Put The Past Behinnd You. (quick story, keyed up. holla)

[Geno]

this fuckin guy..
he walks backwords tryina' travel the past
but can never quite find the fucking path or its tracks
trapped, and every step forward adds a tack to his task
a coordinate that has to be mapped, a plan has to be hatched
fore he has a relapse and blacks out on a wrath, a powerless addict
dumps his dead bitch on a floor, the cats out of the baggage
he sat down and imagined things were fucking different today
that he isnt in pain, or that he had a bit of restraint
distant, he drifted to childhood and saw his favorite escape
a place where he could go and it would take him away
sacred, its safe, it made him feel like no one else existed in life
but they did, and he isnt there now cause THIS is his life
the bitch is his wife, the dead one that fucking needed to die
cause in his mind, if she wasnt gonna change neither am i
a deciever, a dime, a fucking piece of ass everybody would love
thats why she had affairs that she kept covering up
stuttering slut, cause everytime he asked where the hell she had been..
the perspiration made her lovers cum repel from her skin
convinced, cause he rocognized the fucking odor after a while
it smells exactly how she tastes right after she swallows
her bone fragments attatched to the bottle he bludgeoned her with
nervous -cause hes been in trouble before, just nothing as big
fuck it -he sips a cup filled with the darkest liquer youve seen
hoping hell pass out drunk, and wake up like this is a dream
but this is the scene of real life, and hes making his bed
loading his gun with a bullet that he takes to the head
his hatred has left more blood on his hands than he could handle
the house they died in is haunted with thier memories, candles

[Spoken]

Shotgun the first post for feed


Will get to it eventually lol and when you gonna run write night @Genocide damnit

[Geno]

Ill run one after this weekends over.

Now read and feed damnit

[Sharp]

this was impressive as a key. it woud be a solid drop even if it wasnt keyed tbc. if you hadn't said so in the title i never would've known. the way it was told i kinda go the impression you had the basis for a fairly simple story in mind going into it and gradually revealed the details at your own pace, which i thought was tasteful and effective. there was a sense of demystifying going on - a few occasions of something presented that made me think 'why?' followed shortly by the answer (killed his wife -> because she cheated; drinking -> out of regret/despair). it managed to keep the tone 3rd person but not quite omnipotent - more of a retelling by a bard-like character than just a police report. i think the direction you took with it was a lot more effective in that sense


just some standout moments


fore he has a relapse and blacks out on a wrath, a powerless addict
dumps his dead bitch on a floor, the cats out of the baggage
clean as hell and i love that ending part

he sat down and imagined things were fucking different today
that he isnt in pain, or that he had a bit of restraint
distant, he drifted to childhood and saw his favorite escape
a place where he could go and it would take him away
sacred, its safe, it made him feel like no one else existed in life
but they did, and he isnt there now cause THIS is his life
the bitch is his wife, the dead one that fucking needed to die
cause in his mind, if she wasnt gonna change neither am i
really humanized your character quickly, a lot was conveyed for such a short passage and did a lot as far as character development.

her bone fragments attatched to the bottle he bludgeoned her with
nervous -cause hes been in trouble before, just nothing as big
fuck it -he sips a cup filled with the darkest liquer youve seen
hoping hell pass out drunk, and wake up like this is a dream
those 'nervous' and 'fuck it' breaks read really nicely


a lot of skill found in this key. simple story and done in a fairly straightforward way but with clear finesse and experience. enjoyable read for sure

[Geno]

Appreciate that break down sharp. Your a man of your word.

Upping once, and one time only

[Geno]

do iiiittttttttt