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Old 07-28-2019, 04:04 PM   #1
Adonis
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Default Round One Mag: Stolen Show









~Round One Mag: The Beginning of the End~

Thanks to all who showed on time. I think it was a wild success considering the lack of participation over the past year or so, topical wise at least. We only had a single true no-show, two others as well, however we had two people including myself available to write and fill the voids. I hope the momentum can continue, so I vow to continue to do my part. I currently am working massive amounts of hours on a daily basis, and if I can be honest, my wife kind of hates me for running this tournament because it’s killing the very minuscule amount of free time I have with the fam, but lets be real, you boys are the real fam. Lets get it!



~Feature Artist~6LACK - pronounced ‘Black’

6lack is not the usual style I choose for these feature artist write ups, but I gotta admit, even if his style is slower and more R&B focalized, this dude kills the genre for me, like theres nothing better out there than him. Lyrically dude is precise, but his flow is what sets him apart from everyone else. He has amazing timing with the bars. He’s a part of the collective Spillage Village founded by EarthGang and J.I.D. They all have multiple features with each other, and I’ve been hearing talks about a 6lack and JID full length album, and this would please me greatly. I hope you enjoy, 6lacks most recent album, “East Atlanta Love Letters” is one I listen to at least twice a week while I’m working. From the first track to final, nothing is weak on that album, dudes a beast. Enjoy!






~Round One Reviews~



NYCSPITZ eliminates Innovator in a back and forth 5-3


Innovator - I thought you taught me a new word, but on further research I assume you meant ‘slighted’? Aside from that, you had a few instances of precise wording, as usual I suppose. “a gate keeper of life forced to never live hers to the fullest, always the slited, but with closed lips she'll always bite the bullet, although she's empty on the surface, dig deeper in the sand, her layers the fullest of all, but none cares to peel her back”. I loved this section as well as “Brush strokes of a broken heart” the most. I think you utilized the topic well, I’ll admit, this would have been a tough topic to write to, but I chose it because I feel like there is direction and emotion within it that could speak to the soul. I believe you paid tribute to the task, writing about a muslim and her struggles. Touching on just a few of the injustices that people of her nature go through on the regular. You wrote this from a straight topical angle rather than a story, but I do think it lacked a bit of emotion. I think expanding on just one or two of the injustices, sighting examples maybe, could have elevated this verse a tad, though I did enjoy the read thoroughly. You have a style that has obviously grown on me over the years. With that said, I remember writing something in the vain of, “you can beat anyone in any ear on your best day” in the pre-mag, but I don’t believe this was your best day my friend. There really is nothing wrong with this verse, it just lacked that pizzaz or flare of some of your verses that I would consider my favorites. One of a glass house being an emotion or something like that, comes to mind, that read was pure joy. This was fun, and done right, just missed out on something in the end game IMO. Solid read nonetheless.

NYCSPITZ - Thumbs up for “Gunfire Symphony, Screams deciding the notes”. Wow, I did not see that ending coming at all, and I’m a bit shocked at it in fact. The story telling was cool, and though the slang at times was cool, I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as the next. This was a story of love and pain, from children to young adults, weaving in and out of the traumas that follow two war stricken youths. I enjoyed you story telling, and the direction, it was rather fast paced due to you skipping years at points. This moved the direction smoothly and quickly IMO. You kept a steady stream of consciousness flowing throughout, never really having a lull in the story, nor time to breathe really. That fast paced diction gets kudos from me because when I write stories I really do lack that movement that you provided so effortlessly. I can see no wrong in this read at all, of course, other than the odd feeling I felt come the end. But it’s a strange thing, to have a mom kill a daughter because the daughter killed the brother. The incest twist is what got me irked, and beyond that, I think it’s a bit weird that they are even the same age. I mean, they can’t be right? That makes zero sense chronologically. So I guess, me saying zero wrong was wrong. Still, the good outweighs the bad. This was a fun read, and given the content, even read a bit light, as in not weighed down by grief or sadness, not overloaded with emotion, rather touched with them because you focused on a linear and fast paced story. In any case, great read my man, it was enjoyed.



