GWL PLAYOFFS ROUND 1- #3 ADVERSE (8-4) VS #10 BROKEN HAL0 (3-5) ADVERSE WINS/OPEN FOR FEED

Johnny 6 feet · 07-18-2020, 05:22 PM

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE

@Adverse @brokenhal0

Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

DUE DATE: JULY 22ND @ 11:59PM EST

TOPIC:

I'll take the inspiration with the gloom because usually where there's a tear, there's a tune. -Charlie Sexton

GOOD LUCK!

Adverse · 07-18-2020, 05:53 PM

Here for it
Good luck Halo

brokenhal0 · 07-18-2020, 09:05 PM

in

brokenhal0 · 07-21-2020, 08:52 PM

I'll take the inspiration with the gloom because usually where there's a tear, there's a tune. -Charlie Sexton

And ill take the gloom with your tears , because usually where there's inspiration
lurks fear , o my dear , don't you fancy with the dancers , do you hear
im getting fancy with my answers ,feeling horny with my antlers ,heaven help us

The beat was so lonely ,it got satan jealous, only charlie got to know me
what you call rain man , i call macaroni , that's a cooked plate , wanted greens
but i took steak , arc angel but the hoods great , picture my pleasures,
a dark face, sink in my letters,while you sitting in a harsh space

Charlie sworn that god was great , my words are a discography
of times when nothing bothered me hold me in space , a solo effort
alone where it's safe ,from the flys and the snakes
from the liars and the saints , you know im restless cause i don't belong here

No matter criminal or pall bearer , cynic or a ball player, make you all labor
stuck in the salt shaker,Yo son thats charlie sexton , shooter like a gnarly western
never misses and thats why he's a legend , untarnished record

Yo son i hardly met him , word is that god has left em ,you cry
while sleeping at night , for all we know the future might not seem so bright
hollow type , thinking you being sus , but they flee with alot of light

i spit cobra language charlie talk,outta sight,the drugs hit so hard you can hardly walk
save yourself ,while little sister cry's ,and detroit's getting ready to melt

They know you might question this ,word to halo it was just messages
charlie sexton its time to settle this , making a mess again , effortless
battle hymms from the messengers , seem so wrong but i never look back
and it took so long to die , with your head still intact

Under the wishing tree covered in facts, went from picking up jacks,
to picking up packs , living with rats , charlies always been distant like that
killing for seals, sigils in wax , in the poolhall , i piss in the back,
waiting for charlie sexton the man myth the exact ..

Peace out to charlie sexton he was a shooter like a gnarly western
herd the gods have left him spot him in the pool hall now my sharks can get em....

Adverse · 07-22-2020, 09:35 PM

I've been inspecting the screen door for tears, hiding my eyes from my own faults
Stuck in everlasting winter, staring to streets dusted over by road salt
Ghastly visions of past Decembers playing out on the roads below me
I'm January bred so I 'spose I'm used to the frozen scapes' cold and lonely
I'm to the point I no longer believe in coincidence, so every ice storm I've weathered
Had been in preparation so that my heart and I could go to war together
I used to think I was born under a bad sign, a child of misfortune
Destined for desolation, lady luck's botched abortion
I stare at my crowded flesh, wound infested
As I run two fingers across each scar with remembrance of who left it
I used to hold grudges until my shoulders ached and screamed
My arms drug across the floor as I held each mistake they made towards me
The resentment, the bitterness, the hurt on my brain.
Tongue burnt from the sun from all the times I opened my mouth to curse your names

But today as dove into the abyss of my cup of morning coffee, I had gotten lost
Upon resurfacing, revitalized, I pondered on this thought;
I should thank you all for your transgression, no matter how morbid or strife
I should thank you for your indifference, your horrible spite
I should thank you for every single scar because no matter how gory they might
Have been, if I never went through the pain, I wouldn't have stories to write

Thank you

Universe · 07-23-2020, 01:22 AM

brokenhal0 - One of the better efforts I've seen from you here. Solid throughout. This is a kind of jack of all trades verse... nothing really STOOD OUT, persay, but everything worked. Good multi's. Story was... okay. Kind of scattered. I felt this was the most focused you've been yet though. I pretty much enjoyed the read from top to bottom. Good work overall.

Adverse - This was pretty touching man... You ol' softy you lol. Nah but this was sort of like your second swan song to the league (pic challenge being the first) and this was a cool send off... (even though there's more to come). But it really fit the topic perfectly - I feel you always really nail the kind of sad, depressed vibe, like almost all the time - Whenever you go that route; You just have such introspection about you. There's a deepness there that I truly enjoy reading about, whenever you decide to let it out in a topic. Anyway, I'm rambling... but I loved it. Only negatives were some bar lengths, but you're used to hearing that.

