03-28-2022, 11:24 PM | #1 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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WEEK TWO MAG: THE MAG THAT ALMOST WASN’T
Thank God this mag is still fully intact. The email I had it drafted in didn’t show half of what I wrote but it translated when I copy and pasted. Thank the manpoem gods
INTRO: I was really impressed with all the work everybody put into our inaugural week, the votes were there, mostly everyone showed up, and there were some really great matches. Hopefully we can continue this trend, it will make for a very exciting season. A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES: With the threat of Universe signing in seeming imminent by the cryptic message he dropped in the discussion thread, the AOWL has some interesting plot lines on the horizon. But for now let’s focus on a couple names that are surely entering the fray in time for week 2. BODEY Record Last Season: 0-0 Bodey is a name that you’d recognize from the GWL a couple of years ago, she went on an absolute tear and took down some big names (myself included) on a historic run. The only thing that could stop her? Time. Starting a new job made her sign out of the GWL much before her reign should have ended, and she admittedly doesn’t have a lot of time this go around either. But one thing is for certain, just having her present in the league makes things a lot more interesting. If Bodey can fit the AOWL into her busy schedule, she’ll be amongst the front runners all season. THREAT LEVEL: 9/10 SINACOG DA GOD Well, Sinacog has every potential to be a phenomenal writer, and he has even showed his skills at points. I haven’t seen him write in awhile so who knows maybe he’s back to form? Either that or we get a verse about demon semen and obscure anime references. I’m not going to make any bets as I still believe the whole Sinacog alias is one of the longest troll bits ever and AJ The Menace is going to come out of the woods wielding his pen and ready to kill once again. THREAT LEVEL: 2 EVICTION Eviction was a participant last season and claims that I’ve already made him battle Sinacog last year (my lawyer told me to deny everything) as far as emcees come Eviction is a pretty skilled writer and actually wrote some great material last season, it just seemed like the powers that be were working against him, including Universe dropping 100 bars right on his dome. I think he could be a dark horse this year and could definitely get rolling off to a great start facing Sinacog this week. We’ll see what happens THREAT LEVEL: 6/10 CORLEONE Mr. Textcee is in the building. Self proclaimed one time Wu Tang affiliate (Method Man couldn’t be reached for comment) Corleone aside from being the the site punching bag and Sharp’s arch nemesis, is actually a decent writer. I think the topical platform caters to his style more than the battle scene, he has an old school vibe to his material, in the same vein as Mobb Deep/Nas. Honestly if he applies himself he could potentially cause problems for the mainstays here. There’s potential here THREAT LEVEL: 6.6/10 THROWBACK ARTICLE I WROTE LAST SEASON TO COMMEMORATE THE SIGNING IN OF SINACOG UNSOLVED MYSTERIES OF TEXT EPISODE ONE - SINACOG; ELABORATE TROLL? OR SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY? Hello. Today I am going to dive inside of the psyche of one of Netcees most controversial figures, documenting his fall from grace. At a point seven short years ago he was a topical champion, writing pieces with the kind of poetic language that would turn the heads of the most revered writers. Nowadays, he’s a repetitive author that overuses biblical references and talks about “demon semen” much more than any one man should. There are weekly questions in both the NBL and AOWL if Sinacog should even be able to compete as facing him is pretty much a guaranteed win for his opponent. And if you’ve only known Sinacog in his short tenure on Netcees you may not know that he once was a fairly successful writer in the world of text. You may not know how far he has actually fallen. SINACOG IN 2013 Quote:
SINACOG IN 2020 Quote:
At the time of this post Sinacog has not responded to my request for an interview. BATTLE REVIEWS: CANDY (0-0) vs BROKENHAL0 (0-0) The topic here is up for interpretation, which is exactly why I picked it. I mean there’s a literal approach here of a giant fucking hand invading the character’s room, and then there’s the metaphorical implication of this hand being anything ranging from a controlling loved one, a deity, depression etc. I think both writers took a more metaphorically driven approach here and I appreciated that. Candy used some of his immense trademarked vocabulary and really had some great word usage here but it seemed like his story lacked because he was more so focused on the complexity of what he was saying and not how he was trying to convey it to the audience. While Hal0 had a similar misstep, his descriptive wording was gag inducing, but also the story shines through, not making his language his primary mission. I think that’s the reason Hal0 ultimately pulls this out, Candy still needs to focus on his storylines and telling a smooth tale before he can throw hands with the best of them. Hal0 wound up winning here with a 4-0 sweep. WINNER: BROKENHAL0 DANK (0-0) vs MASTER ROCK (0-0) This one here was probably our battle of the week for our inaugural outing. A cool mesh of styles here and I can tell you every sentence was worth a read. Lars (who is still pretending to be someone named