Netcees mag 2.0(Brought to you by staff FEATURING PANS TOP 25 BOARDERS)

[God Of War]

Aight well we been slacking on the mags cuz meth tried to run himself into a parked car to get out of doing the shit. Anyways the site is going dope as fuck everyone is participating in shit the tourneys look nice or whatever. hopefully cats get back into the swing of battling, the summer classic is close to closing which was a fire ass tourney if you haven't voted then do so now. anyways here it is. the site mag

The Elements Tourney

prviews

The Elements Previews

Cashius vs. Veritas

Cashius is the S&F champ so a win from him is expected, Veritas is a good writer but he's more of a topical/storyteller guy I do believe rather than a Swag and Flow guy.

Cashius 80/20

PancakeBrah vs. Untold

Pancake is a great swagger and flower and I've never seen Untold do any swaggage and flowage so a win from Pancake is my guess.

Pancake 70/30

SiK vs. Mike Wrecka

Now that SiK has learned what a swag and flow verse is he should wreck some shit up. However Mike is a great writer but I've never seen him do one of these.

DRAW

Pryde vs. Metts

Metts should take this. He's never done one of these but he's got it. he shows flow in his reg verses and of course big joe got swag. Never seen pryde do one.

Metts 65/35

Cymbicort vs. Nigma

Nigma is a good writer and I've never read a cymbicort verse.

Nigma 60/40

Genocide vs. Skepto

Geno needs this to stay alive in this tournament. Obviously skepto does too but its more important to geno in my opinion. Plus I think Geno is just more skilled in this area of writing.

Geno 75/25

Hush vs. Innovator

Hush is dope in S&F. I have never read anything from Innovator.

Hush 70/30

ill nik-A and Bags get byes due to Rayge and Knuck double no showing I think? So keep that in mind.

Utmost vs. Rawn Macdon.

rawn has this. Good writer. Utmost is solid but I dont think he can bring the type of swag and flow that rawn can.

Rawn 70/30

Xnub vs Loast

Loast should win this if he posts, but I think he will no show

Xnub 70/30 by no show

Atomic vs. Flo Real

Never seen either do swag and flow but by style I'd give Atomic the edge by an ok margin. Either can win.

Atomic 60/40


reviews


cymbi vs untold
this was a nice little battle cymbi had a funny verse but untold came polished with a nice consistent verse


genocide vs sik
battle of the round imo, geno was the guy expected to win he the om champ imo but sik came with a ansty verse and took the w from geno.. dope battle dope verses

flo real vs story teller
flo real had a nice verse story had an ok verse to but in the end i think story was a good bit more polished

objective vs ill nik
ill nik posted last minute and obj took the L lol

pancake vs pryde
i thought pryde did nice, i thought pancake did better pancake has became one of the best writers on the site, nut surprised to see him in this still

split vs rawn
this was a nice battle tbh i actually thought split was going to take the win but rawn came thru with a nice consistent verse



battle of the week


geno vs sik

geno

Zero to Hero.


Hardcore in the streets, dumb ass did whatever it took
A crook, who always hooked school and he never gets shook
Look, the type of dude who's thoughts weren't cleverly put
Cause he would hit the drugs hard, but never the books
So fellas smiled in his face and talked shit when he passed
Even the toughest niggas refrained from kicking his ass
He was the ice pick, cycle and axe, even had death in his eyes
Message was fine print, fuckin with me -it'd be better to die
As time went by, eventually new people moved into his realm
The mafia type, who took the citizens on a visit through hell
Criminal bells rang, his corners weren't as popular anymore
Forgot his purpose, was torn, nobody out -not a word on a porch
So his burden was warped, an idiot who's trapped in his head
Stressed, cause now he walks around without a crowd to impress
But his true identites about to get test, as he gets approached
Cloaked, from every angle by the people he knows
Evils been grown, and they need his fucking help for a change
To wander free through locked doors fore they dwell in thier cage
His imbecilic self is insane, strange, but he says he'd be down
And tells the rest to gather all the fucking weapons in town
His leaderships become exceptional now, a true general born
I mean -he won a lot of fights, but never the wars
A different concept has been formed, so he's mappin the block
Even the neighborhood watch threw distractions at cops
Cause if the bomb happens to drop, they don't want interferance
And for the first time ever, numbnuts said something coherant
Looked up at the clearance, that's the bldng the enemies moved
They crept silent, threw grenades and heard a deafening boom
The next day it was said in the news, illegal crime ring is destroyed
As time goes by, every throne finds a new king to employ


