Paragraph Paradox

Mr. J · 02-24-2018, 03:17 AM

granted I go absent a bunch of idiots run rampant, pitty patted among the scrapped shit, chit chat with above averages asking for a chance in the spotlight dammit, getting gully picking up on what they fish out, whatever the dish out, fresh sushi whats the risk now? whatever dead horse they dig out could get ripped down, see gull i run up on you not giving a flock, I rip it & dont stop, hit it til it pop, got the pus leaking out, holy shit Im peaking now, strip that acapella & beat them down, keep em clowned what a circus brah, what you tryna pull & jerk us off, you want to work with God stick to the barcode as I purchase yall, put that beam on ya put the lean on ya, knock ya ass out & put the dream on ya, i seen all yall, cant take a break, cant waste a day, gotta let them haters haaaaaate, must be ludacris how I got pussys poppin over what they should be droppin, could be droppin, imagine the route they took me off in, now that pot is cooking often, I got that easel, you ease Ls, dont gotta paint a picture when you bring that anger witcha, slanging scriptures of angels with a temper that lost their halo fixtures, depressed shit, oppression with a simple set of imagery, silly me for leaving it for sympathy, false gods that follow wherever the ignorance leads, such a mystery how one can falsify all this time while trying to call it like...yall blind? anyway forget where this was going now Im flowing out & into the next cypher, wherever they test writers better remember that feeling when you stress fire cause someone going to get rolled on & smoked

Alice · 02-24-2018, 08:59 PM

The first half of this was a barrage of unique word placements, ideas and a great flow. But I think the title is also intriguing in that regard. Particularly after 'easel' it changed significantly in my opinion, but I appreciate the style you executed this in. Enjoyable read.

CopyPat · 02-25-2018, 02:10 AM

Whatup mj??
Pretty obvious you basically key styled this so i mean can't really critique too much. That being said i did find the vocab and complexity definitely lacking regardless.. you know what it is. You drop by far the most material here, not much i or anyone else can really tell you at this point unless you really want to start taking this seriously which clearly you aren't. This is just for fun, and I'm in the same boat. You do it for you, not anything else. I'll say it again. Would still rather see you take more time and drop fewer overall pieces of higher quality than just 2 or 3 new average drops per week

Mr. J · 03-05-2018, 03:29 PM

Need competition to take anything serious. It's an open mic not a tournament. Thanks for the feedback though.

02-24-2018, 03:17 AM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,023 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	Paragraph Paradox granted I go absent a bunch of idiots run rampant, pitty patted among the scrapped shit, chit chat with above averages asking for a chance in the spotlight dammit, getting gully picking up on what they fish out, whatever the dish out, fresh sushi whats the risk now? whatever dead horse they dig out could get ripped down, see gull i run up on you not giving a flock, I rip it & dont stop, hit it til it pop, got the pus leaking out, holy shit Im peaking now, strip that acapella & beat them down, keep em clowned what a circus brah, what you tryna pull & jerk us off, you want to work with God stick to the barcode as I purchase yall, put that beam on ya put the lean on ya, knock ya ass out & put the dream on ya, i seen all yall, cant take a break, cant waste a day, gotta let them haters haaaaaate, must be ludacris how I got pussys poppin over what they should be droppin, could be droppin, imagine the route they took me off in, now that pot is cooking often, I got that easel, you ease Ls, dont gotta paint a picture when you bring that anger witcha, slanging scriptures of angels with a temper that lost their halo fixtures, depressed shit, oppression with a simple set of imagery, silly me for leaving it for sympathy, false gods that follow wherever the ignorance leads, such a mystery how one can falsify all this time while trying to call it like...yall blind? anyway forget where this was going now Im flowing out & into the next cypher, wherever they test writers better remember that feeling when you stress fire cause someone going to get rolled on & smoked __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

02-25-2018, 02:10 AM	#3
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 707 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742221	Whatup mj?? Pretty obvious you basically key styled this so i mean can't really critique too much. That being said i did find the vocab and complexity definitely lacking regardless.. you know what it is. You drop by far the most material here, not much i or anyone else can really tell you at this point unless you really want to start taking this seriously which clearly you aren't. This is just for fun, and I'm in the same boat. You do it for you, not anything else. I'll say it again. Would still rather see you take more time and drop fewer overall pieces of higher quality than just 2 or 3 new average drops per week __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

03-05-2018, 03:29 PM	#4
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,023 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	Need competition to take anything serious. It's an open mic not a tournament. Thanks for the feedback though. __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

02-24-2018, 08:59 PM	#2
Alice Member Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 48 Rep Power: 53110	The first half of this was a barrage of unique word placements, ideas and a great flow. But I think the title is also intriguing in that regard. Particularly after 'easel' it changed significantly in my opinion, but I appreciate the style you executed this in. Enjoyable read.