Week 10: MMLP vs Razah [RAZAH WINS 4-2]

asylum · 05-06-2016, 12:28 AM

Season 6

Verses are due MONDAY 5/9 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 5/11 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: "1999"

Good luck to both participants.
@MMLP (3-2) vs @Razah (4-3)

MMLP · 05-10-2016, 03:43 PM

It’s only until I can surface that I’ll start playing around.
The whole world will be turning as the radio sounds,
once I’ve made this announcement you’ll all be able to see,
how my rage has surmounted and why it came to the crease.
How it’s gave me belief and not to care what ya writing,
cuz I'm crazy beneath the stare of my eyelids.
But current affairs are reminding me how I've dismissed my problems.
Yours hairs to be lightened although we wont have shit in common.
Once I had hit rock bottom, now I'm climbing to the top of the hill.
She thinks she's forgotten now I've conquer the world.
But she was promised the world and that's exactly what she'll have.
All I want for my girl, is her having a real dad
Just the two of us,
laughing as people pass as we leave everything behind.
As we refill on gas to venture on a ride.
Together we can drive away, even sing on the road
but whatever we decide we'll be drifting alone.
I said if I had a million dollars, I would buy a brewery
but now I've been given this honour, ill get you diamond jewelry
some of the finest shoes we find, just hoping its enough.
And just for laughs,
we'll dine by the pool, eat burgers and live it up.
This albums assisted us, I didn't make it for myself
So I still don't give a fuck if you hating on the LP.
Fucking touring,
playing clubs to sell each copy just for suits to reel in the profits.
But my baby girl Hailie's there to help me realise the real reason I have dropped it.

Razah · 05-10-2016, 08:40 PM

Writing was my way out when I ain't have a pot to piss in
Sorrow forming symphonies preluded compositions
Just another way to cope since hope was nonexistant
A concerto full of chaos misunderstood by opposition
As far as competition I see they long to have it
But I can't explain how or why it starts as magic
A masterpiece completed from what my thoughts imagined
Plus the flow was butter so I see how it's hard to catch it
It'll go from dark & tragic to light & bliss
It's simply just a mask, I decide what to disguise it in
The sun is out but the sky is dim, pardon the contradiction
I've seen artist come close to the regular, but not with this shit
Can't explain how my mind works or why I'm dreaming of terror
I bet the answer's in the puzzle that I've been piecing forever
Been told I was sick, I've been battling my own health
Every line I've yet to think of will become a shadow of my own self
I'm the type to enjoy storms since I get lost in the lightning
'99 is not the topic, it's a timestamp for how long I've been writing
Sporadic but the dots connect, feel like the best but I've yet to prove it
Still trying to find myself, but I feel complete when my pen is moving
We've been flooded by artist who drown innovation
From the bottom of my heart- It's been years since I found inspiration
I see the way you react, the way you long for approval
Now, I'm in a league full of writers- & I've only started to doodle

Inno · 05-11-2016, 07:50 PM

Razah

You went with a more introspective feel. Turning the topic into a metaphor of sorts for your characters journey(you?). Dope take on the topic, good intro and nice diction. Thought that stood out. Cohesive story from the get with a good grasp on the topic. Though at times it felt like you rambled a bit. But nothing to harsh to hurt the overall strength of the piece.

Mmlp

You went with a scenario based story, my kind of take lol. Descriptive tone throught out with a good flow. I thought you started slow but picked up steam through the middle and finished strong towards the end. As far as the story goes i like how you sprinkled the EM reference through out your piece. At first i didnt carch until i saw the hailey line. That was a dope angle to take, Making your read that much more interesting.

Overall

I think ama go with mmlp on this one. I liked the angle he took with the topic sneaking in those well placed references.

MMLP

Mr. J · 05-12-2016, 01:58 AM

MMLP, I thought this was an interesting verse from the start
your smooth flow was missing & it made my observance kind of hard
but you do sprinkle some great references that made me think ohhh..
I enjoy the first person aspect but like I said you are missing the crazy ass flow
if you brought that same intensity from that time I would be in awe
the conquer/promise multi had me feeling dirty but the rest of this was raw
would have loved to see a little reflection from the Infinite days though
regardless a nice flashback piece from far beyond the rainbow...