Highlights:

"I've been inspecting the screen door for tears, hiding my eyes from my own faults
Stuck in everlasting winter, staring to streets dusted over by road salt
Ghastly visions of past Decembers playing out on the roads below me
I'm January bred so I 'spose I'm used to the frozen scapes' cold and lonely"

- I felt literally transported to Winter here in my mind. Imagery was amazingly depicted.

"I used to think I was born under a bad sign, a child of misfortune
Destined for desolation, lady luck's botched abortion"

Great work, but a quick side note: you forgot the "I" in this line...

"But today as dove into the abyss of my cup of morning coffee..."

I notice things... ;)

Vote - Addy

Razah · 07-23-2020, 06:44 PM

halo's verse was alright. Kind of gave me battle rap vibes, just from the wording and the way it was structured. It was okay though, I wasn't really blown away or had a certain segment stand out to me. The flow was pretty cool, it made for a quick smooth read. Certain parts the scheme switched up and added hesitation, but for the most part, it was cool.

Adverse' verse was better in my opinion. His use of imagery really helped get drawn into the verse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adverse

Ghastly visions of past Decembers playing out on the roads below me

Had been in preparation so that my heart and I could go to war together

As I run two fingers across each scar with remembrance of who left it

Tongue burnt from the sun from all the times I opened my mouth to curse your names

I liked those lines. The last few bars put the concept together. Not only did I enjoy your verse more, and it was better written, I felt it actually drew inspiration from the topic at hand. Good stuff.

PS: This is the second verse I read that involves coffee.. and, I gave up coffee 2 weeks ago. Life is funny like that, huh.

vAdverse

Master Rock · 07-23-2020, 07:04 PM

Halo your verse was so engaging u captured me. I was really enjoying the vibe. But adverse came with a supreme uppercut that disrupted the whole situation. You had some ins and outs adverse brought it about. I mean that adverse went ahead and grilled a steak medium rare sharpen the blade and made the cut precise. I'm giving it to adverse simply for that. well seasoned

Johnny 6 feet · 07-24-2020, 06:47 AM

hal0- Good man, you painted a picture. A lot of metaphors being thrown around here and an unusual structure you don't often see in GWL certainly helped this stand out. Felt you got a little repetitive by reference the quoter's name but that was a minor niggle. A few lines that stood out for me:

'a dark face, sink in my letters,while you sitting in a harsh space'

'i spit cobra language charlie talk,outta sight,the drugs hit so hard you can hardly walk
save yourself ,while little sister cry's ,and detroit's getting ready to melt'

Some braggadocious lines here and there which is uncommon in topicals. Good effort man. Thanks for signing up.

Adverse- Great take on the topic here. You set the scene immediately and took us on a tour of the narrators thought process of how they refined pain into creativity. I enjoyed how you used the metaphor of time seeming to freeze when someone is going through depression. I certinaly relate to that on a personal level. Strong vocab, great metaphors, good rhyme scheme. No line was wasted. Might be the verse of the week.

Vote- Adverse.

07-21-2020, 08:52 PM	#4
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 492 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 455117	I'll take the inspiration with the gloom because usually where there's a tear, there's a tune. -Charlie Sexton And ill take the gloom with your tears , because usually where there's inspiration lurks fear , o my dear , don't you fancy with the dancers , do you hear im getting fancy with my answers ,feeling horny with my antlers ,heaven help us The beat was so lonely ,it got satan jealous, only charlie got to know me what you call rain man , i call macaroni , that's a cooked plate , wanted greens but i took steak , arc angel but the hoods great , picture my pleasures, a dark face, sink in my letters,while you sitting in a harsh space Charlie sworn that god was great , my words are a discography of times when nothing bothered me hold me in space , a solo effort alone where it's safe ,from the flys and the snakes from the liars and the saints , you know im restless cause i don't belong here No matter criminal or pall bearer , cynic or a ball player, make you all labor stuck in the salt shaker,Yo son thats charlie sexton , shooter like a gnarly western never misses and thats why he's a legend , untarnished record Yo son i hardly met him , word is that god has left em ,you cry while sleeping at night , for all we know the future might not seem so bright hollow type , thinking you being sus , but they flee with alot of light i spit cobra language charlie talk,outta sight,the drugs hit so hard you can hardly walk save yourself ,while little sister cry's ,and detroit's getting ready to melt They know you might question this ,word to halo it was just messages charlie sexton its time to settle this , making a mess again , effortless battle hymms from the messengers , seem so wrong but i never look back and it took so long to die , with your head still intact Under the wishing tree covered in facts, went from picking up jacks, to picking up packs , living with rats , charlies always been distant like that killing for seals, sigils in wax , in the poolhall , i piss in the back, waiting for charlie sexton the man myth the exact .. Peace out to charlie sexton he was a shooter like a gnarly western herd the gods have left him spot him in the pool hall now my sharks can get em.... Last edited by brokenhal0; 08-07-2020 at 09:00 PM.

