DL round 1 (Master Rock vs Activate Self)-Activate Self WINS

[Cereal]

master rock topic:


activate self topic:


Line Limit - Max. 100 lines Min. 20 lines.

Battles will be up Thursday, August 12th and due Monday, August 16th at 11:59pm EST.

Voting will take place between Tuesday, August 17th - Wednesday August 18th at 11:59pm EST.

[Master Rock]

One day at a time
I caused an effect and now a pattern aligns
so many directions from our motives designed
I reflect on the art of my past in my mind
I'm here situated infatuated by my finds
the wonder of the first time I open my eyes
the feeling of pain from the first cry
the amazement of success from another try
angle, so what is it?
the cause and effect it's beyond the physics
We strive for meaning attempting to decipher our own hieroglyphics
don't inhibit your moves by being a pessimistic
the domino falls beyond mystic
culling through the full circle of life
Conversing with Christ
If I could change my ways
I question if my habit's tune fades away?
I hear the dominos fall and the last one is underway
I watch my younger self as time withers at my youthful wells
of wisdom, I'll impart, hold my hand gather my words before I bid farewell
depart

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Eyes Wide Shut

It all started with an angle’s fall from grace
When God’s holy law was all but changed
In the Caucuses caves by the Coptic slaves
Who’s true family roots were the crops of Cain
But were not his name, for Nimrod was their king
And his flock became the Phoenician elite
A secrete society of ancient police,
bankers and thieves, mayors and chiefs…
of major belief systems and cults
Who paid homage to a god half demon and goat
Known as Baphomet’s ghost
Who sat atop a throne made of vomit and skulls
Which were not exposed to the masses they ruled
Through cash institutions and their Vatican schools
See, what happened was shrewd black magic was used
To manipulate the language in a way that confused
our subconscious mind to divide and then conquer
and acquire our wealth under threats of extortion or a permanent hell
On the Earth they dwell using curse words and spells
The Brotherhood of the Serpent has a church at Yale
Harvard and well…several estates
Located on the grounds where the pharaoh’s remains
are desecrated and plundered in a ritual act
By the Pope and the Queen and a criminal pack
of Rothschilds and Sauds and material tyrants
Who fund whole revolutions just to revel in violence
Not to mention the virus and the fear it creates
Which is “liken” to blood that the vampires drank during Dracula’s reign
This draconian state operates under NATO and a cartel of banks
The puppet masters of fate, finance and faith
That just so happen make all the medication you take
You can say that it’s fake or that’s it’s all a facade
But at the end of the day Amen-Ra is ya God
The politicians are frauds and the cops are the cons
And the judges not Johns are way more likely to rob

You.

[Objective]

Activate self - a bit jumo here and there but enjoy the pacing of the story, the imagery and creative approach.

How, since you have a heavy focus on flow theres places here and there I could see improvements in the future. Especially this couplet:
extortion or a permanent hell
On the Earth they dwell using curse words and spells
^"Permanent hell" got four syllables with the rhythm of permanent, "curse words and spells", too. Earth they dwell got 3, to help your reader further I would argue adding "earth WHERE they dwell" to help the cadence being more fluent. Even if it connects to "church at yale" in terms of assonance it falls a bit flat unless you read it over. And "church at yale" is a great transition on its own to the next rhythmic pattern you choose to go for after "Harvard and well". I enjoy the break up, don't get me wrong... I just think that sort of technique would work better in audios as opposed to written where you want to help your reader a bit more since its read.

Solid fuckind drop. Enjoyed it A LOT! In terms of the topic tho... How does it connect?

Master Rock - Enjoyed your story, got to come with more overall oomph in order to beat future contestants but the closing lines were absolutely fire and saved your piece imo. Enjoyed the read and tied really well to the topic, some cool perspectives here and there but was hoping for more in terms of rhymeschemes and rhythm/flow.

That said. Story on its own was cool, tied well to the topic given and I enjoyed the read. Good stuff, can tell you've progressed quite a lot from the first few pieces I read from you.

Vote - Master Rock. Couldn't get Activate Self's piece to the topic to connect... Although I enjoyed his more overall I couldn't see how it tied itself to that.

[Objective]

Since my vote is based on the rules and deadline I'm afraid I can't take your new piece into consideration. You can write, that's for sure

[Cereal]

Creativity-- activate self - compare to master rocks which is 100% original and impactful AS just shone through with this amazing maze of tongue twisting lines to character to character.. all explored by bar by bar.. just enjoyable ride..

Entertainment-- master rock - this came down whos was looser.. mr didnt miss a beat and was soo deep.. where as activate self was soo explored but there was alot of lines that suffered from being what i would call filler..

Flow-- master rock - tight.. i would say spat to a beat yeh that is very simple and easy to master.. where as you have to put in an effort by the time you get to the end.. but this was a good category for this battle because both were strong but both 100% different.. i think AS lost points for being too complicated not that its a bad thing but just one that just flows just flows..

Rhyme Scheme-- Activate Self - there is more substance that is structured by scheme that is a solid pattern.. where master rock started off strong fell a lil loose by the end..

Consistency/Topic-- Master Rock - perfect capture of the topic, AS came across a bit extensive which kinda burnt the topic if you know what i mean..

Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- Activate Self - woowzer this was his number 1 category.. he just shone through at this punch for punch.. master rock def no slumb dog millionaire though he brought some nice internals, end rhymes ect..