Witty routes Objective 5-0


Objective - So, rhyming wise you def put in work, I mean you kept the flow up to pace. The issue I have with this is simple, at points, it seemed, well, sort of pointless. “Panting Frantic”ally? “faceless amongst ageless phases”? I mean, I guess when I really think about what you’re saying I can decipher the lines, I just think you muddled it a bit by going TOO heavy rhyme scheme wise, it made the read seem more like a ‘for fun flex’ rather than a story about what? IMO, it was about a guy leading a cult, possibly catholic, and the deeds that he does to certain individuals. He’s being sentenced to hell I think, or is at least at the gates. All in all, I can only be honest and say that I really am not a fan of this read. It was a chore to get through, and even after 4-5 reads I still don’t think I fully grasp the concept. I will say this, if the concept is clergy reaching the gates of heaven only to be treated like demons, well that concept is fire and if done right could have blown me away. But I sit here still unsure if I’m just reading into the wrong things and ending at wishful thinking. If I am right, fuck me, but I feel like I’m dead wrong for some reason. So while I def see the potential in this verse, it just reads as another read that didn’t resonate on that necessary level for me to fully be submerged into the read. Sorry brother.

Witty - Your character reminded me of the Goat, Michael Jackson for some reason. Most likely the way he died, which I believe your character died in his sleep due to sleeping or numbing pills. This story was a very, very fun read. Fast paced and packed with background as well as depth for me to connect with said character. You even closed the read with a ton of emotion. Aside from a parent having to bury his son, emotion from the love of playing and creating to the emotion of bathing in crowd cheers. From start to end this verse resonated with me on some higher level, like a movie unfolding that I would love to watch. I read it a few times, and not once did it grow stale, on any read. The flow you provided was heavy hitting but rather subtle. What I mean is nothing really stood out in my eyes, maybe better wording would be nothing really overpowered the story. You just kept your characters life and ascension to iconic continue at a rate that was rather pleasing. You didn’t dwell on any one instance in his life, rather kept it moving forward while throwing in tidbits or connectors to subject, all of which I loved. Very solid read, and though I haven’t read many in the past year, this verse is easily one of the more memorable in recent history for me. Mainly for my love of music, but mostly because you told this story the right way. Good shit.









Blue Bayou dispatches Adonis 4-0


Blue Bayou - So i thoroughly enjoyed this read and I wish I had read your verse before keying mine because I would have given my verse the justice it deserved. Yours on the other hand, had clear direction, and though I’m not big on god let alone god verses, yours resonated with me on a strange level. I have similar topicals, aside from the god aspect really, but similar in big brother and mind control and devouring the masses with these gizmos and gadgets, essentially becoming the new age Gods. In any case, your direction was well received and if I had a vote regarding these two verses you would get mine. You clearly must be well read, because I did not know what Ondes Martenot was, though it does not rhyme with “body parts can not” as Martenot is pronounced mar-TE-know. Small detail, still I’ll point that out. All in all I think you could have a future in topical and hope you participate in future leagues and tournaments because I do think you have a style that could easily go far in each respectively. However, you stated this was a quick write, but I’ll tell you, if you do advance, which I’m sure you will, you will need to flesh out just a tad more, maybe add a bit of flare via adding in multis on the proof read where accessible. Good shit though god, I hope you go far.

Adonis - My verse really lacked direction, though I could weave some out of this, it really is a skeleton lacking the meat per-say. What I was trying to get out was similar to Blue, a world gone electronically mad, being controlled every step of the way. What came out was a world before all this minutia. When we road bicycles to friends houses that we had no clue whether they were home or not, we’d just knock, with no real plan other than lets hang. A world where watching a blurry television with bunny ears was a thing to do instead of searching Netflix for 3 hours before eventually caving and watching “The Office” for the umpteenth time. This is where I usually say I will eventually go back and make an actual verse out of this, but I know I won’t. So I’ll leave with this, I’m better than you at your best day. Not just blue, but everyone. Fuck the world, its mine, you just exist in my reality.



