PLAYOFFS ROUND TWO:#5 FRAZE vs #10 ADVERSE ADVERSE WINS 3-1

[Adverse]

AOWL Season IX PLAYOFFS ROUND TWO

@fraze @Adverse

Verse Due: SATURDAY MARCH 20TH @ 11:59 PM EST


Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:

[Adverse]

Check. Good luck

[fraze]

Check. Luck to you also.

[Adverse]

@fraze due tonight

[fraze]

Might need the ext. Will drop tomorrow.

[Adverse]

The voice you call to me with...

Is soft and enticing, yet awful and violent
You hold me with all the tenderness of the most wroth of the titans
You eat at my soul, you pull at my conscious
Constantly reel me back in with the lull of a songstress
By your side it’s the truth, I’m doomed at best
Almighty Aphrodite, the consumer of human flesh
You promised me a piece of your little known nirvana
But you’re fucking up my mental state, riddled with insomnia
Every night I enter stage right, make a break for the light
But every morning I wake up frightened, as I’m met with the same sight...

With a sigh I speak the phrase “how lovely, this room..”
The air is uncomfortable and painted the color of gloom
I stare to the sky, but blotted ink blocks out the sun
I’d run but your slender tentacles each weigh a thousand tons
Happiness was a fallacy, nostalgic evanescence
You dig your jagged hooks into the rough edges of my essence

“Where do YOU think you’re going!?” You ***kle and growl
Any grin that I can muster the energy for, you match with a scowl
This is a retread, deja vu of the youth I spent inside the basement
The rusty scissors, rash decisions, digging in this same wrist
Visions of a past life, drenched in melancholic moonlight
Is just so reminiscent of the hell that has fell upon me tonight
They all say you’re a fleeting feeling, a phantom, a phase
Left me alone 6 years just to come back with the same maddening gaze
Bloodlust is written on your face, the one enemy I cannot defeat
Picking the remnants of your victims from the gaps in your teeth

You say you and I are the exact same, it’s always been us
Calling from unknown shadows just to bother me
You say we’re part of the same whole, well I withdraw my piece
And Slit my wrists, fall and drown the concrete in blood

I’m so motherfucking tired of feeling like this

[fraze]

Wonder when the seed was planted... Must have been young
When roots watered wondrous worlds by the dozens at once
Furtive streams of thought that start their writhing, worming through the plot
Buried leads resurface… is it “To be continued....” or not?
Sailed a thousand seas. 10,000 leagues of friends and enemies
Snakes don’t always slither. Some things aren’t what they appear to be
Escaped the cephalopods embrace. I’m different breed like Pyreneese
Peers disappear as I peer and read of pyramids and different peaks
Tails of Twi’leks spun to mix in fiction with science’s hard facts
Ideas you can’t digest in time even if trapped inside a sarlacc

LIke…“What if we’re not alone?” The universe is infinite
And constantly expanding there is literally no end to it
Can’t be the only planet granted atmosphere and oceans
With sun and moon in motion near to where that sphere is floating
… You might say my heads in the clouds or I’m a mad fool
… I’m only eyeing stars cause I’m in astronomy grad school
Hunting candidate planets, I think my chances should double
My department landed a grant to get me some time on the Hubble
Found strange readings near GN-z73. No telling what it might mean
So I encode a message in a light stream and fire off a tight beam

That night I get home late but there's always time to celebrate.
This subject is delicate. But it there’s only one way when celibate.
I sit in my rolling chair and feel the passion growing there.
My focus so impaired when captured by that glowing glare.
Back in the lab: The needles jumping on the spectrograph.
Readings off the meter make my warning message system crash
Back in the pad: Lady on the screen is half dressed.
Back in the past: Message had my return address.
Behind my back is a flash, but I didn't notice it in time.
You know how this story ends if you've seen tentacle hentai

[Universe]

Two of my favorites here. The way things are shaping up this is also most likely the Champ match lol.

Let's go...


