08-03-2019, 01:18 PM | #1 | |
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10,000 P.C.E.
There’s a ghost in the machine
It dwells inside the box There’s “coding” on the screen Of sigils and spells A Ouija board of keys Opens portals into Hell Uploading entities Think of H.P. with a Dell Or Apple tempting Eve “Please, take another byte” Hissed a serpent named Steve Who slithered through the leaf(s) Of fiber optic trees Corrupting ancient data Deleting it with ease Like “Generation Isis” Computerized Eden Generates a virus (The “Genesis disease”) Encrypted in the scripture Encoded in a dream The secret algorithm The Oracle perceived
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08-04-2019, 05:38 PM | #2 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
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Dude, this was a fucking sick read. The metaphors and similies is unique and interesting, clever way of putting technology in perspective. This was definitely dope.
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So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
08-06-2019, 01:42 AM | #3 | |
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Thanks bro. I appreciate that.
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08-06-2019, 11:39 PM | #4 |
............
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Raw as fuck...I've read this 12 times.
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08-09-2019, 02:41 PM | #5 |
rhyme capsule.
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i liked this brother
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08-10-2019, 06:07 PM | #6 |
obsessed
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- smush beer on head and didn't cry
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- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
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- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
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sucked thx
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08-11-2019, 08:48 PM | #7 | |
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Glad everyone like it. Thanks for reading.
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08-11-2019, 09:59 PM | #8 |
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This was nice. Bb is a troll. 10000 post computer era?
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UNIFIED THEORY |
08-12-2019, 11:10 PM | #9 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
o haha
no bb rlly thanked it sucke thx? no troll. really fucka suck thx. thx |
08-15-2019, 11:10 PM | #10 |
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Oh I get it it's puns about computers.
Deep.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-15-2019, 11:15 PM | #11 |
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Like when GZA did "Labels", released in 1995 (24 years ago), but with computers. Or when the 7th Grade teacher asks you to do alliteration. But, like, in a B+ term paper form. I dig it.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-15-2019, 11:17 PM | #12 |
White Earl
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Fire my G. Foh shiggidy
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
08-15-2019, 11:24 PM | #13 |
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All I do is write nonsensical non-rhyming paragraphs about vaguely remembered vaginas and Nicorette every 12 months when I'm drunk in the Open Mic Cypher then I delete them the next morning. This, is art. All of the lines are well measured, and pretty close to the same length in terms of Netcees message boards typeface. And there are double entendres. And its kind of like, computers vs. not-computers, in comparison WITHIN the double entendres. A serpent like Steve, is my favorite pun because it's just a descriptive bullshit line barely hanging onto the creative idea of the piece. And adding the (S) to leaf was a masterstroke. Instead of just saying leaf, which still rhymes (it's a more nuanced rhyme, I.M.O.) you let the reader know you know how plurality works (with a wink because its leaves but you know that haha!) but also let the reader know how the reader should read, which is necessary because you are smarter than the reader.
Let's break down a line "The Oracle perceived" The oracle is, like, a seer or something and was, like, revered, and what have you, during the old times. Oracle is also a computer company. Dope.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
08-16-2019, 10:20 AM | #14 | |
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Personal Computer Era
Thanks for the read/feed ppl. Much appreciated.
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08-18-2019, 10:55 AM | #15 |
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Fire. Nice Read
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08-25-2019, 10:00 PM | #16 |
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Enjoyed the read. Like everyone else pointed out, the metaphors you kept up and stayed within your scheme, very nice and hard to do. Creative, each line had a purpose
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06-03-2023, 01:01 PM | #17 | |
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part II
…processing
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06-23-2023, 07:23 PM | #18 |
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