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Old 07-06-2016, 10:03 PM   #1
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Default Final Round: Unbornbuddha vs Frank (FRANK WINS CHAMPIONSHIP 7-2)


Season 6


Verses are due WEDNESDAY 7/13 (NO EXTENSIONS) at 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 7/20 at 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

IF YOU DO NOT POST BEFORE THE DEADLINE YOU LOSE.


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Old 07-07-2016, 01:34 AM   #2
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Default Aesthetic apotheosis

Oil on canvas, bringing life to void abstractions.
Voila! Paint florets growing in the soil and granite.
Creativity stems from the burning loins of passion
And redirecting it to depict visions in a clairvoyant fashion.
Listen to the voice of this planet, disappointment and solace.
Bitter alkaloids to the palate,
The impetus for my hand to employ the palette.
Each stroke a cosmic voyage of madness,
Culminating an artist’s vantage point in stratums.
Aurora borealis portrayal. Immersive magical fable
Casted from the imagination of an interactive creator.
Inspired by multifaceted organic objects
But not bounded by panoramic concepts.
Tracing the contours of the shadows of space
Pulling from a black hole—a shape
What emerges is a six dimensional image.
I sense and see it, but illustrating it is in the realm of physics.
I spend sleepless nights trying to conjure it into art.
Yet, every attempt looks like a monster in the dark
Grotesque to the standards of the stars.
Van goth’s ‘Starry night’ is staggering from far
Universally eliciting catharsis in the heart.
Counterfeit pieces bartered in the bazaar
Hanging on my wall, next to mannequin dolls
Juxtaposed next to Icarus’ gargantuan fall
To the chasm cobras and tarantulas crawl.
Bask in it all! From the Renaissance man who happens to draw
In symmetrical law, i.e. Vitruvian man and its negation of flaw,
To Sistine Chapel’s characterization of god.
Down to the Neanderthal’s skull. Primitive measurements
Evolved into the Lascaux’s Paleolithic renderings.
My own Avant-garde stylistic preference
Places Claude Monet’s work as unparalleled.
Yet, the Baroque of Rembrandt is from another realm
Unfathomable geometric planes of existence.
Moved, I finally begin a painting and finish.
What manifests is sacred and wicked
A lady’s visage that I exhibit for all to see
No words, but a monologue is screamed
Azure and crimson countenance catalogues her dreams.
Neo-impressionists balk at the vociferous expressions
Ignorant impressions, shunning the quiescence quintessence
This is when pointillism becomes pointless with obsolescence.
The coalescing of Nicomachean ethics with the allegory of spring
Every piece plucked from a transitory heart string.
As seen in Delacroix's ‘Death of the Sardanapalus’.
Artists are inherently blind like that spot in the optic disc
But by being conduits they can warp your consciousness.

Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 07-14-2016 at 09:34 PM.
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Old 07-14-2016, 02:57 AM   #3
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Default cherry stellar

