What is it to live?

[Illume]

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

My aunt is on life support. My significant ex gets child support.
In high school I was the dork. I long for quiet nights with pork,
Feeding alcoholism and piping storks.
I call em storks cuz they swallow. Probably why I'm divorced.
Lol. There's a hashtag for all my thoughts... i require a cork.
I need to shut it all up. Shut it down. Silence- for short.
So I'm the strong silent type. An assumption by the finest of sorts.
So I get no play. I never did. I've rarely lived.
I've rarely taken. And those I helped never give.
Fuck them cuz I'm me. Reinvented. Viv's libbed.
Liberated. Grown. Grown down. Opinionated. I don't forgive.
I dwell on past conquests not conquered. I shrivel.
I shrink inside my psyche knowing I'm tiny. Fine. Little.
Fuck me. I'm little! This is changing today! Baller, no dribble...
make it rain, no drizzle. Take the brain... she'll forgive you.
Muay thai train, Jiu jitsu... mma and submit who
Opposes Viv! You that nig! You get you!
No new friends... Drake said it. Go get you
Some fuckin bad ass points. Jump out a plane!
Big booty for ur birthday- 2 chainz!
Cook up and hustle that souffle!
Have that threesome with your boo's neighbors!
You deserve that shit. You grew up Bobby Bouche!
Do it for your aunt on life support... live under a new name!
Cuz YOLO only matters if you've lived. I'm reincarnated.

The first 13 or so lines were awesome really buildin', kinda deep, relateable. I thought you were gonna come out with some philosophical statement or something that had the same depth and scope as those first 13 lines, but for me you went the wrong direction into this YOLO culture shit. The last two words were a great close but you coulda took this on from a more introspective, spiritual or psychological standpoint, at least as far as those last 12 lines are concerned. I think you built up somethin' really cool then fluffed it up with cliché sex, drugs and bullshit. Reincarnation is somethin' you could explore from several angles. Your own psychological rebirth, and what your new perspective entails from a subjective standpoint, not just how much you're gonna fuck and drink.

You should try to reimagine this and go a bit further with your introspections. You could write those last twelve lines with the same message but with a bit less bravado and more deep observations.