Stop me........if you heard this one

Mr. J · 05-09-2013, 01:15 PM

Therapy is scaring me...the thought alone left...
gotta go...stressed, I topple whole decks
moniter my moniker before you offer your help
heated with a thermometer, a nautical belt
a knife to slice your head and leave it properly shelfed
I oughta be locked up, strapped down and kicked
like I need much room, I keep caps round to hit
I'll knock your knee caps down a tick...
have your hourly rate describing your true wages
best bet you won't make sense even with 2 faces
pardon me the garden needs tending
minds need bending as we hit another dead end
it's no crash test....dummy, its all enigma
that's why I got em backed down like a cherry picker
pick and roll you gotta man up for this defense
I fell a bit off the deep end...puffing on leaf ends...
dusting off my suit from the fall off the top
bathing in my own shit, going crazy at the aqua duct

Zen · 05-09-2013, 01:24 PM

Good short piece here. Favorite line was the moniker line. I did feel it fell off though as you used to many 'ends' rhymes. I don't like reading the same word in a rhyme over and over. Idk maybe that's just me. But all in all good piece man. Keep droppin.

Breh321 · 05-09-2013, 06:33 PM

heated with a thermometer, a nautical belt <- didnt get that line but other than that good shit

very distorted imagery, which im guessin is what you were going for with the whole therapy thing?

Mr. J · 05-09-2013, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breh321

heated with a thermometer, a nautical belt <- didnt get that line but other than that good shit

very distorted imagery, which im guessin is what you were going for with the whole therapy thing?

thermometers measure heat...as it rises of the belt to wet you...
either way thanks bro...:D

Breh321 · 05-09-2013, 08:23 PM

damn just got that, good shit

Dope girl · 05-09-2013, 09:17 PM

I love this joint, full of energy & stick with topic.

GKillaZ · 05-09-2013, 09:25 PM

Therapy is scaring me...the thought alone left...
gotta go...stressed, I topple whole decks
moniter my moniker before you offer your help
heated with a thermometer, a nautical belt
a knife to slice your head and leave it properly shelfed

the start of this is right sick!, short and sweet. paints a good picture good flow nice multi's I was def. liking this verse
7.5/10

Natural · 05-09-2013, 09:34 PM

I think this was a good rhyming excercise. You definitely have a cool style....but i can't say a whole it didn't seem to have any other aim besides rhyming.

Maby its over my head idk but either way thats my two cents

Maby try a topical next

Geno · 05-09-2013, 09:40 PM

Good for a flex. Not much I could cling to for a qoute.

Had some lines I enjoyed though. Couple concepts I thought coulda been flipped a little better. Definitely a strong base to build on. Keep dropping, ill be watching for more

Orc · 05-10-2013, 11:30 AM

nice little flex piece here. u new around these parts? where did u come from? anyway yea the rhyming was nice and seemed effortless. moniker line was slick. some good lines scattere thruout. wish it was longer really. keep writing!

Mr. J · 05-12-2013, 12:35 AM

Oh I'm sure you'll remember once I drop a topical
thanks for the feed though fellas

05-09-2013, 01:15 PM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	Stop me........if you heard this one Therapy is scaring me...the thought alone left... gotta go...stressed, I topple whole decks moniter my moniker before you offer your help heated with a thermometer, a nautical belt a knife to slice your head and leave it properly shelfed I oughta be locked up, strapped down and kicked like I need much room, I keep caps round to hit I'll knock your knee caps down a tick... have your hourly rate describing your true wages best bet you won't make sense even with 2 faces pardon me the garden needs tending minds need bending as we hit another dead end it's no crash test....dummy, its all enigma that's why I got em backed down like a cherry picker pick and roll you gotta man up for this defense I fell a bit off the deep end...puffing on leaf ends... dusting off my suit from the fall off the top bathing in my own shit, going crazy at the aqua duct Last edited by Mr. J; 05-09-2013 at 09:23 PM.

05-09-2013, 06:33 PM	#3
Breh321 Junior Member Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 34	heated with a thermometer, a nautical belt <- didnt get that line but other than that good shit very distorted imagery, which im guessin is what you were going for with the whole therapy thing? __________________ im doin something these wack battle cats ain't really used to, see this is rappin

05-09-2013, 08:23 PM	#5
Breh321 Junior Member Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 34	damn just got that, good shit __________________ im doin something these wack battle cats ain't really used to, see this is rappin

05-09-2013, 09:25 PM	#7
GKillaZ Killin' G'z Join Date: May 2013 Location: CANADA Posts: 318 Battle Record: 1-4 Rep Power: 34	Therapy is scaring me...the thought alone left... gotta go...stressed, I topple whole decks moniter my moniker before you offer your help heated with a thermometer, a nautical belt a knife to slice your head and leave it properly shelfed the start of this is right sick!, short and sweet. paints a good picture good flow nice multi's I was def. liking this verse 7.5/10 __________________ [SIGPIC]http://img2.imagetitan.com/img2/116185608/43/43_untitleddd.gif[/SIGPIC]

05-09-2013, 09:40 PM	#9
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,325 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Good for a flex. Not much I could cling to for a qoute. Had some lines I enjoyed though. Couple concepts I thought coulda been flipped a little better. Definitely a strong base to build on. Keep dropping, ill be watching for more __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

05-09-2013, 01:24 PM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	Good short piece here. Favorite line was the moniker line. I did feel it fell off though as you used to many 'ends' rhymes. I don't like reading the same word in a rhyme over and over. Idk maybe that's just me. But all in all good piece man. Keep droppin.

05-09-2013, 09:17 PM	#6
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,706 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521416	I love this joint, full of energy & stick with topic.

05-09-2013, 09:34 PM	#8
Natural Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 691 Rep Power: 0	I think this was a good rhyming excercise. You definitely have a cool style....but i can't say a whole it didn't seem to have any other aim besides rhyming. Maby its over my head idk but either way thats my two cents Maby try a topical next

05-10-2013, 11:30 AM	#10
Orc Certified Mother’s Boy Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 5,165 Battle Record: 5-1 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - NBL Season 4 - GBL Season 1 - Lyric Olympics - Fight Night LXVI - Fight Night LX - Fight Night (3x) - NBL Picture Roast - Netcees Battle League (8x) - NBL Picture League - Gimmick Battle League - BA Tag Team - 1-2 Punch League - NBL Cypher (3x) - Battle Arena League - OM HOF (2x) Rep Power: 85899390	nice little flex piece here. u new around these parts? where did u come from? anyway yea the rhyming was nice and seemed effortless. moniker line was slick. some good lines scattere thruout. wish it was longer really. keep writing!

05-12-2013, 12:35 AM	#11
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	Oh I'm sure you'll remember once I drop a topical thanks for the feed though fellas