Keplar-452b spirals into the spacious galaxy - leaving behind a streak mesmerized and emblazoned
The crystalline titanium spaceship glided in with weightlessness, with hybrid agents. Just miles away from the divine gate of heavens highest haven' mystifying and sacred
The violet horizon vibrantly fades in, volatile vibration - dissapearing into a black hole, with violent gyrations
Tyrant invasions: An entire empire reliantly waiting on her commands, as she defiantly dictates, realigning her bracelets
The abducted human beings look on, defiled and complacent in observatory chambers: lime lighted encasements
Direly gazing out of the liquidized dye, tied in chains, nullified brains, wiped of retainment
Dissectingly strange, all of their desirable traits, indentifiably erased with a white, blinding, blanking: neuralyzing device of deprivation -
Sights set on the guy with humaneness: an enslaved patriot' striped in salvation, in the prime of his creation,
Renegade, she violently rapes him, occupying his space - climbing into his chamber, her thighs slimed, and grinding abrasive
Trying to save her race - the insemination intensified as she faked it - her Alien boyfriend looked on mortified and ashamed
"This is enough!" He politely proclaimed' his voice amplifying with enragement, as she rides his waist with multiplying elations...
Unsatisfied, frustrated, winding her hips, the spaceship wildly shakes, she whines untamed from gratifying fornication
"Dear, your enjoyment of this human interaction isn't too my liking" Evading him, she climaxed, electrified with sensations
The pressure alkalized as the human realized and awakened: she smiled into his face, surprisingly taken
by this human beings drive - gravitating towards his aura: enshrined in its radiance - she exuded delightment
Unappreciated - ramified with accusations, she denied embracing the human being with any true feelings, lying fragrant- falsifying her statements
Lying naked, beautifying her glaze: eyeliner drying after crying from blame, she reapplied the foundation
Nails stained - exhaling on her pink fingertips, the fragrance permeated the spaceship, indescribable, intoxicating,
The Alien thinks quietly in isolation: justifying his retaliation, a horrifying castration, rectifying the situation facing unobliging betrayment
His pride berating him: a strong distaste, vile salivating of a dying estrangement.
Alienation, pacing the spaceship- accelerating at stupefying rates through unsolidified decaying
The make-up, patted dry, she decorated her face, masquerading, hypnotized, impregnated
Humming a lullaby to her baby: purifying, penetrative, pacifying resonation
Gentrifying the nation, crucified for associating with the human, she is villainized for the ages
Magnified for her grace, glorified for her shape, exemplifying, a maiden
Her lipstick styling saying "I don't mind your acquaintance" bottle of wine at my place
Her erogenous zone shines from abstaining - glowing, deviating, from her boyfriends spying station
Unapologizingly playing him, sighting an ultimatum, not to engage with human kind of any kind on the crusades
Her black hole pried and gaped in cyber space, the universes Valentine
You stank b**** everything we ever had you violated and tainted, your ad in the classifieds for riding the spaceship
Becoming violently jaded, a lone firefly, excited, unscathed in a new environment
Celebrating your liberation in this final portrayment, close your eyes on the hiatus
Showing you her true colors: don't try to repaint them

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Old 07-16-2016, 10:37 PM   #4
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Franker

Opener is leading me to path where Humans from our earth are landing on another Earth like planet, aka keplar 452b. I liked the alliteration in the third line with the use of the letter "V", however, I must add that it was not completely smooth in traditional flows sense IMO, but points always when someone throws out alliteration, that shit is hard to do proper or even close. about a quarter way through and it seems as though the aliens, which ironically in this scenario are humans, are taken captive. I love the direction of the story, but there still is something missing in terms of word choice for me. I truly do think you hold your self back by constantly conforming to this style that you have beat to death over the years. I'm not saying it's a bad style, I'm saying everyone needs a curve ball at some point in time, not even Nolan Ryan could win with only fastballs yaddimean? Ya, love the direction and concept but these bars be wildly inconsistent, shit like 10, 16,7,20,14. Hard to keep a flow paced well when such is the case. I quote, "she faked it....Multiplying elations" Not only are the two contradictory, but I really don't think you can "multiply elations", your using the wrong tense in something man. With that said, again, the concept is still overshadowing the errors. This female inhabitant mounts a patriot who is "stripped with salvation", a clear specimen of our human culture, a brock lesnar or Dwayne Johnson if you will, at least that is what I imagine. Stripped with salvation is a very awkward turn of phrase. "lying fragrant" is another example of such. You did play the whole, she doesn't like it but she clearly does angle quite a bit here, so I'm wondering if you are playing opposites in some bigger picture type thing, but I doubt it, and we'll see. "vile salivating of a dying estrangement." another example of poor wording. "accelerating at stupefying rates through unsolidified decaying " .... .... .... In the end, she is patronized for being impregnated and enjoying the company of the earthling. Your closer is essentially stating the topic, referencing the true colors of the female characters feelings and desires.

I loved the concept thoroughly, you executed that aspect of my vote with flying colors, and I mean that in the highest of regard. Unfortunately, and I'm sure I'm the minority here, because I'm the only one who ever points it out, but the errors that I quoted weighed the verse down, bringing it back to decent, when it was on pace and projected to finish as classic. Such a shame, as is, I don't love the verse, I love the concept, and simply enjoyed the verse.

