Week 11: 7. Vividlyvague (6-3) vs. 8. Certain (2-2) \\ Vividlyvague wins 5-1

[Certain]

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.


Topic


It'll make a man out of you.


Good luck, @Certain and @Vividlyvague.

[Certain]

"Greetings! Welcome to Paradiso Springs Life Resort.
On the right concourse, you'll see our wide assortment of wife-consorts.
Paradiso Springs Life Resort offers the finest in
artificial companionship, for hardships in time commits.
This tertiary moon makes pleasure our pledge, sir,
so take a gander at our models. They all endeavor to best serve."

Mat had to scoff at how they used "companionship."
This whore-house of a moon unglued his damages.
"You need this," they said. So he perused the manuscripts,
consumed unhappiness, refused their answers, yet
Mat still felt guilty. His friends had used their last few cents
to put him on this moon for a boost or chance to twist.
He rolled his eyes, snide, and picked the blonde on the right.
"Oh, that's Rayanne! You'll like her. She's soft, honest and kind.
Her hobbies are bikes, walks in the night and peach cobbler delight."

Rayanne's nipples flicked as Mat touched her breasts.
Suppleness. He'd come to rest on the crest of her dimpled hip.
Creamy skin, like butter exposed. He fumbled with clothes.
She had such grace, unencumbered. She rose.
She made it easier, smothered him whole under the glow
of a depleting sun, splashing from the West window.
It was open. And as Mat faced it, Rayanne asleep in his bosom,
he never wanted to leave but wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

Rayanne had been programmed to follow orders.
Mat's were simple: Stay hushed in the trunk of the bus until they'd crossed the border.
Escape: Those three days had made it the only option.
Mat couldn't hold her hostage, but she couldn't say no to stop it.
So the plan was escape.
Escape to sandalwood candles and laminate frames.
The answer was plain. Mat ensured the handler was paid.
Rayanne had never left Paradiso Springs, but the planet was safe.

Mat was holding Rayanne again when the police arrived.
She'd been sick for days, not breathing right, her creamy skin replete with hives.
Mat stared into the streaming light.
Rayanne coughed. She was a pleasure model, built on weekly time.
Mat stared into the deep of night.
"Put the drone down, son, and step away! Read his rights!"
Mat stared into his former peaceful life.

[e11even]

"It'll make a man out of you."- Brian, Syndicated Journalist

We know what you're thinking. Not ANOTHER dysfunction drug! But this is more.
Would you like that feeling BEYOND the funky buzz words of manhood restored?
Well, the clever scientists at Eurba D. Inc. have found what you're looking for!
Virility encapsulated, it promotes pheromone growth in a lasting fragrance...
An odor so actively evaporating that your partner will react in a fit of infatuation!
You will be chest hair-masculine, a smoking jacket and suit vest-wearing advocate
Of barehand bear hunting practices with enough stamina left to have a day's worth of paired masturbation!
Just imagine the bliss. This not an ad for a fix. This is power through anatomical exaggeration.

Presenting Shaphtix, the healthy solution to wishful thinking!
The drug the wealthy use to stop their careers from sinking!
Be the man of the hour EVERY HOUR. Be every demanding woman's genie!
Try the drug of the everyman. Empower your spirit and tap it freely!

Let's level with you. We know you don't exercise.
You fall asleep at the tube, your sex life never materialized.
The wife got bored with you as a result, mostly for your penis size...
...But sulk no further! You can grow INCHES! Tests have shown 3-5!

Circulation as abundant as your renewed ambition.
Articulation growing with every new genetic addition.
The critics have hailed it a glowing achievement, while the FDA forbids it.
Show them how we nailed it! Be our prodigal example of evolution. Come visit!

-All participants awarded stipends upon signing waivers.
Do not volunteer if you use nitrants for chest pain. Terms
And language do not reflect the opinions of Eurba D. Inc.
Or its partners. Please consult physician before drink
Consumption. May cause nausea and vomitting.
May cause total scrotal emplosion. Tests show promising
Penile growth, with exponential improvement with each dose.
May cause internal bleeding and death. Call physician in case of overdose.


SHAPHTIX. The ultimate drug for eternal youth.
Call your physician today to see if it is for you.

[Split]

Haha fucking dope battle

I started with Vivid.

Man, this verse was wild. Polar opposite of last week's verse. Very witty and well-worded. Flow wasn't crisp but was above the league average. I was reading it and had to double check who wrote it, which isn't a slight to you. I just mean that I had a lot of criticism last week and almost none this week.

