ANNA

[Adverse]

Flesh & blood phantom
Fabricated memories
Falsified dreams
Of a life that I'll never lead
Frivolous feelings, got me fiending for your comfort
But why is it your touch i crave and not the one that's next to me?
Bittersweet tragedy
Fairytale fallacies
Finding you would only cause my melancholy to grow stronger within
Because you'd probably just stain my brain then POOF gone with the wind
You left me with nothing but a first name that hundreds of thousands share
I've searched for the face from my subconscious, scanning for it in public everywhere
Are you an angel whose knees were scraped when you had fallen?
Or are you a serpent? Tempting me to the tree of knowledge?
Forbidden fruit, the embodiment of the idea that nightmares come true
Are you an omen or a promise? I'll find that out soon...

[Answer]

piece called anna, talks about a forbidden fruit, didn't rhyme with banana once

wack

[Adverse]

Originally Posted by Answer

piece called anna, talks about a forbidden fruit, didn't rhyme with banana once

wack

LOL you got me fam i got no excuse, just terrible wordsmithing

[Inno]

This felt like a poem. Eight up my ally. This was cool started off slow but the imagery picked up as it went. Do you write poetry? Feel like you got basic down. I liked your diction and thought you put together some clever phrases here and there. Tbh I dug the writing more than the subject matter if that makes sense. I’m not a fan of love stories and pinning over someone only becuase it’s been down so godam much lol. My only critic is to go outside the conventional lines when writing pieces like this. Don’t be afraid to go outside the box. Try and create the same feelings you created here with a subject that doesn’t lend its self to easy writing.

Hope that made sense

[Adverse]

@Inno yes sir it makes perfect sense to me, it's a reasonable critique i have also grown tired of love stories and what not as well. I had a dream about a girl named "Anna" i don't remember too many of my dreams but this one was vivid. I remembered her face and name and woke up with with a heart ache, a longing for a woman I'd never met. I've done most love topics to death as well and It's grown tiresome to me too lol

As for the poetry thing, yeah i do write poems and i stylized this more as a freewritten poem than a traditional rap verse. I love how fluid poetry is and putting together vivid scenes and what not. Sometimes i feel confined by having to rhyme every line and like i can't build the world that i want to.

I'm glad you liked the writing and i appreciate the honest critique, i will take it into consideration and overstep nore boundaries in my next piece