Diablo edges out Mr. J in thrilling fashion BOTW!!



Mr. J - This topical was a play on a meat factory, see what I did there? You spoke about the product, which is meat, but you laced the entire verse with a subtle hidden meaning, and that meaning is writing. The cold cuts being the lines we write, the chopping of wordplay, the slicing and splicing of ideas. There is very little that I didn’t outright love about this verse. Actually, I’ll quote the one thing I didn’t like, “Each voice was heard, each gambling on the handling”. It’s not that it didn’t work or fit, the wording, rather rhyme structure was just kind of off putting for me. Other than that, a rather flawless verse in my humblest of opinion. The weird thing is, this isn’t even my favorite from you, but still a top 5 I’d say. Conceptually you obliterated the topic to a ’T’. You utilized all aspects of the topic well, but went beyond that with the inner workings and layers of the true meaning. I must admit, I haven’t penned in ages, but these are always my favorite types of reads. I’m upset I’m eliminated because I can tell you right now, if I weren’t, I’d do a homage to this verse’ style in a sense. I digress. I’m so used to reading your usual 20 lines that I forgot you even could drop beyond that. But I’m glad you did, because the first stanza alone was great, but would’ve def felt incomplete. As is, the verse is complete and a joy to read and decipher. Wording, on point. Flow, for the most part, on point. Direction and execution and concept, all beyond on point. All in all, a classic read to me, thank you for coming full force my friend.

Diablo - Did you just diss my topic in topical form? Good god man, I should be offended if I weren’t so impressed. This read so smooth, zero hiccups or missteps, nothing that triggered my brain to go back and re-read to piece it back together, just a fluid stream of knowledge being dropped really. I must say, this was one of the more fun reads I can remember really. It poked fun, but was not too lite. It was deep, but played about on the surface using condescending remarks as the glue between the comical and seriousness. You wrote of the three wise monkey’s as if you had been waiting to get this out for a long time, like you had something on your chest for years, waiting for me to give you this topic so you could just rip the Monkey’s entire aura apart. But the more serious plot point was the reveal, in which the simpleton brains are not that of apes, but rather Homo Sapiens, which I would agree with, but Monkeys are fairly vicious to each other and would not do any better than the common human monkey. In any case, I loved the opening as well, the directing of the artists work. From the awkward sized legs to the humanizing of appendages. You calculated and dissected every detail all the way down to breaking down the original three wise monkey’s. You brought their knowledge to light, giving them due diligence they deserve, the true meaning. Seeing no evil is not being blind, but rather avoiding the evils that surround in hopes of becoming a better person. This was a beautiful read executed perfectly in my eyes. Bravo









Sinacog gets the axe, Pharaohs Army wins 5-0



Sinacog - Damn bro, tell me how you really feel. I liked the read because I’m a sucker for religious shit even if I’m not religious in the least bit. I still love reading about all religions and getting to know their side of the coin because I am open minded and generally care. But this was dark broseph. I think the massive amounts of repetition will be off putting to voters, but that’s just my hunch. You clogged the reading with a ton of similar lines back to back, almost like a hook-bridge-chorus…Hook-bridge-chorus, but no inner workings. I’m not saying there isn’t meaning behind this verse, because there is. It’s just muddled between the 22 different “hells fire” lines and such. As far as concept, from what I gather you wrote literally. Saying Earth is purgatory, we fear what? Death, or going to hell? But in reality, we’re so far gone that most of us are just not good people, thus, let us burn. This verse actually reminds me of the mad king from game of thrones, it had his voice all over it. All in all, I enjoyed the read for what it is, but I do think you shot yourself in the foot with the repetition as well as the numerous instances you “sting/king” me, basically saying i’m not bright enough to comprehend. But I am, maybe not all of us, but most of us have been in this game long enough to understand the underlying meanings because if we are here to compete, we give the writers the respect they deserve in critiquing their amazing works. Good read, just not perfect, but I for one enjoyed it start to end.