07-23-2020, 01:22 AM	#6
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 999 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178702	brokenhal0 - One of the better efforts I've seen from you here. Solid throughout. This is a kind of jack of all trades verse... nothing really STOOD OUT, persay, but everything worked. Good multi's. Story was... okay. Kind of scattered. I felt this was the most focused you've been yet though. I pretty much enjoyed the read from top to bottom. Good work overall. Adverse - This was pretty touching man... You ol' softy you lol. Nah but this was sort of like your second swan song to the league (pic challenge being the first) and this was a cool send off... (even though there's more to come). But it really fit the topic perfectly - I feel you always really nail the kind of sad, depressed vibe, like almost all the time - Whenever you go that route; You just have such introspection about you. There's a deepness there that I truly enjoy reading about, whenever you decide to let it out in a topic. Anyway, I'm rambling... but I loved it. Only negatives were some bar lengths, but you're used to hearing that. Highlights: "I've been inspecting the screen door for tears, hiding my eyes from my own faults Stuck in everlasting winter, staring to streets dusted over by road salt Ghastly visions of past Decembers playing out on the roads below me I'm January bred so I 'spose I'm used to the frozen scapes' cold and lonely" - I felt literally transported to Winter here in my mind. Imagery was amazingly depicted. "I used to think I was born under a bad sign, a child of misfortune Destined for desolation, lady luck's botched abortion" Great work, but a quick side note: you forgot the "I" in this line... "But today as dove into the abyss of my cup of morning coffee..." I notice things... ;) Vote - Addy __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

07-23-2020, 07:04 PM	#8
Master Rock Steadily Lurking Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Beyond your reach Posts: 1,330 Battle Record: 7-7 Champed - Netcees Writers League Rep Power: 5599637	Halo your verse was so engaging u captured me. I was really enjoying the vibe. But adverse came with a supreme uppercut that disrupted the whole situation. You had some ins and outs adverse brought it about. I mean that adverse went ahead and grilled a steak medium rare sharpen the blade and made the cut precise. I'm giving it to adverse simply for that. well seasoned __________________ https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/ https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz

07-18-2020, 05:22 PM	#1
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558444	GWL PLAYOFFS ROUND 1- #3 ADVERSE (8-4) VS #10 BROKEN HAL0 (3-5) ADVERSE WINS/OPEN FOR FEED GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE @Adverse @brokenhal0 Max line: 30 Min: 10 Check in: 48 hours after thread post DUE DATE: JULY 22ND @ 11:59PM EST TOPIC: I'll take the inspiration with the gloom because usually where there's a tear, there's a tune. -Charlie Sexton GOOD LUCK! Last edited by Johnny 6 feet; 07-24-2020 at 10:38 AM.

07-18-2020, 05:53 PM	#2
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,739 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446142	Here for it Good luck Halo

07-18-2020, 09:05 PM	#3
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 492 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 455117	in

07-22-2020, 09:35 PM	#5
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,739 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446142	I've been inspecting the screen door for tears, hiding my eyes from my own faults Stuck in everlasting winter, staring to streets dusted over by road salt Ghastly visions of past Decembers playing out on the roads below me I'm January bred so I 'spose I'm used to the frozen scapes' cold and lonely I'm to the point I no longer believe in coincidence, so every ice storm I've weathered Had been in preparation so that my heart and I could go to war together I used to think I was born under a bad sign, a child of misfortune Destined for desolation, lady luck's botched abortion I stare at my crowded flesh, wound infested As I run two fingers across each scar with remembrance of who left it I used to hold grudges until my shoulders ached and screamed My arms drug across the floor as I held each mistake they made towards me The resentment, the bitterness, the hurt on my brain. Tongue burnt from the sun from all the times I opened my mouth to curse your names But today as dove into the abyss of my cup of morning coffee, I had gotten lost Upon resurfacing, revitalized, I pondered on this thought; I should thank you all for your transgression, no matter how morbid or strife I should thank you for your indifference, your horrible spite I should thank you for every single scar because no matter how gory they might Have been, if I never went through the pain, I wouldn't have stories to write Thank you

07-24-2020, 06:47 AM	#9
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558444	hal0- Good man, you painted a picture. A lot of metaphors being thrown around here and an unusual structure you don't often see in GWL certainly helped this stand out. Felt you got a little repetitive by reference the quoter's name but that was a minor niggle. A few lines that stood out for me: 'a dark face, sink in my letters,while you sitting in a harsh space' 'i spit cobra language charlie talk,outta sight,the drugs hit so hard you can hardly walk save yourself ,while little sister cry's ,and detroit's getting ready to melt' Some braggadocious lines here and there which is uncommon in topicals. Good effort man. Thanks for signing up. Adverse- Great take on the topic here. You set the scene immediately and took us on a tour of the narrators thought process of how they refined pain into creativity. I enjoyed how you used the metaphor of time seeming to freeze when someone is going through depression. I certinaly relate to that on a personal level. Strong vocab, great metaphors, good rhyme scheme. No line was wasted. Might be the verse of the week. Vote- Adverse.