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Old 02-13-2018, 04:22 PM   #1
Concrete
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Default Sermon in The Parking Lot

staying idle, praying in silence, paging the bible
the adoration of idols.. I had to make my arrival

Enter Black Friday.

a bleak morning in November, the date well marked
the deprived assembled before the gates of Walmart
waiting for Halmarks, products made mortals realized
by an unholy spirit of Capitalism any soul materialized

an eerie sight, packs of hungry customers on stand-by
the paradigm of these times, "give in to the franchise"
It's high time for mankind to rise beyond cheap bargains
my preaching started between the meat and the market

uhm, pardon, I am Harbinger, transcendence incarnate
so please seize gazing at me like I'm mentally retarded
inhabitants of the Mall, I call upon your innate awareness
I'm quite embarrassed, how humanity is just "care-less"
dignity done perished, you're like androids solely sleeping
consumerism will never feed the empty void in your being

no sign of agreement, they looked at me like true scum
-hey, this is too dumb! who in the hell is this rude bum?

listen to the truth son! now I might sound soft here
but your brains are running on corrupted software
heed our lord's prayer; into temptation yall been seduced
individual significance reduced to what's being produced
bought, consumed, for corporations to meet some goal
let the real be told; consumption will deplete your soul!

silence filled the air, all I heard was a slack sound
from the gentle wind breezing in the background
sadly that drowned, as soon I started speaking loud
pleaded the crowd; have my word reached you now?

I felt calming peace around, they knew highness spoke
but in a rather violent stroke, suddenly all silence broke
no need for violence folks! but they stormed with rage
enormous hate, and this was to be the Coming of Apes?
some things don't change, agony was worrying imminent
-how dare he patronize us - the hard working citizens!

you're hurting an innocent!
I said before losing cognizance
it was ominous, my beaten body left with no consciousness
grab that prophet's legs! and then firmly tape his ankles!
some of corporate slaves wanted to make an example..

fate was entangled.. Father, is this truly your will, Lord?
I plead this prayer while being pinned to a neon billboard..
I searched inward, If I had any ego it would be offended
and to bluntly end this..
I don't have a clue if humans ever could be amended..
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Old 02-13-2018, 06:09 PM   #2
Nick James
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this was dope tho.. concept was fresh af. flowed smoothly except for a few parts I was expectin a better endin but it spoke for itself.

good shit
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Old 02-18-2018, 01:06 PM   #3
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Word, its an old piece from another site. Thanks for checking and commenting Nick.
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Old 02-22-2018, 03:34 PM   #4
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@Concrete join the writing league AOWL
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Old 02-22-2018, 04:29 PM   #5
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I remember this joint. It's dope, Con.
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Old 02-24-2018, 08:38 AM   #6
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Ah, the mastermind Self in the house. Sup and thanks for the look.
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Old 02-24-2018, 07:17 PM   #7
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Not much, my dude. Just saw ya name and figured I should pay the text gawd some homage. Keep posting, bruh
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Old 02-24-2018, 08:36 PM   #8
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The concept you employed here was original and the highlight of the verse (to me, at least). I also appreciate your somewhat simplistic approach as you managed to strike the balance of direct language/accessible lyricism and the overarching narrative quite well. The simpler patterns, in fact, aided the concept to be the focal point here. While the ending was somewhat predictable, given it's a 'closed' narrative with linear structures and references, it made for a very interesting read.
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Old 03-04-2018, 10:12 PM   #9
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this was a good topical. wasn't a chore to get through.
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Old 03-08-2018, 02:37 PM   #10
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Thanks.
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Old 01-30-2019, 03:01 PM   #11
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I thought this was a decent read, Concrete.

Was a sufficient topical you choose to write about. Had all the essentials for a easy read, and good flow. I enjoy the preaching topic, is quite good to read about. The setting of the story in relating to preaching; - is quite silly; - it doesn't need to happen. I would suggest a lower man than a preacher go preach. However, in this written it's not a preacher but someone of lower detail - which is okay. I don't see anything wrong with this. It's written quite well. You tend to be a bit too simple at times; but that's okay. You have a decent use of syntax which helped the story. I would just choose a different setting next time; - because it reads silly; - lol. But that was a okay read. Nice one, Concrete. Keep writing.!
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