DL Round 3-Finals (Universe vs MMLP)

[Cereal]

@Universe
@MMLP

topic:



Line Limit - Max. 60 lines Min. 20 lines.

Battles will be up Friday, September 3rd and due Friday, September 10th at 11:59pm EST.

Voting will take place between Saturday, September 11th - Tuesday September 12th at 11:59pm EST

[Universe]

Cool, check. Good luck @MMLP

I'm rootin' for ya...

[MMLP]

Cheers! Let's have some fun

Cech!

[MMLP]

Pick your Avatar

Think, you only exist in the internet whilst bargaining them chips
Your image is a silhouette which outlines the darkness that’s within
picturesque, this territory is uncharted.
Sharpening your wits as the biggest troll in the game.
Embarking on a trip towards the roads of escape.
As more notifications pass without care or concern
One who soaks in the atmospheric air of uncertainty.
So Mr keyboard warrior…. prepare for the worst,
this is where we will learn your comprehension of the truth.
Whether you turn towards the Red pill or the Blue.
What’s a lie? Factual? Consumed in this time capsule!
… We’ve left that up to you to find out what you really believe
Questioning the definition of proof and what we have perceived.
Feeling under attack and often neglected,
means you go on the offensive in releasing some steam.
As you fall asleep at the wheel, holding the key of reprieve,
steering nearer towards the borders in view before you jump to conclusions
as you leap off the deep end and suffer delusions.
Are you stuck in a lucid dream or trapped in simulations?
Under illusions with nothing to do.
Everything else becomes damaged limitation
in a passage of enslavement whilst you’re apprehending the codes.
Unknowingly been standing in a Matrix, you were yet to behold!
Being the Architect of your own demise, outlining your fate,
hanging on the edge of a hole that your psyche creates.
Suspending this whole reality once you entered the zone.
The worldwide webs your abode,
but the end of this road is designed with an aim.
Structurally aligned, with each line intertwined for the frame.
The dimensions are closing, tightening as it all binds into place,
precisely arranged with your psychosis edging closer..
Dodging bullets in the firing range,
bending over backwards just to step aside from the pain.
That you spend every day of your life, trying on sight to evade
as your own subconscious, tightens the cable and toughens its grip!
You entered a cyberspace just to hide away
Now you’re stuck in a glitch of a world where you shouldn’t exist
as the net unravels more and more of the struggles you hid!
Continuously morphing those clicks and pressing them buttons!
Manifesting, malevolent as they come
As the shortcomings begin its time to end the discussion!
but it mattered getting the upper hand to develop a cover.
Misjudging the gravity of what he’s yet to discover
In a quest to become an oracle!
A live-wire who'd deflect onto others who had jumped in a fantasy.
But once you ejected the plug, it ruined the connection to us
and that’s when you lost touch with reality!
Ended up naturally becoming reflective for once
as deflecting had reached its peak.
Mirroring those inner demons in pursuit of hidden meanings,
In-cohesive, in a set of summer with a sickness seeping
then winter sleets in a mirage of different seasons.
That mixes feelings as you become desperate to move.
Whether he knew he'd turn and tumble, he had a thirst for trouble.
All set but stressing to choose between the red and the blue,
but either one would burst his bubble...
When his world had crumbled, just emptiful and hollow.
Trapped in your own world to wallow.
When you finally realise you’re nothing outside of this, and life’s a bitch!
….That’ll be the toughest pill to swallow!

[Universe]

Return to Sender

"You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret... All the best people are." - Lewis Carroll

......

