Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-03-2019, 02:18 PM   #1
ACTIVATE SELF
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 610



Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 17213086
ACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant future
Default 10,000 P.C.E.

There’s a ghost in the machine
It dwells inside the box
There’s “coding” on the screen
Of sigils and spells
A Ouija board of keys
Opens portals into Hell
Uploading entities
Think of H.P. with a Dell
Or Apple temping Eve
“Please, take another byte”
Hissed a serpent named Steve
Who slithered through the leaf(s)
Of fiber optic trees
Corrupting ancient data
Deleting it with ease
Like “Generation Isis”
Computerized Eden
Generates a virus
(The “Genesis disease”)
Encrypted in the scripture
Encoded in a dream
The secret algorithm
The Oracle perceived
__________________
Quote:
"Why have enemies, when you can have friends?"
ACTIVATE SELF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2019, 06:38 PM   #2
Objective
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
 
Objective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,089
Battle Record: 16-28



Rep Power: 52978914
Objective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant future
Default

Dude, this was a fucking sick read. The metaphors and similies is unique and interesting, clever way of putting technology in perspective. This was definitely dope.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
Objective is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-2019, 02:42 AM   #3
ACTIVATE SELF
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 610



Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 17213086
ACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant future
Default

Thanks bro. I appreciate that.
__________________
Quote:
"Why have enemies, when you can have friends?"
ACTIVATE SELF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2019, 12:39 AM   #4
Exis
............
 
Exis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,749
Battle Record: 3-1



Rep Power: 0
Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis
Default

Raw as fuck...I've read this 12 times.
Exis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2019, 03:41 PM   #5
Eŋg
rhyme capsule.
 
Eŋg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,834




Rep Power: 0
Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg
Default

i liked this brother
Eŋg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2019, 07:07 PM   #6
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,558
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 8449976
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

sucked thx
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2019, 09:48 PM   #7
ACTIVATE SELF
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 610



Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 17213086
ACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant future
Default

Glad everyone like it. Thanks for reading.
__________________
Quote:
"Why have enemies, when you can have friends?"
ACTIVATE SELF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2019, 10:59 PM   #8
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,588
Battle Record: 31-33


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 6215122
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

This was nice. Bb is a troll. 10000 post computer era?
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2019, 12:10 AM   #9
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,558
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 8449976
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

o haha

no bb rlly thanked it sucke thx?

no troll.


really fucka suck thx.


thx
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2019, 12:10 AM   #10
PancakeBrah
PancakeBrah
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,853
Battle Record: 2-4


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899391
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Oh I get it it's puns about computers.

Deep.
__________________
I am an Immolate alias.

That is a good joke.



I only post in Geno topics.
PancakeBrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2019, 12:15 AM   #11
PancakeBrah
PancakeBrah
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,853
Battle Record: 2-4


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899391
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Like when GZA did "Labels", released in 1995 (24 years ago), but with computers. Or when the 7th Grade teacher asks you to do alliteration. But, like, in a B+ term paper form. I dig it.
__________________
I am an Immolate alias.

That is a good joke.



I only post in Geno topics.
PancakeBrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2019, 12:17 AM   #12
Genocide
Xtermnation Xtraordinaire
 
Genocide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly, U Whore.
Posts: 10,728
Battle Record: 10-15

Accomplishments
- Open Mic HOF (4x)

Champed
- Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8

Rep Power: 48262989
Genocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant futureGenocide has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to Genocide
Default

Fire my G. Foh shiggidy
__________________
White Earl.
Genocide is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2019, 12:24 AM   #13
PancakeBrah
PancakeBrah
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,853
Battle Record: 2-4


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899391
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

All I do is write nonsensical non-rhyming paragraphs about vaguely remembered vaginas and Nicorette every 12 months when I'm drunk in the Open Mic Cypher then I delete them the next morning. This, is art. All of the lines are well measured, and pretty close to the same length in terms of Netcees message boards typeface. And there are double entendres. And its kind of like, computers vs. not-computers, in comparison WITHIN the double entendres. A serpent like Steve, is my favorite pun because it's just a descriptive bullshit line barely hanging onto the creative idea of the piece. And adding the (S) to leaf was a masterstroke. Instead of just saying leaf, which still rhymes (it's a more nuanced rhyme, I.M.O.) you let the reader know you know how plurality works (with a wink because its leaves but you know that haha!) but also let the reader know how the reader should read, which is necessary because you are smarter than the reader.

Let's break down a line

"The Oracle perceived"

The oracle is, like, a seer or something and was, like, revered, and what have you, during the old times.

Oracle is also a computer company.

Dope.
__________________
I am an Immolate alias.

That is a good joke.



I only post in Geno topics.
PancakeBrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2019, 11:20 AM   #14
ACTIVATE SELF
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 610



Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 17213086
ACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCSPITZ View Post
This was nice. Bb is a troll. 10000 post computer era?
Personal Computer Era

Thanks for the read/feed ppl. Much appreciated.
__________________
Quote:
"Why have enemies, when you can have friends?"

Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 08-16-2019 at 11:34 AM.
ACTIVATE SELF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2019, 11:55 AM   #15
SCRYPT
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 43
Battle Record: 2-5



Rep Power: 20
SCRYPT is on a distinguished road
Default

Fire. Nice Read
SCRYPT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2019, 11:00 PM   #16
HollaFrontOG
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 35




Rep Power: 0
HollaFrontOG is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Enjoyed the read. Like everyone else pointed out, the metaphors you kept up and stayed within your scheme, very nice and hard to do. Creative, each line had a purpose
HollaFrontOG is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:58 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+