09-03-2018, 01:46 AM | #1 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
abject
here with
me in secret when your whisper is soft pebble stony parkway put a brick in our skull simple and wrong, live for the cause, that's the routine chlorophyl fiend, manic pixie licking lavender leaves left lane lapping the league. fasten your seatbelt when we're lost in the riptides, avast ye at seaside capital Beehive. radical streetsigns, hesitant peace tread softly on an echoing scream. let it be forever diseased. project unto our daily misfortunes sidewalk chalk our neighborhoods to make us immortal paint portraits, glitter gorgeous woodframe nailed to the floor - look down a bit more. humble yourself at the door we're lost in a war. it's always snake versus scorpion opposing forces gridlocked while they're faking importance Annie get your hand grenade, we're already home calmly as ever, genocidal over jelly and toast settling slowly into a steady remoteness, wretched unclean red roses, heavy bleeding gasping to breathe shadow puppet cast across a metal machine smoke gasoline projecting out a sentient being neglectful indecent, yet blessed is He, who slept in the cold shivering in sleeping bags in 20 below rental homes and prednisone, we settled for sociable indigo scent collarbone blend Fendi cologne cheri amore, no, your cherry is poison. bad to the bone engage your demon in a vain attempt to battle my own let it go
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Zack Wicks for president |
09-03-2018, 09:20 AM | #2 | |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
Quote:
i think this was cool. indigo scent collarbone blend, was great imagery. cheri s'more was great too. bad to the bone seemed almost rushed but needed there. if that makes sense? i feel sometimes as if there's moments where the metaphor is so intact that you almost need a movie or a visual drawing of what is going on, EXACTLY. shadow puppet over metal machine is almost vague. maybe it's an actual shadow puppet over an actual metal machine. or an image the author had of a shadow telling a story that maybe he didn't want to find? like it's nighttime and you see shadows moving from the window and they're cast on the car you drove there from the outside? like that's how far it could stretch and I'm just oblivious to the actual meaning. nonetheless the way it has me thinking is cool enough for me to maintain enjoying it. you brandish this writers voice that is moreso talking along telling a story. it's never, annnie stood at the door and told me goodbye. it's more like annie whispered hesitantly. melting at door. then it retains that same feeling throughout. which i've noticed you do frequentlt. nothing wrong it. just neat how you maintain the same exact techniques that seem to be so distant in understanding. good stuff. the vagueness here set it apart from a few recent pieces but maybe that's just me getting influence from pharaoh who doesn't understand shit. THAT BEING SAID. i understoood the bulk of it and probably understood it all, i just questioned my intelligence. |
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09-04-2018, 05:00 PM | #3 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
I love when bbdbb dissects dead boy lyrics.
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09-04-2018, 05:10 PM | #4 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
if you come across anything i may like here or outside these forums please let me know and i'll dissect it for you. haven't done any of your stuff in awhile. grace me with something? something we talked about. thanks
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10-21-2018, 09:21 AM | #5 |
nok Su kow
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,507
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 51788019 |
Dope. This flowed like pussy juice when you hit the tongue rhythm speed slot correctly. All butter.
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
10-30-2018, 03:19 PM | #6 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584275 |
I think you should trademark, copywrite or patent this flow. It's always the same, but it's always smooth and effortless and uniquely your own. It's dope to say the least.
Other than that .... I'm not sure what to say about this drop. I mean, I enjoyed it. It was good. It read like a memoir or a memory of a time, a girl, a life once lived. Idk. I suppose I could break down all the haunting like imagery, the duality, polarity, how all your pieces consist of a ghostly muse or how the two characters always apear to be at odds with one another, yet complete each other at the same time. Almost like eternal soul mates searching for (and constantly separating from) one another throughout space and time. Idk. I like it though. Good write up, Black. Per usual.
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12-22-2018, 03:23 AM | #7 |
Satan
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,156
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129212 |
This is probably one of your best drops. I truly enjoy the ending line of this piece, was quite lovely in demise. The writing you acquire is stylish and pristine in it's own way, I don't see you as a amateur but a student of the craft. You have a good grasp of mental skill and mechanics, suggested that this is also rap, and also poetry; it's quite clear you're quite good at the craft. I enjoyed this topical piece; you're a very talented writer. Keep the pen' moving, man. You're a good writer, keep it up!
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