02-22-2018, 10:17 PM | #1 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 85899400 |
WEEK VIII: Adonis vs Innovator[ADONIS WINS]
Season 8 Verses are due THURSDAY at 11:59PM EST Voting ends SUNDAY at 9:00PM EST Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words Voting on 3 battles is required. Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253 @Adonis vs Innovator Goodluck! Last edited by Inno; 03-05-2018 at 07:12 AM. |
02-22-2018, 11:19 PM | #2 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17
Rep Power: 9946446 |
Check.
Let me know what topic you want to use and I'll try and do the same
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
02-23-2018, 12:29 AM | #3 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 85899400 |
I’ll chose one tomorrow
|
02-27-2018, 11:47 PM | #4 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17
Rep Power: 9946446 |
TOPIC: there's little else to hope for, aside from this moment
I’m alive and killing time, lost within these lines Down shifting through the margins I jotted by design I’m caught between what rhymes and what I’m trying to say Attempting to type a gift but the wrapping wants to fray I tip my cap toward the few who mastered their craft spreading wings to fly the coup meanwhile I’m captured and trapped A viscous circle circulating verbiage as currency I deserve love certainly, but it’s deserted me purposefully “Try harder” they say, “you’ll win them over soon enough” “You’re not good you dud, the love you seek will leave you fucked” Stuck between a rock and a fist with dreams of being big Fighting demons in my head, another swing and a miss The kicker is... realizing not caring can work Allowing hands to strike keys without thinking a word Blowing steam while snuffing dreams of being beaten’s absurd I’ll take that L and burn that bitch to a roach, thoughts are potent… observe ~
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 02-28-2018 at 09:51 PM. |
03-02-2018, 11:39 PM | #5 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 85899400 |
Same topic
Some times we get lost in the moments we don’t posses Seeking shelter in the past while fearing the futures presence. Fumbling memories stumbling on the stress, stopping progress An honest human option, one not easy to confess. So we take action to preserve the thoughts that haunt us long ago Who we are seeps into to seems of imagery that feeds the ego. Landscape of years gone, age & time becoming one until it stops. Harvesting hope in each moment of our lives always feeding the crops. And it all comes rushing in every scene every note every scheme All the hopes stash away in every moment, every wish all the dreams. If hope is but a moment, life is to short. But moments have an infinite score Playing notes through out the years Until the symphony gets its last cheer. |
03-03-2018, 03:43 AM | #6 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,787
Battle Record: 17-32
Rep Power: 52474189 |
After reading this battle I thought it was mediocre. Don't get me wrong, it was cool in a poetic kind of way but both of you can do shitload better. That said tho there were some good lines here and there.
Adonis: Starting it off good, flows off the tongue well and getting the right atmosphere with the first few lines. Definitely loved the ''verbiage as currency''-line, that shit was clever. As a whole and after re-reading your verse I take back what I said about mediocre, this was heartfelt as all hell. Poetic even. So much truth to the words in a lonely looking for true love kind of way and not just some fuckbuddy/flirt etc. I'm liking your piece a lot after reading it a second time. Innovator: I feel you started off slow and then picked it up well towards the mid and last 4 lines. The line that caught my attention in your piece was feeding the crops thing, the concept isn't new to me but I loved the harvesting hope flip on it to give it that much more depth. The following two lines after that were dope as well. I ended your piece wanting more tho. Vote - I'm giving this one to Adonis for a more polished and deeper heartfelt piece that I felt had that certain edge and feel to it that surpassed Innovator this time around. I feel that if Innovator had spent some more time polishing his verse and/or made it longer it would have been a much closer battle and harder to vote on, maybe even taken the w. That said tho, after giving each of the verses a second read they grew on me for sure. Keep writing, enjoy reading your guys work.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
03-03-2018, 01:44 PM | #7 |
death to amen
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,279
Battle Record: 1-2
Rep Power: 7423715 |
I think u guys went light this week for some reason. we tryin to revive this n ur both dope writers I kno this culda been better. the topic was dicey but easy to relate to given were all writers. so it comes down to who u think captured the topic better and I think adonis might off did better lettin a lil bit of emotion start seepin in. flowed a little better as well. both had a decent attempt but I kno yall are holdin back.
vote - adonis |
03-04-2018, 09:39 AM | #8 | |||||||||||||
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584275 |
I've really been looking forward to this match-up. Let's see what you 2 gawds of text chose to bless us with today.
Adonis Quote:
OAN I love the content. It's about the art of writing. Topicals in particular. About wanting to say something grand, important or maybe just impressive. But, you just can't find the words to do it. Moreover, when you finally do, your words begin to be dictated by the rhyme scheme. I know the feeling. It's truly a balancing act Like how do you incorporate a concept, emotional connections, imagery, literary devices, storyline, etc; while still maintaining a flow that moves your story along, impresses the readers, but doesn't distract them, and do all of that within the context of a battle strategy and plot limiting line rerestriction? Sometimes it's easy to do it. Things just click for you. Other times … uh … not so much. loved the intro. Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Innovator Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Vote -- Adonis Reason: I though Inno better executed the topic. However, the topic is so vague you can literally take it in any direction that you like. Which is what Adonis did, whom I felt had the better verse. But just by a hair. I think they both shined in being thoughtful and introspective. I could vibe and resonate with both of their verses. Mechanically, they both did their thing. Adonis gets the nod however, because he had less "holes" so to speak. Inno was similar to a lyrical Socrates, but I couldn't help but to point out some of the logical conundrums in his existential philosophies. Of course it's all subjective prospective, and my qualms may not prove to be any more true than his personal postulations. But still. Eh. Idk. In any case, I sincerely enjoyed both reads. Fun and thought provoking verses on both ends. Props. Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 03-04-2018 at 11:35 AM. |
|||||||||||||
03-04-2018, 03:10 PM | #9 |
death warmed over
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Downstairs illstreet dam
Posts: 2,564
Battle Record: 6-21
Rep Power: 0 |
Not sure for me not the best battle here... I think it could've gone either way, but I enjoyed Innovator a bit more and I think he deserves my vote at least... Not sure what else to write you both went in very short Adonis was a bit more complex with his shit but I think that's what killed him here... It was so complex it was too difficult for me to follow sorry... On the other hand Innovator kind of stuck to the simplesque version of the topic and for that I think his writing was easier to understand and to really be sure of what he was trying to get across so yeah...
Vote: Innovator
__________________
https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/ |
|
|