Emotion-- Master Rock - it was just so thorough through and through.. and very peaceful whilst Activate Self was hard hitting and punchy.. this one def came down to a matter of taste.. both came with it..

Imagery-- Activate Self - master rock made a piece that was what felt like you could overlook the whole thing as if it started on a blank canvas and his verse still didnt touch the canvas.. so it sucks voting against something so beautiful in imagery that you could see with a birds eye view but activate self just really threw line for line i mean some were a bit much but alot werent.. dope work guys..

vote = master rock

going into the vote i didnt think i was going for you big guy cause AS you really brought it.. it came down to how clean the verse was as a whole.. so lol i had to actually look at as a negative to vote lol master rock was less of an eyesore

[Universe]

Master Rock:

Very poetic, metaphorical approach here. I absolutely loved the beginning of this piece; Saying a lot but was subtle about it. Technically, the syllable counts and multi's were kind of iffy but with the strength of the message here at the beginning, it almost didn't matter to me.

This stayed strong until the end I felt, where you kind of let the foot off the gas a little bit. It's still wrapped up nicely, but I don't think it matched the precedent you set at the beginning. Oh, but I also appreciated those little quiet* wordplay moments you dripped in there from time to time... I think the big take away from this thoughtful piece is how damn subtly beautiful it is. It doesn't beat you over the head with anything. You don't hold our hand, but you guide us, and let us wonder... Which was a great way to approach this topic.

Highlights:

"One day at a time
I caused an effect and now a pattern aligns
so many directions from our motives designed
I reflect on the art of my past in my mind
I'm here situated infatuated by my finds
the wonder of the first time I open my eyes
the feeling of pain from the first cry
the amazement of success from another try
angle, so what is it?"

- This is the beginning of the piece that I loved. But calling it the "beginning" is misleading because your piece is so short it's actually 1/3 of the entire verse. I wanted more. Liked the try-angle line that capped it off though.


ACTIVATE SELF:

Never good to start right off with a spelling error - "angle's fall from grace" but picked up quickly from there, dropping some knowledge with a good use of vocab, stellar flow and smooth multi's as well. Love the transitions happening here - the kind of slow river flowing down toward the present day and then back again. This is butter to read.

I really enjoyed the end as well... Political statements being made with as much ease as casual speech, yet never sacrificing your form. I'm definitely a fan of your writing my man.

Highlights:

"A secrete society of ancient police,
bankers and thieves, mayors and chiefs…
of major belief systems and cults
Who paid homage to a god half demon and goat
Known as Baphomet’s ghost"

- Enjoyed the almost choppy flow here, and I mean that in a good way. Kind of accentuated your lines. Connection to the topic was also strong here.

"Not to mention the virus and the fear it creates
Which is “liken” to blood that the vampires drank during Dracula’s reign
This draconian state operates under NATO and a cartel of banks
The puppet masters of fate, finance and faith
That just so happen make all the medication you take"

- This was my favorite part of the piece; flow was spot on mixed with some wordplay and a meaningful message. Although you forgot the "to" between "happen" and "make" in the last line. Details matter, bud.

Your piece seems so well sculpted but if there's a minor complaint it's the grammatical issues that I always seem to find one or two of. Not that big of a deal, but in an otherwise almost flawless peice, these little chips stand out.

This was a really tough call for me... Enjoyed both pieces. Master Rock's subtle approach hit hard but lacked the technical aspects I look for like multi's and syllable counts lining up. ACTIVATE SELF's piece was technically sound, longer, all around more complex yet never reached the heights Master Rock's did on an emotional level.

I think, if Master Rock had made his piece longer... and kept his piece at the apex, stretching out his beginning stanza, he would be the clear winner. But as it stands, when it's this close, it comes down to the simplest of all categories, but perhaps the most important... personal preference. I enjoyed SELF's just a tiny bit more. The technical aspects took it home for me.

Vote - ACTIVATE SELF

[brokenhal0]

Master Rock: Smooth style less abstract humorous wordplay then you usually post
felt like you cut it a bit short , like u sacrificed creativity to keep the plot tighter reads liek a freestyle to me overall decent verse some bars stood out while others where just smooth
felt like you could of done a bit more tho



ACTIVATE SELF: Great Verse read like you had this one in your rhyme stash
gave me a sunz of man killah preist vibe i enjoyed it you kept it conscious without
sounding like a nerd, it reads hood and you managed to show your writing skills to there best effect


vote : activate self

[Pharaohs Army]

master rock:

Great opener

Your piece is fairly simple with a lot of one syllable rhymes. I'm not saying that's BAD but in a tourney where people string multis together with complex plots it might hurt you, just saying.

A lot of references to aging/ growing old. Sort of a metaphorical take on the topic which I think was a strength.

On your next one you should go a little longer. I think the brevity took away from what you could have done with this if you fleshed it out more.

Still, a solid showing. Not spectacular but very solid. I think you had a good tone throughout and did a lot in a small space.

Activate_Self:
A very Activate Self verse if I may say so. Good technical ability and references to ancient times and vast conspiracies. An entertaining read. It does not really connect to the picture at all. I don't know how to handle this. Because I want to vote for your piece but it doesn't connect to the pic and Master Rock's went BY the pic.

I'm gonna go with my instinct to vote on the piece I liked better. But I won't be so kind next time AS, as you should please use the pic given next time.

V/ Activate Self BARELY

p.s. I did see your musical piece somewhere but it got deleted? That shit was fire from a poetic standpoint. Hope you saved it, you could put it on OM.