DL round 1 (MMLP vs Timeless)-MMLP WINS

Cereal · 08-12-2021, 12:20 AM

@MMLP
@timeless

mmlp topic:

timeless topic:

Line Limit - Max. 100 lines Min. 20 lines.

Battles will be up Thursday, August 12th and due Monday, August 16th at 11:59pm EST.

Voting will take place between Tuesday, August 17th - Wednesday August 18th at 11:59pm EST.

timeless · 08-12-2021, 01:14 AM

100 lines max thats whatsup. Dont think ive ever seen that before, i think rapmusic league had 80 lines at one point but it was probably 60. I may just do 100 for the fuck of it. Keep it 100 mmlp.

MMLP · 08-12-2021, 06:16 AM

My thoughts scare the living daylights out of me
As I encounter each moment with doubt and grief
frisking hurdles with my inner circle
setting boundaries before I spiral out of control
with a bounded resolve,
round and round I am going, feeling inhuman
in a fountain of hope
I’m cradling, reclusive they label me elusive
unwavering, this endless loop no longer had a ring to it
with the awakening ruined… on the brink of collapse
thought I had the gift of the gab
but it didn’t advance, neither wish OR command!
took a stab in the dark and dabbed in the arts
but nothing was bringing him back!
left with the stick in my hand and instant regret..
under a dry spell and nothing provides help
living with this simple request
became dismal, given the stress
a stricken, pitiful mess
with a whimsical edge
A mistress, chillingly tense
who’s misery didn’t relent
considered the wicked witch of the west
as the injuries set
it hints shes physically spent
imprisoned, wishing for death
the shifts, abysmal at best
as the wrinkles signal distress
that list of sins she repented were quickly hitting her head
begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score
but my efforts were thwarted
….. to the end, I am yours!
my empathy formed like never before
forgetting those opportunities I’m yet to explore
fighting boredom, my broom sticks out like a sore thumb
as I swept away any remorse til its realised.
and they’re reading between the lines,
emotions to sweep aside
because I have one goal to achieve and re-ignite.
The old flame, your cheeky wife, that dreamy bride!
im gonna be beside this til we reunite,
at the grave of my husband,
never forgetting the promise I made to never leave his side!

timeless · 08-16-2021, 01:17 AM

And so,
There's a void that's left in a departed field of my mind.
It's been farmed for years, harvested yields over time.
Forests and streams in line with the trajectory of my thoughts.
All natural, passing through the stress in me thats been lost.
Let me digress,
I said that progression is listening and I'm missing the backroads.
Steadily feel that I'm always at a yield, missing the last hope.
At most, I'm driving over a hill but they're armed, built up to plateaus.
Waiting for my arrival with another car full of drunk assholes.
Selfishness is a trait of a child that stretches through straits of the nile.
Addiction is the same and its wild how much less you gain from its bile.
Still, feed the baby until its grown and can feed on its own.
A fiend with a scope smaller than the lean on his home.
Lost everything. Only left to remember when times were great.
Sever the ties he made.
The sun showed for him but the skies were late.
Left with darkness..
...What was left for him was chewed apart by his fate.

Cereal · 08-18-2021, 03:52 PM

Creativity-- mmlp - man that was pretty as hell, the witch insert was cool it came from left field but melded in well.. timeless still cool it def popped

Entertainment-- mmlp - this was much closer then it appears by bar size, but it did come down to the overflow and carrying colours that were portrayed.. i think it was deeply moving as far as just enough emotion but the story itself was what held it as a whole.. timeless very entertaining though..

Flow-- mmlp - some lines were hot as hell.. the flow was bouncing wording wise def held it together, saying that timeless still brought it in the flow area

Rhyme Scheme-- mmlp - timeless was really tight for such long lines but mmlp really shoned like prior the lines were rarely loose and def not stretched

Consistency/Topic-- timeless - i think his depth was what really shone in his verse he didnt leave topic for that much substance

Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- mmlp - he mastered some of those lines were off the hook with such a tight structure and it was your sound alike end rhyming your really stretch the english language

Emotion-- timeless - soo heavy in emotion, very deep it goes for the throat and keeps you there dope..

Imagery-- mmlp - the tale was very childhood fantasy like a lil storybook it really fell in with the topic well..