Adverse:

First of all, props on last weeks verse man. Checked the archives and really loved that one. Hopefully you keep the momentum going here...

Okay... This was different. All italics and centered - poetic feel though as always. LOVED the suicide and depression angle, how it constantly haunts you and will never let you go. Very vivid and real stuff. You have your demons, my friend... And you express them so well.

Couple issues. Wording mostly. Rhyming "nirvana" with "insomnia" bothers me lol.

Side note: I love how netcees filters out "c a ckle" lol.

Highlights:

"This is a retread, deja vu of the youth I spent inside the basement
The rusty scissors, rash decisions, digging in this same wrist"

- Brutally beautiful.

"Bloodlust is written on your face, the one enemy I cannot defeat
Picking the remnants of your victims from the gaps in your teeth"

- Amazing imagery here.

"You say we’re part of the same whole, well I withdraw my piece"

- Nice ^^

Ending wrapped it all up nicely. This was a solemn piece with a lot of heart in it. Enjoyed and felt. Good work.


fraze:

Beginning was DOPE. Loved the stage you're setting here. Got me invested in this story almost right away.

"Wonder when the seed was planted... Must have been young
When roots watered wondrous worlds by the dozens at once
Furtive streams of thought that start their writhing, worming through the plot
Buried leads resurface… is it “To be continued....” or not?"

- This is just so good on so many levels.

Universe mention = points lol. This second section was felt too. Loved the scientific angle here... Man you really know how to draw the reader in.

"... You might say my heads in the clouds or I’m a mad fool
… I’m only eyeing stars cause I’m in astronomy grad school
Hunting candidate planets, I think my chances should double
My department landed a grant to get me some time on the Hubble"

- So cool. But how did you miss making it "My department landed a grant to GRANT me some time on the Hubble"? Haha, just a quick nitpick. It would've fit your style here perfectly.

"That night I get home late but there's always time to celebrate.
This subject is delicate. But it there’s only one way when celibate."

- This was weird and off in a lot of ways. Jarring lapse here...

Also, I'll just say it... I HATED the ending. You had me hooked all the way up to the last line and then you dropped the ball with the tentacle hentai line. I don't know what that means and don't really care to know. I was expecting something amazing to happen here and it all just fell flat. Ending with a deflating feeling is never a good thing... But everything before was great - The build up was phenomenal. This is a case where the journey IS the destination, I think. Unfortunately.

Razor-close matchup here. I liked the emotional, metaphorical feel of Adverse's better, and he wrapped his piece up nicely. fraze's piece was more literal in nature and really drew me in and was better up until the end where he had a few missteps, and those took me out of the story. But the build-up was expertly done... Hmmm...

In the end, I think fraze did enough here to eek by. I was tempted to vote Adverse after finishing fraze's last line but I just couldn't discount all the greatness that led up to it. It was enough. Barely.

Just barely.

Vote - fraze

[symetrik]

to give some effort in this voting for the ONE battle, here are my audio votes:

adverse: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SyR...ew?usp=sharing

fraze: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mwt...ew?usp=sharing

vote: https://drive.google.com/file/d/16lI...ew?usp=sharing

if you ain't trying to listen,
mvgt - Adverse

[evaD]

I enjoyed adverse more this rd, I can give a better break down tomorrow if needed. Wroth I didn’t understand at the start though? Typo? Enjoyed both but

Vote ad

[Master Rock]

This must of been a difficult battle for both sides. I wasn't quite digging the topic however both heads did their thing. Adverse had an interesting opener with a dark force whispering but then got all Greek/geek mythological. I was digging the ending...however last lines were too predictable. As for Fraze, I was expecting you to rip the ground off the floor. Your opener was not my cup of tea, it was too disconnected in my book. You picked up steam in the middle of your verse and then in your last verse you began to catch your stride but then you rending line was something I couldn't get down with(but to each their own).

Even though both of these verses seemed forced to me, I would have to say if this would come down to a particular taste, therefore I would go with Adverse.