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Old 02-16-2021, 02:56 AM   #1
Adverse
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Talking WEEK TEN: ADVERSE 2-2 vs BROKENHAL0 2-2 HAL0 WINS (FUCK)

AOWL Season IX FINAL WEEK

@brokenhal0 @fraze @Adverse

VERSES DUE: SATURDAY FEBRUARY 20th @ 11:59PM EST


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Old 02-16-2021, 12:43 PM   #2
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Old 02-16-2021, 02:25 PM   #3
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Apologies to both of you guys, don't think I'm going to be able to finish my verse in time.

I'll still feed/vote when you guys drop, but I'm about to fall asleep and I only have a half finished verse.
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Last edited by fraze; 02-21-2021 at 10:53 PM.
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Old 02-16-2021, 07:45 PM   #4
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Old 02-19-2021, 08:03 PM   #5
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''METAPHORPHOSIS''


As I fly again followed by lines of leviathan
1000 butterflies explode out my sinuses
gliding wish grounded in the bind they in
crawling into the surroundings im outside again
shadows of self

Caterpillars at your feet astounded by your needs
monarchs in a minor league
painted lady on some cypress trees
a sight to see but she didn't like the bees
mourning cloak with designer jeans

Look deeper and you'll find the leaves
look deeper and you'll find the scheme
verbena nectar mixed with arabica beans
a red admirals what the amateurs need
humanity is the real animal breed
float like a butterfly it comes natural to me

Like a common buckeye who got eyes on it's wings
a viceroy when I counter the kings powerful things
my skin smooth as velvet soft as a felt tip
but I fell once you felt it grounded and helpless
for so many years we held that back
sad southern dogface with a burlap sack

Forgotten guilt woven into a canoe of silk
the clouded sulphor waits near the silt
near the wheat stalks and phalaris grass
standing taller then all praying mantis's
designs on my wings represent god's canvases

Contrast Baltimore checkspot floating in a trap house
on the coast of maryland during a blackout
tawny emperor tempt you to tap out
inside a crystal chrysalis whipping the crack out

As the hours loom in this cocoon of callus
punitive prowess
my form molts within beautiful flowers
the results of patience in two different echos
the qualm of resilience I didn't become food for the geckos

In different tempos the pupa crawls threw ya window
on different levels swallowtails land on purple roses
back in the meadows where my kind was forced fed
pesticides threw swollen noses

A wood nymph's hocus pocus got me focused
when the locust swarmed we hid in the barn
like disgruntled soldiers
see us first when the flood is over
see the moths when the sun gets lower

Mariposa mystified magical metamorphosis
marigolds in mid july milk magnificent maltiness
the scent of desert oud in the open air
I can only dare remember markets in marrakesh
where the white witch feeds off cotton in woven chairs

A parallel reality which intersects the causal
butterfly effect small things effect the normal
nothing's exempt when I die I leave nothing for you!
like a scarlet tiger feeding on honeysuckle and hemp

It was no trouble for the spiders to sucker you in
in the beauty of change I hope you win
in the nature of your being you own the wind...

Last edited by brokenhal0; 02-21-2021 at 06:10 PM.
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Old 02-21-2021, 11:08 PM   #6
Adverse
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All the beautiful words you told me took on a life of their own
Crawling beneath my skin, exuberantly sending chills inside of my bones
Poetry in motion pictures, a love fit for a silver screen appearance
The signs were all around us but you could never color me coherent
Your kisses left me bubbly, but the script had always troubled me
I saw the last act in a premonition, of a future so befuddling
But I ignored my foresight when the butterflies fluttered their wings
As the velvet brushed the insides of my stomach I was filled with the uttermost glee
The only conceivable comparison to rival your perfection
Were the wide jubilant grins of my childhood contentment

But piece by piece, you peeled my innocence away from me
I realized you were living a facade, rehearsing every word you’d say to me
Once the boisterous allure of your love began to grow thin
I was finally able to reach through your lovely disguise n touch your cold skin
I used to use your glowing embrace to show me the way, like a lamplight
But now the glow starts to fade like the smoldering flames of a campsite
And I’m frozen in place, I can’t shoulder the blame but that’s why
Our story’s pages will forever remain blank, the words have flown from the page to vast heights

Buried under the decaying grey of December skies, our magic was burned
Your same words that used to make me float with butterflies....
Now left me to waste away with the maggots and worms

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Old 02-25-2021, 09:53 PM   #7
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brokenhal0:

This is one of your better works. I really liked most of it. Except for the part you misspelled "through" as "threw". 2 Times. SAME AS THE LAST BATTLE OF YOURS I VOTED ON. LEARN HOW TO FUCKING SPELL "THROUGH" DUDE. I'm a nice guy but it almost cost you this vote.

I liked this verse because of the dense imagery, all the insect references, the "m" alliteration, the rhyming. Parts of it gave me the feels, which is why I feel it topped Adverse's more traditional verse here.

Adverse:

A tale of a tarnished love. Started as true love but eventually decayed. I really thought you had good multis in this one, and that is usually your strong suit. But for lack of a better word, this verse didn't quite have the "oomf", or "impact" that I found in brokenhal0's.

I think his firepower here was enough for the upset.
He's very lucky I'm forgiving his FOURTH misspelling of the word "through".