Vote-- mmlp

this was closer then it appeared.. but in the end it came down to the stronger story and just more flushed out

Master Rock · 08-18-2021, 10:46 PM

Vote: MMLP

Universe · 08-19-2021, 03:58 AM

MMLP:

Good to see you back at it. I know you're sick of hearing this, but you and Lars have such similar styles in terms of you both kind of begin your topic with a clever line that links to the picture directly and just build off it from there. "My thoughts scare the living daylights out of me" is a great start, clever and sets the table nicely for what's to come.

In terms of an actual story though, I feel this style gets in the way of that a little bit... The plot is always a loose thread, dangling... Not quite tied. You are a slave to your cleverness and your wordplay, you have to go where it takes you. I think it handicaps you in a way... That said, you always end up wrapping things up nicely in the end in your own way, adding some emotion and/or twist to your small but clever tale.

You are consistently one of my favorites to read, that's for sure.

Highlights:

"round and round I am going, feeling inhuman
in a fountain of hope
I’m cradling, reclusive they label me elusive
unwavering, this endless loop no longer had a ring to it"

- The way you structured this was beautiful.

The entire middle section sad dope too - from "simple request" to "signal distress"... Not quoting all that but loved it all.

"begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score
but my efforts were thwarted
….. to the end, I am yours!
my empathy formed like never before
forgetting those opportunities I’m yet to explore"

- Love the interior rhyme schemes and connections here. Top tier stuff.

Great job as always.

timeless:

First thing I noticed is your verse seemed to pick up right where MMLP left off, at least lyrically anyway. It was like reading a topical cypher... completely a coincidence but I liked it regardless lol.

This was a really nice piece as well. I've never read anything from you before but I can see how you've picked up 22 wins - very poetic style. Solid multi's and some cool wordplay sprinkled in there. You know what you're doing.

Highlights:

"Forests and streams in line with the trajectory of my thoughts.
All natural, passing through the stress in me thats been lost."

- Nice imagery here. Feels like a breath of fresh air reading this.

"At most, I'm driving over a hill but they're armed, built up to plateaus" sections was cool too. I especially liked this line in terms of the small connection to the topic.

"Still, feed the baby until its grown and can feed on its own.
A fiend with a scope smaller than the lean on his home"

- Same thing, plus cool imagery and nicely executed.

The imagery was strong throughout as stated, but I felt like it was missing certain aspects that would've put it over the top - Like a consistent story. It also should've been longer. You really needed to bring it here to compete against MMLP, and it fell too short for me in those major categories. Create a character or two. Maintain this level of quality and get me invested in an interesting story or personal struggle and I'd be hooked. I think if you maintained and expanded upon what you did here, and maybe even doubled down on the line limit over what MMLP did, you could've taken this. Quality is good... quality AND quantity is better. At least in my opinion. I'm here to get lost in an imaginary world... Create one for me.

MMLP succeeded at this, almost literally. But this was a great battle between two talented writers.

Vote - MMLP

Objective · 08-19-2021, 09:11 PM

Love the pics chosen for this one

Mmlp: the intro and getting straight into it with fluent writing and cademce is why I enjoy reading your shit. Imagery and good stuff such as "feeling inhuman in a fountain of hope" is thought provoking and sets the stage for the main characters' psyche.

However, you have some hiccups. In terms of cadence etc this transition isn't as fluent to me: "but nothing was bringing him back!" Why do I think that? A break up like that works in terms of giving the reader a pause before shit catches on fire again, but neither the language, assonance or rhythmic pattern brought anything "new" to the table. It ends up for me leaving me with an "ok, it does its job" instead "damn, he's putting in work on this shit!" Not saying you don't btw, just being real due to the nature of the tournament and what it represents.

It does pick up tho, but slowly and then you vomit dopeness that makes me remember who the fuck you are again with shit like this:
it hints shes physically spent
imprisoned, wishing for death
the shifts, abysmal at best
as the wrinkles signal distress

In terms of transitions I personally find solid is stuff like this:
begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score
but my efforts were thwarted
….. to the end, I am yours!

Then the fluency hiccups again with syllable/vocal mismatch here:
as I swept away any remorse til its realised.
and they’re reading between the lines,
Yet you show you can do this shit with sweep aside/re-ignite/cheeky wife/etc. to the end

Overall enjoyed the story and concept, dope stuff in that regard. In terms of literary devices it felt dragged out at parts (too much of the same, which would be cool had you polished it a bit more throughout as a stylistic choice done to perfection)

Still a really enjoyable piece but felt this was rushed at parts. Good stuff regardless, thanks for the good read.