Razah, I thought this was a pretty cool presentation
the writers reflection dwelling upon the recent changes
you seemed to take it in the same route MMLP did.
but it was about yourself & a lot of the ideas were decent..
but you really shine towards the reveal of your route
its nice to go back & understand your reason now.
a proper story to fit the shoes of your topic.
Im impressed with the flow & how you usually process...
the idea...great to have you back...nice to see ya.

v/this was an impressive battle & well worth the read.
one of the ones I have been hoping for most currently.
or is it most recently? I haven't had much to complain about here
a few slip ups from both but for their topics the aim was clear.
MMLP took a route that I would have never thought of.
while Razah focused on himself & how his style was brought up
this is more based around who I felt delivered a stronger piece
& even though I really enjoyed the direction brought by MMLP
Razah just came smoother with something to relate to.
this was a great clash of styles & such a great duel...
v/Razah

NYCSPITZ · 05-12-2016, 11:36 PM

Yeah this battle was hot and would be my vote for BOTW. Just an ingenious angle to it that's not fully present in the other battles imo but the topic sort of lends itself to creativity like that I guess...

MMLP I sort of glanced at the end before finishing by accident so I got all the EM references like rock bottom etc. Thought it was dope and followed a train of thought similar to what em himself would have been thinking like. Given The Eminem show, songs like White America etc, you can see that influence where he just doesn't like corporate people overall and I like that that shows up in your verse. It's all about Hailie in the end. Haha, dope shit.

Razah came a little more intense and personal imo and nice rhythm and sort of a vibrancy to it as it popped off. I liked that the thought forms weren't monochrome but switched from burgers to steaks and hot dogs instead of just staying with a sort of monotone, simple approach that some writers use. It was like eating at chipotle and having the the bowl but they gave you the pita on the side for good measure and a spponful of guac no charge. I enjoyed the personal tone of it and the ambiguity references as life itself is ambiguous and the great geniuses like leonardo all acknowledged this.

To be honest it comes down to preference. I feel like I'm always voting against MMLP even when he comes correct but I have to edge it to Razah here.

V/ Razah

Adonis · 05-13-2016, 12:53 AM

Em - "How its given me belief". "Beneath eyelids" is a nice thought, but adding the word crazy as an adjective is in newbie form my man, you're better then this on your worst night, apparently not on a binger though huh? ;) This was a relatively unimpressive verse though honestly. Wording was off, either by simple grammar at times or just by a sloppy hand at others. Not a fan brother, you can't win them all. I know you didn't put your best foot forward here, sorry for being honest. And post that mag fucker.

Z - Voting for you, I liked the saga of sorts, a bit introspective and real cockiness that was not off-putting. I imagine this was a fun verse to write, the amount of ammunition you have at your arsenal, surprised you kept it short. Dope read though. Your flow is whack man ;) Sorry you beat me last week, I rarely struggle with topics, and it happened but I take nothing away from the loss. I do have something like 4 starts to concepts because of it, nothing really worked for me though.

v/ Razah

Far better wording on top of executing a cleaner concept

Frank · 05-13-2016, 02:49 AM

MMLP
From Prince to Eminem. You don't get bolder then that. The concept of 1999 is so open for interpretation. Albeit, first time ever using this word. Albeit, their could've been more obvious flips. You know? To really embody it. See what I did there? You're on an autobiographical role of sorts, mate. Well done. Kinda now you needa to do another musical legend, or the lads are going to start thinking you've gone soft.

Razah
Got that Rakim flow. Content is not very original, what is noteworthy is the rappable cadence. Found your interpretation of the topic profound. Well done. You've been in the league for one or two seasons, with this being your first complete season? You're hitting some sort of stride? You're inspired and it's incredible because you started in 1999, and only now are you beginning to really write.

Overall.
Even skill set. Two on the verge of breaking through another tier. Great match up. Voting The Razah for what I felt was the more interesting interpretation of the topic 1999.

Thanks for the read.

asylum · 05-13-2016, 03:08 AM

MMLP – yo so this was a spin on slim shady, referencing his debut album? I thought this work was pretty sick and it was slacking in some places but I appreciate it as a whole.
Razah – I want to say this is a tribute to MF doom but I have no fucking clue what he was doing in 99 so idk, your piece was pretty dope and it’s probably my fault I didn’t get your angle. I felt this but didn’t truly connect with it for one reason or another.

/v mmlp I felt his piece more.

