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Old 03-02-2021, 01:20 AM   #1
Adverse
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Default PLAYOFFS ROUND ONE: #5 FRAZE vs #12 BAD LIEUTENANT FRAZE WINS VIA NS

AOWL Season IX PLAYOFFS ROUND ONE

@Bad Lieutenant @fraze

Verse Due: SUNDAY MARCH 7th @ 11:59 PM EST


Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:



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Old 03-02-2021, 03:13 AM   #2
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Old 03-02-2021, 01:52 PM   #3
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Hi there. Good luck.

Extension requested.
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Old 03-06-2021, 11:17 AM   #4
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Old 03-08-2021, 05:09 PM   #5
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Thought it better to take a 'hands off' approach
...But as these things often go
Ignoring your problems just feels better
Up til the last nail is hammered and coffins closed
Met lady luck in a Boston grove
Four leaf clover bruised Bruins Boston gold
Took the devils bet. Might cost my soul
But I want to be the greatest all across the globe

Where I’m from they got nothing to do.
Nothing to lose but it’s nothing to you
I got a scholarship, school at BU.
Row with the crew, plus a shooter, I hoop
Want to be all I can be, so I enlist,
Air Force ROTC, learned to fly and shit
Top Gun. Aviator frames shade my irises
Plus I roll with the tech, they know me as a scientist

The future is fated, you can’t stop it.
I just got a call from a black ops project.
They just said my budget is a black box
Researching a crapshoot? No problem, I’m crackshot
I just hit the jackpot. Halle Berry backshots
Monster when I’m balling like Hugh Jackman with a laptop
My bad, that was Swordfish, but you know what the score is
Or maybe not... cause I won’t show up on the Forbes list

Trained special forces... I know how to lie low
I could see an ambush coming with my eyes closed
...Why’d you think they gave me such a wide role?
...They just need a fall guy when the mines blow
Thinking I’ma die slow... that’s a lie, whole...
Life I’ve been fighting for survival
Before they flush me out into a downward spiral
I’m gon hit the lab, do my thing and go viral...

They might throw stones but they shouldn’t judge
I face a destiny so ugly, mothers couldn’t love
Plus growing up they said I wasn’t good enough
Always just stuck to my guns and didn’t budge



Flashback: “What the fuck! Can’t get him off me!!!”
Adrenaline hits like hundred million little sips of bitter coffee
Thundering pain. Head ringing. Wings are in flames
I hear a distance voice in my ear, screaming my name
Then somebody hit the lights all of sudden
But before they dim… I feel my thumb on the ejection button..


Snackback: My eyes grow wide, I realize I forgot my meds.
Those threats were all caps… LIES! DELUSIONS! They were in my head!
The stress from my PTSD had been depressing
My shrink prescribed me pills the pharma reps had been suggesting
“Really, no side effects... Well, none worth mentioning”
“Just be careful skipping days… withdrawal can get interesting


I look down. My hand rests, pressed against the flashing panel.
My mind rambles as ample thoughts and hidden plots begin to scramble
When did I flip the switch? It’s really beyond me.
God, what have I done…. I think I just released the zombies
Reach four my lucky leaf; suddenly I see the devil's schemes
In human history, no deeds are great and terrible as these
All my friends and family….









...Well, we’d never been close
Fuck it. Guess I better start boarding up Windows.

They might throw stones but they shouldn’t judge
I face a destiny so ugly, mothers couldn’t love
Plus growing up they said I wasn’t good enough
Always just stuck to my guns and didn’t budge




P.S. Mental health is a serious issue. Take care of yourselves NCGs
P.P.S. Line count should be 60, 1 line is split. (Or I can edit out final chorus)
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Old 03-09-2021, 09:05 PM   #6
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Quote:
Thought it better to take a 'hands off' approach
...But as these things often go
Ignoring your problems just feels better
Up til the last nail is hammered and coffins closed
Met lady luck in a Boston grove
Four leaf clover bruised Bruins Boston gold

Took the devils bet. Might cost my soul
But I want to be the greatest all across the globe
Dope! Love the flow. Reads effortless, but the skill is obvious. The alliteration is perfectly paced, and the overall wording is top notch.