sik

Night rose, flakes are falling shadowing his sight post like a white ghost
His canteens ice, froze, he sighs: “great”, then hydrates with some light snow
Still, with his eyes closed he tries to rest, a tired mess tucked inside his vest
No fires left, frost is in his hair with the frigged air that’s engulfed his entire chest
Desires swept, his match was met, at the bottom standing at disasters steps
But passions kept, he sets off remembering the pep talk and tears that the pastor wept
The thought is sober…See, Sergeant Graves just had a battle and lost his soldiers
His haunted soul hurts, cause all he can picture..is them, disfigured and crossing over
He gains composure, bullets fly in the foreground; he has 7 mags each with four rounds
Looking for more now, searching the dead with evil lurking its head, he’s northbound
Ammunitions restored, proud, Sarge finds a grenade, and a soldier left to die in a grave
There’s a pulse! Light as it may, he’s alive, and as a soldier, ready to fight for the brave
He revives him in place..and they march to the fight, leaving behind the dark of the night
They embark to the site; led with pride towards the gunpowder that sparks n ignites
Reaching a distance that’s safe they commence fire while the enemy’s stricken with strafe
In a subliminal state and in urgency; he nervously fires 10 bullets, but misses with 8
His only soldier takes a hit to the face, 1 round n he’s gunned down, submission to fate
Graves shoots magazines number four…five, through the blood and the gore thrives
The type to see the fear through your eyes and intensify it with an overwhelming war cry
He’s a fighter, had bouts, so the conflict angers him, he detours from the sad route
Full of hate n being mad shouts: “frag out!” and grabs the last rounds from his mag pouch
Unloaded the clip in a massive rage, masses slain, no chance of stopping, there was no sign
Yet it’s a shame, Graves should have disengaged, but was lost in the war with his own mind
When the smoke cleared and with hope near, he discovered it was friendly fire the whole time



verse of the week

He loved that bench. Right next to the ferris wheel.

He wore a big coat, leather hung at his knees,
in Summer time, with a sweater tucked underneath.
At Coney Island, plucking his teeth and sucking a lime.
A former veteran, sunk in his seat. "What a wonderful time."
he said to himself to the ire of passerby's,
but with the sun at it's peak he never grew tired of batted eyes,
"I've seen your type a hundred times," he laughed and sighed.
He wore boots strapped and tied, both marked
with white graffiti of his own pen and type of thought,
next to a guitar case, with a Stratocaster, wires taught,
and one bottle of gin from his own private stock.
It was Hendricks, he preferred the bottle's aesthetics,
and it's produced mental fog begetted a loss of all he regretted.
Today he kept the cap virgin, unbroken and fine,
because nowadays fair goers never provoke enough for his mind.
There was a forgone time he'd drink, strumming a string,
every visit, and even to skeptics it was something to see.
He preferred Hendrix. Not for the flash, but the meaning,
the soul and the skill, spoke to his inside's caterwaul screaming.
Making close to fifty dollars a day, he was fine and carefree,
on a bench with a six string, carrying melodies,
with no problem searching a barren well to find canaries.
But now he mostly sits, with a greying beard of homely wisps.
Sixty years of life will make motion quit, and his bones are stiff.
"This night is setting slow." The bench's birch agrees,
"I should be heading home." To theses new strangers,
these are just senseless words to heed.
But it's their loss, to be the cause of a dream's end.
Honestly they don't deserve to see the way he makes strings bend.

no show shine

cashius
I got a letter from my son...

He's a college bother at my alma mater...I'm proud as I'm probably able
That's part of the favor...for me to pay for four years of his marketing major
He says he's doing well, but school is hell. I'm hoping it builds character
He's the type of kid, give him the world on a silver platter...he'll still swear at ya
Apparently he's got a girlfriend now. He says she's truly perfection
She's a loser, I'm guessing...but I'm just PRAYING their using protection
The letter ain't bout the hunny, he's out of money...needs me to float some G's
I guess waking at 9, smoking some weed, and 12 credits don't come cheap
I wanna tell him to fuck off and get a job. I swear...It's honestly true
But I'd like to digress...I write him the check. That's what a father should do


I got another letter from my son...

It's been a few years since my last letter...the fuckin' boy's a mess
It sounds like he's putting that degree to use...cashing his unemployment checks
He's spending his free time on drums and weed. Conducting a hazy opus
It may be hopeless...I don't think there's many employers hiring lazy tokers
He says I'm a grandfather. But not to worry, he'll save me the stress...
Thank GOD that part-time tattoo artist was either shook or crazy...took his baby and left
I'm not surprised when he asks for cash. I mean, I gotta believe...
Awhile in court and child support don't come easy, honest, or cheap on $300 per week
Fuck it, I send the money. What if he's on a "lose your life" fringe
Look, I don't care what rules you site... I'm just trying to do the right thing


I found a letter from my son...

This one reads "Dear ol' Dad...I don't want to make this cliche.
and really, I hate to seem lame. But I just can't take it these days
You think sending some checks could mend up my wreck...Fuck it your wrong
Really?...I couldn't get nothing so small as a fucking phone call?
Since I was in the cradle you rocked...you've bailed me out. Don't label me shocked
Mailing me guap whenever I want...That's what you call an enabler, Pops
I know it's morbid, but hey...no more chunks of cash when I'm stored in a grave
With me gone...just think of how much more you can save in your 401K...

So, alas...you're son is through.
Oh, and thanks for last few sums of loot...I bought a brand new gun to use"

Interview with Joe metts

I am here with Joe Metts, ripped his way to the finals this year. metts how you doing brop?

Im good. Watching the O's. On the clock. Doesn't get better lol

metts dawg you was the underdawg coming into this, dont know if it was a skill thing but it def was a show or no show thing, most cats forgot you can write at the level ur obviously consistently writing at. whats ur words on that?

I've battled forever. Always at a high level. Reached a point where HOF and accomps didn't matter. Was at that point for awhile. But then you start hearing how your living in the past and can't get it done no more. Kinda lights a fire. Cause I've always won. Even when i just battled sparingly. Felt like SC was my time to prove that. Won't matter unless i get past navajo imo. Should be fire tho. And to everybody thats surprised i didn't no show, me too. Elements tourney knows how i really roll.

lmao yeah i was basing the elements on the fact u showed ery round for the sc, damn it joe you got me. but speaking of karpis the dude gets alot of hate how you feel about him? and about him being in the finals 2 years in a row?

