Gargle Barbells

dull boy · 09-04-2013, 01:27 PM

It's habit to flabbergast the masses with raps I craft.
Hazardous HAZMAT tags strapped to the pads I've had.
Ain't flattered by platinum plaques. I'm packing the plaidest slacks.
Carl Spackler, bagging ass in the caddy shack.
I don't rap on acid... but I'm acid rap.
Never had a blow-up doll. I used my Cabbage Patch.
Where the Magnum's at? Ah, fuck it. I'm hard as hell, bitch.
If she gets pregnant, I'll reject it; Garbage Pail Kids.
Villainous rep. Crept out the village of dead and said,
'I'm Bill and he's Ted.' 'cept I was really and just
being silly. Filled up my head with these pills, and the rest
are spilling on the ceiling and I'm reeling 'em in.
I ain't feeling. Ingest what I inject 'til I'm peeling my skin.
Healing what's concealed in the illness of breath.
YES. Willing my death. On the step holding a machete and nine.
Listening to Suicidal Thoughts 'cause I'm lost and I'm ready to die.

Geno · 09-04-2013, 02:01 PM

Cabbage patch and garbage pail kids shit was lol

Dope drop dull. Flow was nuts

KennyCerealBowl · 09-04-2013, 03:34 PM

gawd

PancakeBrah · 09-04-2013, 08:36 PM

"Filled up my head with these pills, and the rest
are spilling on the ceiling and I'm reeling 'em in.
I ain't feeling. Ingest what I inject 'til I'm peeling my skin.
Healing what's concealed in the illness of breath.
YES. Willing my death."

That was up to your usual top top tier writing.

I thought the beginning wasn't as original or technically awe-inspiring as you usually write.

Certain · 09-04-2013, 10:35 PM

I liked this a lot, but I'm going to pick it apart and be harsh and shit because I'm a negative person.

Quote:

It's habit to flabbergast the masses with raps I craft.
Hazardous HAZMAT tags strapped to the pads I've had.
Ain't flattered by platinum plaques. I'm packing the plaidest slacks.

This read ridiculously smooth. The rhymes and assonance were unending. The level of skill required to execute this is high. It didn't really say much, but it brought us into the concept of your ability in the form.

Quote:

Carl Spackler, bagging ass in the caddy shack.
I don't rap on acid... but I'm acid rap.

These were, by far, the weakest lines of the verse. The Caddy Shack invocation might have worked better if you had done something beyond a name drop and the the name of the movie, but it wasn't clever. It wasn't on the pop-culture drop level of:

Quote:

Never had a blow-up doll. I used my Cabbage Patch.
Where the Magnum's at? Ah, fuck it. I'm hard as hell, bitch.
If she gets pregnant, I'll reject it; Garbage Pail Kids.

That was just hilarious and nasty and had an Eminem-in-1998 vibe to it. The use of a line between the second half of the reference really made it pop because I wasn't expecting the Garbage Pail Kids mention until I got to it.

Quote:

Villainous rep. Crept out the village of dead and said,
'I'm Bill and he's Ted.' 'cept I was really and just
being silly. Filled up my head with these pills, and the rest
are spilling on the ceiling and I'm reeling 'em in.

Here you return to your rhyme-heavy flexing. This was cool, though the "really and just being silly" was forced.

Quote:

I ain't feeling. Ingest what I inject 'til I'm peeling my skin.
Healing what's concealed in the illness of breath.
YES. Willing my death.

This was the only point in the verse where it really felt like you had connected your top mechanics and top content. This was great.

Quote:

On the step holding a machete and nine.
Listening to Suicidal Thoughts 'cause I'm lost and I'm ready to die.

This was a bit of a cliche to end on. It felt too much like a closing line without offering any real closure to the verse as a whole. It was more generic than the rest.

veritas · 09-05-2013, 01:12 PM

this started off dope. It seemed like you slacked off towards the end a little. A dope flex piece overall. You are indwelled with a demon obv.