Dank for whatever reason) brought a technically sound story to the fray, a retelling of the Columbine school shootings from the perspective of a fly on the wall. While the premise seems like a really weird idea on paper, he makes it work as he usually does. Lars writing is usually airtight and technical, he doesn’t take huge risks but is all somebody who has been around long enough to have winning down to a formula. Master Rock really did have a nice verse here but you could feel it was rushed just by the little things that he wasn’t able to do (some polishing, fixing grammatical errors etc.) he told a more straightforward story about lost love but it had some great depth to it. The emotions were raw and some of the poetic language used was beautiful, it really was an amazing piece especially to be made on short notice, but Lars emerged from this one unscathed. He just out wrote Rock this week DANK WINS 5-0 OBJECTIVE (0-0) vs TIMELESS (0-0) This was another great battle here and in my opinion turned out as the biggest upset of the week? Both writers’ verse dealt with the aftermath of the depicted car crash but the endings were polar opposites. Timeless story described a woman whose bad choices landed her in a car accident and then subsequently into jail, Objective on the other hand described a more tragic scene with two victims in the wreckage which was caused by a shape shifting demon posing as an Angel? (Gasp) Most voters leaned towards Objective’s story attributing their choice to Objective’s more colorful description of the actual car wreck and all of its carnage. Timeless wrote a great verse but he left out some of the finer detail that Objective brought and that’s what ultimately got him the win here. OBJECTIVE WINS 5-1 BLUE BAYOU VS DOMINATE This battle was a pleasant surprise as I expected both of these bred text battlers to go at each other’s throats and just use the topical format to do so. Didn’t work out that way, Dominate wrote a piece about toxic masculinity and Blue raping his wife while claiming to be the textcee GOAT and Blue tugged at our heartstrings with a story of lost love. Though both writers had dope pieces put together they decided to call it a tie because of the tight voting. Great battle here Winner: NOFUCKINGBODY NO SHOW SHINE: Adonis wrote a nice piece in his forfeit win against Pharaohs Army this week. I enjoyed his meta take on the picture and his description of the “topic writing itself.” All dope stuff so let’s give it one more look! Topic: Will Concept For Food He’s stuck in a rut, vultures circle while c a c k-ling He’s either not good enough, or good enough to be scrap heap Striking at keys like a columbian fiend Humming a beat while crumbling paper to fling Pounding a passage as if the actives could follow But in the end his two feet left his tracks feeling hollow No sugar coating the truth, he sips it straight from the bottle Drowning in hopes as rain bathes him in sorrows He dreams audibly lucid - Linguistic Cuisine He either artistically gleams, or is autistic, reveling, in disheveling means But watch him close, see the writers blocks being fitted for beams? A foundation being poured over smoldering schemes Striking the rubbish to form gold with each swing Bringing boiling troubles down to a simmering scene You gotta push through the brush, a pen is more than a cell And cells are more than just Porn-hub, rubbing oneself And tones can be formed by adding diction in spells Conjuring mystical spells, non sequitur, as rhythms count for themselves Each journey is taken, paths are built in its wake So when my head hits the keyboard, concepts awake Either these voices are mine, or i’m lost without help I couldn’t write a topic, instead, the topic wrote of itself ** the word c a c k -ling is spelled funky solely because the site wont allow us to actually type the word ***kling for some odd reason** ADVERSE’S QUEST TO NOT BE A TOTAL FAT SHIT FOREVER: Pleased to announce I’ve lost about 20 pounds since starting my diet, tonight I celebrated with pizza and ice cream (now I’m on the toilet paying for it smh) THROWBACK BATTLE OF THE WEEK: This one is sort of fresh in my mind as I hosted it, an absolute slobber knocker of a topical finale between dead man, Universe and Lars for the GWL crown. All fought hard but dead man was the one who reigned victorious dead man: i used to be at home this used to feel like a bed. a theory, a thread through hypothetical dread. Oceania. mysterious depths a place to lay your head when paranoia presents. We slammed the door so many times they left us for dead presidential pardon me's, apology texts ravens to the slaughter in a bottomless nest maiden Mary, daughters keep their blossom in check married to their martyrs, all our promises kept satellite and satire newsweek calling their bets. instead our media is musical. we cop the cassettes bodega ballroom barbecue our common collective work fingers to the bone to sew an officer's vest revolver bang on handball courts as often as not they watch you from an office drinking coffee and scotch i grew up where i felt okay. my problems were surface family death and money loans and funeral services natural selection makes election dates so trivial archeology. we excavate our miracles. it's all behind us dishes falling off our shelves scream curses at the wall of China telling us to be ourselves and advertising false designer finally at a tipping scale the universal card decliner writing fiction. HG Wells regretting actions. Oppenheimer. practicing for combat throwing kettlebells