Master Rock vs Dominate

[Diablo]

Guerrilla Writing League

Solidify your spot with Guerrillas…


Topic:



Line Limit: 16-32
Check-In’s Due: Wednesday UK time
Verses Due: Friday UK time

@Dominate
@Master Rock

[Dominate]

Good luck MR

[Master Rock]

Check Dom...I'm asking for an ext..beforehand just in case.

[Dominate]

Good with me man.

[Master Rock]

Ext...ext.. please.

[Dominate]

Yeah I need it too

[Diablo]

Okay you have 9 hours

[Dominate]

11 hours from now until London midnight innit bruv?!

And I need most of them because it’s late in Australia and I’m too tired to write. I’ve already got something written, plan to finish when I wake up but worst case I’ll just post what I have. I am showing.

[Master Rock]

I don't think I can...I been in a serious situation since yesterday and I still am here .

[Dominate]

Digital dystopia…

It’s rise had merely begun
Dopamine hits deafened us to the beat of it’s virulent drum
Every swipe, click, like… Icarus nearing the sun
As silent sentinels stored our secrets in a sequence of zeroes and ones
Online, our every decision helped piece together a picture -
Digital portraits Picasso’d into stats and meta predictors
The techno giants sneered at our feeble defenses and strictures
Legislation, encryption - no more than ephemeral whispers
9
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16

Sorry

[symetrik]

-

[Master Rock]

Man!!!! Life handed me a truckload of donkey dung in the past couple of days. But I can start writing now and match the brother's Dom's 8 lines if I start writing now.

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by Master Rock

Man!!!! Life handed me a truckload of donkey dung in the past couple of days. But I can start writing now and match the brother's Dom's 8 lines if I start writing now.

do it, diablo is asleep rn I'm sure

[Master Rock]

When the creation becomes the creator
they'll purposely enslave ya, while the masses unknowingly change their behavior
locking you into their fixation chamber
simulating this construct, the ones who sleep are consuming while aw struck
by this technological dream, the game is being played by
the characters role-playing by schemes, these NPCs are surface-level beings
while we run in circles entrapped by their streams
contempt with our comfort we depend on their feed

[Diablo]

DIABLO BIG MAD ANGRY WITH PUNY HUMANS


I figured you would both like this topic with the dystopian future type deal and welcoming our mechanical future overlord with open arms. Guess not.

Dom: As I read this I get the sense you were pushed for time, or at least an idea that would work itself out of the pen quickly enough. It reads like you had at least a conceptual idea of where you wanted to go but things just didn’t come together for you, I liked the fact you picked up on the less obvious devices (see what I did there?) of the humans being transfixed with their digital world - too enamoured to see the bigger problem outside of their little worlds creeping right up on them. I noticed the alliterative line also, which was a nice touch, but ultimately this one ends up fizzling out rather than going the places I (and no doubt you) may have liked. It has an empty chassis much like the sentinels chest itself I felt.

Master Rock: I actually liked your take on this one from the opening line about the creator. It has a Frankenstein’s monster sort of feel to it I enjoyed, towards the middle there’s a couplet / rhyme that lacks some formatting and messed it up a little but it’s easy to catch where the end rhyme should be. I think in terms of a more complete feeling concept, yours has the edge here. I preferred Dom in terms of technical ability and him injecting that slight bit of alliteration caught my eye, but conceptually I felt yours was the better of the two. Tough choice this week.

I’m going with Master Rock against my usual personal preferences; I just liked the idea more and felt it had legs where Dom’s almost feels incomplete by the end of it.

[symetrik]

mvgt Dom

Master rock's felt a bit more vague and less cohesive - still very clear topic ties though.

Dom came with a more cohesive easy to read piece, and this line absolutely slapped:

Every swipe, click, like… Icarus nearing the sun
As silent sentinels stored our secrets in a sequence of zeroes and ones

[NYCSPITZ]

I’d like to hear master rock’s verse over a beat more than I’d like to hear dom’s over a beat, but as a topical verse I preferred dom. Stronger command of the language and sounded smoother, a few nice literary devices. Icarus line and binary code line were nice. Master rock’s had a vibe to it, was feeling it. This one hinges on creative preference, my preference slightly favors dom here. Wish it was a longer battle, pretty fun read.

V/dom