================================================== =============================================


Buddha


First off, from the looks of this layout you clearly attacked him stylistically in terms of structure and flow. I haven't read a word yet so there is no telling if you can pull it off, but the fact that you are going for the win here, using your brain to win rather then brawn shows grandiose wit you possess and release. Lego... I liked your use of other artists throughout time to connect your concept with the topic. I loved the flow; from Multies to precise use of syllable placement spread across anywhere from 2-6 syllables and 2-3 words. That don't make sense, sorry, makes sense to me though bruhv. I love the concept behind your opening line, "void abstractions". I think distractions better fits, but given the recurring theme of art/artforms/artists your original word choice works just fine. I love this line, "The impetus for my hand to employ the palette." Two thumbs up, you quickly build a story and give the character meaning and background with this simple line, he is a hero and out to put the 'form' back in 'art-form'. I love the detail you gave when your character is struggling, and rightfully so, to artistically portray a six dimensional object, in every sense this is impossible, yet you purposely wrote, verbatim, "drawing this six dimensional object is doable". Good shit... I have to back track some, but I won't. This concept is very heavily layered. Yet again your streaming thoughts and questions do not cease to amaze. I got the sense that you were tiptoeing around a 'universal knowledge' or 'Akashic Records'. I feel as if you never truly came out in the open stating this, but left a bread crumb trail directly to it. The closer also was linked to this artist reveling in the fact that he and other greats, were able to create art that in one stretches the mind, and all together are another dimension all together. Super dope concept my man, I enjoyed this read through and through. You clearly wanted to highlight flow and word usage, but the more impressive part of this is your ability to execute a concept that would be tough to formulate with out rhymes, yet you did all of this while taking the hard route and simply flexing that pen game.






v/ Buddha



This is a close battle because of Franks stellar concept. I'm sure similar takes on concepts have been done before, but his was detailed and dark, it hit stride and focused in on a female character and multiple civilizations all at the same time. His errors did him in though. Buddha's concept may not be as flashy, but when you add in all the flair from multie syllable formulations to giving props to the greats, to dancing around the thought of images with a dimensional make up which we can not comprehend. Yet, he did this all executing EVERYTHING at an elite level. This is a true concept piece that flirts with a story or a slick mash of traditional and new age topical.


Thank you both for doing your thing.
I loved the alliteration frank, more then once as well.
I loved the concept more then most I have read over a 2 year span
Buddha
I loved the detail you added, from the massive amount of references to a butter flow that contains compact meanings. Animal style.


v/buddha

brilliant battle
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Old 07-26-2016, 10:53 AM   #5
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God – whoa, this is brilliant. So worthy of a championship verse. As someone with a keen background in art, I really felt the piece in places. ill take it ‘van goth' was a typo but there were references in here (as there usually is with u) that I had to quickly research, that went over my head.
I have to quote this part, cuz its fooking dope!!!!

“Juxtaposed next to Icarus’ gargantuan fall
To the chasm cobras and tarantulas crawl.
Bask in it all! From the Renaissance man who happens to draw
In symmetrical law, i.e. Vitruvian man and its negation of flaw,
To Sistine Chapel’s characterization of god.
Down to the Neanderthal’s skull. Primitive measurements
Evolved into the Lascaux’s Paleolithic renderings.
My own Avant-garde stylistic preference”

Perhaps the biggest surprise was the level of lyricism u portrayed overall, some of it comes out a little forced in my accent. I noticed one or two unmatching syllables but that’s nit picking has most ppl can be guilty of that. It felt like u kinda tried to match franks style but it paid off imo. Top drawer



Frank – three lines in and im already taken aback, this will hard to fooking judge!
I have a slight fear this might all be a metaphor of something else entirely. It’s something about your style that gives me a buzz wen reading, on personal preference, please never change it but make that pen game a bit tighter m8. The closer is dope, ‘females’ are ‘females’ no matter what lifeform, species they are, brill!
I do agree that some of the wording felt awkward, almost unnatural phrasing in parts, ‘grinding abrasive’ was another I picked up on. BUT its only in commitment to the rhyming patterns youve produced, so im a huge hypocrite for pointing that out, cuz I sacrifice content for scheming most the time.
Im a massive fan of the internal rhyming you began to execute e.g. "glorified for her shape/ exemplifying, a maiden. "
But especially in the early stages of your verse, I saw some unmatching, it was hard to miss and I hate myself for spotting them cuz on first glance it reads so sick and I’d able to enjoy reading it that little bit more. Crazy verse in all and enjoyed reading as ever, I just think Complex got this one!

