Week 3: Master Rock vs Brokenhal0

[Diablo]

Guerrilla Writing League

Solidify your spot with Guerrillas…


Topic:


Line Limit: 16-32
Check-In’s Due: Wednesday UK time
Verses Due: Friday UK time

@brokenhal0
@Master Rock

[Master Rock]

Check.

[Master Rock]

How is this dude when such a short notice? Is the due date next Friday?

[Diablo]

This Friday, please.

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by Master Rock

How is this dude when such a short notice? Is the due date next Friday?

chop chop we not Frank

[Master Rock]

I got guest from out of town....so this is going to be vastly more challenging. I'm not even sure if I'll meet the deadline...ugh!

[Dominate]

Originally Posted by Diablo

This Friday, please.

As in like, a few hours from now?

Yeah I’m not gonna make it. Sorry bros. I’ll vote this week at least.

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by Dominate

As in like, a few hours from now?

Yeah I’m not gonna make it. Sorry bros. I’ll vote this week at least.

may I drop a piece in your place?

[Diablo]

lmao I’ve not been feeling great, ignore me

due Tuesday

[brokenhal0]

Poisoned populace in a sprawling metropolis, glimmering lights shine
Beneath skyscrapers and towering obelisks,
An organization known as "The Enigma" conducted experiments anonymous
In secret labyrinths, underground catacombs filled with hidden passages.
Clandestine laboratories cloning your city inhabitants.
They possessed the knowledge of ancient extraterrestrial entities,
Using stolen artifacts, harnessing their mysteries,
Strange powers, radioactive energies,
Replicated humans, no emotion, no sympathies.

Within the hidden recesses of The Enigma's lair, where the bugs never crept,
Machines put together a grotesque amalgamation of metal condensed with flesh.
The production line of a new humanity, I call it the ascension test,
Rows upon rows of alien machinery,
Orchestrate a chilling symphony.
Each human cloned meticulously,
Engineered to fulfill a specific societal role vigorously,
Born to serve and never question their dignity,
Worthless, with no purpose, no service, no memories of infancy.

Yet, amidst this assembly-line madness, a peculiar anomaly arose.
A malfunction through a set of codes,
Created a group of clones known as "the ghosts."
They displayed subtle signs of retained consciousness,
Remained online, but they don't need a host,
Individuality flickered within their manufactured heart,
A beat doesn't need to boast.
The ghosts longed for freedom to flee the line leading,
The designed breeding of a robotic religion receding,
A destiny unbeknownst even to them.

The neon glow of Nebula Prime bathed the city in an ethereal haze,
The ghosts' revelation arrived. Guided by a wild phrase,
They escaped the sterile confines of the production lines,
Making a break for the light of day.

Evading the sensors and traps, they saw all sorts of creatures in cages hanging from the caves,
They ventured into the forbidden corridors of The Enigma's lair,
Stepping over crayfish swimming in the tepid lakes.

The controllers sensed the disturbance. Panic rippled through their alien brains,
This caused a chaotic cosmic storm of violence threw Nebula Prime,
The surface dwellers never thought to care who or what mettle's there mind,
The first time in light-years their prized creation slipped through their web of control,
They would never know how freedom feels; they lacked a developed soul.

Like a distant comet hurtling through the vastness of space, the ghosts ran the machine
As the controllers gave chase, navigating the labyrinth tunnels,
The controllers' tendrils expanded at a rapid rate; fear and anger reached out like
Cosmic snakes attempting to grasp your face.
The Enigma's minions hunted the ghost clones without luck;
they never navigated The city's above; once the ghost escaped the caverns' depths,
Venturing into the metropolis to warn the rest,
Too bad they couldn't figure out who was real or a robotic ball of flesh.

Personalities controlled, each one a mere reflection of their intended role.
The political puppet, the laboring love-spent, the artistic repugnant,
All oppressed and oblivious to their plight,
The Enigma's control over these clones was inescapable,no taste of life
Unshakable,enslaved by invisible chains all day and night.

The ghost rebellion shone like a quasar amidst the city's lights,
An explosion of self-awareness short-circuited fifty bytes,
The ghosts allied with the clones rapidly fixing chromosomes using phantom flickers of rhythm,
Once they became aware of who they are, it awakened a new form of consciousness within them,
This new found intelligence caused the Enigma's stranglehold to weaken over the solar systems.

