Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Netcees - Leagues & Tournaments > Summer Classic: A Topical Thing > Archives

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-26-2019, 10:44 PM   #1
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,759
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9934556
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default Quarter Finals: MMLP vs. Diablo [DIABLO 5-0]








SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
TUESDAY JULY 30th at 11:59P.M. Pacific/West Coast or TUESDAY 2:59 AM Eastern / 7:59 AM TUESDAY Central European/London
MAXIMUM 2 extensions granted upon request in this tournament


Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due THURSDAY August 1st at 11:59 p.m. Western Pacific / or FRIDAY 2:59 PM Eastern / 7:59 AM FRIDAY Central European/London Failure to vote will result in negative votes the following round if you win....See rules thread for explanation

All competitors must vote on ALL OTHER battles

Read the full rules here!



Topic:

Must "Check-in" by WEDNESDAY July 28th


@MMLP
@Diablo


G/Luck
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR

Last edited by Adonis; 08-03-2019 at 12:15 PM.
Adonis is offline  
Old 07-31-2019, 08:32 AM   #2
MMLP
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 483
Battle Record: 6-9


Champed
- Write Week 9

Rep Power: 9714980
MMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant future
Default look out for those sea nets

Let me start with the ending of a short but brilliant life
the darkness had crept in as they were slitting my sides
the piercing knife meant the pain was to progress
as fixed as my eyes was their unwavering intent
the blading unrelenting with a number of cuts
the suffocating had intensified as I struggled to puff
in a puddle of blood, it was over in minutes
becoming the hunted in an ocean of fishes
any hope was diminished when slammed on a deck
openly swimming until I was snatched from the rest
captured and then exposed to the open air
flapping my head and tail, open-mouthed, bones and hair
Groaning but no one cared, my weeping unheard
sworn solely to focus their mission to keep up their search
I was free as a bird who flowed through the sea
had the freedom of earth, the oceans, its peaks
roaming beneath with the creatures below
zoned on the beach til the bait teased us in droves
we were that easy to coax and controlled in a moment
its the reality we face,
to you, seizing a shoal is just a drop in the ocean!

Last edited by MMLP; 07-31-2019 at 08:33 AM. Reason: look out for those sea nets
MMLP is offline  
Old 07-31-2019, 08:40 AM   #3
Diablo
Badgerdick
 
Diablo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 1,700
Battle Record: 4-2



Rep Power: 21884801
Diablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant future
Default



”Net Seas”

“Between you and me,” the fish begins gasping
“This here used to be a spot swimming with talent,”
The glint in his nacreous pearls fades from the eyes
into stygian blackness at the changing of tides.
“New waves would arrive, but old schools wouldn’t adapt,”
The grey he now glides through hid its colourful past.
A lusciously lavish lime-green grows festered with fauna
as young whippersnappers seek less treacherous waters.
The septic old stalwarts are stuck in their ways
full of selfish importance and reluctant to change.
They love to inflate their worth to excess in verbatim
too stubborn to make way for the next generation.
Those set in their ways want to keep what they have
- with the rest relegated to feed off their scraps.
The green-gilled that gather can’t afford to be different
so they eat up the chance of each morsel they’re given.
There’s a war of attrition bubbling already amidst them
as it’s poor eco-system brings the threat of extinction.
The real enemy isn’t sharing space in the pond
- but in letting its visitors stagnate for too long.
When the greyfish are gone, I’ll carry this place on my back
despite my aging accomplishments or the weight of the task.
But it takes a collaborative effort for our scene to survive
and we must sustain what we have to help us keep it alive.
I’m breathing new life into it, whether as big as some think
or a meaningless fry, but either way - I’m still just a fish.
You sink or you swim, the size of the pond our sort inhibit
is insignificant, it’s little fish that make all the difference.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by dull boy View Post
I've never paid for vagina. Wouldn't enjoy it. I'd end up wanting to ask them about their lives and shit.
Diablo is offline  
Old 08-01-2019, 03:09 PM   #4
Pharaohs Army
senior writer
 
Pharaohs Army's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,483
Battle Record: 0-5



Rep Power: 13466171
Pharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant future
Default

MMLP:
So we have the plight of a caught fish, from the fish's POV, told in good detail and imagery.
the blading unrelenting with a number of cuts
the suffocating had intensified as I struggled to puff
in a puddle of blood,

Good.
til the bait teased us
I like the way you phrased it.

