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Old 07-18-2020, 05:28 PM   #1
Johnny 6 feet
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Default GWL PLAYOFFS ROUND 1- #5 DEAD MAN (4-3) VS #8 EXIS (SUB) (0-1) - DEAD MAN WINS/OPEN FOR FEED


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@dead man @Exis

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DUE DATE: JULY 23RD @ 11:59PM EST

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Get busy living, or get busy dying- Stephen King


GOOD LUCK!

Last edited by Johnny 6 feet; 07-24-2020 at 10:39 AM.
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Old 07-20-2020, 10:17 AM   #2
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OK
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Old 07-21-2020, 09:19 PM   #3
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Shittt! Lol Czech...
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Old 07-22-2020, 10:44 PM   #4
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Yo...

Meet Gwendolyn,
The definition of what a parent is
Had her first child @ age twelve
Who she fucked is irrelevant
She kept her son, kicked him out
Bitch is now couch surfin' @ every niggas house
Girl had her second @ seventeen
Was raped yet kept it,
Went against her parents & everythin'
What an amazin' bein'
Has two children she raises on her own
No support from family, friends or nothin'
What a precious mother,
& what selfish cunts are the ones that done her
Wrong,
This is my love song to every woman
That's been abused mentally, physically & sexually
There's nothin' but Hell here for 'em.
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Old 07-22-2020, 11:55 PM   #5
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working to die. living to suffer
be still my heart. Ode to atrioventricular flutter
cell phone / printer / GPS / facsimile buffer
another hole to punch. a new intestine to puncture
reassemble structures i pretended to use
caffeine at 0 six-hundred for the energy boost
suppressant vestibule, measured by his earthly pursuits. it's all
stimulant and sedative and working and school
hurting me soul, turning us blue. we've worded our truth
and filtered it through lemon wedge and bourbon solutions
conqueror to castaway to nervous recluse
instincts both primordial and ... currently useless
who knew? we'd soon surrender to the 7 to 4
the vegetable the plate of frozen vegetables for
board planes to New York, on guided terrorist tours
ignore me please go listen to your stereo more
lay out on the floor. take your Winstons and choke
en route to fill an office in a business that broke
wheel of fortune 1 o'clock and Malcolm at 2
cleanse myself in coffee grounds and alphabet soup
fuck you. buy a vowel. buy a drink, buy a clue
i'll grow old trying to figure out what binds me to you
bright eyes. new flesh. death in pursuit
wading ankle-deep in poison archipelagos shoeless
Frere Jacques, dormez-vous? is there shelter and food?
if so i'll break for it as soon as my investments accrue


see you then




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Old 07-23-2020, 02:05 AM   #6
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Exis - Started out okay but turned into a weird conversation-like, spoken word type piece that I wasn't feeling. At all. Sorry man. (Canadian thing again...) Regardless thank for stepping up so we can read another dead man verse.


dead man - Whew. This was like a breathless smorgasbord of vocab lol.. . There's not much more to say other than Wow. Let's not prolong the kid's suffering and get right to the highlights:

"working to die. living to suffer
be still my heart. Ode to atrioventricular flutter
cell phone / printer / GPS / facsimile buffer
another hole to punch. a new intestine to puncture
reassemble structures i pretended to use
caffeine at 0 six-hundred for the energy boost
"

- Fuck.

"conqueror to castaway to nervous recluse
instincts both primordial and ... currently useless
"

"fuck you. buy a vowel. buy a drink, buy a clue
i'll grow old trying to figure out what binds me to you
bright eyes. new flesh. death in pursuit
wading ankle-deep in poison archipelagos shoeless
"

- <---- this is me speechless.

Vote - GOAT

Thank you.
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Old 07-23-2020, 06:12 PM   #7
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First of all I want to thank Exis for showing up, I love that you did not take a no show. Just like me brother since I haven't had much time. But yo, Exis verse read like a social media post about how we might feel about a single mother who's been struggling due to choices she made but it wasn't hitting home. Deadman verse smacked me with reality instantly in the opening bars hard regarding the subject matter. Deadman kept bringing it to the very end with thought provoking messages throughout. This contender lets me know if I ever come against this foe I must bring my whole attention, intellect and effort to defeat.
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Old 07-23-2020, 06:23 PM   #8
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I didn't like any part of Exis' verse. I don't really consider that a verse, to be honest.

Deadman didn't seem too streamlined, but some of the wording makes something that simple have so much more impact.

Wording was really on point, and I liked the contradictions through out the verse. Solid piece.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dead man View Post
another hole to punch. a new intestine to puncture

caffeine at 0 six-hundred for the energy boost

and filtered it through lemon wedge and bourbon solutions

conqueror to castaway to nervous recluse
instincts both primordial and ... currently useless

board planes to New York, on guided terrorist tours
ignore me please go listen to your stereo more
vdeaddd
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Old 07-23-2020, 08:21 PM   #9
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Exis- Thanks for subbing in man. You stopped this first week from having a no-show and I appreciate it. Your take was an interesting idea but it lacked substance beyond the initial concepts. Some shock imagery here with the rape reference. I caught the sentiment at the end but it needed more of a narrative or concept exploration to pull it together. Keep on rising dude.

dead man- Guess it didn't really hit me that the quote I gave you lined up with your name. Total accident I promise. You hit the nail on the end with your take on the topic, for some reason it put me in mind of a dark alternative version of Madonna's Ray of Light video. People rushing through life, stuck in their distractions, slaves to the ceaseless grind of a 9-5. Something we can all relate to. Your brought a strong rhyme scheme woven neatly throughout and back it upped with strong vocab to bring the images together. Kudos.

Vote- dead man
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Old 07-25-2020, 02:45 AM   #10
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Damn, you guys not fucking with the X-Man here? The verse was on some Immortal Technique kind of vibe for me, real short lines and a crisp flow from the jump that went straight in from the first line. Really direct, arguably too direct maybe, but the verse trips off the tongue when read aloud. It seemed more audio-friendly than text, and that’s probably why it didn’t go down as well here, but I fucked with it for what it was. I could hear it being spat on a beat. The flow is butter. We could easily get Pharoah’s Army to rhyme that one over a beat in the OM forum for sure.

Deadman - always good to see you in imperious form, this was a nice showing, chocked full of that verbiage we’ve become accustomed to from you alongside the frantic rapid-fire imagery and cinematic snippets throughout. The heart flutter line around the beginning was dope, intestines FTW a little later on, crisp wording and a more abstract take moulded perfectly by a deft hand.

I’ve got Deadman here
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