and mountain climbers prepping doomsday bugout bunkers fear and steel and carbon fiber heart attacks, burger joints. call your supplier. Target and Meijer Jewel Osco is the foodbank of two-thousand-and-ninety riot smoke and arson ignite. bargaining prices insulin is half a million if you market it right this used to feel like playful banter. calm and inviting now it treats you shitty if you talk to it nicely our economy is beer-can chicken pasta and rice we crawl into our margins but we march into fights harp on overdoses like some artist respite our genre voiceless spirits going bump in the night always learned in arguments to call on our rights but where do you fall when that no longer applies? my daughter is 9. i promised she won't grow in this climate culture of violence. repressed emotional guidance politicized science. polarizing, broken inside destined from the moment we corroded this island to devolve into silence. flagship colonial cult one big experiment that yielded it's chosen result so it goes. i gave my word that we'd escape. and we tried. they told us yesterday, Senate made immigration a crime dm Universe: Lineage "Why?" - Nasuada "You know why..." - Murtagh - Christopher Paolini, 'Inheritance' ...... Life ends today, it's cruel how my great Grandma Heidi may conclude It feels like a confined space of truth as I sit outside the waiting room TV displays riots in the streets; On screen a news Anchor stews "We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this breaking news..." Flashcut to schools, flags removed - I watch as threats to the nation grew A shadow overtakes my view, "Sophie, deine Urgroßmutter has something to say to you" I take in my Father's dark features, then quickly move down the hall scared A mirror reflecting blond hair, blue eyes and my thousand yard stare Corridors appeared to narrow; I walked up claustrophobic little stairs Into great Grandma's room, quietly moving hospital clothes from a chair She seemed mostly unaware - A century of growth letting go before me With beeping vital signs that resembled an old metronome recording She opened her blue eyes and said, "Mein Schatz, please don't yell or ignore me..." "I'll be in hell come the morning, so... Let me tell you my story..." It was 1941... We were a song of ice and fire; A long goodnight while over tired Much like you, I chose to smile as the blond hair/blue eyed poster child No denying we won the genetic race, yet skin needed to be inspected And questioned... Dark hair with pointed noses were immediately rejected Was selected for special testing, long before my old soul had found religion Blond hair and blue eyes are genetic defects - A mild form of albinism I'll admit this truth hurts, but I'll bleed out before I dress the sutures Sophie the web can prove it, I was in a breeding program to "protect the future" You may know it as eugenics, sure... We were prized for our Viking roots Our eyes were blue, so I can prove we raped and pillaged just like them too Forced to take pills and diet, true... Yet we were given the finest food Bred for primal use and vetted like canine lupus while lined in groups The rest shipped to orphanages, beautiful kids turned hybrid mutants Who removed islands full of Jews by making Bermuda Triangles of humans Leftovers right under evolution, there was no turmoil of course Peace was preserved, only the racially 'pure' enjoyed the spoils of war We were 'Lebensborn' - experimented on by doctors with crude means Then 'Germanized' by ruthless Nazi's to form these blond super beings... Who conceived... One second, hun... Let me breathe... Present Day Great Grandma laid back, tired; Honesty's the humble past time of sleep Incessant beeps turned to a constant hum... then to a flatline on screen My Dad walked in, eyes weeping as he put her under white sheets Looking unsightly he said, "Now you know why you look nothing like me..." "When bunkered down we keep cyanide, it's how our kind survives" "It is within you and those like you that the thousand year reich will thrive" "NASA left our scientists high and dry, barely learning what we had..." "The next rocket blast from a launch pad and America turns to hot ash" "Until then bat your eyelashes dear, you will look pretty when compared..." That's when my Dad extended his right arm from his neck into the air This symbol's clear and present danger; His body language consumed my gaze A statue of strength... I take in my role model's facade and do the same... My Dad winked, "You're the spark that brings flames - The little wic that blew" "Plus Hitler's view was of an exclusive race that looked just like you..." That's when German accents filled the lobby; Dad ran out into the hallway too... The Nazi soldiers went oddly mute... I guess anarchy doesn't always rule I heard, "Es ist wieder unsere Zeit! Swastikas will be burnt onto all Jews!" My final solution was to grab the remote and turn up the volume... "Ich hoffe du hörst zu..." (I hope you're listening...) Lars: A lightning storm likely caused the natural disaster that scattered all manner of organisms across the blackened savannah. Man, as a rational animal, chose to survey holding the flame of ingenuity in his smouldering gaze. The glow of the nascent embers enticing him presented a vibrant and new-found sense of enlightenment. The frenzical fire flickered while choking the air in smoke that unerringly saw wildlife drove from their lairs. Hopelessly snared by ferocious forbears of hominid history that stand, watching implicitly, on the periphery. It’s a