Ultimately here, the highlight is your rhyme scheme and execution.
It's a shame you're up against Lars, because he rhymes just like you so there's less of a gap as far as the talent goes. If this was against a completely inferior rhymer it would be easy for you to take the W based on the disparity. But, since your piece is a little on the short side and you're up against someone who rhymes similarly, well, we'll just have to see...

Diablo aka Lars:
So I could be wrong here but this is apparently an allegory for the netcees website aside from being a fish story. Clever.
“New waves would arrive, but old schools wouldn’t adapt,”

The septic old stalwarts are stuck in their ways
full of selfish importance and reluctant to change.
They love to inflate their worth to excess in verbatim
too stubborn to make way for the next generation.
Those set in their ways want to keep what they have
- with the rest relegated to feed off their scraps.

Yeah sounds kinda like netcees. But if I'm wrong sorry about sounding so stupid.

I’m breathing new life into it, whether as big as some think
or a meaningless fry, but either way - I’m still just a fish.

Doesn't rhyme; sorry. big as some think/ still just a fish
They both have short I sounds but No.

Anyway, I quoted only the middle of the piece but rest assured I read the whole thing and enjoyed it, apart from the aforementioned non-rhyme.

I think you had an advantage with length; were able to flesh it out a little bit more than MMLP.

This one is really tough for me cuz MMLP's is so CLEAN.
But I'll give it to Lars for the creativity and comparable execution. I say comparable because I think Lars was outrhymed here. Still, he somehow got my vote with the allegory.

V Diablo
__________________
the strap go 'click' and I ain't talkin' bout a seat belt

Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 08-01-2019 at 06:57 PM.
Pharaohs Army is offline  
Old 08-01-2019, 09:12 PM   #5
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,507
Battle Record: 31-33


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 2779146
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

Cool battle. I thought net seas / lime green was a VERY cheap parlor truck by Lars. All in all his verse had a great variety of literary devices and shit. MMLP came off nice with it on a hip hop 90s flow. Yo that's my favorite type of flow. It was a dope and relatively gripping piece about a fish getting caught. I thought the ocean and its peaks could be interpreted as dope or wack due to the nature of trenches / ocean level vs the corporeal reality of a flat ocean while actually at sea. I chose to interpret it as dope. Lars had more layers to his verse and more philosophical quandaries. He was pretty deft with the written word. It's pretty abstract in comparison with MMLP's verse. The ending was kind of lost on me. I'm sure it's an obvious concept in Lars mind but to me it was weird. I'm tempted to vote MMLP but the stylistic rendering of Lars got me barely convinced. Nice battle.

V/Lars
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline  
Old 08-02-2019, 12:16 AM   #6
Innovator
Administrator
 
Innovator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 8,874
Battle Record: 16-37


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August

Rep Power: 85899382
Innovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond reputeInnovator has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Got this tomorrow
Innovator is offline  
Old 08-02-2019, 02:40 PM   #7
Blue Bayou
Senior Member
 
Blue Bayou's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2,171
Battle Record: 29-15

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- NBL Season 3
- Alias Tournament II
- Fight Night XLVIII
- Fight Night XXV
- Fight Night XV
- Fight Night XIII
- Fight Night XII
- Netcees Battle League (3x)
- NBL Tag Team Season 3
- Lyric Olympics
- Battle Arena League (2x)
- Fight Night 13
- 1-2 Punch League (2x)
- Key Grand Prix 2018 1/2
- BA Tag

Rep Power: 7109479
Blue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant futureBlue Bayou has a brilliant future
Default

MMLP - Cool relatively short piece where you put the reader into the mind of a 'just caught and shucked' fish.. imagery was pretty cool, the rhyme scheme was solid and the message was well delivered... overall fun read and good job, but on the whole piece feels a bit easy with the direction you went here, i feel like the pic left a lot more open to interpretation

Lars - When i started reading it I thought to myself 'no no please tell me he's not going where i think he's going'... but ill be honest, i think you nailed it and this as a very well written topical... Very poetic opening stanza, and it was well constructed and developed throughout... Loved these two couplets:

The green-gilled that gather can’t afford to be different
so they eat up the chance of each morsel they’re given.
There’s a war of attrition bubbling already amidst them
as it’s poor eco-system brings the threat of extinction.