Timeless: I've always enjoyed your concise pieces, usually shorter but to the point and good stuff, 1/3rd through this is no different.

Fire like this is what I enjoy seeing from you:

Selfishness is a trait of a child that stretches through straits of the nile.
Addiction is the same and its wild how much less you gain from its bile.

How that ties into the topic and a visual mental image of the issue at a deeper level in short words is dope af to me.

Overall it is a good read for sure. I still think you could have made more with it. It's a good drop, but also leaves me feeling I didn't get any dessert when I was still hungry for more. In terms of an OM? Good stuff, in terms of a tourney you need a lil bit extra.

Vote: MMLP. He had a more fleshed out story, pacing and so on. Felt Timeless read smoother and left me enjoying it but MMLP had that extra stuff that made him take the W. Entertaining battle, thanks for the reads and the time y'all put into this. Mmlp, you got to step up on the polishing department in order to come with it vs the better people in this tourney. You got it in you, just gotta git that extra edge you got

Pharaohs Army · 08-20-2021, 01:28 AM

MMLP:

Buttery flow man. Nice and easy to rap, which is always a plus. Packed a lot of rhymes in this one.

Kind of like Universe's piece I'm a little lost with the plot. (SO maybe the problem is MY reading comprehension). By that I mean, the wicked witch, the widow and the dead husband's grave lost me a bit. But the piece was still enjoyable for me and technically sound.

Timeless:
Good verse. It seems like a verse about addiction but you don't scream and shout addiction; you do it very subtly and with literary devices.

Lost everything. Only left to remember when times were great.
This is a great line and encapsulated the piece.

Good to see you writing again, and the sky is the limit because I know you can do even better. Against a lesser opponent this verse probably takes the W.

But I'm voting MMLP because his flow was the star of the show and overpowered the match here.

That being said I think timeless had a "deeper" piece with a bit more substance. So this was close.

08-12-2021, 12:20 AM	#1
Cereal killa Join Date: Jun 2018 Posts: 820 Battle Record: 1-6 Rep Power: 1312296	DL round 1 (MMLP vs Timeless)-MMLP WINS @MMLP @timeless mmlp topic: timeless topic: Line Limit - Max. 100 lines Min. 20 lines. Battles will be up Thursday, August 12th and due Monday, August 16th at 11:59pm EST. Voting will take place between Tuesday, August 17th - Wednesday August 18th at 11:59pm EST. __________________ A-double scribble - A 19 th century euphemism for ass

08-18-2021, 03:52 PM	#5
Cereal killa Join Date: Jun 2018 Posts: 820 Battle Record: 1-6 Rep Power: 1312296	Creativity-- mmlp - man that was pretty as hell, the witch insert was cool it came from left field but melded in well.. timeless still cool it def popped Entertainment-- mmlp - this was much closer then it appears by bar size, but it did come down to the overflow and carrying colours that were portrayed.. i think it was deeply moving as far as just enough emotion but the story itself was what held it as a whole.. timeless very entertaining though.. Flow-- mmlp - some lines were hot as hell.. the flow was bouncing wording wise def held it together, saying that timeless still brought it in the flow area Rhyme Scheme-- mmlp - timeless was really tight for such long lines but mmlp really shoned like prior the lines were rarely loose and def not stretched Consistency/Topic-- timeless - i think his depth was what really shone in his verse he didnt leave topic for that much substance Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- mmlp - he mastered some of those lines were off the hook with such a tight structure and it was your sound alike end rhyming your really stretch the english language Emotion-- timeless - soo heavy in emotion, very deep it goes for the throat and keeps you there dope.. Imagery-- mmlp - the tale was very childhood fantasy like a lil storybook it really fell in with the topic well.. Vote-- mmlp this was closer then it appeared.. but in the end it came down to the stronger story and just more flushed out __________________ A-double scribble - A 19 th century euphemism for ass

