The Wings Of A Dove

[Witty]

The Wings of A Dove.




We know right from birth that we've been cursed to die,
so why on earth do we cry when the hearse goes by?

Sobriety....the factory settings of man, the default, the prototype
But to him it was like a corroded light, colder than a frozen night
All that existed was pain, and every second he lived was inane
But one sniff of the 'caine, and he was different....deranged
He knew no simple refrain, add a sip of liquor and a spliff to the brain
It was like his mind would split, and he'd go into a different domain
And I just lived with the shame, worry pounding on my miserable brain
His addiction is my jail and his prison's the same, I wish his liver would drain
And save him from himself, give him a new life and let him live it again
But his fight slips by the day, he's getting thin, with gout in his digital vein
He fidgets, complains, his sober mind finds the world glib and profane
He wants to live in a world where nothing that exists is mundane
And so he medicates, dedicates his time to trying to elevate his mind
The drugs that he does help him meditate, unwind, and levitate
He tells me he will never break, but his binges are getting longer,
They used to last a couple of days....last time it was 11 straight.

When he first looked at me, the love was clear in his eyes
Now as I stare into them, all I can see is fear of demise

Sitting alone in my bed, letting these thoughts roam in my head
Beholden to dread, the fear sets in to my bones and it spreads
As the tears flow, where did the years go?
The love disappears as the regret and the fears grow
As I picture him out there, drugged up to his eyeballs
While staring at a picture of a dove up on the drywall
He used to be my shining knight, the light in the darkness
The most childish, retarded, jokes...we'd delight in regardless
Disarming the fright, making me smile through the harshest of nights
Even if it was starless, the fire inside him would spark and ignite
Our love would shine and we'd bathe our hearts in the light
This love was blind, our sight taken from our troubled minds
But trouble finds a way to recover time...
....and now I pay for another's crime.

If he had just told me it would be like this, I couldn't complain
Why can't he love me like the stuff he puts in his veins?

He has moved on to harder drugs, heroin and things of the sort
I ask him the simplest of questions, and he can't think to retort
He just curls up in a ball, as his world unfurls, crumbles, and falls
All he is, is a little baby, as he tries to walk, struggles, and crawls
I hate this hate that awaits to break, but his weakness is pitiful
He knows he can always come to me to speak when he's miserable
But he locks it inside himself, blocks it, denies the help
My heart cries and melts, when I see what life has dealt
We didn't deserve these cards that were played, scars never fade
They just continue to grow ever darker then harden with age
discarded, enraged, living in hardship...the heart of an artist encased
In a cathartic embrace, the love from when this started, departed, erased
Brushed under the carpet, a waste, my heart is guarded and chaste
As I look into his eyes, lethargic and spaced...muscles fade from his bones
I'd pray for his soul, but my faith has faded, this place is gray..and it's cold.

*6 months later*

I'm still trying to figure out how to live without my life's love
I whimper, shout, kick and pout, 'til I see the wings of a white dove
Like the one on the wall I would stare at, and admire the shine
Of the silky smooth wing, as deep inside the fire declines
The symbol of peace, my man did not follow the footprints of the beast
He was taken by a life full of sin and deceit, killed from the heat
All he ever sought was a simple retreat, scared of admitting defeat
He had to escape, he had no choice, this world drove him mad...
...he would break, if he stayed too long, he had the travelers fate
He couldn't live in a savage society, it damaged him quietly
I just wish his blatant pain didn't make the same languish inside of me


All he wanted was peace, and all he needed was to escape from this zoo
He had to fly away on the wings of the dove...I just wish he had taken me too

[dull boy]

Yeah.

[Witty]

Originally Posted by dull boy

Yeah.

I'm not sure what this means.

[Zen]

No.

[dead man]

True.

[dead man]

:(

this was really good and really sad. especially if youve ever watched this happen to somebody you really cared about. i feel like you've written something similar to this before no? could have been somebody else..

but yeah man fuck. this was heavy.

His addiction is my jail and his prison's the same, I wish his liver would drain
And save him from himself, give him a new life and let him live it again
But his fight slips by the day, he's getting thin, with gout in his digital vein
He fidgets, complains, his sober mind finds the world glib and profane
He wants to live in a world where nothing that exists is mundane

one of my best friends. a brother to me. went through something similar. still is to an extend. he is miserably bored every time he is not poisoning himself with some substance or another. its like hanging out with a little kid who needs to be constantly entertained or he drives you up the fucking wall. we can't go get a bite to eat without a line or a drink.

its shitty.

you describe it very well clearly. strong rhyming. not altogether transporting in it's word choice but solid and concise in the same. nothing romanticized beyond functionality. you're one of the more ergonomic writers here. practical. i get the sense your personality and decision making follows a similar path.

While staring at a picture of a dove up on the drywall

the entire scene here was well done. its when your alone that everything begins to surface and something so objective out of context becomes the symbol for everything thats wrong.

the fact that you flipped the meaning of this symbol at the conclusion was dope. everything fell into place thematically. again, you are a practical writer and prefer not to leave us loose ends.

great submission. tough to read but it should be like that sometimes.


thanks


1

[Zen]

Now I feel like a dick after black decides to leave that much feed. Thanks allot.

This was very good writing though, I don't think anyone would say it wasn't. The first thing I tend to look at it in a piece is the rhyme schemes, and this didn't disappoint in that regard. Some cool multi's added emphasis to a great story that was heartfelt. Sad, but real. The strongest points in the verse were the italicized lines at the beginning and the end, especially the end. Very cool. Glad to see you in the om brah.

[dull boy]

Originally Posted by Witty

I'm not sure what this means.

You know.

[Witty]

Originally Posted by dull boy

You know.

I do

:)

Wanna be best friends?

Also, @Zenland and @dead man thanks for the feedback brothers, I appreciate it a lot, this piece was about my biological father who died from drug use when I was a child and also my stepfather who is currently dying from the same thing, just a lot slower...and I wrote it from the perspective of my mother, and how she must have felt mixed with my own feelings obv because that's really all I can draw from. I dunno if I did justice to how she would have felt and the way she would have thought, but I hope so.

[Zen]

Now I'm really sad. You my boy, Blue.

[Witty]

Don't be sad lol it's just life.

[Dragon]

This was a very emotional piece, that closer really made it hit home. I enjoyed this, your flow was pretty good, and technical mechanics were nice. Good read, hope to read more

[Witty]

Thanks dood.

[razor wayans damon blades]

Emotional filler riddled this piece. Some of it spoke with a tonal sobriquet that inundated the prime pinnacle of its overall scene. The ending was a bit cliche for my taste, but the writing was up to par. It got to the point really well.