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Old 02-26-2021, 11:56 PM   #8
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnERrvsGGZ4
Vote broken, view video for details.
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Old 02-28-2021, 10:47 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenhal0 View Post
As I fly again followed by lines of leviathan
1000 butterflies explode out my sinuses
gliding wish grounded in the bind they in
crawling into the surroundings im outside again
shadows of self
nice start. cool rhymes, well worded

Caterpillars at your feet astounded by your needs
monarchs in a minor league
painted lady on some cypress trees
a sight to see but she didn't like the bees
mourning cloak with designer jeans
like the bug references. rhymes don't have a clear direction yet

Look deeper and you'll find the leaves
look deeper and you'll find the scheme
verbena nectar mixed with arabica beans
a red admirals what the amateurs need
humanity is the real animal breed
float like a butterfly it comes natural to me
nice word choices and rhymes

Like a common buckeye who got eyes on it's wings
a viceroy when I counter the kings powerful things
my skin smooth as velvet soft as a felt tip
but I fell once you felt it grounded and helpless
for so many years we held that back
sad southern dogface with a burlap sack
rhymes and word choices are nice. very abstract

Forgotten guilt woven into a canoe of silk
the clouded sulphor waits near the silt
near the wheat stalks and phalaris grass
standing taller then all praying mantis's
designs on my wings represent god's canvases
this is nice. one of my favorite sections

Contrast Baltimore checkspot floating in a trap house
on the coast of maryland during a blackout
tawny emperor tempt you to tap out
inside a crystal chrysalis whipping the crack out
this is swaggy.

As the hours loom in this cocoon of callus
punitive prowess
my form molts within beautiful flowers
the results of patience in two different echos
the qualm of resilience I didn't become food for the geckos
this is cool. nice rhymes but still don't have direction

In different tempos the pupa crawls threw ya window
on different levels swallowtails land on purple roses
back in the meadows where my kind was forced fed
pesticides threw swollen noses
rhyme scheme is nice. imagery and metaphor

A wood nymph's hocus pocus got me focused
when the locust swarmed we hid in the barn
like disgruntled soldiers
see us first when the flood is over
see the moths when the sun gets lower
nice imagery again. rhyming is a little looser here

Mariposa mystified magical metamorphosis
marigolds in mid july milk magnificent maltiness
the scent of desert oud in the open air
I can only dare remember markets in marrakesh
where the white witch feeds off cotton in woven chairs
like the aliteration but content is hit or miss for me. mariposa is a nice touch

A parallel reality which intersects the causal
butterfly effect small things effect the normal
nothing's exempt when I die I leave nothing for you!
like a scarlet tiger feeding on honeysuckle and hemp
something feels missing here but i like the concepts

It was no trouble for the spiders to sucker you in
in the beauty of change I hope you win
in the nature of your being you own the wind...
ending is a little flat to me but liked spider concept
nice verse. one of the best i've read from you. your style is a little more indirect than i'd like because it makes the reader do a lot of work to parse your meanings. great vocabulary and rhymes through out which makes it enjoyable to read, but i can't exactly say i know what the point of your piece was.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adverse View Post

All the beautiful words you told me took on a life of their own
Crawling beneath my skin, exuberantly sending chills inside of my bones
Poetry in motion pictures, a love fit for a silver screen appearance
The signs were all around us but you could never color me coherent
nice flow. like the movie/color imagery
Your kisses left me bubbly, but the script had always troubled me
I saw the last act in a premonition, of a future so befuddling
But I ignored my foresight when the butterflies fluttered their wings
As the velvet brushed the insides of my stomach I was filled with the uttermost glee
The only conceivable comparison to rival your perfection
Were the wide jubilant grins of my childhood contentment
nice flip on the pic. cool angle.

But piece by piece, you peeled my innocence away from me
I realized you were living a facade, rehearsing every word you’d say to me
Once the boisterous allure of your love began to grow thin
I was finally able to reach through your lovely disguise n touch your cold skin
I used to use your glowing embrace to show me the way, like a lamplight
But now the glow starts to fade like the smoldering flames of a campsite
And I’m frozen in place, I can’t shoulder the blame but that’s why
Our story’s pages will forever remain blank, the words have flown from the page to vast heights
flow is still on point. nice pic tie in at the end

Buried under the decaying grey of December skies, our magic was burned
Your same words that used to make me float with butterflies....
Now left me to waste away with the maggots and worms
ending feels abrupt but i like the direction you went with this
[/B]
Really enjoyed this verse from you Adverse. Did more tie ins to the picture than usual and took a creative approach to the topic.

Vote: AdverseThis is kinda hard to judge for me. Enjoyed both verses for different reasons. Both had great rhymes tho I would give a slight edge to Adverse for the consistency of his flow. That being said. Halo had a lot more diversity and complexity in his rhyme schemes, so I could see the argument for him winning this category. Both had good word choices, tho halo was flexing a bit with the vocabulary so I'd have to give him the advantage on that. In terms of narrative/meaning, halo's pieces are always jigsaw puzzles to decipher while Adverse had a somewhat abstract but interesting love story which gives him an edge there. I also feel like while halo did a great job of using bug related terms to tie back to the pic, Adverse connected to the pic a lot more directly which gives him the edge in terms of using the topic. Both are well written pieces and Adverse was a little short, but it comes out close to a tie for me. I give an edge to Adverse for enjoyability but that's purely a style thing, so please don't hate me halo, you wrote an amazing piece this week.
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