08-19-2021, 03:58 AM	#7
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 999 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178702	MMLP: Good to see you back at it. I know you're sick of hearing this, but you and Lars have such similar styles in terms of you both kind of begin your topic with a clever line that links to the picture directly and just build off it from there. "My thoughts scare the living daylights out of me" is a great start, clever and sets the table nicely for what's to come. In terms of an actual story though, I feel this style gets in the way of that a little bit... The plot is always a loose thread, dangling... Not quite tied. You are a slave to your cleverness and your wordplay, you have to go where it takes you. I think it handicaps you in a way... That said, you always end up wrapping things up nicely in the end in your own way, adding some emotion and/or twist to your small but clever tale. You are consistently one of my favorites to read, that's for sure. Highlights: "round and round I am going, feeling inhuman in a fountain of hope I’m cradling, reclusive they label me elusive unwavering, this endless loop no longer had a ring to it" - The way you structured this was beautiful. The entire middle section sad dope too - from "simple request" to "signal distress"... Not quoting all that but loved it all. "begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score but my efforts were thwarted ….. to the end, I am yours! my empathy formed like never before forgetting those opportunities I’m yet to explore" - Love the interior rhyme schemes and connections here. Top tier stuff. Great job as always. timeless: First thing I noticed is your verse seemed to pick up right where MMLP left off, at least lyrically anyway. It was like reading a topical cypher... completely a coincidence but I liked it regardless lol. This was a really nice piece as well. I've never read anything from you before but I can see how you've picked up 22 wins - very poetic style. Solid multi's and some cool wordplay sprinkled in there. You know what you're doing. Highlights: "Forests and streams in line with the trajectory of my thoughts. All natural, passing through the stress in me thats been lost." - Nice imagery here. Feels like a breath of fresh air reading this. "At most, I'm driving over a hill but they're armed, built up to plateaus" sections was cool too. I especially liked this line in terms of the small connection to the topic. "Still, feed the baby until its grown and can feed on its own. A fiend with a scope smaller than the lean on his home" - Same thing, plus cool imagery and nicely executed. The imagery was strong throughout as stated, but I felt like it was missing certain aspects that would've put it over the top - Like a consistent story. It also should've been longer. You really needed to bring it here to compete against MMLP, and it fell too short for me in those major categories. Create a character or two. Maintain this level of quality and get me invested in an interesting story or personal struggle and I'd be hooked. I think if you maintained and expanded upon what you did here, and maybe even doubled down on the line limit over what MMLP did, you could've taken this. Quality is good... quality AND quantity is better. At least in my opinion. I'm here to get lost in an imaginary world... Create one for me. MMLP succeeded at this, almost literally. But this was a great battle between two talented writers. Vote - MMLP __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

08-19-2021, 09:11 PM	#8
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,785 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474189	Love the pics chosen for this one Mmlp: the intro and getting straight into it with fluent writing and cademce is why I enjoy reading your shit. Imagery and good stuff such as "feeling inhuman in a fountain of hope" is thought provoking and sets the stage for the main characters' psyche. However, you have some hiccups. In terms of cadence etc this transition isn't as fluent to me: "but nothing was bringing him back!" Why do I think that? A break up like that works in terms of giving the reader a pause before shit catches on fire again, but neither the language, assonance or rhythmic pattern brought anything "new" to the table. It ends up for me leaving me with an "ok, it does its job" instead "damn, he's putting in work on this shit!" Not saying you don't btw, just being real due to the nature of the tournament and what it represents. It does pick up tho, but slowly and then you vomit dopeness that makes me remember who the fuck you are again with shit like this: it hints shes physically spent imprisoned, wishing for death the shifts, abysmal at best as the wrinkles signal distress In terms of transitions I personally find solid is stuff like this: begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score but my efforts were thwarted ….. to the end, I am yours! Then the fluency hiccups again with syllable/vocal mismatch here: as I swept away any remorse til its realised. and they’re reading between the lines, Yet you show you can do this shit with sweep aside/re-ignite/cheeky wife/etc. to the end Overall enjoyed the story and concept, dope stuff in that regard. In terms of literary devices it felt dragged out at parts (too much of the same, which would be cool had you polished it a bit more throughout as a stylistic choice done to perfection) Still a really enjoyable piece but felt this was rushed at parts. Good stuff regardless, thanks for the good read. Timeless: I've always enjoyed your concise pieces, usually shorter but to the point and good stuff, 1/3rd through this is no different. Fire like this is what I enjoy seeing from you: Selfishness is a trait of a child that stretches through straits of the nile. Addiction is the same and its wild how much less you gain from its bile. How that ties into the topic and a visual mental image of the issue at a deeper level in short words is dope af to me. Overall it is a good read for sure. I still think you could have made more with it. It's a good drop, but also leaves me feeling I didn't get any dessert when I was still hungry for more. In terms of an OM? Good stuff, in terms of a tourney you need a lil bit extra. Vote: MMLP. He had a more fleshed out story, pacing and so on. Felt Timeless read smoother and left me enjoying it but MMLP had that extra stuff that made him take the W. Entertaining battle, thanks for the reads and the time y'all put into this. Mmlp, you got to step up on the polishing department in order to come with it vs the better people in this tourney. You got it in you, just gotta git that extra edge you got __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o Last edited by Objective; 08-19-2021 at 10:19 PM.