He can battle. Flips alot of easy/old things. Usually makes it relevant. Good for him. He wins. People love his style. No hate towards the dude. Don't know him on any personal level cause he doesn't interact. More of a discussion creeper ala karaoke and bey. But he seems decent enough to me. As far as him having a chance to repeat. It says alot. It says he consistent and it says hes nice. I been said how can bags and bey be a hall of famer without karp. He's the better of that trio.
He's a faggot this week tho.

I agree about karp not being in hof, but yo what about after the sc, if you win you going to show more and keep up this run you have going or was you just here to prove a point?

To prove a point. But im highly considering making a nbl run when it comes back. Win the title and try to win the league. Don't see battling in BA or anything unless its a random pic battle or something. I'll do them ppvs when you get them going. But not gonna be gung ho about battling at all lol
fuck the ba bro and you should make a run int he nbl, what you think about the state of text in general right now, i mean you been here for a while seen different eras seen it change whats ur opinion on it now.
People try to act too cool for this shit now. Way better back in the day. Great competition. People voted more. Fresher verses. The guys that are good now are good tho. Would be good at any time. Those guys are just few and far between.

I agree, whats fucked up is how you going to act to cool for something when your on a website made for what you are acting to cool for? shits wierd. but aight give us your final thoughts and shotu outs so i can smoke and play the game lol

Shout out to dohpe. Past and present. Except cane. Shouts to everyone voting and having fun with this shit. Voting fair and not being politicians. Shouts to you and meth for cleaning up knucks horrible modding job. Shouts to strik as well. Great battle. Smoke up my dude. Good looks on the interview.



Top 5 om


1. PancakeBrah
probably one of the most consistent writers i see around any more, guy has alot of skill with the pen and shows it with each verse

2. Genocide
this dude is like a mixture tween joe budden and royce da 5'9 with that kind of writing ability its hard not to think he is a monster

3. Vulgar
I alwyas think vulg is underrated him and evis both but vulgar has bars and can kill an om any time he chooses to

4. Ill Nik-a
this dude has surprised me, i knew he could battle but he is getting at om's alot more lately and the thing is there dope as fuck, steady consitent writer

5.oats
doesnt write enough imo, one of my favorites easily but he is lazy as shit at times but when he does show its always nasty as fuck

[God Of War]

oats:

Let em go, roll the dice, the pedestal of open mics
Beretta flow, the poltergeist, you better know that oats is nice
Incredible, prose is like the coldest night at Leningrad
My keyboard is a ouija while explosions light my pen n pad

Corrosive type, upending tracks, pencil painting leaded pictures
Ventilating Venn descriptors, menstruating metascriptures
Bend and break the lesser listeners, a Wookie embedded Michener
Old school, so cool, calling kids pussies instead of hipsters

Crooked, the letter whisperer, incisions for calibration
Sharp boned, my smart phone's a sickle cell to answer Satan
Rivindell on acid patience, a twisted tale of masked elation
Mr. Always-Masturbate's Caligula coagulating

Mystical, emasculating, quick to pull a massive Matrix
Listen well - imagine sacred, kiss and tell cuz magic's nascent
Grip the L, that's how we make the strong silent, bomb tyrants
When life gives you lemons - you're one step closer to a Long Island


Summer Classic



Beyond vs. Alvin Karpis

Beyond came nice. Beyond came really nice and got a few votes as well. But Jesus Christ. Alvin Karpis has an uncanny ability to make every fucking thing sound harsh as god damn possible. That one eye line was insane. Anyway, this as a dope fucking battle but in the end Karp took it due solely on his harshness.

Joe Metts vs. Strikta

Another dope battle. With Strikta's style you either love it or hate it and I love it. But in this one I thought Joe was just too much. He was consistent and he had some hardddd hitters that were able to take it home for him.

Preview

Joe Metts vs. Alvin Karpis

This is going to be crazy. They agreed to 20 but I hope one of them sends 30 so the other one will have to as well. One of two things is going to happen in this battle. Either A.) Joe Metts wins, reopens the argument that he is one of the best texters to ever do it, I mean he's won tournaments in 04 and this would be him winning he biggest tournament on the net in 2013. Plus co-founding dohpe could never hurt someone's credentials. Or. B.) Alvin Karpis wins Summer Classic 6 after winning Summer Classic 5 the year before. He goes into the Hall of Fame and submits him as one of the best to post on NC ever. Now, as for the battle. It's going to be crazy. Joe can be harsh, funny, technical or whatever. And he can combine them all into one bar for a heavy fucking stinger. Alvin lives on harshness and it's definitely done him well to this point. This is truly a toss up in my honest opinion. But Karp is on fire so I guess I'm leaning him but I this battle will feature votes for both contestants, and it might take a vote count of say 16 to decide this.

Alvin Karpis 50/50




Top Punches (NBL/SC)

Cashius (vs. Atomic, NBL)

You even look like a bitch. I'd hate to live in this feminine faggot's world
Looks like we're all taking a page from Knux...cuz now EVERYONE says Atagirl

Atomic (vs. Cashius, NBL)

i'll be slumpin this bitch honestly its nothing i quit,
when it comes to cash verses we DoubtFire because every punch is a miss.

