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Old 03-02-2021, 01:15 AM   #1
Adverse
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Default PLAYOFFS ROUND ONE: #3 PHARAOHS ARMY vs #14 EVAD DAVE WINS VIA NS

AOWL Season IX PLAYOFFS ROUND ONE

@evaD @Pharaohs Army

Verse Due: SUNDAY MARCH 7th @ 11:59 PM EST


Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

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GOOD LUCK
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Old 03-02-2021, 05:25 PM   #2
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Any child of mine is damned, a lamb lead right to the slaughter
following in the footsteps of A man who spent his life treading water
Pick any ladder to cling to, they all take you nowhere nice
Just choose one that looks furthest from All the snakes and roll the dice
Don’t believe when all the teachers try and push you to the top
When half the reasons for academia’s to put you in a box
A seat at the table, in your cubicle, settle down with a wife
emails all day every day will change your Outlook on life
Think of all things lost with the innocence of kids
And Consider this, The greatest lesson learned in life: ignorance is bliss
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Old 03-06-2021, 11:00 AM   #3
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@Pharaohs Army
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Old 03-07-2021, 09:18 PM   #4
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can i take a 24 hr ext?
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Old 03-07-2021, 10:20 PM   #5
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can i take a 24 hr ext?
Yes sir
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Old 03-09-2021, 01:12 PM   #6
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Well Dave I know you signed up as a favor to me but unfortunately you’re moving on to the next round lol

I really liked your piece, albeit it’s a little short (know you’re busy with the Retort league and what not it’s all good) the first four lines were a perfect start and really resonated with me a lot. One of the biggest things in topicals is being able to put your audience into your story and I felt like I was in the main characters shoes here. Thought the biggest fault here was that you didn’t flesh it out more as I stated before, it was great, great and then suddenly ended, obviously you’ve got some prowess for topical writing, never seen you do it so I was pleasantly surprised great work here
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Old 03-12-2021, 12:04 AM   #7
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Any child of mine is damned, a lamb lead right to the slaughter
following in the footsteps of A man who spent his life treading water
You must be a battle rapper? There's a setup and punchline type of feel to that opening bar. In any case, I loved it.

Quote:
Pick any ladder to cling to, they all take you nowhere nice
Just choose one that looks furthest from All the snakes and roll the dice
Don’t believe when all the teachers try and push you to the top
When half the reasons for academia’s to put you in a box
Although, I somewhat agree with that last line, I'd be lying through my teeth however, if I said I agreed with your character's style of parenting. He seems pretty lousy, pessimistic and bitter.

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A seat at the table, in your cubicle, settle down with a wife
emails all day every day will change your Outlook on life
Fire!

Quote:
Think of all things lost with the innocence of kids
And Consider this, The greatest lesson learned in life: ignorance is bliss
True that.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this. It was quick, compacted, and filled with solid wordplay.
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