05-06-2016, 12:28 AM	#1
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	Week 10: MMLP vs Razah [RAZAH WINS 4-2] Season 6 Verses are due MONDAY 5/9 11:59 PST Voting ends WEDNESDAY 5/11 11:59 PST Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread. Topic: "1999" Good luck to both participants. @MMLP (3-2) vs @Razah (4-3) Last edited by asylum; 05-13-2016 at 05:16 AM.

05-10-2016, 03:43 PM	#2
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	Release date, 23rd February 1999 It’s only until I can surface that I’ll start playing around. The whole world will be turning as the radio sounds, once I’ve made this announcement you’ll all be able to see, how my rage has surmounted and why it came to the crease. How it’s gave me belief and not to care what ya writing, cuz I'm crazy beneath the stare of my eyelids. But current affairs are reminding me how I've dismissed my problems. Yours hairs to be lightened although we wont have shit in common. Once I had hit rock bottom, now I'm climbing to the top of the hill. She thinks she's forgotten now I've conquer the world. But she was promised the world and that's exactly what she'll have. All I want for my girl, is her having a real dad Just the two of us, laughing as people pass as we leave everything behind. As we refill on gas to venture on a ride. Together we can drive away, even sing on the road but whatever we decide we'll be drifting alone. I said if I had a million dollars, I would buy a brewery but now I've been given this honour, ill get you diamond jewelry some of the finest shoes we find, just hoping its enough. And just for laughs, we'll dine by the pool, eat burgers and live it up. This albums assisted us, I didn't make it for myself So I still don't give a fuck if you hating on the LP. Fucking touring, playing clubs to sell each copy just for suits to reel in the profits. But my baby girl Hailie's there to help me realise the real reason I have dropped it.

05-10-2016, 08:40 PM	#3
Razah rockkFresh Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: Chicago. Posts: 1,088 Battle Record: 8-10 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 11328542	1999: Rip The Mic / Lyrical War Writing was my way out when I ain't have a pot to piss in Sorrow forming symphonies preluded compositions Just another way to cope since hope was nonexistant A concerto full of chaos misunderstood by opposition As far as competition I see they long to have it But I can't explain how or why it starts as magic A masterpiece completed from what my thoughts imagined Plus the flow was butter so I see how it's hard to catch it It'll go from dark & tragic to light & bliss It's simply just a mask, I decide what to disguise it in The sun is out but the sky is dim, pardon the contradiction I've seen artist come close to the regular, but not with this shit Can't explain how my mind works or why I'm dreaming of terror I bet the answer's in the puzzle that I've been piecing forever Been told I was sick, I've been battling my own health Every line I've yet to think of will become a shadow of my own self I'm the type to enjoy storms since I get lost in the lightning '99 is not the topic, it's a timestamp for how long I've been writing Sporadic but the dots connect, feel like the best but I've yet to prove it Still trying to find myself, but I feel complete when my pen is moving We've been flooded by artist who drown innovation From the bottom of my heart- It's been years since I found inspiration I see the way you react, the way you long for approval Now, I'm in a league full of writers- & I've only started to doodle

05-12-2016, 01:58 AM	#5
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	MMLP, I thought this was an interesting verse from the start your smooth flow was missing & it made my observance kind of hard but you do sprinkle some great references that made me think ohhh.. I enjoy the first person aspect but like I said you are missing the crazy ass flow if you brought that same intensity from that time I would be in awe the conquer/promise multi had me feeling dirty but the rest of this was raw would have loved to see a little reflection from the Infinite days though regardless a nice flashback piece from far beyond the rainbow... Razah, I thought this was a pretty cool presentation the writers reflection dwelling upon the recent changes you seemed to take it in the same route MMLP did. but it was about yourself & a lot of the ideas were decent.. but you really shine towards the reveal of your route its nice to go back & understand your reason now. a proper story to fit the shoes of your topic. Im impressed with the flow & how you usually process... the idea...great to have you back...nice to see ya. v/this was an impressive battle & well worth the read. one of the ones I have been hoping for most currently. or is it most recently? I haven't had much to complain about here a few slip ups from both but for their topics the aim was clear. MMLP took a route that I would have never thought of. while Razah focused on himself & how his style was brought up this is more based around who I felt delivered a stronger piece & even though I really enjoyed the direction brought by MMLP Razah just came smoother with something to relate to. this was a great clash of styles & such a great duel... v/Razah __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