To: Alice Pleasance Liddell

1007 Mountain Dr. G****m (redacted/removed)

My Dearest Alice,

You thought me trapped and entombed but now my casket's exhumed
Redacted/removed - I won't address the issue right off the bat as assumed
It's accurate to say I'm a jack of all trades yet a master of few
Remember Through the Looking-Glass? It was the only classic we knew...
No Wonder what I brought to the table was automatically queued
I created more psychedelic hallucinogens than one could actually use
To cap it off you were a laughing stock when each batch was consumed
Every last of it brewed then expedited by a factor of two
Not mushroom for improvement... Tip the scales and the balance is proof
Establish a loop; I won't ever ask you if the pattern's askew
I'll never break my rhyme scheme, Alice... That's the saddest taboo!
But I have to educate the masses before the madness ensues
Back in high school, my first love was harassed and abused
Used mind control tactics and threw bombs in her class when excused
Took her for a walk down the path, near beautiful flowers that bloomed
I practically knew I'd always choose to reimagine this June
I reached for her hand but she refused - A tragic rebuke!
I could tell by her gait I wasn't apt to get through... (ha)
Noticing the stature pursued I platformed my shoes
But she declined to stoop to my level from her palace-like view
I knew until my hypothalamus and pituitary gland were improved...
My body's delayed growth would stay hormone enhancer immune
Like cancerous tumors; I felt the blood rush like Dracula's muse
Cracked a bottle of pills which grabbed a hold as the rabbit hole grew
Lost hair from the additives... Into top hats I withdrew
Beheaded my rabbit with brute force like a magic trick, poof
Wreaking havoc on communities sent me to a mental facility for youths
Absent hair follicles, my mental condition worsened to lathered shampoo...
Bath salts included... I broke out with nothing to gravitate to
Crafted drugs through experimentation, like how they vaccinate flu's
Feeling small yet still at large like a tower can loom
A spore-addict recluse; When the hour is noon the shadows spell doom!
Started snatching prostitutes of any age, building apparatuses new
Trapped them into menacing cages with sharply cut stacks of bamboo
Acting aloof, jacking off to screams of any captive I choose
Using every last opportunity to batten down the hatches and brood
A lab rat with elaborate delusions, full of malice and booze
Spaced out as Saturn to Jupiter, with poison ivy to ration my moods...
Amassed a talented crew; Put long-eared Halloween masks on my goons
Fed 'em salad and croutons and other rabbit-type food (mmm)
My appetite for destruction has been established and proved
Intellectual property; With more overhead than what's in attics when moved
Drink from this chalice, Alice! You'll envision how the chapter concludes
Mentally challenging stooges; It's disastrous to imagine me loose
I hit the streets like rapture from Lucifer, the dark horse galloping through
Neurotoxin gas as my fuel, with a little fun-guy to rapidly boost
A clown saw the humor... I fashioned a tool behind gathered balloons
In one fell swoop a family of acrobats flew off a trapeze like a noose
Was that you down in The Gulch? Imposter! How savage and cruel
But that's right up my alley... I swear I saw a cat with some jewels...
A bat symbol illuminated a dark night of blackness and gloom
Where I found Talia al-Ghul half drowned in blue lazarus pools
Flaccid and pruned; Malicious newspapers dubbed me The Mad Hatter, it's true
Batman and who? The new dynamic duo is fractured in two
My special tea is my specialty! Smack your lips I'm glad you approve
Revenge is a dish served lukewarm... with a dash of perfume...
A fabulous inclusion! I wish there was something to fasten it to
Like a package on the roof of Wayne Manor with a fast ticking fuse...
Truth is, I haven't a clue why I called you Batman or Bruce
A tad bit confusing...

Because I always thought my Alice was you... ;)

Toodaloo. <3

Sincerely,

Jervis Tetch

Somewhere Beneath Oxfordshire, Wonderland

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_Hatter_(DC_Comics)

[Soule]

MMLP, this was alright. Honestly wasn't really feeling the concept of it as there's not a ton of depth to it and it's more of a "life sucks" type of rant. Not super creative or original and left a lot to be desired especially with the topic in mind. Your rhyme scheme was very hit and miss for me personally. You'd have a few fire bars and then change it up awkwardly and throw the read off. Happened multiple times through out. Not too consistent. Not a ton of imagery or emotion involved here so can't really shoot feedback there. Overall it kinda felt like you struggled to find motivation and after you asked for a new topic in the chat thread I'm guessing you just weren't feeling it and just dropped what you could.