Wise Wiggles · 09-05-2013, 01:30 PM

Ain't flattered by platinum plaques. I'm packing the plaidest slacks.
Carl Spackler, bagging ass in the caddy shack.
I don't rap on acid... but I'm acid rap.
Never had a blow-up doll. I used my Cabbage Patch.
Where the Magnum's at? Ah, fuck it. I'm hard as hell, bitch.
If she gets pregnant, I'll reject it; Garbage Pail Kids.
Villainous rep. Crept out the village of dead and said,
'I'm Bill and he's Ted.' 'cept I was really and just
being silly. Filled up my head with these pills, and the rest

^ ridiculous

CopyPat · 09-06-2013, 03:57 AM

sick nasty. i almost wish u dropped this in paragraph format again.. for ur style of flow i find it almost works better cause u really blur the lines between where the rhyme starts and stops. also ive had a few beers so i think i just realized this as i am typing but you and your particular style have definitely influenced me. i had never ever written paragraph style before and i been fuckin with rhyming for a long time, then i saw a few people doing it, and in particular you specifically killing it, and i really grew to like it. it just takes the boundaries off rhyming.. and i always appreciated the fuck out of how u schemed ur shit man.. and it made me want to try it..and push the limits of it, so yeah i guess thanks hahahah. dope

dull boy · 09-06-2013, 09:58 AM

The people around here are so conditioned to view blocks of text in a negative light that they're blind to the benefits. When you drop down with each line it allows people to break your verse into tiny segments, and then verses become nothing but one liners. When I wrote a lot, I liked to have themes carry for multiple lines and even entire verses. Paragraph makes the reader view your verse as a whole. Like you said, it also unbinds you from the simple schemes generally used when people drop down. If you listen to any rapper, they don't finish their bars at the same point in the loop every time. That would get repetitive. Glad I was able to convert you lol

Thanks for saying that. I know a lot of people wouldn't have.

Plot · 09-06-2013, 01:24 PM

I concur.

Garbage Pail kids was funny and reminiscent.. the were cards weren't they
reminds me of golden days Mad Magazine Al Joffee shit.

dull boy · 04-01-2016, 12:20 PM

2 and a half years ago.

dead man · 04-01-2016, 12:53 PM

Yeah wow. Not your best by any means but it's cool that everybody that commented is still here for the most part.

Do more

Orc · 04-01-2016, 01:03 PM

needs more rhyming

dull boy · 10-05-2017, 10:18 PM

4 years ago.

dead man · 10-05-2017, 11:33 PM

Yeah wow. Not your best by any means but it's cool that everybody that commented is still here for the most part.

Do more

big baby · 10-06-2017, 12:34 AM

com back miss u?

sral · 10-06-2017, 06:45 AM

always enjoy reading a dull boy drop

Eŋg · 10-09-2017, 05:46 PM

commenting for the sake of posterity alone.

dull boy · 11-10-2020, 05:43 PM

7 years ago

dead man · 11-12-2020, 10:33 PM

Yeah wow. Not your best by any means but it's cool that everybody that commented is still here for the most part.

Do more

09-04-2013, 01:27 PM	#1
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	Gargle Barbells It's habit to flabbergast the masses with raps I craft. Hazardous HAZMAT tags strapped to the pads I've had. Ain't flattered by platinum plaques. I'm packing the plaidest slacks. Carl Spackler, bagging ass in the caddy shack. I don't rap on acid... but I'm acid rap. Never had a blow-up doll. I used my Cabbage Patch. Where the Magnum's at? Ah, fuck it. I'm hard as hell, bitch. If she gets pregnant, I'll reject it; Garbage Pail Kids. Villainous rep. Crept out the village of dead and said, 'I'm Bill and he's Ted.' 'cept I was really and just being silly. Filled up my head with these pills, and the rest are spilling on the ceiling and I'm reeling 'em in. I ain't feeling. Ingest what I inject 'til I'm peeling my skin. Healing what's concealed in the illness of breath. YES. Willing my death. On the step holding a machete and nine. Listening to Suicidal Thoughts 'cause I'm lost and I'm ready to die.

