10-24-2014, 07:15 PM | #1 |
Negus
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Macaroni
These fools is behind
Better be Heinz and catch up nigga Us cats us buzzin like felines n a couple beehives The cause of these rappers decline just chillin, sittin in a recline I'm what defines a dough fiend Catch me ODing but wit mo commas mo dramas be approaching Rep Houston on this microphone like codeine in the two styrofoam though never slowing till my contacts align wit contracts and the Mac get stacked wit Chedder Jack for the Kraft infact Puff puff pass so you can see it through the stanzas How the art bruise the canvas is fly as influenzas But cypher members never Don't you remember Momma said don't play wit ya meals Hoping this Mic Checkin get me mills resemblin Jordan Nike deals Don't dare bring no steel to this fight of pencils Before you stenciled out on the concrete you can't compete with the ink spill Stuck in the bars but not allowed to drink still Like I've been killing these sixteens and I ain't reached the age A slave to the page till I see my grave but no whips or chains could make putting my soul for auction an option The way they jaws is Fallin', I guess I awed'em Kinda like the season, the salt ain't ceasin since I started siezin throne region . Know Reign or shine ain't dependant on rain or shine Crowned King Author, the game is mine.
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10-27-2014, 12:35 AM | #2 |
Negus
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Will feed you if fed
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10-28-2014, 02:18 PM | #4 | |
Mad fucking dangerous.
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Quote:
Malachi, this was kind of simple compared to some of your other stuff. The beginning was the problem: The "decline" rhymes were thin, and you used a ketchup line right at the start that kind of ruined the whole thing. The content and rhymes improved a little as they went on, but it didn't seem as interesting or unique as some of the other stuff you've posted lately.
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10-28-2014, 04:40 PM | #5 | |
Negus
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Quote:
But thanks for the feed bruh
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10-29-2014, 05:02 PM | #7 |
_Al_GO_RYTHMIC
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didn't really like the ketchup line either, but I was digging the way you coupled your rhymes.
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11-03-2014, 11:34 PM | #8 |
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Good effort. The wordplay puns were kind of basic, but they are always difficult to do well (either they are too complicated or they are face-palmingly cliched - E.g., 'field of ponds'.) You did best when you focused on being direct like the part about "Like I've been killing these sixteens and I ain't reached the age." You could have wrote a lot more about that, it might have been very OK.
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11-08-2014, 12:22 PM | #9 |
HE / HIM / FRAC
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Don't you remember Momma said don't play wit ya meals
Hoping this Mic Checkin get me mills resemblin Jordan Nike deals Don't dare bring no steel to this fight of pencils Before you stenciled out on the concrete you can't compete with the ink spill Stuck in the bars but not allowed to drink still ^dug it Like I've been killing these sixteens and I ain't reached the age A slave to the page till I see my grave but no whips or chains could make Know Reign or shine ain't dependant on rain or shine Crowned King Author, the game is mine. more cool ideas, king author was okayish but in the context it's pretty cool in a nutshell I like what you're going for, it reads like an actual rap and has a lot of that swagger. I thought it got a bit stretched at times Rep Houston on this microphone like codeine in the two styrofoam though never slowing till my contacts align wit contracts and the Mac get stacked wit Chedder Jack for the Kraft infact could've used some punctuation or a break inbetween for the sake of the reader (though it might just be me) but yeah some of the wordplay was a little eh (didn't like the heinz catch up thing cause it's done, cats buzzing like felines in behives was funny cause it read well) but there was clever stuff (dug the shit about your age and the potential for the reign or shine idea) keep it up and write more often, you're a good writer |
11-08-2014, 05:24 PM | #10 |
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Sup
Ya the ketchup line don't work in text. I will be honest I thought at first that this was intentionally using some simple and played out concepts in the beginning which I them realized it wasn't. But u hit ur stride around that Jordan line. Not bad Malachi. Not bad. Thanks for the read
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