Good match up lads!
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Old 07-29-2016, 06:01 PM   #6
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V frank

Buddha I love you bro but Jesus that shit was boring. Sorry

We get it you know stuff. You're cultured and well read and know lots of stuff about things. You are so good at what you do but this came off as sort of pretentious. You lay it on so fucking thick.

V frank for that reapplying foundation line. You're a cunt too but this was definitely a more interesting take for me on an all-around uninspiring picture topic. Especially for a finals.

But cheers to asylum for being excellent and forging the AOWL this season. Winter topical coming up in a few months. It's about to be cracking.

V frank
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Old 07-29-2016, 08:16 PM   #7
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buddha - i think your closing couplet was the strongest part of your verse. your brevity juxtaposed to franks style made for an interesting battle. i think you bounced around a bit on your concept and took a more topical approach, dangerous choice against a storyteller like Frank.

Frank - did you make your second line two lines on purpose? lol. I enjoyed your spin on the topic, very creative. Well rounded verse, long winded but enjoyable nonetheless. I think your final touches really gave you the edge in this battle.

MVGT Frank for the more enjoyable and well rounded verse. I simply enjoyed his more.
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Old 07-31-2016, 04:10 PM   #8
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Buddha, for the most part I really enjoyed your piece.
its more out of your comfort zone which makes it unique
I disliked the random placing of Voila in the beginning...
I just felt that it made that whole sequence kind of bumpy
there were a few spelling errors scattered throughout though.
after I finished loln at Van Goth I enjoyed the mannequin line
the whole touching on artistry reminded me of an old piece I did.
I was thinking about touching it up but cant find it :(
otherwise the ending felt like it didnt fit with your piece.
if you are going to Salsa in your piece make sure your partner follows
you took a step back & added the female a tad later than you should.
either way this was a cool piece.

Frank, *sigh* yea this was cool...but why? why? you should switch it up...
you have the ability to craft a nice piece with the rate you are getting your groove back
I enjoy how you are capable of capitalizing with this concoction of creativity
you come correct each chance you connect with a challenger such as Complex...
but I swear to god if I have to read another short story from you maaaaan...
either way I thought that this was one of your more complete verses.
you overwrite a line but the ending came at the perfect time...you didnt write 70 lines
you learned to control yourself and that is admirable because this was a great piece.

v/Frank

overall this was a cool battle, I enjoyed both works
both had their faults with spelling & words that dont exist.............
but they both came correct, one was more enjoyable than the other..
I felt Buddha should have focused on the woman more than name dropping artists.
I get that its kind of...possibly very hard to come up with a piece to this pic...
Frank had a bumpy start but after the first 20 lines its great....joking.
after the first 4 lines Frank picks it up & runs with it like you would expect.
would have appreciated a more balanced battle but Frank got this in my eyes
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Old 07-31-2016, 05:37 PM   #9
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UnbornBuddha: The problems here began at conception. Your topic was a painting, so you decided to approach it as an opportunity for a tangential, digressing art history survey. You had the painter of the painting explain why he loves paintings, while barely mentioning the one you were supposed to write about. Therefore, with maybe three lines edited, this verse could have been used with the topic being literally any painting.

“I finally begin a painting and finish.” There is the root of the problem. The entire action or movement of your verse is contained in one sentence. Mostly, you spent a lot of time telling us why art is important without showing us anything to prove the case. The mix of allusions was largely surface-level, the types of examples people who may not genuinely be enthralled in the art world would use to impress someone. I had a particular distaste for this couplet: “My own Avant-garde stylistic preference/ Places Claude Monet’s work as unparalleled.” Monet was avant-garde in his era, but an artist with an “avant-garde stylistic preference” would not be likely to idolize someone who died 90 years ago, nor does this painting that is the topic reflect much of an avante-garde taste set or a Monet debt.

There were good things about this verse. Several turns of phrase were creative: “Listen to the voice of this planet, disappointment and solace” and “This is when pointillism becomes pointless” in particular stood out. The rhyming was sound, though the cadence felt herky-jerky at times because of the abundant use of big words. But the piece was overwhelmingly flat. You attempted to convince an audience of writers in the value of painting, and you avoided humanization or clearly delineated purpose. Art can be tricky that way; the purpose of art often is art, which is fine. But I don’t feel as though you earned the end note about art’s importance. Instead, it felt more like a cynical attempt to prove intelligence with big words and mostly obvious references. The topic barely related, and the verse was boring.

