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Old 08-18-2021, 12:09 AM   #1
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Default rhymes

Get a hobby, they said. Out of your head, but that's where all the consonants live. Columns of letters caught in a cob of my consciousness' web I claw through to conjure microcosms to mesh. This hypochondria act's hiding the lie I rely on to mask I'm dying. It's bad. I might just relax. Deep sigh. Lie on my back. Digital rain sounds climb through the wax and sit in my brain. How's the climate, just ask. Currently on earth it's an emergency. A furnace burning trees. Concerned? Ask me how your currency from work can turn your burdens into needs my boss converts to furthering his greed. Heart murmuring. A beat circling, uncertain it's nervousness, a burp or if a surgeon needs a beep. Alerted to the lurid bliss Copernicus dismissed. The center of the senses. A winner of pretend events he never entered. We are all delivered. Pulled into existence to sift through since's remnants. Agendas we remember in an instant as if descendants whispered in us the tenets of the living's memory infinite. Epiphany's pretentious. Anything inventive a mimicry upended by a minute spent relenting to the limits of our limbus. Limping to the finish. The end. You've been sentenced.

Last edited by dull boy; 08-18-2021 at 12:14 AM.
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Old 08-18-2021, 12:13 AM   #2
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Fuck

This is impressive on a few different levels
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Old 08-18-2021, 10:40 AM   #3
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everything about your verse reminds me of my old homie named cab six.. dude was nasty but apart from that, I thought this was classic.. I loved it, in my opinion.. keep up the great work!

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Old 08-19-2021, 04:22 PM   #4
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Seems effortless and almost every line’s well thought out. Great display of your stream of consciousness, it’s smoothly structured and doesn’t lose focus or meaning despite the different scheme. Loved the last few lines the most but the entire verse is clever and accessible.
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Old 08-19-2021, 05:34 PM   #5
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Nice use of assonance throughout.

This line stood out most to me among the others:

Quote:
Digital rain sounds climb through the wax and sit in my brain.
Alerted to the lurid bliss Copernicus dismissed was nice too.

Keep your pen moving!
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Old 08-24-2021, 04:02 PM   #6
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Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg
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nice(r) rhymes. pretty dope.
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Old 08-30-2021, 11:22 PM   #7
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Inspiring stuff.

Loved the intro "Get a hobby, they said. Out of your head, but that's where all the consonants live". Straight to the point, hard hitting and makes understanding your piece as a whole clear as day, enjoyed the pacing.
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Old 09-03-2021, 05:38 PM   #8
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The rhyme scheme was dope. The vocab was dope. I liked it a lot brother. Respect.
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Old 09-04-2021, 12:56 AM   #9
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Best thing on page one. If I was young & cared I would give good feed.
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Old 09-07-2021, 07:15 PM   #10
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Best thing on page one. If I was young & cared I would give good feed.
You said DM’s was the best thing on page one after this. I don’t like the way that comes off and I’m letting you know about it.
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Old 09-08-2021, 03:58 PM   #11
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You said DM’s was the best thing on page one after this. I don’t like the way that comes off and I’m letting you know about it.
he knows i'll read it and wants to hurt me, dally



guess what pan. dally was also in desuktory too
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 09-19-2021, 07:07 AM   #12
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Sick flow. Enjoyed rapping it and cool content.
I liked the first 2/3 better than the end. Thought it was a little less sick starting with Alerted. But still pretty great.
Would be cool if you wrote something even longer.
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Old 10-09-2021, 11:48 AM   #13
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Nice chunk of meat here.
Favored lower sections
All dope. Multi King still huh
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Old 10-09-2021, 05:53 PM   #14
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Epiphanies pretentious
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Old 10-10-2021, 12:51 PM   #15
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Its alive
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Old 10-13-2021, 08:21 PM   #16
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Not enough wordplay for a Wednesday
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Old 10-15-2021, 05:58 PM   #17
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Not enough wordplay for a Wednesday
Read it again on multi Monday
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Old 10-17-2021, 05:37 PM   #18
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Fire
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