Quote:
Where I’m from they got nothing to do.
Nothing to lose but it’s nothing to you
I got a scholarship, school at BU.
Row with the crew, plus a shooter, I hoop
Want to be all I can be, so I enlist,
Air Force ROTC, learned to fly and shit
Top Gun. Aviator frames shade my irises
Plus I roll with the tech, they know me as a scientist
Okay, so it seems we have a well accomplished douchebag with a god complex. Interesting. I mean, that's not what you wrote, but that's what I read. lol. Nah, but for real tho, I like this entire section. It offers a quick, but very informative backstory on the character.

Quote:
The future is fated, you can’t stop it.
I just got a call from a black ops project.
They just said my budget is a black box
Researching a crapshoot? No problem, I’m crackshot
I just hit the jackpot. Halle Berry backshots
Monster when I’m balling like Hugh Jackman with a laptop
My bad, that was Swordfish, but you know what the score is
Or maybe not... cause I won’t show up on the Forbes list
Went from topical to swag&flow in less than 20 seconds. lol. Again, the flow is butter and I really dug the movie scheme and how it transitioned from line to line.

Quote:
Trained special forces... I know how to lie low
I could see an ambush coming with my eyes closed
...Why’d you think they gave me such a wide role?
...They just need a fall guy when the mines blow
Thinking I’ma die slow... that’s a lie, whole...
Life I’ve been fighting for survival
Before they flush me out into a downward spiral
I’m gon hit the lab, do my thing and go viral...
Okay, I'm not exactly sure what's going on here. But from what I gather it seems that command is trying to off you, by sending you on a suicide mission of some sort. I guess my question to you is, why? Why are they making you out to be the fall guy? And what does the mission entail?

Quote:
They might throw stones but they shouldn’t judge
I face a destiny so ugly, mothers couldn’t love
Plus growing up they said I wasn’t good enough
Always just stuck to my guns and didn’t budge
It's rare that you see a hook slap dead in the middle of a topical battle verse. crazy.


Quote:
Flashback: “What the fuck! Can’t get him off me!!!”
Adrenaline hits like hundred million little sips of bitter coffee
Thundering pain. Head ringing. Wings are in flames
I hear a distance voice in my ear, screaming my name
Then somebody hit the lights all of sudden
But before they dim… I feel my thumb on the ejection button..
Fire (no pun intended)! This entire section was action packed, visual and easy to follow.

Quote:
Snackback: My eyes grow wide, I realize I forgot my meds.
Those threats were all caps… LIES! DELUSIONS! They were in my head!
The stress from my PTSD had been depressing
My shrink prescribed me pills the pharma reps had been suggesting
“Really, no side effects... Well, none worth mentioning”
“Just be careful skipping days… withdrawal can get interesting
Impressively worded section.

Sidenote: I once wrote a verse about PTSD and used the word "Snapback" to describe the victims jolt back to reality. Needless to say, I like what you did here.


Quote:
I look down. My hand rests, pressed against the flashing panel.
My mind rambles as ample thoughts and hidden plots begin to scramble
When did I flip the switch? It’s really beyond me.
God, what have I done…. I think I just released the zombies
Reach four my lucky leaf; suddenly I see the devil's schemes
In human history, no deeds are great and terrible as these
All my friends and family….








...Well, we’d never been close
Fuck it. Guess I better start boarding up Windows.
I like the four leaf clover line and how it's a callback to the opening stanza. I also like your flow and your wording in general. Both of which are top notch. Not exactly sure what to make of the story tho. It had splashes of rich and vibrant imagery, but seemed to lack cohesion. Perhaps that was a conscious decision used as a technique meant to illustrate the scattered thought process of someone suffering from PTSD, or other forms of psychosis that developed as a result of prolonged exposure to the...uhm...the internet? I think. I'm not sure, then again, I am pretty stoned right now, so that might have something to do with it.

All in all, however, this was a super entertaining drop. Thanks for sharing.
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