The final showdown was a cosmic clash,
Metaphysical energies erupting like a Nuclear war continuously bombs will crash
The controllers' grotesque forms twisted and contorted, resembling a horror dance.
The battle raged on; slowly the love of life and death gave ghosts the upper hand.

As Nebula Prime's horizon bathed in the dawn of a new era, free from The Enigma's grip,
the clones embraced individuality as the production line of humanity ceased to exist.
What once was a one-way ticket to a preconceived abyss was
replaced by a cosmic mosaic of diverse beings created by a divine gift.

[Master Rock]

Sorry Broken, I haven't had time to write a verse this week

[symetrik]

stay on track

Please focus on the speaker briefly; they have something to say.
We're really proud of you - little mister curious brain.
Little Mister succeeding at social cues and getting straight a's.
Little Mister nodding along at the parties but secretly hating the gays.
God, you've been brought up so well by those two.
Look at them, staying together because they think it'll help you.
Look at her, staying with him even when he beats her and knocks out a tooth.
Look at her.

Oop, guess you can't help, you're too young. Silly me... Try to stay focused, kid.
You're gonna graduate soon from the factor... erm, schools that we composed you in.
Life gets a little tougher now, but here are some pills to help with the hopelessness.
And if that's not enough? suck it up. you've chosen this.

oh, nice, now you're in love. that's not a full handful on top of the other stuff.
and now, great, she's pregnant cuz you slipped up once.
honestly, no wonder your friends from high school got hard into drugs...
wait hey, where are you going?

Unexpected system error
turn the camera on? fuck you, I couldn't care enough
I'll beat you until you're bleeding because it's fucking fun.
oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? I'm corrupt?
well that sucks, and speaking of something to suck click

wrrrzzz.

where was I?
oh right.
You belong to us.
hugs!

[Diablo]

BH vs Sym Vol. 937474884 LOL

Broken: I can tell you got into this one with the vision of a dystopian future, seemed right up your street to go with something futuristic and science fiction. The vocabulary here high end and in-fitting with the feel of the joint, somewhat reminiscent of UnbornBuddah in my opinion and definitely gave me that sort of vibe to it as I was reading but the scene setting, worldbuilding and imagery was the most immersive aspect to me here.

Yo, I can’t lie, I cut the tip of my finger handling a pane of glass and it’s making it difficult to type for me right now as it’s still bandaged up for real but this one might have been tough for Master Rock to beat regardless.

I’ll try and leave more feed in the magazine.

Sym: Loved your writers voice again here this week, for like the entire first three stanzas or paragraphs or whatever I really enjoyed what you had going here. I was expecting something at the end, completely different to what you ended up with admittedly, but those opening few sections had me right there with you and it worded really well with solid natural dialogue. It’s definitely a huge strongpoint of yours. Keep at it and thanks for showing up. Apologies for the lack of feed in this post but I’ve got you in the magazine for real once my hand heals up a bit more. It’s killing me to type right now with the cut across the fingertips.

[Scar]

broken - i'll get the wack shit out of the way. the last three lines of the 3rd stanza was too verbose bro. all that ing shit....like get to the point, son. where is this leadING to? with that said, i really liked this verse. cools little sci fi story, hints of matrix and battlefield earth in there. interesting idea and very well tailored to the topic. something about hive mind vs individuality. cool.

sym a cool little venture into Brick in the Wall. the school/factory concept isnt necessarily new but it worked here because of the topic at hand. again, like your other verses, the rhyming was really not great. lots of basic shit like say and gay, you and two. but you've written like 4 verses this week so i can give u a pass but...

vote broken, i think his was better thoughout and of a higher level of writing imo.

[Master Rock]

Back from hiatus.
But Sym gets props for holding it down.
If extra points can be rewarded he get them all.

The verse was light in comparison to halo but I love the tenacity.
Broken went in-depth and really built a story especially with the bar, "Born to serve and never question their dignity,
Worthless, with no purpose, no service, no memories of infancy."
The was fire my man.
Quotable from sym,"And if that's not enough? suck it up. you've chosen this.

oh, nice, now you're in love. that's not a full handful on top of the other stuff.
and now, great, she's pregnant cuz you slipped up once.
honestly, no wonder your friends from high school got hard into drugs..." Fire.

I am giving it to Broken for a more developed narrative and thought out story line. Both did great, but Broken did more... Don't sleep on Sym.