Rayge (vs. Swerve, NBL)

you'll get beat regardless of your zone.. you really aint the shit, son
dont care where Patricide but im sonnin him& he cant kill me to commit one

Swerve (vs. Rayge, NBL)

If you beat anyone at text, it would be the moment of your life,
That would be a greater achievement than everything Rawn has accomplished…twice.

Alvin Karpis (vs. Beyond, SC)

This bitch kicked it friday in fight nights which I still pitty
^I just used a bunch of words with 1 eye so you wouldn’t feel shitty
Typin paragraphs after every battle then act like this shit is nothin
Bitch you’re frontin cuz you done put up more walls then victor’s cousins

Beyond (vs. Alvin Karpis, SC)

U seen better years. Ur not a threat so let’s get shit clear.
All guys cheat but u bit enough to show insecurity ur entire text career.
This a dogpile. You a biter & u stay stealing Yond’s style.
We’ve all seen Al Sharkton’s on the board even before Rawn’s trial.

Strikta (vs. Joe Metts, SC)

I wanna meet Mrs. Metts, show her my penis & penetrate her
Heard da way she stares & go down automatic.. u'd think she was an escalator
U cling to my nuts, but hey, u don't mind dat cum sippin'
Shoulda been a running back...
...Obvious u got excellent ballcarrier vision da way u hold mine & run w/ em

Joe Metts (vs. Strikta, SC)

ur chick an ez piece of ass n she get embarrassed when u dining out
cause yall the only couple in history to fit a full length porn on their vine account
plus she said u be bustin early. damn, it seems this goofballs dried up
his girl told me that sticky came more prematurely then the fantasy football signups


NBL Battle Reviews

Cashius vs. Atomic

Cash is just on another level than Atomic and he showed us why here. Atomic really just did not stand a chance and Cash ate him up.

Rayge vs. Patrick

This was an ok battle. Patrick came somewhat weaker than he usually does. and Rayge took advantage. This battle was won on consistency and most people thought Rayge was much more consistent.

NBL Battle Prevviews

Cashius vs. Untold

Untold is really good sometimes and he is usally very solid. He is sometimes inconsistent and a lot fo times his wording really hurts his concepts which are usually really dope. Untold comes pretty fresh most of the time in my opinion. Cashius however is top tier, and I think it's time for the dude to break out and win something big. NBL Season is rather big and he wants it. Cashius never no shows so that isn't going to happen. Untold doesn't really no show either so this battle will happen. But Cash definitely does have the advantage here.

Cashius 65/35

Knucklehead vs. Rayge

Rayge has been coming really good lately. He beat Swerve last round who is a top battler. Knucklehead beat Pryde round 1 and got no showed this last round. I think Knucklehead definitely has the advantage here and should win. But Rayge is capable of upsets. I think Knuck knows this though so he'll be careful and he'll do more than enough to win.

Knuck 65/35


Top 5 Newbs

1. R!can Theoryz
still holding on to the number 1 newbie spot for the paost 15 years is the homey rican

2. Xnub
I think xnub has alot of potential and if he gets his wording right will be an issue

3. Malachi
another guy with wording problems soon as his wording is fixed then he is going to give the upper tiers a run

4. Gamble
this dude i dont know he has a chance to be ok if he quits letting the discussion forum get to em and stop riding eryone dick bro, u got bars so drop them

5. Cymbicort
this is a dude im looking to to make a problem in the ranks, cymbi is really unpolished but i think he can work himself into a top of the line writer

[God Of War]

PANCAKE’S TOP 25 BOARDERS.
Hello.

During my boarding on our fair site, Nessy’s, I have formed the Boarding Review Board. This is a one man panel consisting of myself. I took this upon myself because I see boarding as an art. There are three facets to a Nessy’s user; Battler, Writer, and Discussioneer. I would argue that the latter is the most important for the sustained life and activity of the website itself. Black can write 100 HOF Open Mics and Beyond can slowly type a dozen 10/10 battle verses due to his fake lack of eye sight, but it will fall on deaf/blind ears. No one will feed or vote on either at our current rate anyways. What truly drives posting activity and member immersion is the Discussion Board, whether you like it or not. Text has faded; the personality of the textcee has not. The talent and ability to become an elite Discussioneer is as nuanced and difficult as becoming a respected battler or writer. Some posters are born with an innate posting ability, it is derived from their real life personality and genetics like Bags or VERITAS. For others, it is an art form that is slowly perfected, honed, and sharpened over time like Split Nine or Sharp Eight. However you come to the status of elite Discussioneer is irrelevant. Once you have become one, you are among the Top 30% of personalities in rap, period.

The Boarding Review Board judges the art of Discussion by five criteria. I was not entirely sure if it was three, four, five, or six. But I have been drinking and five seems like the correct number. The criterion are as follows (I used criterion incorrectly);

1. ACTIVITY – You must be active. This is of utmost import. There are Discussioneers/Boards who made the Top 25 without being overly active (in fact our Top Boarder is not overly active) but they make up for this deficiency through Content/ROFLZ. A Discussioneer who posts one 10/10 ROFLZ post once a week is not worth nearly as much as a fellow boarder who posts six 7/10 ROFLZ posts a week. The math checks out.
2. ROFLZ – Also known as ‘lol quotient’ or ‘lol’d irl, srs potential’. Self explanatory. Laughs are the lifeblood of Discussion. ROLFZ supersedes Content easily. Nessy’s is not a library. We’re all textcee’s here, which is inherently derogatory. We’re here to “DISS” each other and make voters laugh. This extends to Discussion to a greater extent.
3. CONTENT – Quality posts will not go unnoticed. Being an intelligent Discussioneer is the harder path to fame but it is viable. Boarders will respect intelligence. Sometimes.
4. REPUTATION – The catch all. More than a handful of boarders became Discussioneers because of this provision. Reputation falls into a multitude of categories. Text (Battle/OM) respect, previous Discussion respect, unfuckwitability. All of these factor in.
5. ORIGINALITY – A couple boarders made the Discussioneer class due to originality without qualifying for the previous qualifications. Originality is inherent in the previous three qualifications but can become a quality in and of it’s self at times.

