucking time!
Destroyer: 60/40

Inno vs gay Speedo
SPREE IM GONNA RUN MY FIST DOWN YOUR THROAT UNTIL IM HANDLING SHIT YOU HEAR ME YOU WHITE TRASH SKID MARK. AFTER THIS THEY GON THINK I RAPED YOU SPREE! OHHHHHHH SHIT SPREE YOU DONT FUCKED UP NOW.YOU GON BE MY BITCH SPREE AMA HOLD YOU LIKE A SIX BACK WHERE EVER I GO AFTER THIS.....
Inno 100/0

Fgr vs Slechtq

2 former contenders coming to together to battle it out for who’s still wants it. Ohhh man fgr lost his champ match to a nasty alphabet soup line good god that was horrible to witness. Mean while his opponent is dealing with the fact blues dick riding society took the belt from under his nose dam it that must suck donkey dick. Fuuuck this one should be full of anger
Slectq 60/40

Jabari black vs da brain lord
Ohh man watch out for this one. Surely their won’t be any rust from either of these guys. Jabari hasn’t battled since 13 and Seth is putting in his one battle a year in. I. Ant decide which one will bring the better bar, a rusty ass Jabari or a one off Seth. Hard to pin point but I think the gunbar king can pull this offf
Jabari 60/40

Three Vs Bragging Rights
don't know who these niggers are
who cares

Sid vs incredible
Ugh! 2 middle of rode battlers who probably won’t win even the votes decide it. Last week side dropped some hobby lobby hobby line that left most pissed off from reading that shit. While inc slips Olin an out of reality to right bars now one gets. Should be a great one right here.
Sid 60/40

Sinacog vs machete jo
Finally someone worth talking about. The gawd sin won last week and should go on a tear the rest of the way. Multis up the wazooo with this one u won’t be able to see the punch coming ooooowwwweee. Jo is an unknown who’s dropping bars with so many tie ins it will make your fucking head spin so much you’ll be forced to vote for the other guy
Sin the Gawd 90/10

INFgate Vs Adverse

I’m gonna infstagate that this one should be a good one. Assuming INF doesn’t exit ads bar to his advantage I’d say he should take this. Adverse has battled, and lost. He’s at 500 now but after this I’m predicting a dip in the average. Of course we have to account for infs sneaky tactics and I got adverse here
Adverse 70/30

Cashius Vs Plot
The Australian drunkard vs the racist hip hop battler. What a duo ama right? Anyway cash fell from his usual form duo to straying away from his beloved racial angles that work for him, he got destroyed last week. Meanwhile plot seems to have to put the bottle down long enough for a winning record. This should be an interesting one but I don’t see cash losing 2 weeks straight
Cash 70/30

Final Thoughts

Won't be long now before play offs so if you haven't signed back in now would be the time if you want the chance to enter. Regarding the cypher I have spoken to Inf and it is unlikely at this stage to come with an acco but the winner is likely to take priority when it comes to play offs as there is likely to be a number of people on a similar win loss records

Spotlight this week is Aero Vs Blue Bayou
Next week's spotlight is a pic battle between me and Spree
I also believe the next community event to be run will be a pic roast.

I am going to help INF out a bit but mostly just with mags an the odd thing here and there. If there's anything you want in future mags give me a shout an I'll probably ignore it but I always want some contribution so just write whatever you want an send it me (formatted ideally) cus writing this stuff is really boring. No interview this week because who really gives a fuck what you lot have to say.

Get them votes in faggots

[Sharp]

UK SEGMENTS>>>>>>

iirc, tipping is a thing because it lets employers pay servers/bartenders less than minimum wage. Some 'no-tip' places are starting to pop up

Cool stuff though

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Sharp

UK SEGMENTS>>>>>>

iirc, tipping is a thing because it lets employers pay servers/bartenders less than minimum wage. Some 'no-tip' places are starting to pop up

Cool stuff though

It would be illegal as fuck to pay under nmw here

[~RustyGunZ~]

Yeah waitresses, delivery drivers, etc get under minimum wage so tips balance things out. You sure it’s not the same over there? If it is you should start tipping. People who don’t tip (here at least) are human filth and just big turds.

[Barcotic]

Proper

Respects for doing everything twice & not being a biased dick panther @Flow

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Da Brayn Lord

Yeah waitresses, delivery drivers, etc get under minimum wage so tips balance things out. You sure it’s not the same over there? If it is you should start tipping. People who don’t tip (here at least) are human filth and just big turds.

You can't pay under nmw here. You can take it to a tribunal or court for big pay outs and that's if the tax man didnt jump the employer first. An there's massive fines if they caught you. NMW is currently 8.32 per hour for over 25s. Not sure what that is in dollars these days. About 11 dollars I'd imagine?

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Barcotic

Proper

Respects for doing everything twice & not being a biased dick panther @Flow

Pleasure

[Witty]

Originally Posted by Da Brayn Lord

Yeah waitresses, delivery drivers, etc get under minimum wage so tips balance things out. You sure it’s not the same over there? If it is you should start tipping. People who don’t tip (here at least) are human filth and just big turds.

It's not the same. They get minimum wage.

I don't understand how it's legal to pay under the minimum wage.

[Barcotic]

Looking 4ward to a pic roast

[Sharp]

Technically, the employer has to make up the difference if the $2 and change they pay an hour + tips don't add up to minimum wage... Functionally that doesn't always happen

It's fucked

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Sharp

Technically, the employer has to make up the difference if the $2 and change they pay an hour + tips don't add up to minimum wage... Functionally that doesn't always happen

It's fucked

That's well bad. In this country they have tip jars which staff share evenly between them bur sometimes if someone is very good at their job I've been to give a tip an seen them given. But it's a far bigger thing to be ripped here, it's not expected in the slightest. People will definitely be making 11 dollars an hour and tbh it's pretty competitive on salary's so most people I know in those professions will be on more then that.

[Inno]

Good stuff fellas

[Allen Knight]

Dope shit.

[Incredible]

Dope mag guys, another LR tourney for one's who dont make it to the playoffs at the end would be cool.

[Sid]

On ya fellas, how good is the effort. Makes the comp feel alive. Funny shit aswell.

[Sharp]

Originally Posted by Flow

That's well bad. In this country they have tip jars which staff share evenly between them bur sometimes if someone is very good at their job I've been to give a tip an seen them given. But it's a far bigger thing to be ripped here, it's not expected in the slightest. People will definitely be making 11 dollars an hour and tbh it's pretty competitive on salary's so most people I know in those professions will be on more then that.

You're not wrong. It's fucked, but change is too slow out here

[Kill Spree]

Originally Posted by Inno

Good stuff fellas

TODAY INNO!

[Kill Spree]

@Ouch

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Kill Spree

@Ouch

@Ouch

[Ouch]

I got raped yall niggas know that, INF. whoever that is made a line up for mepretendings and then was a bunch of votes on it, I showed you that INF said.. well someone saying they were ouch sent me this thats why I posted it so.. well you see me say wtf is messenger I don't even know hat that is... what kind of messenger? wtf are you talking about