08-12-2021, 01:14 AM	#2
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	100 lines max thats whatsup. Dont think ive ever seen that before, i think rapmusic league had 80 lines at one point but it was probably 60. I may just do 100 for the fuck of it. Keep it 100 mmlp.

08-12-2021, 06:16 AM	#3
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	My thoughts scare the living daylights out of me As I encounter each moment with doubt and grief frisking hurdles with my inner circle setting boundaries before I spiral out of control with a bounded resolve, round and round I am going, feeling inhuman in a fountain of hope I’m cradling, reclusive they label me elusive unwavering, this endless loop no longer had a ring to it with the awakening ruined… on the brink of collapse thought I had the gift of the gab but it didn’t advance, neither wish OR command! took a stab in the dark and dabbed in the arts but nothing was bringing him back! left with the stick in my hand and instant regret.. under a dry spell and nothing provides help living with this simple request became dismal, given the stress a stricken, pitiful mess with a whimsical edge A mistress, chillingly tense who’s misery didn’t relent considered the wicked witch of the west as the injuries set it hints shes physically spent imprisoned, wishing for death the shifts, abysmal at best as the wrinkles signal distress that list of sins she repented were quickly hitting her head begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score but my efforts were thwarted ….. to the end, I am yours! my empathy formed like never before forgetting those opportunities I’m yet to explore fighting boredom, my broom sticks out like a sore thumb as I swept away any remorse til its realised. and they’re reading between the lines, emotions to sweep aside because I have one goal to achieve and re-ignite. The old flame, your cheeky wife, that dreamy bride! im gonna be beside this til we reunite, at the grave of my husband, never forgetting the promise I made to never leave his side!

08-16-2021, 01:17 AM	#4
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	And so, There's a void that's left in a departed field of my mind. It's been farmed for years, harvested yields over time. Forests and streams in line with the trajectory of my thoughts. All natural, passing through the stress in me thats been lost. Let me digress, I said that progression is listening and I'm missing the backroads. Steadily feel that I'm always at a yield, missing the last hope. At most, I'm driving over a hill but they're armed, built up to plateaus. Waiting for my arrival with another car full of drunk assholes. Selfishness is a trait of a child that stretches through straits of the nile. Addiction is the same and its wild how much less you gain from its bile. Still, feed the baby until its grown and can feed on its own. A fiend with a scope smaller than the lean on his home. Lost everything. Only left to remember when times were great. Sever the ties he made. The sun showed for him but the skies were late. Left with darkness.. ...What was left for him was chewed apart by his fate.

08-20-2021, 01:28 AM	#9
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	MMLP: Buttery flow man. Nice and easy to rap, which is always a plus. Packed a lot of rhymes in this one. Kind of like Universe's piece I'm a little lost with the plot. (SO maybe the problem is MY reading comprehension). By that I mean, the wicked witch, the widow and the dead husband's grave lost me a bit. But the piece was still enjoyable for me and technically sound. Timeless: Good verse. It seems like a verse about addiction but you don't scream and shout addiction; you do it very subtly and with literary devices. Lost everything. Only left to remember when times were great. This is a great line and encapsulated the piece. Good to see you writing again, and the sky is the limit because I know you can do even better. Against a lesser opponent this verse probably takes the W. But I'm voting MMLP because his flow was the star of the show and overpowered the match here. That being said I think timeless had a "deeper" piece with a bit more substance. So this was close.