09-04-2013, 02:01 PM	#2
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,325 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Cabbage patch and garbage pail kids shit was lol Dope drop dull. Flow was nuts __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

09-04-2013, 03:34 PM	#3
KennyCerealBowl Do what is right. Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 769 Rep Power: 954117	gawd __________________

09-04-2013, 08:36 PM	#4
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	"Filled up my head with these pills, and the rest are spilling on the ceiling and I'm reeling 'em in. I ain't feeling. Ingest what I inject 'til I'm peeling my skin. Healing what's concealed in the illness of breath. YES. Willing my death." That was up to your usual top top tier writing. I thought the beginning wasn't as original or technically awe-inspiring as you usually write. __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

09-05-2013, 01:30 PM	#7
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	Ain't flattered by platinum plaques. I'm packing the plaidest slacks. Carl Spackler, bagging ass in the caddy shack. I don't rap on acid... but I'm acid rap. Never had a blow-up doll. I used my Cabbage Patch. Where the Magnum's at? Ah, fuck it. I'm hard as hell, bitch. If she gets pregnant, I'll reject it; Garbage Pail Kids. Villainous rep. Crept out the village of dead and said, 'I'm Bill and he's Ted.' 'cept I was really and just being silly. Filled up my head with these pills, and the rest ^ ridiculous __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-06-2013, 03:57 AM	#8
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 707 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742221	sick nasty. i almost wish u dropped this in paragraph format again.. for ur style of flow i find it almost works better cause u really blur the lines between where the rhyme starts and stops. also ive had a few beers so i think i just realized this as i am typing but you and your particular style have definitely influenced me. i had never ever written paragraph style before and i been fuckin with rhyming for a long time, then i saw a few people doing it, and in particular you specifically killing it, and i really grew to like it. it just takes the boundaries off rhyming.. and i always appreciated the fuck out of how u schemed ur shit man.. and it made me want to try it..and push the limits of it, so yeah i guess thanks hahahah. dope __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

09-06-2013, 09:58 AM	#9
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	The people around here are so conditioned to view blocks of text in a negative light that they're blind to the benefits. When you drop down with each line it allows people to break your verse into tiny segments, and then verses become nothing but one liners. When I wrote a lot, I liked to have themes carry for multiple lines and even entire verses. Paragraph makes the reader view your verse as a whole. Like you said, it also unbinds you from the simple schemes generally used when people drop down. If you listen to any rapper, they don't finish their bars at the same point in the loop every time. That would get repetitive. Glad I was able to convert you lol Thanks for saying that. I know a lot of people wouldn't have.

09-06-2013, 01:24 PM	#10
Plot Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,376 Battle Record: 26-32 Rep Power: 1309741	I concur. Garbage Pail kids was funny and reminiscent.. the were cards weren't they reminds me of golden days Mad Magazine Al Joffee shit.

04-01-2016, 12:20 PM	#11
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	2 and a half years ago.

04-01-2016, 12:53 PM	#12
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	Yeah wow. Not your best by any means but it's cool that everybody that commented is still here for the most part. Do more __________________ Zack Wicks for president

04-01-2016, 01:03 PM	#13
Orc Certified Mother’s Boy Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 5,165 Battle Record: 5-1 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - NBL Season 4 - GBL Season 1 - Lyric Olympics - Fight Night LXVI - Fight Night LX - Fight Night (3x) - NBL Picture Roast - Netcees Battle League (8x) - NBL Picture League - Gimmick Battle League - BA Tag Team - 1-2 Punch League - NBL Cypher (3x) - Battle Arena League - OM HOF (2x) Rep Power: 85899390	needs more rhyming

10-05-2017, 10:18 PM	#14
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	4 years ago.

10-05-2017, 11:33 PM	#15
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	Yeah wow. Not your best by any means but it's cool that everybody that commented is still here for the most part. Do more __________________ Zack Wicks for president

10-06-2017, 06:45 AM	#17
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,253 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	always enjoy reading a dull boy drop __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

10-09-2017, 05:46 PM	#18
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,146 Rep Power: 0	commenting for the sake of posterity alone.

11-10-2020, 05:43 PM	#19
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	7 years ago

11-12-2020, 10:33 PM	#20
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	Yeah wow. Not your best by any means but it's cool that everybody that commented is still here for the most part. Do more __________________ Zack Wicks for president