consummate victory for critical thought — as we pick at the morsels of charred remains exhibiting warmth. While more nutritious than raw meat, to make us reallyhuman our brains will need more nutrients to aid our evolution. This stage is key and crucial in our mental development as increased energy benefits further help our intelligence. The extent is unprecedented, firing up our outward observants who now have a burning desire to learn how to preserve it. Some found that in nurturing the roaring ashen cinders they’ve a torch to carry in the dark, and warmth to pass the winter. But sure as man had kindled that first creative spark the early days in our control of fire still seem a world away so far... Light permeates the dark. We’ve a new world in our hands, learning how transferable heat met its proverbial match. Early encampments with hearths see us grasp primal stone-flinted weapons as refined and honed as the ever-growing mind of Homo Erectus. We find a socio-economic shift expands our horizons man becomes wiser, language and fire help us adapt to the climate. Even the barren environs of the Arctic see us planting our flag in the form of fragmented clasts, ashes from plants and animal fats. Neanderthal Man’s quizzical mind is larger and distinctive hydrocarbons suggest we were habitual fire starters. Tinder ignited sparks that made us advantageous to favourable mating prospects before dating applications. The naked flame that nature gave us had multiple benefits each just as imperative to our cultures development. We come to depend on it with such frequency that fire seems as intertwined as leaves were to the vines needed for our pyre. Our deepening desire to understand may have caused us some injuries but our awe of its mystery changed the course of our history. It was warmth in the winter seasons frost bitten cold — our guiding light shining bright come time to migrate and conquer the globe. It offered us hope in our darkest hour and became an achievement which our civilisation would feature in the tale of Prometheus. It changed how our people lived and shaped our existence as we became as persistent as that first flame that we witnessed. We both blazed our significant trails, rising triumphant at last by engulfing all manner of obstacles that stood in our paths. The result of our chance encounter was Mother Nature’s doing but her greatest true gift was the invention that made us human... BATTLE PREVIEWS: There’s a couple of battles to really be excited for this week. Me and Adonis will break it down for y’all and let you know which ones to watch for, and which ones might not live up to the hype. Let’s begin with.. ADONIS (1-0) vs BROKENHAL0 (1-0) This one is really intriguing, both writers are coming off strong weeks and wins, even though Adonis picked up his week one W via forfeit he still wrote a great verse with a meta topic that was a very strong showing of the writing he is capable of. Hal0 is the reigning champ from last season but still a guy trying to prove himself week in and week out. This topic suits both writers as they don’t take anything at face value, I’m sure there’ll be some great writing here thematically and technically. This will be one to watch but I’m tipping the scales in Adonis’ favor by a slim margin as I feel he is the veteran here and will find a way to squeeze this one out but only time will tell. PREDICTION: ADONIS WINS 55/45 BODEY (0-0) vs MASTER ROCK (1-0) This is another one to keep your eyes peeled for and a definite contender for battle of the week. Master Rock is coming off a decent week, he took an L to a technically superior verse by Lars but there was a lot of positives to pull from both his verse and his defeat. He’ll have his work cut out for him facing Bodey this week who is a great writer in her own respect but is probably not in top shape after being on an extended hiatus. This topic has a lot of wiggle room for metaphorical interpretations as well as literal and I believe it plays to both writer’s strengths. Rock has already written in this league and is going to hit the ground running this week, I think Bodey will still have to stretch and knock some of the rust off. So considering all that. PREDICTION: MASTER ROCK WINS 60/40 DANK (1-0) vs OBJECTIVE (1-0) Another potentially great bout here. I think Objective is still coming into his own as a writer but had a great showing last week and actually pulled off what I would consider to be an upset over timeless, he showed up and really told a good story pertaining to the picture topic but the thing that captured most of the voters was how he described the wreckage in his verse and his attention to the small details. Dank aka Lars had a strong showing against Master Rock, the thing about Lars is he’s been around for eons and has his art down to a formula. He doesn’t really have to try his hardest because everything he does is technically sound, his premises are usually fresh as well. Objective can really get off to a great start if he takes down Lars in Week 2 but I have Lars out writing him as he’s done to so many before. PREDICTION: DANK WINS 70/30 Adonis was kind enough to use his day off to help on the mag (sucker) anyways thanks a lot bro! First off Adverse I don't know who eviction or Corleone is and only read one verse from Sinacog but I'll wing it and research a bit Eviction - Sinacog So I've never truly read much from either of these competitors, but I did do a quick search. From what I can see Sinacog seems more like the type to just have fun and quick key, while eviction