Pharaoh’s Army - I LOL’d at “The colored bathrooms are in worse shape than the whites” even though it felt wrong. This was a rather uplifting read my man. You touched on, well, touchy subjects. But you also ended with hope for a better future, almost the polar opposite of what your opponent did with the topic in all honesty. This read was also fairly fluid, nothing overly amazing, just consistent and hard hitting throughout. You utilized the topic in a literal sense, taking the images and bringing other, more well known instances that had similar outcome, to light. I don’t think I have read too many of your verses, but I do think this was an improvement based of what I think I remember from you. There was nothing that made me pause and have to think about here, that often times happens in many verses, where I stop my stream of consciousness due to a grammatical error or a hiccup in flow or something small like that. I also enjoyed the back and forth you provided. Stating a historical fact such as ‘Freedom Rider’ then following it up with a witty retort such as ‘enough for bail’. You did this a few times, it gave the verse a crisp start due to the pace this style created. Solid verse my man. I look forward to next week from you, but I do hope it’s a bit longer and more fleshed out because, although this was a solid read, it did come off a bit rushed to me. Still, thoroughly enjoyed on my end.



Master Rock outclassed by MMLP 5-0



Master Rock - The verse had some highs and lows, and if I’m honest I didn’t fully get the sense of completion with the final line. I don’t know what truth or artifact was found beyond the beginnings revelation of the sacrifice martyr’s make, their lives. As far as fluidity while reading, I thought the pace was good but the rhyme structure was more loose lay and free flowing as opposed to structure per-say. You also had a couple instances where the end rhymes seemed a sort of simplistic. (hoping to maim) 4 syllables, (oppose change) 3 syllables, so here the patterning is off one syllable. There is a very easy way to manipulate the wording of the second sentence in the bar with out losing meaning. By switching oppose to opposing you could have cleared up some timing issues. Theres a couple other instances, won’t go there. As far as concept, it read more like a list. Its tough to explain but, there was really no action going on aside from a cannon. Other than that, this verse is more of a “stream of conscience”, no true dialog or linear story, just a list of things that people do to other people, or more so to the happy souls or good in nature. All in all this isn’t a bad read, it was just littered with inconsistencies in terms of patterns, rhyming, multi-syllable issues and alike.

MMLP - I enjoyed this read for a multitude of reasons. But let me start with some wording and phrasing issues. You have a powerful writing voice, but you are almost blocking it in a way. “Knowing I obtained a thirst for blood” can easily be given a boost by saying quenching my thirst for blood. There’s a couple other instances where I read the sentence and noticed missed opportunity for a more impactful word choice. Other than that though, this story was rather dope. The main reason I liked is the nostalgia factor. Though I didn’t play this game all that much, I did grow up fucking with it regularly. The reveal in this first read around, I was kind of lost, so that was impactful writing to me. After that first read it all made sense, and I was impressed by the pictures you painted. I mean, I guess it’s easier because I’ve seen what you are talking about so the images are actually there. But you reminisced them none the less, giving me a glimpse of the past. As far as concept and execution, I can’t say enough good things. I guess maybe it would have been cool for you to explain a “pew-pew” sound you make while shooting? This was a fun read though, I liked it a lot.