Frank: Two elements compose your storytelling style that each serves as a gift and a curse. The first is your ability drop the reader into a new world or setting without warning and to simply begin. You are not beholden to any introductory redundancies, which allows your work to feel imminent. However, this element also leaves your stories unmoored at times, difficult to contextualize beyond that immediacy. The second is your strict adherence to atmosphere above all else. It’s almost a requirement to continue that immediacy. But it comes with a tendency to misuse and make up words and to force your heavy rhyming because those elements build the mood of your work. You place almost every writing value over clarity, which further alienates the reader, and the abundance of adjectives and adverbs too frequently bogs down the story.

That is to say, this verse was distinctly yours. There were so many elements teased here. The story was impressive and immersive, and the final scene in particular worked so well with the topic. There were a dozen slices of social commentary layered on top of a story that largely felt like a pornographic dream —the sexy alien abducts the good man and forces him to have sex with her. The twisting emotions are a product of the atmosphere you built gave this verse several temporarily relatable characters and a complex view of the morality of the events in the verse.

The bizarre part was that this all happened with almost no explanation of the stakes. Most of the descriptions of space were vague and even nonsensical. Why would Keplar-452b (sic.) be spiraling into a spacious galaxy? I take it we’re supposed to assume that the black hole is the star Kepler, around which the planet was revolving previously, and that the star dissolved to leave its quasi-human inhabitants on a spaceship looking to protect their species by mating with humans from Earth. The pieces were there to gather that story line, but they should have been laid out in a much cleaner format with just a few tweaks. The repeated misuse (or, more euphemistically, recasting) of words definitely did not help in forming a fuller view of the world outside the spaceship. Why wasn’t the alien boyfriend able to mate? What was the advantage to reproducing with a human?

Either way, your strengths here shone bright enough to take this battle. Your approach was creative as hell, and you held my attention and pushed my thinking, while UnbornBuddha seemed to be insulting his readers in parts of his verse. The humanity (and non-humanity) of your verse won over the academic, dry stylings of your opponent.

Vote: Frank
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Old 08-03-2016, 08:44 AM   #10
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Good match here fellas...


Unborn

Cool approach here, I dug the direction you took on the picture and you're obviously well-versed in the world of art and artists, given your content. For me it didn't start off strong, but by the end of the first quarter, I got drawn in. I agree with MMLP about the part he quoted, starting with the icarus line, it was solid and smooth. Bonus points for changing it up stylistically and attempting to attack frank at what he does. All in all though, it ended up feeling kind of expository, descriptive but in a bland way, to be somewhat paradoxical. I've been guilty of this myself, it can be hard to get away from on a topic you know so much about. All in all though, nice work here. Congrats again on getting to the championship match.

Frank

You did what you usually do, and in this case (as most) it worked out really well. You grabbed me from the beginning and kept me interested pretty much all the way through. The flow was smooth from the get-go, and I also liked the alliteration use near the beginning. Your use of vocabulary really set the tone of your piece, and it's execution helped bring it together. Your use of descriptive language to set the scene is impressive here. Enjoyed it sir, many thanks. And again, congratulations on getting to the championship match.


All in all, I did enjoy both, but after reading each a second time, I've got to go with Frank. His just grabbed me a little bit more. Good match fellas, enjoyed this entire season.

v/ Frank
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Old 08-04-2016, 12:55 PM   #11
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Frank leads 5-2. @PancakeBrah, @Split Eight, @Vulgar?
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Old 08-09-2016, 12:50 AM   #12
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crown frank already, both brought it but franks hit a little harder, I will try to elaborate more tomorrow, I'm tired right now


v frank
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Old 08-11-2016, 04:21 PM   #13
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asylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant futureasylum has a brilliant future
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@breathless - this is his vote, he couldnt log into the site for some reason. but he read the verse and sent the vote to me.



"Voting for Frank, reluctantly, UBB was too intellectual without comparative laymen terms, although i understood most of it, it was pretentious and lame in context. I hate Frank's style, but he wasn't too ridiculous with it this time, actually had some decent rhymes in his run-on paragraphs, a bit heavy on the suffix schemes but yea, his story was awesome, ubb was more mensa application than story substance"

Last edited by asylum; 08-15-2016 at 08:20 AM.
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