Universe, bit of a rollercoaster as far as vibes go. It started out with me going "oh fuck yeah, I love alice in wonderland." to "okay, kinda getting Clockwork Orange now..." and then even before you went full Arkham on us, I was like "shit, is he going the batman route?" which you then did lol. This was a cool piece to read. Crazy how you kept the same rhyme scheme going the entire piece. I don't know if I could pull that off personally with something this long lol. Guess it helped that you kept your internal multies minimum. Flow was consistent the whole way though. Imagery was on point, not a ton of emotion but a piece like this didn't really require it. Good read my guy.

Overall this was a fun battle to read. I do feel like one writer was a lot more motivated than the other or at least able to maintain inspiration better. One piece was a lot more exciting to read than the other from multiple spots, I'll categorize shit ...

Creativity-- Universe, hands down. Seems to be a category he really thrives in as both pieces I've read from him were original and fun to read.

Entertainment-- Universe, I had a lot of fun reading his piece between the content and the flow.

Flow-- Universe, a lot more consistent and didn't really skip a beat from start to finish.

Rhyme Scheme-- Universe, though might've been a tie if MMLP didn't slip up every few bars and try to change shit up so often.

Consistency/Topic-- Not sure either really tackled the topic in the original post but Universe mentioned shit from the picture while I feel like MMLP's seemed more directed at Universe's avatar than the topic Cereal posted.

Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- Universe

Emotion-- Tie, neither was all that emotional honestly.

Imagery-- Universe, pretty easily. MMLP's was more of a rant than a story.

I got Universe taking this. Great job fellas.

[Cereal]

Creativity-- universe "Truth is, I haven't a clue why I called you Batman or Bruce
A tad bit confusing...

Because I always thought my Alice was you.." from start to finish he didnt let up it was a strong story and very colourful.. mmlp was cool i think by the title it was strong but just needed more colour to compete with universe on this one.. even the climax was dope
Entertainment-- universe "Establish a loop; I won't ever ask you if the pattern's askew
I'll never break my rhyme scheme, Alice... That's the saddest taboo!" i think right down to the opening quote it was dope and def had strong pressance.. you really had your writers voice strong and direction of your story.. and the fact it was a story made it that much better.. i think if you had came with a topic against mmlp story it would had been a loss..
Flow-- universe "But she declined to stoop to my level from her palace-like view" i think this was what category you shone the most.. the flow was off the chain.. from start to finish and just a fluent piece mostly end rhymes did it for me but the way you rhyme stoooood with the drag out of end rhyming was dope.. mmlp saying that your flow was bonkers to
Rhyme Scheme-- universe "Spaced out as Saturn to Jupiter, with poison ivy to ration my moods...
Amassed a talented crew; Put long-eared Halloween masks on my goons" halloween was the only loose word in the rhyming section even though it fits in lol.. was crazy.. but saying that mmlp vocab was really hitting hard and well put together i think his whole structure was only out by one/two compared to universes if left alone it would have been a flawless structure..
Consistency/Topic-- mmlp "Sharpening your wits as the biggest troll in the game." i really dug what you did with it to the flip of over powering control on decision and seculsion before having the decision was epic.. sort of like an online club you will never be apart of.. dope..
Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- universe "A clown saw the humor..." it had some tight and rounded internals really rolled of the tongue nicely.. mmlp was still solid.. this is looking really one sided but mmlp you did bring top tier in these categories to..
Emotion-- mmlp "In-cohesive, in a set of summer with a sickness seeping" i think you really brought the depth of feeling with extreme knowledge about the topic..
Imagery-- universe "A lab rat with elaborate delusions, full of malice and booze" with such detail in a verse it was basicly 3/4 line had description.. so pretty to..


vote = universe

dope finals gus g/l

[Master Rock]

Yo this one hell of a freaking battle bro!!! Like mllp came with the realness but then Universe just came in with the rhyme scheme by the beginning which was unlike anything I ever heard from him, like his freaking cadence was on point the whole time as well as his right skin and the story and stuff. I will offer more feedback when I get a chance. But it looks like Universe got this it's unlike anything I've ever read from him and I might be a double stuff you ever wrote in regards to some real hip hop

[Cereal]

winner = universe