"You will be chest hair-masculine, a smoking jacket and suit vest-wearing advocate
Of barehand bear hunting practices with enough stamina left to have a day's worth of paired masturbation!
Just imagine the bliss. This not an ad for a fix. This is power through anatomical exaggeration."

dope.

thought it was funny, especially the progression towards the end of the more sinister effects but also the lesser thought about ramifications and stigmas such as the painting of the typical sucker for this sort of scam being impotent as in boring/ uninteresting was a nice added touch


Certain.

opening scheme definitely showed a higher level of rhymage than viv. Some of your phrasing/imagery was unnatural because of how mismatched the words are. "Unglued the damages." "sandalwood candles and laminate frames." Cognitive dissonance from an unidentifiable tone/ mood. Fantastic rhythm tho.

It was open. And as Mat faced it, Rayanne asleep in his bosom,
he never wanted to leave but wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

Great concept in the second line w/ very elegant wording.

I guess the one thing that confuses me is the death of the model... they only last a week?

Also... backstory was lacking a tad

Why did his friends put him onto the whoremoon in the first place? He just needed to get laid, and fell in love? I feel as if Mat's connection to the model and the realization that the model was more to him than some fuk is cheapened by her death and also the way he treats her like an object in transporting her... It gave him an air of selfishness and also made me question how much of the original topic was truly explored... I don't see any change in the character. Good, if irony was the goal, but then it needed a slightly more explained conclusion. For me.


I dunno, I felt as though Certain told a bad story very well. I enjoyed Vividlyvague's writing a lot and the simplicity paid off

V/ Vivid

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

Certain, I liked the intent behind the schemes (internal rhyming and whathaveyou) and while the quality of the execution was solid overall, it sometimes dipped to forced. The plot vaguely reminded me of The Island, but with an android instead of clones, accounting for drive and turning 'humanity' on its head.

Vividlyvague, this was very playful and carried the same absurdly disjointed, psychotically jaunty tone as the propaganda ads in Starship Troopers. The writing was a bit wordy and straggling, but it kind of fit the format here and added rather than subtracting from the experience.

I give my vote to Vividlyvague based on focus and a, within the parameters of the narrative, stronger authenticity

[Perpendicular]

Certain: Wife, Robot. I liked the concept of a world with pleasure models, but I didn’t like how android failure was reflected the same way that humans get sick. I wish you would’ve went with something more imaginative is all, not a big deal…just…my opinion. Diction and mechanics overall were strong, no qualms there. Didn’t really like the ending; it was a little too detached for me.
Vivd: Wonderdrug. Absolutely nailed it from the theme to the wording. I enjoyed it for what it was and the humor behind it. Great angle, and refreshing verse. I don’t really have much else to say, this was just an enjoyable read.
Vote:Vivid

[Zombie]

VividlyVague delivered with utmost potential this round. Certain while delivering a motivating piece, fell short to the firepower of VividlyVague. Just brilliant and refreshing. Voting VV

[Soulstice]

cert- original stuff here. there were a lot of parts where you developed imagery where I wish you went into backstory instead. perhaps be more economic in your storytelling when it comes to writing with such limitations. that didnt take away from my enjoyment of the piece through, it was interesting, and I enjoyed the human death of the robot, as well as the whore house being located on a "tertiary moon". It gave it a black-market like location, perhaps the robots are illegal as well? gives a lot of itneresting dimensions to the world and character that I wish were explored more. maybe im being greedy.

vague - this was a fun read. The dick-measuring syndrome in all men was explored pretty well ("keep careers afloat", etc.) and things like 'bare-handed bearhunting' were enjoyable as well. flow was especially good in the first stanza, an onslaught of hyperbolic manliness and flow.
in a battle of who could be more whimsical and out-there, concept wise, I have to give it to certain. honestly, if he didn't use the word 'tertiary' which made my mind run to all sorts of fill-in-the-blank scenarios, i might've voted for Vague. funny how that works.

v - Certain

[Cereal_Killa]

Certain:
artificial companionship
I will take two of those.. Only if it has actual intelligence..

The dark gloomy aura of dusk, dust.. its almost stale respite.. I can taste your opening stanza..
Straight into the hotcakes and melting butter.. I didn’t catch the scent in the second stanza but i hope you lead into on the third..
Massive wtf in the best way.. the dude stays there with his prosthetic model, trying to breathe life into it.. Now that is irony.. Ona double kick..

I fucken loved it man.. Nice one..

Vivid:
Syndicated Journalist
nice 
You set the scene, every mother fucker walks on in straight away with a smile on his face..
worth of paired masturbation!
I ejaculated..

FDA forbids it. Love that shit.. already want more

That’s how you fucken set up a verse, structure.. badah bing..

Vote = Vividlyvague

Man what a verse, you boys brought your ish.. thank you