Now that we’ve made the clear, I won’t mention any of that shit in the Discussioneer write-ups.

NOTE – This list reflects the last couple of months of New Nessy’s. Certain boarders would rise in rankings, and certain cut boarders would make the Top 25 Discussioneers if this was an All-Time Ranking. If you didn’t make it, don’t get mad at me. Get mad at yourself.

NOTE - This is a personal list. I'm the most intelligent person alive, so it should be okay. If you disagree with this list, that's okay. We all have different opinions and that's what makes the world go 'round. You're a great person and have so much to live for.

NOTE - I like trolls.

1. uh-oh
WHY!? The epitome of consistency. No one keeps it as 100 hundred as uh-oh. I can't recall the last uh-oh post that did not make me laugh, but not at him. You don't laugh at uh-oh. You laugh with him. Because he is grimey, and from Ohio. Not very active, but pops up in serious conversations and spouts out self-referencing knowledge that makes me lol irl, srs. The epitome of a Discussioneer; he doesn't do shit on Nessy's other that post in Disc. Top rated clickability.

2. Bags
WHY!? The archetype. The master of the use of caps (nik has an argument) and the rare art form of the extended thread title. Types like GOW lately, which adds to hilarity. A polarizing figure, some consider him a 'faggot'. But his acumen for funny posts is nearly unmatched. To wit; his current Rican crusade is nuanced and hilarious. Condescending, smart, stupid, and extremely active. A serious contender for uh-oh's Top Spot.

3. VERITAS
WHY!? An activity generator. I would say more than 50% of the Disc considers him a faggot. But he's a "faggot" that generates a shit load of responses to almost any comment he makes. Intelligent, but a master troll. He will say he doesn't troll, but he does. Even his recent apology topic is a hidden insult to the people he apologized to. The leader of the Tyson Fucking Little Boys parade.

4. DeliciousGirl
WHY!? She is a being unto herself. She speaks in half-English. She is literally stupid and creates the most unintentionally funniest moments in Disc.

5. Strikta
WHY!? A more active, grimier, and serious uh-oh. His boarding is strongest when describing his personal life. Cat shit muffins. Extorting beached land whales while performing cunnilingus with his pointer finger. Takes text too serious sometimes, which is his only downfall.

6. …the Munster
WHY!? Master troll. Good use of pics. Topics are original. He's black, so that's unfortunate. Finds creative ways to troll the forum. High originality points, strong Topic clickability.

7. Split Eight
WHY!? Actively tries to be a great Discussioneer. Good use of GIFS and memes. Witty.

8. ill nik-A
WHY!? The master of caps. The ying to Bags yang. Strong trolling skills. Very opinionated, and lets the Disc in on his BBQ'ing habits. Apparently lives in Florida.

9. GOW
WHY!? High troll rating. His typo's induce (un)intentional laughs. High respectability rating. Very active at night when he's high as fuck letting his child watch Adult Swim.

10. Allen Knight
WHY!? He's better than Bags at the Bags vs. AK Discussion beef. Posts random shit that's cool. Beefs with people at the drop of a hat.

11. Spooky Deep
WHY!? I think Spook's funny as fuck 2x. Artful troll technique and character crafting. People respond to his shit even after all this time. Points taken off for Veritas destroying his cover. Veritas might be SpookyDeep. Dunno.

12. Aero
WHY!? Perfect troll account. Never breaks character, annoys the fuck out of people and thus creates activity and animosity.

13. Joe Metts
WHY!? Posts funny shit, respected. Lost points for over infatuation with Textcee past.

14. Hush
WHY!? Doesn't post much but rates high in respectability. Almost every time he posts in a topic he gets a response. His posts are usually of the shit-talking variety and creates activity.

15. Vulgar
WHY!? Roast master general. High points for content. He's like CHYEAHHH!!!! if CHYEAH!!!!! wasn't a dumb faggot and had writing talent.

16. Witty
WHY!? Fox.

17. Figurative
WHY!? Underrated boarder. Funny post content. Lacks the depth of Discussioneer personality to make highly clickable Topics, though.

18. Wise Ways
WHY!? Negative as fuck and honest. Strong tit potential in avatar/sig. From Portland and possibly very depressed.

19. Sharp Nine
WHY!? I think this guy's really average. Run of the mill kind of guy. People like him I guess. Seems so-so in every way to me.

20. NYCSPITZ
WHY!? Smart. Trolls. Plays Chess like a faggot, I beat him. High Topic clickability, but no one responds to them.

21. Meth
WHY!? The hardest working Discussioneer in history.

23. BWHAHA
WHY!? He's posted a grand total of 10 times in the last few months (estimate). If he posted regularly he'd probably be the top boarder. Very satirical. Funny.


24. Masaii
WHY!? Posts some cool shit and life stories. Wants to be the Top Discussioneer badly enough he cracks the list.

