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Old 12-07-2018, 12:24 AM   #1
Innovator
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Default Asylum vs brokenhal0[ASYLUM WINS]

NWL:Season I: Week VII



Verses ares due: FRIDAY(next week) at 11:59 PM EST

Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30

Voting on 2 battles is required.



TOPIC:

FREE TOPIC THIS WEEK

@asylum @brokenhal0

Last edited by Innovator; Today at 01:12 PM.
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Old 12-10-2018, 06:15 AM   #2
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@brokenhal0 good luck
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Old 12-12-2018, 05:39 AM   #3
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LI

I Escaped from the padded room in the basement
spacemen in enchanted tombs you ask too soon
Abandoned asylums hear the ghost cry on afternoons
Float high with sad ballons stabbin loons gas the spoons
Wipe out your mental molten metal monsoon i let you win
Why. .. Shock therapy medicine lobotomonys so settle in
Ya skull your aslyums dull the hull of your hell was a shrink
Ya think ring the bell we move like ghost in a shell i write anthems
You wish you could tell but could never break the spell of el
poison in the punchline promethazine lunchtime trees grow altered leaves
haunted dreams inhabit hallways which housed such akward beings
aslyum refugees voices roaring set me free now your shut down left to sleep
Creaking floors pest and weeds but your essence feeds a presence
Where madness presses cheeks the dead will speak crazy house mc
I built this asylum in 10 weeks nurses and freaks
i gave em purpose and when they died
We turned em to zombies sent for service

Cold nights and cold days i smoke haze
I know rights i know pain alright its ok
No lights and no chains building remains building remains...

Last edited by brokenhal0; 12-12-2018 at 06:01 AM.
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Old 12-13-2018, 07:59 AM   #4
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it's different now.. can't explain it but it is
walking through this maze's left me lifeless in a ditch
lifes a bitch i was told'n didn't really think it's true
but at this point in life my angel sings a different tune
It changed with hope i had for people and days to come
things change slow before ya even know that you're different
one day a trust fall turns downward spiral ina instant
heading towards our final dance into mist out in the distance
my only regrets not giving her the present of faith for christmas
race through the light to find my halo but it's harder than i think it is
until you're neck deep in a swamp but thirsty enough to drink the shit
sometime's i wonder if this death march is my guardian testing me
feeling familiar tug on my heart's strings in her memories testament
she's in each step you take, and every decision you take to heart
they show resemblance to our fates by making mistakes our mark
our wax is sealed on a letter. It's opened at the gates
as a flame grows in the dark bullets are smelted that hold our names
hardened forces who love their countries fight for central banks
where familiar phrases whistle past some open scars that cover pain
i saw my angel before she left wearing a grim expression
as she was being beamed to the mothership
a yellow light showed in the red beam being beamed up to it hovering
it shone right around her figure long after she'd disapeared
forgot that light for years until one day i saw a person in the street
a glimpse in the eyes of a stranger dropped me to knees
she stopped dead in her tracks screaming and started to cry
but the light grew as bright as the sun and I started to fly
i stand where i kneeled with a broken halo waiting for the sun
just a shadow in a dream of better days that never come

Last edited by asylum; 12-13-2018 at 08:59 AM.
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Old 12-16-2018, 07:49 PM   #5
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This was an interesting battle because it is basically two different topics. Halo's verse was versed in a perspective of a madman and was too say the least quite confusing at times. Topic wise it was creative in a sense I felt as though the asylum was a character. However, when I attempted to read into it metaphorically I couldn't quite grasp it. Asylum's take on the other hand was set to the connection one may have with a loved one such as a spiritual bond that transcends.It was enjoyable the first time to the last time I read it. Asylum's verse was well polished thought out. Halo's verse needed a bit more tweaking. The interesting part is they both aimed at each other in nameplays but Asylum hit the nail on the head. Therefore, I'm giving it to Asylum.
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Old 12-16-2018, 09:03 PM   #6
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I thought it was cute how both of you used each other name's in the verses. Sounds familiar..

Anyways, cool battle. There were certain parts of broken halo's verse I didn't like. Like, the technique is there, but I feel like sometimes things are thrown in just for that fact. There's alliteration that didn't really sit well together, a random rhyme thrown in to keep the rhyme scheme consistent which didn't move the verse forward, it was kind of just there to be like, "hey, i can put schemes together".

I did still enjoy it. The first beginning part was really good, then you got to this line:

Where madness presses cheeks the dead will speak crazy house mc


And, it just went downhill from there. Got the feeling you just wanted to wrap this up quick. Besides some minor personal preference related stuff, this was a decent read.

I think Asylum had the better read. It was just consistently better. It had less technical stuff than broken halo's, but, it was technical & fluent enough to make for a better read. I usually stay away from "cursing" in verses just because, I only use to to really emphasize a certain feeling or whatever, but this line felt real.

until you're neck deep in a swamp but thirsty enough to drink the shit

one day a trust fall turns downward spiral ina instant


That stood out. Simple but, effective.

where familiar phrases whistle past some open scars that cover pain

That was cool too. I dunno, I'm a little confused overall on the topic you had in your mind. Were you an angel, do angels have guardian angels? Were you an angel that had fallen, hence your halo being broken, but then you're beamed up? Are aliens angels? Who's the her? Is that you as a human, loving a her, but giving up hope, I dunno.. it's kind of like, you were writing from a few perspectives all in once & it didn't quite come out correctly. I'm a little confused about it, but it still read good. I think if the narrative was more focused, it would make for a more cohesive topic. I am pretty high right now though.

Anyways, both had good verses, I just liked reading Asylum's verse more.

vAsylum
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Old Yesterday, 06:33 AM   #7
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Nice battle...firstly good looks on both of you showin' unlike others, I thought you both had your up's & downs here.I've always been a fan of Broken's shit but yeah just some things I don't get in his verses...asylum's just idk, seemed to resonate more with me...like Razah said not as technical as Halo's but way more consistent overall...imo.

V/ asylum.
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Old Yesterday, 09:28 AM   #8
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cool verses from both, props for the effort..

halo, i struggled with following the vibe of your verse in some many places honestly and some of the rhyme schemes and alliteration you used were 'filler like' to me. i also struggled to flow with asylum's content especially towards the end but i just think he had an overall better verse compared to his opponent.
v/Asylum
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