02-16-2021, 02:56 AM | #1 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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WEEK TEN: ADVERSE 2-2 vs BROKENHAL0 2-2 HAL0 WINS (FUCK)
AOWL Season IX FINAL WEEK
@brokenhal0 @fraze @Adverse VERSES DUE: SATURDAY FEBRUARY 20th @ 11:59PM EST Line min: 10 Max: 60 Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b] Topic: |
02-16-2021, 12:43 PM | #2 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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02-16-2021, 02:25 PM | #3 |
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Apologies to both of you guys, don't think I'm going to be able to finish my verse in time.
I'll still feed/vote when you guys drop, but I'm about to fall asleep and I only have a half finished verse.
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Last edited by fraze; 02-21-2021 at 10:53 PM. |
02-16-2021, 07:45 PM | #4 |
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02-19-2021, 08:03 PM | #5 |
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''METAPHORPHOSIS''
As I fly again followed by lines of leviathan 1000 butterflies explode out my sinuses gliding wish grounded in the bind they in crawling into the surroundings im outside again shadows of self Caterpillars at your feet astounded by your needs monarchs in a minor league painted lady on some cypress trees a sight to see but she didn't like the bees mourning cloak with designer jeans Look deeper and you'll find the leaves look deeper and you'll find the scheme verbena nectar mixed with arabica beans a red admirals what the amateurs need humanity is the real animal breed float like a butterfly it comes natural to me Like a common buckeye who got eyes on it's wings a viceroy when I counter the kings powerful things my skin smooth as velvet soft as a felt tip but I fell once you felt it grounded and helpless for so many years we held that back sad southern dogface with a burlap sack Forgotten guilt woven into a canoe of silk the clouded sulphor waits near the silt near the wheat stalks and phalaris grass standing taller then all praying mantis's designs on my wings represent god's canvases Contrast Baltimore checkspot floating in a trap house on the coast of maryland during a blackout tawny emperor tempt you to tap out inside a crystal chrysalis whipping the crack out As the hours loom in this cocoon of callus punitive prowess my form molts within beautiful flowers the results of patience in two different echos the qualm of resilience I didn't become food for the geckos In different tempos the pupa crawls threw ya window on different levels swallowtails land on purple roses back in the meadows where my kind was forced fed pesticides threw swollen noses A wood nymph's hocus pocus got me focused when the locust swarmed we hid in the barn like disgruntled soldiers see us first when the flood is over see the moths when the sun gets lower Mariposa mystified magical metamorphosis marigolds in mid july milk magnificent maltiness the scent of desert oud in the open air I can only dare remember markets in marrakesh where the white witch feeds off cotton in woven chairs A parallel reality which intersects the causal butterfly effect small things effect the normal nothing's exempt when I die I leave nothing for you! like a scarlet tiger feeding on honeysuckle and hemp It was no trouble for the spiders to sucker you in in the beauty of change I hope you win in the nature of your being you own the wind... Last edited by brokenhal0; 02-21-2021 at 06:10 PM. |
02-21-2021, 11:08 PM | #6 |
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All the beautiful words you told me took on a life of their own Crawling beneath my skin, exuberantly sending chills inside of my bones Poetry in motion pictures, a love fit for a silver screen appearance The signs were all around us but you could never color me coherent Your kisses left me bubbly, but the script had always troubled me I saw the last act in a premonition, of a future so befuddling But I ignored my foresight when the butterflies fluttered their wings As the velvet brushed the insides of my stomach I was filled with the uttermost glee The only conceivable comparison to rival your perfection Were the wide jubilant grins of my childhood contentment But piece by piece, you peeled my innocence away from me I realized you were living a facade, rehearsing every word you’d say to me Once the boisterous allure of your love began to grow thin I was finally able to reach through your lovely disguise n touch your cold skin I used to use your glowing embrace to show me the way, like a lamplight But now the glow starts to fade like the smoldering flames of a campsite And I’m frozen in place, I can’t shoulder the blame but that’s why Our story’s pages will forever remain blank, the words have flown from the page to vast heights Buried under the decaying grey of December skies, our magic was burned Your same words that used to make me float with butterflies.... Now left me to waste away with the maggots and worms |
02-25-2021, 09:53 PM | #7 |
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brokenhal0:
This is one of your better works. I really liked most of it. Except for the part you misspelled "through" as "threw". 2 Times. SAME AS THE LAST BATTLE OF YOURS I VOTED ON. LEARN HOW TO FUCKING SPELL "THROUGH" DUDE. I'm a nice guy but it almost cost you this vote. I liked this verse because of the dense imagery, all the insect references, the "m" alliteration, the rhyming. Parts of it gave me the feels, which is why I feel it topped Adverse's more traditional verse here. Adverse: A tale of a tarnished love. Started as true love but eventually decayed. I really thought you had good multis in this one, and that is usually your strong suit. But for lack of a better word, this verse didn't quite have the "oomf", or "impact" that I found in brokenhal0's. I think his firepower here was enough for the upset. He's very lucky I'm forgiving his FOURTH misspelling of the word "through". V Halo |
02-26-2021, 11:56 PM | #8 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnERrvsGGZ4
Vote broken, view video for details.
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02-28-2021, 10:47 PM | #9 | ||
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Quote:
Quote:
Vote: AdverseThis is kinda hard to judge for me. Enjoyed both verses for different reasons. Both had great rhymes tho I would give a slight edge to Adverse for the consistency of his flow. That being said. Halo had a lot more diversity and complexity in his rhyme schemes, so I could see the argument for him winning this category. Both had good word choices, tho halo was flexing a bit with the vocabulary so I'd have to give him the advantage on that. In terms of narrative/meaning, halo's pieces are always jigsaw puzzles to decipher while Adverse had a somewhat abstract but interesting love story which gives him an edge there. I also feel like while halo did a great job of using bug related terms to tie back to the pic, Adverse connected to the pic a lot more directly which gives him the edge in terms of using the topic. Both are well written pieces and Adverse was a little short, but it comes out close to a tie for me. I give an edge to Adverse for enjoyability but that's purely a style thing, so please don't hate me halo, you wrote an amazing piece this week.
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