seems more new to topicals still learning the ropes. From what I do remember of Sin is that his record is never very good, but he can actually write if he ever chooses too. So with all this in mind I have to learn towards eviction based off the beliefs that he actually tries to write a verse while Sin sort of just mails it in Eviction 80% Timeless - dominate This may be the battle I look forward to reading most. Timeless had always been a tough out regardless of who he faces. Meaning even when he faced off with some of the "legends" back in the hay day he still held his own even making deep playoff runs in said hay days. Dom surprised last week, but only because his verse was half topical half battle and imo still won. However, his flow was expected but the narration it sorry telling was not. I think he might be the dark horse along with Blue this season because the skill is there, it's kind of just putting the topical side to use. I think this truly could be another 50/50 battle and def gets my BOTW potential stamp. I think timeless can edge this one in a nail biter Timeless 55% Corleone - Candy So Corleone I don't know, but I recognize the Av so I'm thinking a battler under a new name. From what I remember he is top talent in battling, we will see if the skill transfers over as I think it's harder to go from a battler to topicalist than it is in reverse. Candy on the hand is kind of a wild card on every sense of the meaning. The dude can write and has skill, but I just think he's either ahead of his time or way after it. He lacks true structure and from what I remember, was never truly a world beater. With all this in mind I'm a bit torn, on one hand I think Core can win if he shows and simply sticks to any semblance of a topical, while candy can easily win posting 10 bars via no show victory. Candy 51% Thanks to everyone for reading have a good week! Last edited by Adverse; 03-29-2022 at 03:11 AM. |
03-29-2022, 12:05 AM | #2 |
Tread Lightly.
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Great mag! Really appreciate the effort guys.
Lmao @ the Kermit meme. That throwback battle was insanely good.
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03-29-2022, 02:54 AM | #3 |
Sell Her
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dope
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03-29-2022, 07:34 AM | #4 |
Shakespearian Dialect
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haha thanks and dope af read.
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03-29-2022, 08:29 AM | #5 |
Tread Lightly.
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Holy shit I had no idea about Sinacog! Utterly fascinating. Great feature for the mag. Congrats on the weight loss. 7 pounds in a week is great work.
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03-29-2022, 10:40 AM | #6 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
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Great mag Ad!
Holy fuck at that 3 way final throwback... All 3 absolutely killed that , thanks for sharing. I probably would've voted for Lars tbh Am I the only one that thinks Sinacog is better now?!?
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I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip |
03-29-2022, 11:53 AM | #7 | |
low tide in serotonin bay
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Quote:
Thanks @corleone @Candy @Blue Bayou for the comments! Makes it worth writing these |
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03-30-2022, 10:33 AM | #8 |
Steadily Lurking
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thoroughly enjoyed, especially those memes!
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03-30-2022, 04:32 PM | #9 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
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Dope af mag, love the work you guys have done on this
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
03-30-2022, 04:38 PM | #10 |
Detained
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I’m glad you remembered who dropped a 100 on me maybe I can get revenge this season Lars told me the dude told him he was going to do it or something that just means he thought he needed to take advantage of the rules to beat me.
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03-30-2022, 06:18 PM | #11 |
The Clown Prince
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Neat
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03-30-2022, 08:18 PM | #12 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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To be fair though Universe was consistently dropping 80-100 line verses all the way through last season. That’s why we had to cap it at 60, one week Objective matched him and we had a 200 line battle. Good luck getting anyone to vote on that lmao
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03-30-2022, 08:34 PM | #13 |
Detained
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Yea maybe if I stuck around enough to study my opponents I would have knew he would have done that I know to prepare for that against someone like lars.
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04-01-2022, 12:41 AM | #14 |
Tsk Tsk
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Great read AD. I've been so busy with work, like 14 hour days with like 3-4 hours of sleep at night, but little by little I've been reading this and you killed it my guy. Glad you're here carrying the torch
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