But it takes a collaborative effort for our scene to survive
and we must sustain what we have to help us keep it alive.


Well i don't necessarily completely agree with the history lesson in the middle section, the overall message and conclusion here was great and written excellently

Got Lars here...a little more complexity, a little more outside the box in relation to the topic/pic which i tend to like, some cooler internal rhyme structures, just a bit of a level above to me.. props to both tho on a good battle

Vote - Diablo
__________________
LoL at those votes, robbery! & i could care less if you hate me
if i put you ‘next to Aer'n Judge, u dont Measure Up’.. ur the rest of the Yankees
Blue Bayou is online now  
Old 08-03-2019, 12:45 AM   #8
Scar
Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 52




Rep Power: 2183439
Scar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant future
Default

mmlp i actually liked this alot lulz. not that its the most nuanced complex written, the rhymes were simplistic, the scheme was basic albeit clean but there's something conceptually deceiving about this. not even sure you meant for it to be but the idea of collective being susceptible to "bait" could very well serve as a subtext for society i guess. it could apply to many things. or it could have been a quick write up to just show lulz. either way, i really liked this verse.

boom, cool little twist on the sea net thing lulz. you're always on that allegory shit. i thought this was pretty awesome. every site seems to maintain its own culture and i do think new writers often have to adapt but its not really just for this site, i think it holds true everywhere. the writing itself was littered with analogue references that certainly worked here due to the level of writing. it could have easily went into corny zone but can't front my man the layer (if not obvious enough) was well presented with just a little bit of personal objective injected in for good measure.

vote/boom. while i like the seemingly simplistic parable of mmlp, i think lars invested more into his writing, giving it more levels of enjoyment.
Scar is offline  
Old 08-03-2019, 09:36 AM   #9
Witty
Lime Life
 
Witty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 15,917
Battle Record: 30-39


Champed
- Lyric Olympics

Rep Power: 85899397
Witty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond reputeWitty has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Sorry if this isn't as indepth as it could be. Got my sons birthday party tomorrow and I'm running around like a crazy person getting shit ready. Anyway. Cool battle. I am a fan of both you guys so I knew I would enjoy this.

Mmlp - Technically this was on point, I enjoyed the rhyming and the flow, it was very easy to read and the imagery of the fish being killed was vivid and actually a bit unsettling at certain points which in my book is a great feeling to put in a reader because it hooks them in (pun super fucking intended). So for what it was, it was done very well...I would have just liked more, because really the story is a fish dies...and that's it. End of story. Maybe building the character of the fish, the back story of the fish (I am aware this sounds crazy but definitely could have been done) a little bit might have helped the story feel a bit more well rounded. I enjoyed it but creatively it felt a bit lacking.

Speaking of creativeness.

Lars - This is votw. Hands down. No questions. For anyone to look at that picture and come up with the idea of using it to represent netcees is crazy to me. Creatively there was nothing fucking with this in any battle. You were really careful with this piece never to stray too far from the metaphor, which is important when doing something like this, you really tied every line up in that allegorical bow and the polish on the verse was just typical of one of your verses, no fat on it at all...everything where it should be, technically very very good. I'd like to point out a flaw in this piece but I don't see one. The message was clear. All us old ass fishes need to either get off our tail-fins and get to work, or move aside for someone else to do it, if netcees is going to survive. Props on this piece.

Vote Lars.
__________________
He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

Witty is offline  
Closed Thread

Tags
mmlp won

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:29 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+