Scar defeats Candy in a closer than appeared 5-2 win



Candy - This read sort of Dr. Seus-ish or like a children's short story that rhymes. I loved the opening line too, “channel of dreams” referring to a stream of consciousness is fire my guy. This story was about Morpheus in some ways. Morpheus is the bringer of dreams and nightmares in ancient greek mythology. The main character seemed like an underling of his maybe, with the same powers. In reality I assume it was about a guy who reads and allows his imagination to run free, seeing all the things he reads about in real life almost. There were some wording issues I had though. “Not ready for felt”, I get what you're getting at, but the wording is clunky and took away from the meaning to me. Also “Tickle pink moments of crush” I assume is part of a love story in this characters travels, but I feel like there is a more natural way of saying this. Aside from a few of these minor hiccups, the read was rather fun. As short as it was I felt you packed it full of images and references that stood out as well as had good wording sparked through out. “Thick behind dead eyes” is one instance of the good. I enjoyed this read overall, you gave this piece a sort of peaceful or somber feeling to it. I could see the gentle entity Chase, you built him well. Solid read through and through aside from the few phrasing issues I had.

Scar - Much like CK, I loved the opening line. This is integral for a flawless verse. Without a solid opener, a perfect piece will feel slightly less so. I will add that it should be either, “a pungent odor” or “pungent odors”, but that’s minor shit. “They’ve attacked the streets”. I’m seeing tense issue in terms of wording, Without knowing you I’m going to guess you may not be from America? I have to be honest with you, I would’ve voted for CK here, but I that doesn’t mean I didn’t like and enjoy reading your piece. The read was fun do to the content and the usage of many images and smells. You painted a picture, but through me off the sent with the alien speak. I feel like when you went on about Alien Outlaws, Acid teeth and space worms it sounded either like the character has schizophrenia or is a video game addict. In any case dude lives in filth and the past, clinging to memories of better times.You have a writers voice, poetical I mean. I can hear the tone though, powerful wording even if not grammatically sound, you write in a style that I, as the reader, easily understand. The amount of images you used gave this read depth, you created a place for the reader. All in all, this was a very well written piece aside from the minor issues I mentioned before. Good read, I can see why you won. This was one of the better battles of the round.







~No-Show Feed~


Lucipher Howlz
Topic





This was a cool story, it would have been hard pressed to beat out dead man however because its the exact opposite stylistically of his, and well, his writers voice is just more powerful than a story. In any case, I enjoyed the read. I thought you had decent rhymes, though simplistic in spots, you still had a solid pace and direction going throughout. The ending was a bit comical too, but you humanized this women fairly well. I felt her pain, not from the labor but rather the guilty conscience of being a thirsty ratchet haha. In any case, you painted a clear picture as well as giving life to a character. Maybe you could have added a bit more emotional connection if you opened with talking about how much the couple is in love and why she married him in the first place. This would’ve helped make the surprise ending even more powerful IMO. But as is, the story was a success for me. I would go as far as to say this verse was right in the middle of the pack, so not the best of the round, but not the worst by means. Good shit, I look forward to your next rounds verse.







~Quarter Final Predictions~




Pharaohs Army vs. Blue Bayou

I think this has the potential of being a good battle, but I also think Pharaoh can be kind of hit or miss, and considering last rounds verse was good, I think this round he could go either way. Blue should produce some solid pen game, and considering the match up stylistically, I’d say Pharaoh is in a tough spot. Army usually writes linear verses or stories, while Blue tends to go with a more topical voter friendly style using imagery and concept lines. Pharaoh will have to combat this maybe utilizing an emotionally driven verser. Blue only voted on one match last round, so he’s kind of my shit list, but he routed my quick verse in a 5-0 blowout, though I could have easily won if I kept that skeleton of a verse one day and fleshed it out with an actual concept and finishing. That’s another story and another life though. I believe Blue has the advantage this round, though I think he will need to produce something solid in order to advance. Just one misstep and he could just as easily get caught slipping.

