Week 3: Symetrik vs Aero

[Diablo]

Guerrilla Writing League

Solidify your spot with Guerrillas…


Topic:

Line Limit: 16-32
Check-In’s Due: Wednesday UK time
Verses Due: Friday UK time

@symetrik
@Aero

[symetrik]

cheque

[Aero]

Check. Not losing again. I'm the greatest all around writer.

[symetrik]

napping then writing, see ya soon

[symetrik]

What Horrible News

Chloe came to this truckstop diner on Saturdays and always sat in the same booth,
and while waiting for her food to arrive, she would order a hot latte that was freshly brewed.
She preferred to people-watch or watch the trucks stop instead of reading the news,
cuz it was always bad news...
the doorbell chimed to the opening tune of Toccata and Fugue.

This is where the story begins...
Two young men walked in, mid-conversation - their hoodies up tight to their pale chins;
one had a band-aid on his right cheek, a bottle of gin, and a shit-eating grin.
The other had two missing fingers and a tattoo of an empty checklist of the seven deadliest sins.

Mr Fingers waved down the waitress, grabbed her arm, and told her to give him a spin
while his buddy, Mr Gin, hopped over the counter, reached under the register, and pulled at the pin.
(if you've never done it, it's pretty cool - the register opens up with a "ching!")
Chloe sighed, stood up, and placed her cup in the "leave your dishes" tub by the sink.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Mr Fingers growled at Chloe as she started to move.
She paused momentarily, looked him once over, and then sat back in her booth.
"Hey, fatty." She started to smile. "Hey, stupid. Hey, ugly." Her smile grew.
He let go of the waitress and approached her as she looked up at him. The truth?

She tapped at his tattoo. I'm two, seven, and five.
He looked confused, glanced down, and she pulled out the knife,
(she had grabbed it at the tub in the sink and held it close to her side),
pulled his arm in and plunged the blade through his eye.
Hey, stupid. Now you're missing two digits and probably blind.

Mr Gin finished packing the cash in a bag and looked over his shoulder,
too late to realize Chloe was already on her way over,
her smile wide.

...

One week later, Chloe's back in the diner at her favourite booth.
The doorbell chimes with the sound of the blues,
and she nods to the detective in his uniform boots.
"I'm looking for clues - two bodies were found strangled and half-eaten out at the view..."
The waitress smiled politely. "What horrible news."

[Aero]

*Aero looks at bill from restaurant"

Aero: "Gahhhhhhh damn hoe, what did you order? I'm going to pay for my meal, you pay for yours and I'll leave the tip. Sounds fair?"

Fat chick: "I didn't bring my purse. This is a date. I thought you were an alpha."

Aero:



Youuuu fat, stretch marks, special hoe
Your belly's got more lines than DMX's role
Food is music to your ears, let's stick with the theme
Your meal alone was $112, you think life is Peaches & Cream
You said my eyes took your breath away, said it was the stare
Then we meet & what took your breath away? It was a stair
I said this has a buffet while you were catching your breath
And you turned an All You Can Eat into a Whatever is Left
Bill too high, My guy warned me, I shoulda listened to nig
Said you were a user, and you look like him with a wig

Fatty: Did you at least enjoy my company?
Aero: No, food was good but I suggest you stop
Fatty: Well you did enjoy my company, I own this restaurant..

Now get out witcha broke ass!

[Diablo]

SYM VS AERO - OPEN FOR VOTES!

[Diablo]

LOL

Sym: The not watching the news because it’s always horrible is so true of me, tbh. I don’t watch it much at all. I enjoyed the twist to this one, it reminded me somewhat of a the story of someone killed with a frozen chicken or turkey or something and the police being fed it before their investigation continues so the murder weapon is then gone. Lol. Look it up if you’re not familiar with it.

Aero: This one was more battle orientated and punchline-esque. I liked the Belly line, thought $112 was more creative and original personally. All you can eat into whatever is left was super fire, loved it. Twist was sort of cool, unexpected but I liked it. Prob my fave from you so far

[Scar]

good battle yo

sym this was enjoyable. well plotted and settup showed u pot thoughts behind this. appredciate it, it was like a backwood horror movie, ever watch midnight diner? reminded me of that. this was cool. the only downside were the rhymings. much of which one syllables with easy rhymes like pin/sin spin lol

aero - yeah like diablo said this had a strong battle vibe to it. its about a restaurant owner on a date with some fat bitch. why this nigga want fat bitches? he an owner so he def has money lulz. anyway, the read was fast pace. too fast, imo. i wanted more.

vote - symetrik because his was a full course at a diner, Aero was an appetizer for a fat bitch.

[Master Rock]

sym definitely showed lyrically prowlness and story telling ability at a high level. Sym had depth, visuals, and engaged the senses in a rhythmic manner. Aero's verse was clever but could not match the quality that sym brought to the table this week.

[Larkin]

If it was a buffet how did it cost $112?

[Aero]

Originally Posted by Larkin

If it was a buffet how did it cost $112?

I thought about this and decided to use it anyway for bar purpose.

Mods close this. Good verse Sym