Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Vault > Archives > The Netcees archive > Netcees Writers League: Season 1 > Archives

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-08-2018, 08:17 PM   #1
Inno
Ad mini tator
 
Inno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League

Rep Power: 85899399
Inno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond repute
Default Mr. J vs Adonis[J wins]

NWL:Season I: Week IV



Verses ares due: FRIDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30

Voting on 2 battles is required.



TOPIC:

SWAG N FLOW: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

GOODLUCK.


@Adonis @Mr. J

Last edited by Inno; 10-16-2018 at 07:46 PM.
Inno is offline  
Old 10-08-2018, 08:37 PM   #2
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946445
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

So, what is swag and flow? Is there an example I can look at somewhere? @Innovator
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR
Adonis is offline  
Old 10-12-2018, 01:30 AM   #3
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946445
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

@Mr. J

I think we're destined to be rivals. Ext? I haven't begun and no free time tomorrow. But I'll try to post something tomorrow if ext declined
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR
Adonis is offline  
Old 10-12-2018, 07:56 PM   #4
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,016
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349678
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

Check....ok
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline  
Old 10-14-2018, 01:12 AM   #5
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,016
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349678
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

Im here
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline  
Old 10-14-2018, 02:15 AM   #6
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946445
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

Bump your body, get crunk and naughty
That’s your ass? clap that bitch until you’re lost…then found me
Flip that switch, get drowsy
Smoke a spliff and dry heave
Become a gift of my dreams
Not tied down by my genes,
But tied down for the love of…
What’s inside of my jeans
Come on, like me…
Exciting writing
But you’ll never be just like me,
Although you’re try-ing
Twisting rhythm into arithmetic
Folding sentences into a censorship
A raging fire burning inside of penmanship
Captain obvious capsized, come…watch him ending it
If your wrote for purpose instead of rhyme on surface
You'd still be worthless but you might have a shot at being Adonis
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR

Last edited by Adonis; 10-14-2018 at 03:04 AM.
Adonis is offline  
Old 10-14-2018, 02:19 AM   #7
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,016
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349678
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

Word wrangler wrapped in wisdom waiting quietly
Wizadry written as a rap and delivered in every variety
milk hued views on upbringing, aged wine cup sinking.
I know what youre thinking, I fit it to a T, pinky up, singing...
my exaggeration carries on longer than paragraph verses
mediocrity motivated as the higher ups is staring back nervous
off track hubris a nuisance with the last minute penmanship
fat ladys music while the noose is prepared for an opinion, send it in.
got a shell toe and a flip cellphone to make the call now.
the only radioactivity others experience is due to fallout.
anecdotes quoted due to a lack of effort, better scratch the excerpts
got ya girl screaming as I pull the wood out like I had Jenga stacked together
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline  
Old 10-14-2018, 09:17 PM   #8
John Dillinger
Senior Member
 
John Dillinger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 856
Battle Record: 8-7

Accomplishments
-NBL Pic Roast

Champed
-Netcees Writers League

Rep Power: 10281356
John Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant futureJohn Dillinger has a brilliant future
Default

Adonis

This flowed nicely, the ass clap line was kinda homo unless I'm missing something. From 'flip that switch' to 'tied down by my genes' was dope but after that it got kinda gay-ish again. Try-ing line was cool but simple. Sentences in to a censorship was cool. Capsized bar was kind of confusing and the ending was kinda simple again

Mr. J

Opened alright. Pinky up line was ok but not worded the best. Staring back nervous bar was dope. Fat lady/noose bar was cool. Fallout line was meh. Jenga line was cool but coulda been better imo

I'ma go with J on this one. A lil more creative w/ his verse imo
John Dillinger is offline  
Old 10-14-2018, 09:55 PM   #9
bleak
yeet
 
bleak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 1993
Posts: 3,956
Battle Record: 20-34


Champed
- 1-2 Punch League

Rep Power: 17624432
bleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant futurebleak has a brilliant future
Default

My style of SnF is more longbar I'd guess would be a good representation. I like when someone can fit as many inners as possible into a verse and have it read back smoothly. Both of you had an interesting approach to the topic, I liked reading both. I think J did more with the space he was given, had a couple really clean schemes/segments.

A, I think you could have had a better verse with more substance. Since they are very short lines, could have written 30 to give me more of a platform to build off of. Some of the setup lines for your schemes had great flow but then kinda read weird for me in the end.

J

The swag part is v important as well need to add some grime to these
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by takem2school View Post
Me vs you only if that’s what it takes.

Battle to the death
like a woolah what it do to one’s medulla oblongata- revenge of Montezuma on a blotter
bleak is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:16 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+