Blue Bayou 68%



MMLP vs. Diablo BOTW

The battle of the foreigners, I’m not sure how close, but I do know these two are real life friends. MMLP says he might not show, which would kill my soul because this battle should be one of the better matches of the round. MMLP has a style that can beat Lars, and Lars obviously has many styles, but usually goes old school topical with a concept that makes you think. MMLP will need to be at his best to get the win. Hopefully the concept clicks with him, because those times where his best comes out are usually top tier and capable of beating out any writer. As is, Diablo should be able to edge this out, but this is the battle I’m most looking forward to.

Diablo 72%







Witty vs. Lucipher Howlz

Well, Witty showed up, that’s a bad sign for the rest of the bracket. A motivated witty is a very dangerous witty. Lucipher wrote a decent story last round, but he also had some minor mistakes, which he will need to all but eliminate if he wants a real shot at beating witty. Witty will drop his usual top notch flow coupled with a some precise story telling. I think LH can squeak out a win here, but Witty seems like he’s actually going to the gold here, so with all that said, Witty is def favored.

Witty 68%









NYCSPITZ vs. Scar

This should e a very fun read. NYC seemed a bit rusty last week, I mean I’ve seen him drop much better many times over. Scar, i’ve only read a handful of verses from, but the talent is undeniable and the style is a very voter friendly style as well. A bit poetical, which NYC is susceptible to. I think this battle can legitimately go either way, which is a rare occurrence when talking about NYC. I think he’s favored over most writers, but that’s a preference thing because the concepts he writes about are shit I fuxx with. Scar has simple grammatical issues as well as phrasing in terms of tense, these will have to be less apparent this round or he will not get a single vote. NYC rarely makes a mistake, I think he did last week yet edged it out, that spells trouble for the remaining contestants. This is my second favorite of the round, I look for a back and forth win by two in the end.

NYC 56%










~Outro~

The opening round was very impressive in terms of votes, so I hope to keep that trend rolling, aside from Blue Bayou of course. Sorry I took so long on the mag and posting topics, I will not fault any of you who request an ext. I had hoped to run a smoother tourney, but my work schedule is getting crazy. 12 hour shifts mon-fri right now, so I’m basically working and sleeping using my limited free time to write up mags. I’m up for it, just not what I intended when I began this tourney. The end is near though, lets get it!












@Objectvie @Diablo @Candy @Pharaohs Army @MMLP @Scar @Witty @John Dillinger @Lucipher Howlz @Sinacog @Blue Bayou @Mr. J @Innovator @NYCSPITZ @Master Rock
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Old 07-28-2019, 05:21 PM   #2
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Are we not going to address how NYC voted against me on two diff accounts last round and both were counted?

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Old 07-28-2019, 05:26 PM   #3
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Dope mag Adonis
Appreciate the effort
Sorry about only getting one vote in
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Old 07-28-2019, 11:21 PM   #4
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Madd props on the mag bro...next time I drop, I'll make sure I have my verse fully finalized before submitting.
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Old 07-29-2019, 12:13 AM   #5
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Awesome read. Thanks for the effort Adonis
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Old 07-29-2019, 01:26 AM   #6
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doep mag dude
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Old 07-29-2019, 03:02 AM   #7
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Oh I lost..



Not too rusty though.

Dope mag doggie. Keep it up
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Old 07-30-2019, 02:01 PM   #8
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Excellent mag bro. Thank you very much...
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Old 07-30-2019, 05:51 PM   #9
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Awesome mag!
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Old 08-01-2019, 08:12 PM   #10
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Awesome mag!
Fuck off


Just kidding, but only partly
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Old 08-01-2019, 09:01 PM   #11
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Btw human gestation period 9 months so easily they could've been same age smh dunno how that escaped u...
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Old 08-01-2019, 11:48 PM   #12
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Btw human gestation period 9 months so easily they could've been same age smh dunno how that escaped u...

I'm saying though. They met when they were older. Basically I blame you for not giving enough background on when Dad died in order to clear up some time line.

You suck, I'm smart
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Old 08-02-2019, 12:04 AM   #13
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Omfg jeezus$$
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