05-12-2016, 11:36 PM	#6
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,033 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743544	Yeah this battle was hot and would be my vote for BOTW. Just an ingenious angle to it that's not fully present in the other battles imo but the topic sort of lends itself to creativity like that I guess... MMLP I sort of glanced at the end before finishing by accident so I got all the EM references like rock bottom etc. Thought it was dope and followed a train of thought similar to what em himself would have been thinking like. Given The Eminem show, songs like White America etc, you can see that influence where he just doesn't like corporate people overall and I like that that shows up in your verse. It's all about Hailie in the end. Haha, dope shit. Razah came a little more intense and personal imo and nice rhythm and sort of a vibrancy to it as it popped off. I liked that the thought forms weren't monochrome but switched from burgers to steaks and hot dogs instead of just staying with a sort of monotone, simple approach that some writers use. It was like eating at chipotle and having the the bowl but they gave you the pita on the side for good measure and a spponful of guac no charge. I enjoyed the personal tone of it and the ambiguity references as life itself is ambiguous and the great geniuses like leonardo all acknowledged this. To be honest it comes down to preference. I feel like I'm always voting against MMLP even when he comes correct but I have to edge it to Razah here. V/ Razah __________________ UNIFIED THEORY

05-11-2016, 07:50 PM	#4
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	Razah You went with a more introspective feel. Turning the topic into a metaphor of sorts for your characters journey(you?). Dope take on the topic, good intro and nice diction. Thought that stood out. Cohesive story from the get with a good grasp on the topic. Though at times it felt like you rambled a bit. But nothing to harsh to hurt the overall strength of the piece. Mmlp You went with a scenario based story, my kind of take lol. Descriptive tone throught out with a good flow. I thought you started slow but picked up steam through the middle and finished strong towards the end. As far as the story goes i like how you sprinkled the EM reference through out your piece. At first i didnt carch until i saw the hailey line. That was a dope angle to take, Making your read that much more interesting. Overall I think ama go with mmlp on this one. I liked the angle he took with the topic sneaking in those well placed references. MMLP

05-13-2016, 12:53 AM	#7
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	Em - "How its given me belief". "Beneath eyelids" is a nice thought, but adding the word crazy as an adjective is in newbie form my man, you're better then this on your worst night, apparently not on a binger though huh? ;) This was a relatively unimpressive verse though honestly. Wording was off, either by simple grammar at times or just by a sloppy hand at others. Not a fan brother, you can't win them all. I know you didn't put your best foot forward here, sorry for being honest. And post that mag fucker. Z - Voting for you, I liked the saga of sorts, a bit introspective and real cockiness that was not off-putting. I imagine this was a fun verse to write, the amount of ammunition you have at your arsenal, surprised you kept it short. Dope read though. Your flow is whack man ;) Sorry you beat me last week, I rarely struggle with topics, and it happened but I take nothing away from the loss. I do have something like 4 starts to concepts because of it, nothing really worked for me though. v/ Razah Far better wording on top of executing a cleaner concept __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

05-13-2016, 02:49 AM	#8
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853343	MMLP From Prince to Eminem. You don't get bolder then that. The concept of 1999 is so open for interpretation. Albeit, first time ever using this word. Albeit, their could've been more obvious flips. You know? To really embody it. See what I did there? You're on an autobiographical role of sorts, mate. Well done. Kinda now you needa to do another musical legend, or the lads are going to start thinking you've gone soft. Razah Got that Rakim flow. Content is not very original, what is noteworthy is the rappable cadence. Found your interpretation of the topic profound. Well done. You've been in the league for one or two seasons, with this being your first complete season? You're hitting some sort of stride? You're inspired and it's incredible because you started in 1999, and only now are you beginning to really write. Overall. Even skill set. Two on the verge of breaking through another tier. Great match up. Voting The Razah for what I felt was the more interesting interpretation of the topic 1999. Thanks for the read. __________________ *VETWORK*

05-13-2016, 03:08 AM	#9
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	MMLP – yo so this was a spin on slim shady, referencing his debut album? I thought this work was pretty sick and it was slacking in some places but I appreciate it as a whole. Razah – I want to say this is a tribute to MF doom but I have no fucking clue what he was doing in 99 so idk, your piece was pretty dope and it’s probably my fault I didn’t get your angle. I felt this but didn’t truly connect with it for one reason or another. /v mmlp I felt his piece more.