25. Lars
WHY!? Fuck it.

FIRST CUT
Philly
Orc
Frank
Neighbor
Diode
Cashius
Swerve





BWHAHA:

If violins are violence then that means ejaculate my jet-pack to penis land
and I’ll exist kindly … to inseminate this wordplay to pen island
The grim reaper eyes me, I mean, with whatever’s behind there
but his scythe swings right through, clean. Chemical nightmare
No blood, or no death. I can’t even die, my apathy’s improving.
Amusing how agony is useless. I’ll pioneer this homestead.
I’m wired fixed, an asshole. So why exist, a candle
I have lit. the wax grows. Violet. The fire pit, is ample
Thin hips, and sandals. With a big stick and black robes.
Such an undervalued wardrobe. I’d wear it when I’m feeling sexy
No one really unveils the inconsistency of such an inaccurate killing weapon
And actually; it isn’t supposed to be accurate, pumpkin
It isn’t the actual consistency, just the tenacity of it
Now I know how the slaves felt, you’ll say I don’t know how the slaves felt
the slaves didn’t even know how the slaves felt, now you’re saying I shouldnt say i know how the slaves felt?
I’ve skipped rocks on you pillow-esquey stepping stones. Let’s blow
I couldve wrote any other day, but today is that anyday. Tempo
I’m a silhouetted vexed clone, sobriquet, I’ve left notes
It’s ten fold. Alone in my cigarette’y shaped desk dome. Everyday
Spent about a decade’ in my dress clothes. Ventilating, to the web. Groan
Anyway, I turn my head it echoes. (He’s imitating the very way Hemingway’s pen strokes?)
So confused, I try to reiterate my past life with my current one.
Serpents tongue, offering the fruit that falls far from the tree. Souls consumed.
Oh, it’s you. The vagabond. Seriously though, come close when I speak this dribble
If the grim reaper was walking around with Arizona iced tea and skittles
As unmenacing as that is, atleast it’d look a little suspicious,
Oh that’s racist! No, it just isn’t what you expecting from in it
Cause what you don’t expect, when it hits. Well it hurts
Melted Earth. Smooch of death, try and predict this french kiss
Delicate feather. Can’t rule with a iron fist, and a velvet worth
Mind encrypted, ones self comes first; in this eloquent zephyr.
"Are you implying, death and trayvon both had hoodies" Yeah, and, so what
I’ll sip the blood of Jesus, give a girl a wink, and don’t think you’ve never thought to bone nuns.
That’s just the way the mind works, can’t persuade, dissuade the minds own
Way it creates a sly zone, away, ‘try to charade a mime, yo!’
Oh god, the Papier-mâché’s alive, whoa! Emanating. Just die slow.
I’ve created a Frankenstein, but useful, his name is Albertenstein
Pupils dilated. It’s brutal. Make me an atom bomb, but …on Palestine
Never been the type of guy who wanted' kids. But Wanna build Noahs Ark, with mini-me’s?
My Coat of Arms literally’s a trench jacket made up of upper-limbs


Interview with Split Eight by sik



Alright....
Im here with Split Nine aka Sharp Eight....Whats good Split?



nothin much my nigga. enjoying a nice glass of 4 month Franzia in Merlot



Wine? Real classy bro. Speaking of which who do you feel is at the top of the class when it comes to OM peices

Lmao I see you trying to sway me towards pancakebrah. fuck that dude, u madmin? Nah. I'd have to say that while NYCSPITZ is putting in work, and Black 2.0 + Zygote are taking breaks or some shit, that Vulgar has been straight dropping fire lately.
Sri Lanka. peep it.

Word...I'll do that?...lol..Speaking of Topicals...The Element Tourny just finished it's 'Story Round'. Were you able to peep and what do you think?

a couple unsuspected upsets... you over Genocide i didnt see coming, no offense. Yeah, I think making Storytelling the second round was weird cause it was elim, woulda made it 1st round and battling 2nd


I dont think anyone thought I'd beat Geno, not even him. And as far as rounds I can see why you might say that. There has been talk latetly of things we can do to maybe ADD to the sites appeal and gain more personel. Whats the top thing you think could be done?

delete the Gamble. break Rawns beady little fists. have more roasts

Good ol' roasts. I do miss them, yet 'some' of the new cats tend to make the unroflz unbearable..


RIP bleak tho i jus poured a 40 of paint thinner out for dude



Any advice you can give for some of these new guys as far as being a good boarder?.And do you think Rawn invented the lint roller?



idk, post for you... dont try to be funny if youre not, dont try to smart if youre not, cos youre just wasting posts... not like anyone logs off and thinks bout how cool you are. When youre getting trashed on just exit thread, dont gotta get the last word to be top dog. Bags/ Cake/ etc can get you posting for days and you will still get murdered in 30 words or less

Ok now on to Rawn....There is a rumor he invented the lint roller using only his sperm and some notebook paper....Your thoughts? And is he possibly turning out to be the worst boarder in NC history?

I believe it. Rawn's soul is 99% wikipedia now, if you translate Rawnold to Mayan it spells "Skynet"
Nah not the worst, you forget Big Game so easy

I find it crazy how some people get shamed off the site and still come back countless times trying to be apart of the community...Do you think there is mental problems involved or an addiction?

nah its all fun, its like 30% of the site is cool ppl and 60% of ppl are just tryna get accepted by the cool ppl. 10% are just there to write or something boring


Alright Split its your turn to throw me a question….What you got?



WHO DO YOU THINK IS ON PANCAKES TOP 25 BOARDER LIST AND WILL IT BE FEATURED
Top 5 go


apparantly i suck at boarding so I would have absoultly no idea
i would have to say...
1. Uh-oh
2. Split
3. Witty
4. Bags
5. Himself


Well I wanted to talk more about your drinking wine alone, but didnt want to ruin the interveiw...With that being said what are your last words?


Smh do me dirty like that in my own interview. A man cant enjoy his birthday bag of alcohol over some jamaican scat porn and self-help reading w/out getting called a loner?
speaking of jamaican scat porn
DG pls stop. think of the children


There you have it NC…..DG babysits while role playing as a plumbing stripper….Rawn has miniature fetus hands and it is completely possible that a leaf blower was the last component to his time traveling device….Allen Knight eats Asian foreskin….peace

[God Of War]

Top 10 Battlers

1. Alvin Karpis
came back out of nowhere and threw fire after fire verse int he SC and could potententially back to back summer classic titles

2. Joe Metts
making it to the finals of the sc is a big thing and he is there and could possibily win it all

3. Hush
hush doesnt even try to write anymore and still throws out zinger punches at will thats all that really needs to be said other then we wished he would participate more

4. Beyond
threw a hell of a run together in the SC bey came back and ready to win, technically one of the best

5. Bags
probably underestimated, the fact is no one really gives dude the credit he deserves and he has nice bars, good wording harsh punches chances are if you battle you have lost to em

6. Ill Nik-a
nik one of the most consistent battlers, he participates in everything wins a shipload and is a pink slip specialist.

7. Strikta
ive always said strik and swerve was underrated as fuck, i still stick to this, strik has nasty bars and good wording but yet gets overlooked alot

8. Cashius
one of the best doing it today, he loses but he wins alot, needs a bit more consistency i think

9. Allen Knight
the jersey devil lol allen has some of the harshet punches ive seen, put that together with the fact he is active as fuck now adays and u got a top ten writer

10. Young Philly
young philly been going downhill a bit as of late and taking some l's and no showing with that being said he has also been on vacation a good bit so hopefully he comes back full form




Newbie Tourney

Introduction to Our Competitors

Decibel

Literally know nothing about you. Make your own introduction in your battle this week.

Figurative

He is an audio head. Which means he's good at rhyming. Know nothing of his punches.

Ronic

Bad wording, a lot of cheesy concepts but he's getting better. Let's hope it continues.

Malachi

He's been around for awhile. He hasn't fully grasped concepts yet. His wording is bleh, as most newbies.

Animosi T

Only know of him because he been spamming flow gods.

Dope

No Idea

Storyteller

He's more of a topicalist shown by his name. He isn't very good apparently he used to be better but is rusty. I don't believe that lol. I ust think he needs to elevate a lot.

Plot

No clue.

Flo Real

He's british. Which means he's inferior. He's getting there however. As of late just better concepts and wayyyyy better wording so he's turning it around.

Creasey

No clue.

Just Rap

Nope, no idea.

Utmost

He's solid. Probably the favorite here but he's pretty inconsistent so we'll see.

Apex

Says LLS a lot. I LLS at his verses. Let's hope he's better here.

Gamble

LOL. Last time I read one of his battle verses he was still doing longbar... So any win would be an upset for him.

CymbiCort

Nope.

Xnub

He's my 2nd favorite to win this. He's way improving as of late

Newbie Reviews

Malachi vs. CymbiCort

Cymb needs wording help he has ok concepts. Mal came dope for a newb tournament and took the win rather easy.

Gamble vs. Animosi T

The great Gambino shortened his lines and walked right into the 21st century of text. Ani is REALLY new and gambino beat him with the more experience.

Utmost vs just rap

Utmost is the favorite to win this tounrey. looked like he keyed and was still able to win rather easily over just rap.

Previews

R!canTheoryz vs. Gamble

The 2 most experienced in this tournament. Both are former long bar heads both are struggling in short bar. R!can has an entire team supporting him so i do believe he should be able to win this, but gamble shouldnt be over looked. this will be the battle of the roun.

Storyteller vs. Decibel

Storyteller needs a lot of work and he has a lonnnng way to go. Decibel is very new here so he needs to prove himself. This is a toss up.

Utmost vs Flo Real

Utmost is solid and flo has some wording issues. I think utmost is definitley the favorite but flo real could easily get the upset. Hoping for a solid showing from both.

Malachi vs Plot

Mal came with a dope verse for a newb tounrey last round and has the momentum on his side. aint read nothin from plot, mal is the favorite

[God Of War]

Geno

she's sweet, she's eyefood, she's the reason im postal
screaming my vocals, when she gets me heated -im goku
vegeta, i glow blue, and then become a prince in the booth
im on the barstool climbing tables, my footprints in ur soup
fuck it..
when i black out in pain my tempers insane
love letters, charades, her head games better than bait
set in her ways, dumb as shit thinking she wasnt
at the bar again, one beer into drinking a dozen
the alcohol sinks in my stomache, face is flushed
i never knew a love like this, or a waste of one
my tazer gun set to maximum voltage
depression sets in right after your hopeless
focussed on the bartender, shaking her boobs
she only gives me her attention when i pay her for booze
another plate of the truth, and i aint come here to eat
in the back of my head, i just need somewhere to sleep
before this cup burries me, trying to drink to the death
vomit in the bathroom, fucking sinks in my head
stinks in my breath to the point im annoyed
from my poisonous choice, the poison is moist
a brick wall by mysef, im just poise in the void
a toy
pissed off at these 6o watt bulbs in my room
headache is huge, cant move, roommates amused
rude, one more wise crack and imma jive snap
too late for a i told you so's, thats genocides wrath
asprin tabs all i really need to solve it
and a tall glass of water they can each dissolve in
completely nautious, dry heaving, hock, spit
rings under my eyes seem completely gothic
cant call outta work, i dont need the conflict
but sweet dreams are conscious, wide awake
maybe ill clock in and find a place to hideaway
not today, boss crawling up my ass like a fetish
dont wanna fuckem up to bad, but im tempted
the tension i carry from home's on my sleeves
the look on my face saying dont talk to me
so co-workers awkwardly give me the eye
im like, go ahead and cross that invisible line
to my physical side, where you shouldnt approach
two fists balled up, youll be lookin at both


This next section is brought to you by our sponsors Disnee



text illuminati


As you all know there has been talk alot lately since the GOW and AERO battle fiasco about the textilluminati, Most would consider this a myth much like the real illuminati but we at ncnn have went deep undercover to prove once and for all whether there is or is not in fact a textilluminati. Our first piece of evidence is an old photograph we found of a supposed original member only known as nika.



as you can clearly see he has the symbol hidden in a picture frame in a background , we caught up with the illusive nika outside of a footlocker beside a tent unfolding a sleeping bag where he said he was waiting on a pair of jordans to be released in 2016 where all he would tell us was "im retired, whens my verse due next week" and then he disappeared into his tent when a car drove by with the stereo playing "i believe I can fly". With that being a dead end we turned our focus on another notorious textilluminati member, partner in crime to the "nika" this guy goes by the name "bags" here is our first point of evidence.




As you can see we have the pyramid on the pizza cutter. Most people would say "well ncnn what does that matter" and our reply is "what the fuck is there a triangle on a pizza cutter for split eight" anyways, we attempted to interview the elusive bags but as we walked upon his porch his door was nudged open so we was going to walk in for a look until we realised it was not really his house but the girl he had staying with him the night before. upon speaking with her we found that bags was indeed on a quest for a weight scale to have her hold his dog and "weigh it" while she stepped on the scale. so we was at yet another dead end. the next 43 seconds was excruciatinly painful and full of dread from not finding our star witness or breaking evidence until we realised we had one more chance.



as we made our way up the backroads we started seeing clorox bottles laying everywhere until we reached the yard and walked past empty muffin pans and litter boxes until we reached the door and found this taped to the front





after that we knew we was in the right place but at the wrong time judging by the tiremarks from a pimped out grocery store cart we have just missed our oppertunity.


Hopefully one day we can bring you the truth behind the textilluminati but until that day always remember. there is signs everywhere. on behalf of NCnn This is reporter mc exposay saying goodnight.



So that is it, thats the mag, the great and powerful, Or just the mag rofl anyways thank you for everyone for participating, its a good read so read it all, hope everyone enjoyed lets make this shit pop everyone.

[Certain]

Outstanding magazine, gentlemen. I hope to make it into these illustrious pages one day, perhaps as a supporting actor in Juice Box, the Toyz N The Hood sequel.

[God Of War]

Originally Posted by Certain Serpent

Just so we're clear, the verse of the week lost via shutout? Or was that supposed to be PancakeBrah's verse?

Either way, outstanding magazine, gentlemen. I hope to make it into these illustrious pages one day, perhaps as a supporting actor in Juice Box, the Toyz N The Hood sequel.

pancake im pretty sure and appreciate it broseph i did all the work myself dont let meth,sik, or pancake say any different

[Split]

c00l shit by everyone, dope effort

yo this is my personality though. not putting on for boarding purposes. :/

nice read though, serious. list was accurate, could've used more @anime_boners and @Muff...

...just like anything u feel me? :D

next year imma tear up the OMs SPOT

Good job to us.

[God Of War]

Originally Posted by Meth

Good job to us.

GO TO SCHOOL

[Certain]

How you gonna yell at your moderator when his brains are still leaking out his ear after getting hit by a Japanese bullet train?

[Split]

yo but that OM Top 5 is horribly, horribly wrong

Im writing an OM Top 15 to post in the OM, feel free to outsource. ;)

[...the Nagger]

dope mag

i enjoyed my #6 troll ranking and the description seemed to be very well thought out and accurate, I can't complain

only thing I don't like is, I'm in the BA. no BA love? :(

[Vulgar]

Nice mag! Funny stuff.

[Spoken]

Dope fucking mag... It outdid method whole career in making mags tbh....

[Joe Metts]

Aeros a top 5 boarder.

[StarFaggot]

The text illuminati bit was hilarious and extremely well done. Good job to whomever found the pics and spotted the signs.

Top 25 was cool. Lol at DG is literally stupid and lol at Sharp comments, I agree.

Good aggregated mag.

[God Of War]

Originally Posted by Aero

The text illuminati bit was hilarious and extremely well done. Good job to whomever found the pics and spotted the signs.
.

ty my good sir

[PancakeBrah]

Originally Posted by Split Eight

yo but that OM Top 5 is horribly, horribly wrong

I see no problem with it

[veritas]

great mag guys. I lol'd

that pic of strik freaking owned my soul dang.